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geekystudmuffinTitle: The Expansion of Two Natures, part nine
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
innerslytherin and severity_softly
Pairing: Hotch/Rossi, and a little Hotch/Haley
Rating: R for this part and NC-17 overall
Summary: When Aaron Hotchner is new to the BAU, he finds himself working closely with SSA David Rossi--one of the original founders of the department. As their relationship progresses, they realize what they have together is more than friendship...but circumstances keep them from having all that they knew they could have together. Years later, Dave has a second chance, just when Aaron needs a friend the most...
Word count: ~5,000 for this part, ~78,000 overall
Notes: RP format. Mild AU, as we played fast and loose with Hotch's already screwy back story (especially in regards to his work history and the timeline of his marriage to Haley).
Previous parts: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four-a, Part Four-b, Part Five-a, Part Five-b, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight
"Love is the expansion of two natures in such fashion that each include the other, each is enriched by the other." - Felix Adler
It seemed odd to Dave when he put his hand in his jeans pocket and didn't feel the bracelet. He'd put it back in its case, a sort of symbolic laying to rest. It felt right, but occasionally he still caught himself thinking about the Galen kids and then having to remind himself that the case had been solved.
Fortunately, work kept him occupied as they chased down their angel of death in Pittsburgh. He found himself more absorbed in the work than usual, as Aaron appeared to have withdrawn from him entirely. He couldn't pretend it didn't hurt, but he kept telling himself things had just happened too fast, and Aaron would be back to normal soon.
Except soon turned into eventually while they dealt with cases in Texas and then Miami. When the day rolled around that Dave and Aaron had to leave for their conference in Boston, he wasn't sure whether he was relieved to be getting away from the rest of the team for a while, or dreading the idea of an entire trip bereft of distractions. If Aaron was going to be strictly hands-off for the whole week, Dave was probably going to go crazy.
It wasn't really a problem that they had been booked two separate rooms. The problem for Aaron was that he wasn't sure how he was supposed to behave. It was easy enough to not be tempted to find his way to Dave's room when there was always the possibility that the other team members might see, but now... well, there was no excuse to be standoffish other than the one he knew he and Dave were both aware of: Aaron was panicking.
He somehow doubted that Dave was overly impressed by that excuse, but it was the truth, regardless of how much Aaron hated to admit it.
He wondered if they might need to talk about what was going on, but when they got to the hotel, neither of them said a word and went straight to their rooms. Aaron was unpacked quickly, after which he settled on his bed and stared at the ceiling, willing himself not to think about Dave in the next room. Which didn't work, really, except that the constant mantra in his head kept him occupied until they had to go down and give their seminar.
The seminar went well, Dave thought. No matter what a mess their personal life was in at the moment, he and Aaron made a damn good team professionally. They fielded a short question-and-answer session afterward, and then they were on their own for the afternoon. Dave watched Aaron out of the corner of his eye as they were packing up their notes, and thought that several more days of this would be completely unacceptable.
"Want to get some dinner?" he suggested as they left the conference.
Aaron glanced up at Dave, the calm easiness he'd been feeling while he was at work with Dave settling into the familiar guilt he was feeling when he and Dave were alone together. God, he was being such a bastard. "Yeah," he murmured.
Dave nodded. "What do you feel like? Italian? Chinese? Seafood?" He headed for the elevator. "I want to drop this off in the room before we head out anywhere."
Aaron looked at the notes in Dave's hands and followed him. "Sure," he said softly, then leaned against the elevator wall. "I'm really fine with anything. Seafood?"
"Sounds good. Feel like lobster?" Dave gave Aaron a sly look, hoping it would make him laugh instead of tensing up.
Aaron's lips curled a bit, and he glanced sideways at Dave. "If you're buying."
Dave grinned. "Why is it everyone always thinks I'm made of money? I had to buy a round of scotch for the team in Indianapolis. The good shit, too, because the place I was staying doesn't have anything less." He looked over at Aaron. "I'll buy if you call the front desk and get a restaurant recommendation for us."
Aaron nodded, feeling tentatively better. "Fair enough. And I think they think you're made of money because you stay in places like that." He turned to smile at Dave. Really, neither one of them would have any trouble buying dinner and then some, but it was nice to play a bit.
Dave laughed. "Well, you know, if I'm not sleeping on the Bureau's dime, I want to pick a place with nice beds and enough water pressure. And brass rails and cherry wood in the bar, and a jacket requirement in the restaurant, and..." He trailed off, shrugging. "You know. The simple things in life." The elevator came to a stop and he stepped out.
Aaron chuckled and shook his head, following Dave and looking away when he found his eyes wandering--they were always wandering lately. "Of course," he said. "I'll meet you downstairs." He headed towards his own room.
Dave left his notes on the desk in his room and made a stop in the bathroom, then paused, inspecting his reflection. After a minute of deliberation he decided to lose the tie and keep the jacket. A moment later he told himself it was ridiculous to worry over his clothes, especially when it felt like a major victory that Aaron had agreed to have dinner with him at all. He sighed, splashed some water on his face and patted it dry, and headed back down to the lobby.
Aaron was waiting for Dave in the lobby, and he smiled when Dave walked up to him. "There's a place not too far from here that's supposed to be good."
"Excellent." Dave smiled back. "Lead on."
It didn't take very long for them to get to the restaurant, and they settled at a table. Aaron ordered a bottle of wine for them, then wondered if he should have. Then told himself he was being ridiculous; they both drank wine; the bottle wasn't that expensive. Aaron hated the way he was suddenly questioning his every move around Dave. "JJ thinks we have a new case. She's presenting it to the team tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? I guess we've been voted off the island," Dave said, looking amused. He sipped his wine, taking time to appreciate it. "Spencer was telling me that they worked a case without you or Gideon earlier this year."
Aaron raised an eyebrow, and then his lips curled slightly. "Mostly. Without me or Emily, actually."
Dave nodded. "He seemed to think Strauss was instrumental in keeping the two of you out of it."
Aaron drew in a breath and nodded at their waitress when she came to take their orders. Once she left, Aaron sat back in his seat. "Do you want the long version or the short version?"
"Long version," Dave said, because maybe Aaron would get involved in the story and relax a little more. He seemed edgy, and it was wearing Dave out.
Aaron took a long drink of his wine and then topped off both of their glasses. "Just after Gideon's friend was murdered, he was struggling." Aaron shook his head. "Strauss thought I wanted her job, decided someone had to take the blame for an unfortunate end to a case, and I took responsibility."
"You wouldn't like her job. Not enough hands-on work. She should've known that." Dave shook his head. "So I presume she maneuvered you into an impossible situation."
"She suspended me," Aaron said. "Two weeks. Then she tried to use Emily to find reason to fire me. Haley called my suspension a 'blessing in disguise'; I put in for a transfer, and Emily resigned." It was almost amusing now that it was over and there was very little doubt that Aaron and Prentiss weren't going anywhere, and Aaron found himself smiling.
"A blessing in disguise." Dave scowled. "I always knew Strauss was ambitious, but I had no idea she'd resort to such low tactics. So how did you end up getting the better of her?"
Aaron took another drink. "Garcia handed me the case file and held up transfers and resignations in the system, Morgan kept me posted, and I tracked down Emily and flew us out to help. Technically, we were still employed with the BAU, and we were able to show Strauss exactly why the team needed to stay intact." He shifted in his seat and sighed. "And when I got home, Haley was gone," he added, his smile slipping.
Dave looked down at the table, his expression blanking. "Ah." He cleared his throat and looked back up. "So the team saved you, and you saved the team."
Aaron looked at Dave for a long moment, wondering if that was true. It wasn't his team's fault that Aaron had left his home that night, but they had pushed, and that single decision had sent his personal life into a downward spiral. He didn't blame them in the least, however, because he knew he would have been miserable anywhere but the BAU in the long run. He was quiet for a little too long, and he swallowed hard. "I don't know," he said.
Dave sat up and reached across the table, resting his hand lightly on Aaron's. "You wouldn't have been happy leaving the BAU, and this team couldn't do without you," he said quietly. He hoped he didn't sound insensitive, but he knew it was the truth.
"Oh, but you're here," Aaron said as lightly as he could manage. "They would have been fine." Aaron turned his hand and gave Dave's a squeeze, then pulled away. "But you're right about the first part."
Dave shook his head. "I'm no replacement for you," he said, "even if we're an excellent team." He shrugged and sat back, reaching for his glass. "So Strauss hasn't given you any trouble since then?"
Aaron shook his head. "No, she's left me be." His knee brushed Dave's under the table. "I think she earned a whole new respect for what we do too."
"Good." Dave smiled faintly at him and sipped his wine. This seemed more relaxed than their interactions had in the last few weeks. Maybe Aaron was settling down again.
It felt good to touch Dave again, so Aaron left his leg where it was. It was innocent enough. Their casual conversation was relaxing Aaron, even if he was still confused. He nodded his thanks when their waitress brought their food, and started into his fish.
They ate with just incidental conversation, nothing serious or stressful. Dave felt himself relaxing as Aaron did, which was nice. He'd spent too much time lately worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. It was a strange edge that their relationship had never had before, and he'd been getting frustrated. When the waitress came around to see if they wanted dessert, Dave ordered a slice of chocolate cherry cake and glanced at Aaron.
Aaron considered saying no for a moment, but then their waitress mentioned tiramisu and he ordered that instead. He wondered if they needed to talk about what was going to happen once they got back to the hotel. He was fairly certain if they went back to a room together, it would be far too tempting to wind up in bed together again.
Dave got the check when they were done, and took a moment to finish his glass of wine, since Aaron was driving. He was feeling pleasantly warmed, both by the wine and the casual touching, and followed Aaron out to the car.
Aaron glanced at Dave as he slipped into the SUV, and the drive to the hotel was quiet but comfortable. When they were riding up in the elevator, Aaron finally asked what he'd been thinking. He'd been avoiding the subject for too long already, several cases had come and gone, and it may have been a little late, but Dave at least deserved to know Aaron wasn't planning to walk away from him. He just needed time. Space. "Do we need to talk?"
"We can if you want," Dave said, still relaxed enough that he thought he sounded open. He wondered what Aaron wanted to say, and hoped it wouldn't ruin the good feeling he had tonight.
Aaron drew in a breath. "That wasn't exactly what I asked," he said, but his tone was gentle. He looked over at Dave. "I'm not putting an end to this, to us," he said. "Just a pause."
It hadn't actually crossed Dave's mind that Aaron might be ending it. It was strange how the reassurance now made a flash of anxiety go through him. His eyes widened slightly as he glanced at Aaron, then he put his hands in his pockets and looked up at the numbers, watching them climb higher. "Okay."
Dave sounded... somehow blank when he replied. It wasn't what Aaron had expected in the least, and he'd hoped for more that a one word answer. Aaron watched him for a moment, his lips parting, and then he just sucked in a breath and followed Dave's gaze to the numbers.
The silence dragged out, and as the doors swished open, Dave sighed. "I wasn't aware that was a possibility," he said finally.
"It's not. I thought you might think that was what I was doing," Aaron said, and followed Dave out of the elevator.
Dave glanced over at him. "I figured you were panicking," he said frankly. "So I thought maybe some space was in order."
Aaron nodded, frowning. He didn't like the idea that anyone might think he was panicking, but he also couldn't really argue, either.
"I'm trying not to be insensitive, for once in my life," Dave said. "But frankly it's been getting a little frustrating, having you hardly talk to me at all." They reached his room and he paused, looking at Aaron again. "Want to come in for a while?"
"I talk to you plenty, Dave," Aaron said, but he couldn't disguise the sudden defensive tone in his voice. He sighed. "I probably shouldn't. I might do something I shouldn't do and frustrate you more."
Dave frowned at him. "Hey, this is not an argument, okay? I just would appreciate a little more communication. On a personal level, not work-related." He touched Aaron's elbow lightly. "Just come inside for a while. I'll even let you watch the news." He gave Aaron a crooked smile.
"You're too kind," Aaron said, but felt a little better, if apprehensive. He looked back at Dave, then lifted his hand to return the touch. "Okay. For a little while."
Dave's smile widened and he went inside, hoping the evening wouldn't end on a sour note. "I'll behave myself," he murmured. "You want a drink? I put a couple of bottles of water in the fridge, or there's a mini-bar. Or teabags."
There weren't many places to sit in the room, just a chair and the bed, and Aaron wondered how uncomfortable sitting on the bed with Dave would be... or if it would be more uncomfortable if he obviously avoided it. "I'll have whatever you're having."
Dave nodded and started heating water for tea, since he knew Aaron liked it. When he had enough to fill two cups, he carried them over and handed one to Aaron.
Aaron couldn't help but smile. Dave probably wouldn't have had the tea if he was just drinking by himself, and it sort of made Aaron want to kiss him... which was exactly why he had been afraid to come inside in the first place. "Thanks," he murmured, then opted for the chair near the bed.
Dave nodded and settled on the bed, smiling back at Aaron. "I don't mind giving you the time and space you need," he began, and then paused. "I understand why, you know? But I'd like it if you'd keep me in the loop, so to speak." He looked down at his tea and blew on it idly.
"I wasn't trying to cut you out," Aaron said. "I'm just trying to be cautious."
Dave nodded again. He'd always felt like he could talk to Aaron about anything, if necessary, but he didn't enjoy talking about their relationship these days, really. Some things didn't need much discussion. He sipped at his tea and didn't say anything.
Aaron fell silent too, and the quiet sounds of the ten o'clock news filled the room for the next hour. Eventually, Aaron started to get tired, and he took his and Dave's empty cups back to the bathroom sink. He'd already stayed a little longer then he'd meant to, but the silence had grown comfortable. When he came back out, he gave Dave a small smile. "I should probably go. We have an early morning."
"Yeah." Dave stood and flipped off the TV, wandering toward the door. "Sweet dreams," he said, giving Aaron a small smile. He had to push down the urge to move close enough to put his arms around Aaron. Everything about them felt right, except this part, where Aaron was leaving. He held in a sigh.
Aaron breathed a laughed and reached out to touch Dave's arm. "Honestly, if you're not careful, I might be forced to tell people how nice you can be."
Dave shook his head. "You do that, and you'll find out how mean I really am," he muttered. Since Aaron had touched him first, he moved a little closer, then eyed him. "I'm going to kiss you unless you leave now."
Aaron didn't stop smiling. They could do that. It wasn't too much or too far, and there was no denying they both still wanted each other. Aaron moved a little closer. "I'm not leaving."
"Good," Dave murmured, and slid an arm around Aaron's waist. He leaned in, smiling faintly, and pressed his mouth lightly to Aaron's, letting Aaron have control of the kiss.
Aaron had to hold in a little noise of surrender as he let himself release whatever it was he was holding onto. He slipped his arms around Dave's shoulders, his fingers running through Dave's hair, then drew his tongue along Dave's lower lip, his kiss slowly inviting.
Dave hummed faintly, wrapping his other arm around Aaron and letting him deepen the kiss. He hadn't intended to push, but if Aaron wanted this, no way in hell was Dave going to argue.
Aaron drew a deep breath and deepened the kiss a little more, but when his body started to become interested in what he was doing, he pulled back with a few light, teasing kisses. He brushed his nose against Dave's. "Mmph... I should go," he whispered, but didn't move right away.
"Mm-hmm." Dave inhaled deeply and pressed his face against Aaron's neck. It felt so good to have Aaron in his arms. He relaxed slightly against Aaron.
Aaron closed his eyes, smiling faintly, then turned his head to kiss Dave's temple before pulling away. "Night," he murmured.
"Good night." Dave waited for him to go, then locked the door behind him. He went to bed feeling a lot better about life in general.
*****
It occurred to Dave that he was getting used to the team thing when he caught himself thinking how strange it was to have Aaron and Spencer out in Roanoke testifying on the Matloff case while the rest of the team was back in Quantico. Still, it did give him some time on his own to figure out where things were going. He wasn't sure what the future was going to bring, but what he knew for certain was that it would include Aaron, no matter what the cost. They'd been put on hiatus, as Aaron phrased it, once; Dave wasn't going to let that happen again.
He treated the rest of the team to dinner one night, where Emily and Derek amused him by trying to get details from JJ about her relationship, while Dave amused himself by taking her side and telling them personal relationships ought to stay personal. He could feel JJ getting more perplexed as he continued to defend her, and had a feeling she knew both about his own history as well as his accidental discovery of Penelope's relationship.
Things were coming together, and for the first time in a long time, Dave felt like he was really where he was supposed to be.
For all that he liked the team, though, he was glad when the Roanoke case was over and Aaron was back at Quantico.
It was funny working on a case that felt so long since past. It had only been a few years ago, but so much had changed--the entire landscape of the team. Even the team members that were still on the team were different, and Reid was a perfect example. Four years ago, Reid might not have been able to stop Darcy's dad from shooting Matloff.
When the case was over, Hotch couldn't help but feel a sizzle of pride for his team, the way they pulled together a case that might have been dead otherwise, and especially for Reid, not just for how much he'd grown as a profiler, but as a person too.
It was late when Hotch and Reid got back to Quantico, but Reid seemed more settled than he had in a while after giving Darcy's father back her watch, and the drive home had been quiet. After they dropped off their paperwork at the BAU, Hotch gave Reid a small squeeze to his shoulder as they headed out, and then pulled out his cell phone to call Dave on his way to the car. He didn't say hello, he just smiled and launched right into what he was thinking when Dave's phone clicked on.
"I would have been miserable leaving the BAU," he murmured.
Dave grinned. "Hello to you, too," he teased. "Yeah, you would have been. You're too damn good at this."
"I'm only one part of this team," Aaron said, clicking open his car and getting inside. "You're awake."
"Yeah, some jerk's got me hooked on watching the ten o'clock news," Dave griped, but he was still grinning. "You had dinner?"
Aaron laughed softly. "Mmm, not really. Drive through food didn't sound all that satisfying."
Dave got up from the couch and wandered to the kitchen. "I can offer you...um, omelets or spaghetti. And some nice red, or some kind of green tea, if you're interested."
"Oh? Developed a sudden taste for tea?" Aaron asked, but he knew perfectly well that Dave had the tea for him, so he let it drop quickly. "Spaghetti and wine sound good. And maybe the eleven o'clock news?" he teased. "I'll be over in a bit."
"It'll be the same stuff I already watched," Dave said. "See you soon." They hung up and he started the water heating. He'd eaten two hours ago, but he'd rather cook for Aaron and have him come over than make him go home alone. Not to mention he'd just plain missed Aaron. By the time he heard Aaron's knock at the door, Dave had dinner ready and the wine breathing, and was setting the table.
Aaron stepped inside and smiled at Dave, and then said without preamble, "Reid stopped Darcy's father from shooting Matloff."
"That had to feel good. I hope it helps him." Dave shut the door and laughed as Shithead came trotting over to greet Aaron.
"Hello, cat. I see you," Aaron said, looking down as Shithead curled around his ankles. He gently nudged it away after a moment. "It smells good."
"I have garlic toast to go with the pasta," Dave said, turning towards the kitchen. He said, over his shoulder, "It's good to see you." Hopefully it would sound more casual that way.
Aaron smiled and followed. "You know, you did see me occasionally this week." He couldn't help feeling warmed. I felt good knowing someone was looking forward to seeing him at the end of the day.
Dave waved a hand. "You know what I mean." He carried the spaghetti to the table and waited for Aaron to sit.
Aaron settled at the table and held out his empty glass for Dave to fill. "Thanks," he murmured. Really, anything would look good to eat right about now, but Dave actually cooking for Aaron was a nice surprise.
Dave poured them both a glass of wine and settled down across from Aaron. "How did your part of the trial go?"
"It went well," Aaron said. "I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a small part of me that still enjoys being in the courtroom."
"Well, of course you do," Dave replied. "You were a damn good prosecutor, and you're a damn good expert witness. Not to mention, how many times have we caught the bad guy, only to have a flaw in the court case get him off? It's nice to help put them away for good."
"Better to catch them," Aaron said, grinning at Dave for a moment.
"Definitely better." Dave reached out to take Aaron's hand, warmed by that grin. "How's the wine?"
"It's good," Aaron said, nodding and trying to ignore the little surge of something that Dave's touch sent through him. He hadn't meant to open this door again when he'd kissed Dave, but he stubbornly refused to close himself off again after that.
Dave nodded and picked at his spaghetti. He wasn't really all that hungry, but he didn't want Aaron to know he'd cooked just for him, so he'd taken a little anyway. A small silence fell over the table, but Dave enjoyed it, feeling companionable. It was nice having Aaron here.
When they were finished eating (and 'eating' could have been used loosely in the case of Dave, who picked, and Aaron knew this was all for him, but kept quiet), Aaron helped clean up the kitchen. It felt a little too domestic, but nice anyway.
Aaron made coffee and tried to pull out some work to do (he could have done it at home, but even the quiet companionship was nice), but Dave dragged him to the couch upon threats of bodily injury, and Aaron couldn't help but laugh and follow.
Dave didn't bother flipping on the TV, though he did put the radio on a classical station, turned low. He sat on the couch and pulled Aaron into his arms, grateful that Aaron allowed it. Dave didn't want to push, but he wanted Aaron close, wanted the intimacy of holding and being held. He pressed his nose lightly to Aaron's neck and closed his eyes, taking slow, deep breaths. They sat like that so long in near silence that Dave found himself drifting as he got sleepy.
Aaron had been reluctant, but he stubbornly refused to shut Dave out again like he had before, and after a long while the warmth of Dave's embrace relaxed him. This was almost too good, too real, and it was frightening. He didn't want to think this was just him trying to soothe his other pains.
Dave's breathing started to deepen after a while, and Aaron closed his eyes too, listening to the steady breaths as they huffed softly against his neck. And then, without forethought, he stroked his fingers through Dave's hair to wake him gently. "You should go to bed," he whispered.
Dave took a long, deep breath, forcing himself to wake up a little. "You could come, too," he murmured, and kissed Aaron's neck. He smiled, his eyes still closed. "Just to sleep. I'm not just interested in one thing."
"My potted plants might miss me," Aaron murmured, smiling softly and turning his head to kiss Dave. "I'm testing the theory that they grow better when you talk to them."
"Didn't know you had any potted plants," Dave murmured. He kissed Aaron again, wishing he would stay, but not unhappy. It didn't feel like a rejection.
"Haley left them. Can't bring myself to let them die." Aaron kissed Dave again, a little slower this time, and then shifted back. "I'll tuck you in, though," he said, giving Dave a small smile.
Dave chuckled and just studied him for a long moment. He lifted a hand to brush along Aaron's cheekbone. "You're beautiful, you know that?" he murmured, and leaned in for a brief kiss.
Aaron sucked in a breath. He was used to Dave saying things like that, but not usually like this, and it was unexpected enough to send a thrill through him. "Dave," he whispered, and kissed Dave again. "So are you."
Dave snorted softly, but didn't argue. He stole another kiss, then leaned back and sighed. "I need to get to bed," he said regretfully.
Aaron sighed and stood, tugging Dave up from the couch, then threaded his fingers into Dave's hair. He didn't really want to go, but he knew he should. He pulled Dave to him and kissed him before letting him go.
"You really don't have to leave," Dave murmured, keeping his arms around Aaron even after Aaron had let go. "The plants would probably be okay for one night."
"I know," Aaron said. He leaned in and pressed his cheek to Dave's, running his hands up Dave's upper arms when Dave didn't let go. "I'm supposed to be figuring out how to be alone," he reminded Dave. And as it went, this was really the most backwards way to do it he could think of, but it was a little late for that.
Dave sighed. "Yeah. Sorry." He closed his eyes for a moment, then kissed Aaron and stepped back. "You're right, you should go."
"I'll see you tomorrow," Aaron said softly, squeezing Dave's hand a bit before he let Dave move away completely. He started towards the door. "Night."
"Good night," Dave said quietly. He locked the door behind Aaron and went back to his bedroom with a sigh. He knew Aaron's leaving wasn't a rejection, but sometimes he thought maybe Aaron was blind when it came to their relationship. He'd always been himself, just himself, with Dave.
Dave just hoped Aaron would realize it soon.
The final installment will be posted after the new episode of CM! Part Ten
Authors:
innerslytherin and severity_softlyPairing: Hotch/Rossi, and a little Hotch/Haley
Rating: R for this part and NC-17 overall
Summary: When Aaron Hotchner is new to the BAU, he finds himself working closely with SSA David Rossi--one of the original founders of the department. As their relationship progresses, they realize what they have together is more than friendship...but circumstances keep them from having all that they knew they could have together. Years later, Dave has a second chance, just when Aaron needs a friend the most...
Word count: ~5,000 for this part, ~78,000 overall
Notes: RP format. Mild AU, as we played fast and loose with Hotch's already screwy back story (especially in regards to his work history and the timeline of his marriage to Haley).
Previous parts: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four-a, Part Four-b, Part Five-a, Part Five-b, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight
"Love is the expansion of two natures in such fashion that each include the other, each is enriched by the other." - Felix Adler
It seemed odd to Dave when he put his hand in his jeans pocket and didn't feel the bracelet. He'd put it back in its case, a sort of symbolic laying to rest. It felt right, but occasionally he still caught himself thinking about the Galen kids and then having to remind himself that the case had been solved.
Fortunately, work kept him occupied as they chased down their angel of death in Pittsburgh. He found himself more absorbed in the work than usual, as Aaron appeared to have withdrawn from him entirely. He couldn't pretend it didn't hurt, but he kept telling himself things had just happened too fast, and Aaron would be back to normal soon.
Except soon turned into eventually while they dealt with cases in Texas and then Miami. When the day rolled around that Dave and Aaron had to leave for their conference in Boston, he wasn't sure whether he was relieved to be getting away from the rest of the team for a while, or dreading the idea of an entire trip bereft of distractions. If Aaron was going to be strictly hands-off for the whole week, Dave was probably going to go crazy.
It wasn't really a problem that they had been booked two separate rooms. The problem for Aaron was that he wasn't sure how he was supposed to behave. It was easy enough to not be tempted to find his way to Dave's room when there was always the possibility that the other team members might see, but now... well, there was no excuse to be standoffish other than the one he knew he and Dave were both aware of: Aaron was panicking.
He somehow doubted that Dave was overly impressed by that excuse, but it was the truth, regardless of how much Aaron hated to admit it.
He wondered if they might need to talk about what was going on, but when they got to the hotel, neither of them said a word and went straight to their rooms. Aaron was unpacked quickly, after which he settled on his bed and stared at the ceiling, willing himself not to think about Dave in the next room. Which didn't work, really, except that the constant mantra in his head kept him occupied until they had to go down and give their seminar.
The seminar went well, Dave thought. No matter what a mess their personal life was in at the moment, he and Aaron made a damn good team professionally. They fielded a short question-and-answer session afterward, and then they were on their own for the afternoon. Dave watched Aaron out of the corner of his eye as they were packing up their notes, and thought that several more days of this would be completely unacceptable.
"Want to get some dinner?" he suggested as they left the conference.
Aaron glanced up at Dave, the calm easiness he'd been feeling while he was at work with Dave settling into the familiar guilt he was feeling when he and Dave were alone together. God, he was being such a bastard. "Yeah," he murmured.
Dave nodded. "What do you feel like? Italian? Chinese? Seafood?" He headed for the elevator. "I want to drop this off in the room before we head out anywhere."
Aaron looked at the notes in Dave's hands and followed him. "Sure," he said softly, then leaned against the elevator wall. "I'm really fine with anything. Seafood?"
"Sounds good. Feel like lobster?" Dave gave Aaron a sly look, hoping it would make him laugh instead of tensing up.
Aaron's lips curled a bit, and he glanced sideways at Dave. "If you're buying."
Dave grinned. "Why is it everyone always thinks I'm made of money? I had to buy a round of scotch for the team in Indianapolis. The good shit, too, because the place I was staying doesn't have anything less." He looked over at Aaron. "I'll buy if you call the front desk and get a restaurant recommendation for us."
Aaron nodded, feeling tentatively better. "Fair enough. And I think they think you're made of money because you stay in places like that." He turned to smile at Dave. Really, neither one of them would have any trouble buying dinner and then some, but it was nice to play a bit.
Dave laughed. "Well, you know, if I'm not sleeping on the Bureau's dime, I want to pick a place with nice beds and enough water pressure. And brass rails and cherry wood in the bar, and a jacket requirement in the restaurant, and..." He trailed off, shrugging. "You know. The simple things in life." The elevator came to a stop and he stepped out.
Aaron chuckled and shook his head, following Dave and looking away when he found his eyes wandering--they were always wandering lately. "Of course," he said. "I'll meet you downstairs." He headed towards his own room.
Dave left his notes on the desk in his room and made a stop in the bathroom, then paused, inspecting his reflection. After a minute of deliberation he decided to lose the tie and keep the jacket. A moment later he told himself it was ridiculous to worry over his clothes, especially when it felt like a major victory that Aaron had agreed to have dinner with him at all. He sighed, splashed some water on his face and patted it dry, and headed back down to the lobby.
Aaron was waiting for Dave in the lobby, and he smiled when Dave walked up to him. "There's a place not too far from here that's supposed to be good."
"Excellent." Dave smiled back. "Lead on."
It didn't take very long for them to get to the restaurant, and they settled at a table. Aaron ordered a bottle of wine for them, then wondered if he should have. Then told himself he was being ridiculous; they both drank wine; the bottle wasn't that expensive. Aaron hated the way he was suddenly questioning his every move around Dave. "JJ thinks we have a new case. She's presenting it to the team tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? I guess we've been voted off the island," Dave said, looking amused. He sipped his wine, taking time to appreciate it. "Spencer was telling me that they worked a case without you or Gideon earlier this year."
Aaron raised an eyebrow, and then his lips curled slightly. "Mostly. Without me or Emily, actually."
Dave nodded. "He seemed to think Strauss was instrumental in keeping the two of you out of it."
Aaron drew in a breath and nodded at their waitress when she came to take their orders. Once she left, Aaron sat back in his seat. "Do you want the long version or the short version?"
"Long version," Dave said, because maybe Aaron would get involved in the story and relax a little more. He seemed edgy, and it was wearing Dave out.
Aaron took a long drink of his wine and then topped off both of their glasses. "Just after Gideon's friend was murdered, he was struggling." Aaron shook his head. "Strauss thought I wanted her job, decided someone had to take the blame for an unfortunate end to a case, and I took responsibility."
"You wouldn't like her job. Not enough hands-on work. She should've known that." Dave shook his head. "So I presume she maneuvered you into an impossible situation."
"She suspended me," Aaron said. "Two weeks. Then she tried to use Emily to find reason to fire me. Haley called my suspension a 'blessing in disguise'; I put in for a transfer, and Emily resigned." It was almost amusing now that it was over and there was very little doubt that Aaron and Prentiss weren't going anywhere, and Aaron found himself smiling.
"A blessing in disguise." Dave scowled. "I always knew Strauss was ambitious, but I had no idea she'd resort to such low tactics. So how did you end up getting the better of her?"
Aaron took another drink. "Garcia handed me the case file and held up transfers and resignations in the system, Morgan kept me posted, and I tracked down Emily and flew us out to help. Technically, we were still employed with the BAU, and we were able to show Strauss exactly why the team needed to stay intact." He shifted in his seat and sighed. "And when I got home, Haley was gone," he added, his smile slipping.
Dave looked down at the table, his expression blanking. "Ah." He cleared his throat and looked back up. "So the team saved you, and you saved the team."
Aaron looked at Dave for a long moment, wondering if that was true. It wasn't his team's fault that Aaron had left his home that night, but they had pushed, and that single decision had sent his personal life into a downward spiral. He didn't blame them in the least, however, because he knew he would have been miserable anywhere but the BAU in the long run. He was quiet for a little too long, and he swallowed hard. "I don't know," he said.
Dave sat up and reached across the table, resting his hand lightly on Aaron's. "You wouldn't have been happy leaving the BAU, and this team couldn't do without you," he said quietly. He hoped he didn't sound insensitive, but he knew it was the truth.
"Oh, but you're here," Aaron said as lightly as he could manage. "They would have been fine." Aaron turned his hand and gave Dave's a squeeze, then pulled away. "But you're right about the first part."
Dave shook his head. "I'm no replacement for you," he said, "even if we're an excellent team." He shrugged and sat back, reaching for his glass. "So Strauss hasn't given you any trouble since then?"
Aaron shook his head. "No, she's left me be." His knee brushed Dave's under the table. "I think she earned a whole new respect for what we do too."
"Good." Dave smiled faintly at him and sipped his wine. This seemed more relaxed than their interactions had in the last few weeks. Maybe Aaron was settling down again.
It felt good to touch Dave again, so Aaron left his leg where it was. It was innocent enough. Their casual conversation was relaxing Aaron, even if he was still confused. He nodded his thanks when their waitress brought their food, and started into his fish.
They ate with just incidental conversation, nothing serious or stressful. Dave felt himself relaxing as Aaron did, which was nice. He'd spent too much time lately worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. It was a strange edge that their relationship had never had before, and he'd been getting frustrated. When the waitress came around to see if they wanted dessert, Dave ordered a slice of chocolate cherry cake and glanced at Aaron.
Aaron considered saying no for a moment, but then their waitress mentioned tiramisu and he ordered that instead. He wondered if they needed to talk about what was going to happen once they got back to the hotel. He was fairly certain if they went back to a room together, it would be far too tempting to wind up in bed together again.
Dave got the check when they were done, and took a moment to finish his glass of wine, since Aaron was driving. He was feeling pleasantly warmed, both by the wine and the casual touching, and followed Aaron out to the car.
Aaron glanced at Dave as he slipped into the SUV, and the drive to the hotel was quiet but comfortable. When they were riding up in the elevator, Aaron finally asked what he'd been thinking. He'd been avoiding the subject for too long already, several cases had come and gone, and it may have been a little late, but Dave at least deserved to know Aaron wasn't planning to walk away from him. He just needed time. Space. "Do we need to talk?"
"We can if you want," Dave said, still relaxed enough that he thought he sounded open. He wondered what Aaron wanted to say, and hoped it wouldn't ruin the good feeling he had tonight.
Aaron drew in a breath. "That wasn't exactly what I asked," he said, but his tone was gentle. He looked over at Dave. "I'm not putting an end to this, to us," he said. "Just a pause."
It hadn't actually crossed Dave's mind that Aaron might be ending it. It was strange how the reassurance now made a flash of anxiety go through him. His eyes widened slightly as he glanced at Aaron, then he put his hands in his pockets and looked up at the numbers, watching them climb higher. "Okay."
Dave sounded... somehow blank when he replied. It wasn't what Aaron had expected in the least, and he'd hoped for more that a one word answer. Aaron watched him for a moment, his lips parting, and then he just sucked in a breath and followed Dave's gaze to the numbers.
The silence dragged out, and as the doors swished open, Dave sighed. "I wasn't aware that was a possibility," he said finally.
"It's not. I thought you might think that was what I was doing," Aaron said, and followed Dave out of the elevator.
Dave glanced over at him. "I figured you were panicking," he said frankly. "So I thought maybe some space was in order."
Aaron nodded, frowning. He didn't like the idea that anyone might think he was panicking, but he also couldn't really argue, either.
"I'm trying not to be insensitive, for once in my life," Dave said. "But frankly it's been getting a little frustrating, having you hardly talk to me at all." They reached his room and he paused, looking at Aaron again. "Want to come in for a while?"
"I talk to you plenty, Dave," Aaron said, but he couldn't disguise the sudden defensive tone in his voice. He sighed. "I probably shouldn't. I might do something I shouldn't do and frustrate you more."
Dave frowned at him. "Hey, this is not an argument, okay? I just would appreciate a little more communication. On a personal level, not work-related." He touched Aaron's elbow lightly. "Just come inside for a while. I'll even let you watch the news." He gave Aaron a crooked smile.
"You're too kind," Aaron said, but felt a little better, if apprehensive. He looked back at Dave, then lifted his hand to return the touch. "Okay. For a little while."
Dave's smile widened and he went inside, hoping the evening wouldn't end on a sour note. "I'll behave myself," he murmured. "You want a drink? I put a couple of bottles of water in the fridge, or there's a mini-bar. Or teabags."
There weren't many places to sit in the room, just a chair and the bed, and Aaron wondered how uncomfortable sitting on the bed with Dave would be... or if it would be more uncomfortable if he obviously avoided it. "I'll have whatever you're having."
Dave nodded and started heating water for tea, since he knew Aaron liked it. When he had enough to fill two cups, he carried them over and handed one to Aaron.
Aaron couldn't help but smile. Dave probably wouldn't have had the tea if he was just drinking by himself, and it sort of made Aaron want to kiss him... which was exactly why he had been afraid to come inside in the first place. "Thanks," he murmured, then opted for the chair near the bed.
Dave nodded and settled on the bed, smiling back at Aaron. "I don't mind giving you the time and space you need," he began, and then paused. "I understand why, you know? But I'd like it if you'd keep me in the loop, so to speak." He looked down at his tea and blew on it idly.
"I wasn't trying to cut you out," Aaron said. "I'm just trying to be cautious."
Dave nodded again. He'd always felt like he could talk to Aaron about anything, if necessary, but he didn't enjoy talking about their relationship these days, really. Some things didn't need much discussion. He sipped at his tea and didn't say anything.
Aaron fell silent too, and the quiet sounds of the ten o'clock news filled the room for the next hour. Eventually, Aaron started to get tired, and he took his and Dave's empty cups back to the bathroom sink. He'd already stayed a little longer then he'd meant to, but the silence had grown comfortable. When he came back out, he gave Dave a small smile. "I should probably go. We have an early morning."
"Yeah." Dave stood and flipped off the TV, wandering toward the door. "Sweet dreams," he said, giving Aaron a small smile. He had to push down the urge to move close enough to put his arms around Aaron. Everything about them felt right, except this part, where Aaron was leaving. He held in a sigh.
Aaron breathed a laughed and reached out to touch Dave's arm. "Honestly, if you're not careful, I might be forced to tell people how nice you can be."
Dave shook his head. "You do that, and you'll find out how mean I really am," he muttered. Since Aaron had touched him first, he moved a little closer, then eyed him. "I'm going to kiss you unless you leave now."
Aaron didn't stop smiling. They could do that. It wasn't too much or too far, and there was no denying they both still wanted each other. Aaron moved a little closer. "I'm not leaving."
"Good," Dave murmured, and slid an arm around Aaron's waist. He leaned in, smiling faintly, and pressed his mouth lightly to Aaron's, letting Aaron have control of the kiss.
Aaron had to hold in a little noise of surrender as he let himself release whatever it was he was holding onto. He slipped his arms around Dave's shoulders, his fingers running through Dave's hair, then drew his tongue along Dave's lower lip, his kiss slowly inviting.
Dave hummed faintly, wrapping his other arm around Aaron and letting him deepen the kiss. He hadn't intended to push, but if Aaron wanted this, no way in hell was Dave going to argue.
Aaron drew a deep breath and deepened the kiss a little more, but when his body started to become interested in what he was doing, he pulled back with a few light, teasing kisses. He brushed his nose against Dave's. "Mmph... I should go," he whispered, but didn't move right away.
"Mm-hmm." Dave inhaled deeply and pressed his face against Aaron's neck. It felt so good to have Aaron in his arms. He relaxed slightly against Aaron.
Aaron closed his eyes, smiling faintly, then turned his head to kiss Dave's temple before pulling away. "Night," he murmured.
"Good night." Dave waited for him to go, then locked the door behind him. He went to bed feeling a lot better about life in general.
*****
It occurred to Dave that he was getting used to the team thing when he caught himself thinking how strange it was to have Aaron and Spencer out in Roanoke testifying on the Matloff case while the rest of the team was back in Quantico. Still, it did give him some time on his own to figure out where things were going. He wasn't sure what the future was going to bring, but what he knew for certain was that it would include Aaron, no matter what the cost. They'd been put on hiatus, as Aaron phrased it, once; Dave wasn't going to let that happen again.
He treated the rest of the team to dinner one night, where Emily and Derek amused him by trying to get details from JJ about her relationship, while Dave amused himself by taking her side and telling them personal relationships ought to stay personal. He could feel JJ getting more perplexed as he continued to defend her, and had a feeling she knew both about his own history as well as his accidental discovery of Penelope's relationship.
Things were coming together, and for the first time in a long time, Dave felt like he was really where he was supposed to be.
For all that he liked the team, though, he was glad when the Roanoke case was over and Aaron was back at Quantico.
It was funny working on a case that felt so long since past. It had only been a few years ago, but so much had changed--the entire landscape of the team. Even the team members that were still on the team were different, and Reid was a perfect example. Four years ago, Reid might not have been able to stop Darcy's dad from shooting Matloff.
When the case was over, Hotch couldn't help but feel a sizzle of pride for his team, the way they pulled together a case that might have been dead otherwise, and especially for Reid, not just for how much he'd grown as a profiler, but as a person too.
It was late when Hotch and Reid got back to Quantico, but Reid seemed more settled than he had in a while after giving Darcy's father back her watch, and the drive home had been quiet. After they dropped off their paperwork at the BAU, Hotch gave Reid a small squeeze to his shoulder as they headed out, and then pulled out his cell phone to call Dave on his way to the car. He didn't say hello, he just smiled and launched right into what he was thinking when Dave's phone clicked on.
"I would have been miserable leaving the BAU," he murmured.
Dave grinned. "Hello to you, too," he teased. "Yeah, you would have been. You're too damn good at this."
"I'm only one part of this team," Aaron said, clicking open his car and getting inside. "You're awake."
"Yeah, some jerk's got me hooked on watching the ten o'clock news," Dave griped, but he was still grinning. "You had dinner?"
Aaron laughed softly. "Mmm, not really. Drive through food didn't sound all that satisfying."
Dave got up from the couch and wandered to the kitchen. "I can offer you...um, omelets or spaghetti. And some nice red, or some kind of green tea, if you're interested."
"Oh? Developed a sudden taste for tea?" Aaron asked, but he knew perfectly well that Dave had the tea for him, so he let it drop quickly. "Spaghetti and wine sound good. And maybe the eleven o'clock news?" he teased. "I'll be over in a bit."
"It'll be the same stuff I already watched," Dave said. "See you soon." They hung up and he started the water heating. He'd eaten two hours ago, but he'd rather cook for Aaron and have him come over than make him go home alone. Not to mention he'd just plain missed Aaron. By the time he heard Aaron's knock at the door, Dave had dinner ready and the wine breathing, and was setting the table.
Aaron stepped inside and smiled at Dave, and then said without preamble, "Reid stopped Darcy's father from shooting Matloff."
"That had to feel good. I hope it helps him." Dave shut the door and laughed as Shithead came trotting over to greet Aaron.
"Hello, cat. I see you," Aaron said, looking down as Shithead curled around his ankles. He gently nudged it away after a moment. "It smells good."
"I have garlic toast to go with the pasta," Dave said, turning towards the kitchen. He said, over his shoulder, "It's good to see you." Hopefully it would sound more casual that way.
Aaron smiled and followed. "You know, you did see me occasionally this week." He couldn't help feeling warmed. I felt good knowing someone was looking forward to seeing him at the end of the day.
Dave waved a hand. "You know what I mean." He carried the spaghetti to the table and waited for Aaron to sit.
Aaron settled at the table and held out his empty glass for Dave to fill. "Thanks," he murmured. Really, anything would look good to eat right about now, but Dave actually cooking for Aaron was a nice surprise.
Dave poured them both a glass of wine and settled down across from Aaron. "How did your part of the trial go?"
"It went well," Aaron said. "I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a small part of me that still enjoys being in the courtroom."
"Well, of course you do," Dave replied. "You were a damn good prosecutor, and you're a damn good expert witness. Not to mention, how many times have we caught the bad guy, only to have a flaw in the court case get him off? It's nice to help put them away for good."
"Better to catch them," Aaron said, grinning at Dave for a moment.
"Definitely better." Dave reached out to take Aaron's hand, warmed by that grin. "How's the wine?"
"It's good," Aaron said, nodding and trying to ignore the little surge of something that Dave's touch sent through him. He hadn't meant to open this door again when he'd kissed Dave, but he stubbornly refused to close himself off again after that.
Dave nodded and picked at his spaghetti. He wasn't really all that hungry, but he didn't want Aaron to know he'd cooked just for him, so he'd taken a little anyway. A small silence fell over the table, but Dave enjoyed it, feeling companionable. It was nice having Aaron here.
When they were finished eating (and 'eating' could have been used loosely in the case of Dave, who picked, and Aaron knew this was all for him, but kept quiet), Aaron helped clean up the kitchen. It felt a little too domestic, but nice anyway.
Aaron made coffee and tried to pull out some work to do (he could have done it at home, but even the quiet companionship was nice), but Dave dragged him to the couch upon threats of bodily injury, and Aaron couldn't help but laugh and follow.
Dave didn't bother flipping on the TV, though he did put the radio on a classical station, turned low. He sat on the couch and pulled Aaron into his arms, grateful that Aaron allowed it. Dave didn't want to push, but he wanted Aaron close, wanted the intimacy of holding and being held. He pressed his nose lightly to Aaron's neck and closed his eyes, taking slow, deep breaths. They sat like that so long in near silence that Dave found himself drifting as he got sleepy.
Aaron had been reluctant, but he stubbornly refused to shut Dave out again like he had before, and after a long while the warmth of Dave's embrace relaxed him. This was almost too good, too real, and it was frightening. He didn't want to think this was just him trying to soothe his other pains.
Dave's breathing started to deepen after a while, and Aaron closed his eyes too, listening to the steady breaths as they huffed softly against his neck. And then, without forethought, he stroked his fingers through Dave's hair to wake him gently. "You should go to bed," he whispered.
Dave took a long, deep breath, forcing himself to wake up a little. "You could come, too," he murmured, and kissed Aaron's neck. He smiled, his eyes still closed. "Just to sleep. I'm not just interested in one thing."
"My potted plants might miss me," Aaron murmured, smiling softly and turning his head to kiss Dave. "I'm testing the theory that they grow better when you talk to them."
"Didn't know you had any potted plants," Dave murmured. He kissed Aaron again, wishing he would stay, but not unhappy. It didn't feel like a rejection.
"Haley left them. Can't bring myself to let them die." Aaron kissed Dave again, a little slower this time, and then shifted back. "I'll tuck you in, though," he said, giving Dave a small smile.
Dave chuckled and just studied him for a long moment. He lifted a hand to brush along Aaron's cheekbone. "You're beautiful, you know that?" he murmured, and leaned in for a brief kiss.
Aaron sucked in a breath. He was used to Dave saying things like that, but not usually like this, and it was unexpected enough to send a thrill through him. "Dave," he whispered, and kissed Dave again. "So are you."
Dave snorted softly, but didn't argue. He stole another kiss, then leaned back and sighed. "I need to get to bed," he said regretfully.
Aaron sighed and stood, tugging Dave up from the couch, then threaded his fingers into Dave's hair. He didn't really want to go, but he knew he should. He pulled Dave to him and kissed him before letting him go.
"You really don't have to leave," Dave murmured, keeping his arms around Aaron even after Aaron had let go. "The plants would probably be okay for one night."
"I know," Aaron said. He leaned in and pressed his cheek to Dave's, running his hands up Dave's upper arms when Dave didn't let go. "I'm supposed to be figuring out how to be alone," he reminded Dave. And as it went, this was really the most backwards way to do it he could think of, but it was a little late for that.
Dave sighed. "Yeah. Sorry." He closed his eyes for a moment, then kissed Aaron and stepped back. "You're right, you should go."
"I'll see you tomorrow," Aaron said softly, squeezing Dave's hand a bit before he let Dave move away completely. He started towards the door. "Night."
"Good night," Dave said quietly. He locked the door behind Aaron and went back to his bedroom with a sigh. He knew Aaron's leaving wasn't a rejection, but sometimes he thought maybe Aaron was blind when it came to their relationship. He'd always been himself, just himself, with Dave.
Dave just hoped Aaron would realize it soon.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2009-01-16 01:35 am (UTC)Laura.
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Date: 2009-01-16 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-16 03:14 pm (UTC)I'm so not surprised he's a Survivor fan. *snicker*
And Aaron has managed to somewhat redeem himself with this chapter. Dear lord, child, it's only complicated if you make it so! I'm glad he's annoyed with himself, and I'm also glad he's willing to take baby steps.
Also, yay for cuddling on the couch.