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geekystudmuffinTitle: The Logical Next Step, part one
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
innerslytherin and severity_softly
Pairing: Reid/Rossi
Rating: NC-17/FRAO
WC: ~14,200
Summary: Dave and Spencer have been together long enough to know they want forever, and Dave knows what the logical next step would be if Spencer were a woman. Dave decides to take that step over Valentine's Day weekend.
Notes: Self-betaed as usual.
This is part of the "Conscious of Our Treasures" universe, all of which can be found at this tag. This is part THREE. :)
This is without a doubt the stupidest idea you've ever had, Dave Rossi told himself as he stared down at the shiny objects in the glass case.
"Maybe if you told me something about her?" prompted the salesgirl helpfully. "Is there a reason you're not looking at diamonds? Diamonds are the traditional--"
"He's thirty, and I've been divorced three times," Dave said, glaring at her. "So I know a little something about how to do this. Not to mention he's not the type that wants to flash a diamond around. Just...something simple, but interesting. Can you do that or should I go to Hollister's?"
Her eyes had widened from the moment Dave said "he", and they'd only continued to grow wider as he kept talking, but when he finished, she smiled brightly. "Well. That explains why Mr. Clering said you're one of our best customers. Let's see, something discreet for a young man, no diamonds...no stones at all?"
Dave snorted but nodded. It was true, he'd bought all three engagement sets at Clering's over the years, and he'd done anniversary gifts for Kay and Rita here, as well. Debbie hadn't lasted long enough for anniversary gifts. He still wasn't sure this was a good idea, but Spencer seemed to genuinely like being romanced, and the next step in a relationship with a woman would be an engagement ring. Dave wasn't about to flaunt their relationship, but he liked the idea of acknowledging it somehow.
Of course, everyone in the team knew about it, and no one outside the team would notice either of them wearing rings. There was no reason to feel twitchy about it, but he sort of did. Maybe because they were both men. Then again, he could just imagine the smile he would get from Spencer when his lover opened the little box. Dave liked doing things that earned him that huge smile that made Spencer look his age.
"Here, what about these?" the girl said, coming back to the counter with a small tray of platinum and titanium rings. Dave's lips pulled to the side as he fought a cynical grin. Their best customer, so she'll show off the expensive ones, he thought. But they were nice. He liked the black ones the best, and it only took him a few minutes to pick out a black titanium band with a strip of platinum in the middle. When he gave her the size, she looked surprised.
"Hey, three marriages," he said, managing a crooked smile for her now that he'd found something. "I know how to do this. Anyway, he's a heavy sleeper."
She smiled back and went to see if they had the size he needed. When she returned, she was carrying a small white box triumphantly. She let him inspect it, then wrapped it up for him. He didn't look at the price tag before he handed over his credit card. The price wasn't what mattered, anyway.
"Thanks for your help, Sheila," he said, and laughed when she looked surprised. "Have a good one."
He tucked the box into his breast pocket and headed home. He'd already bought a couple other things for Spencer, but this was the one he'd been most anxious over.
***
Dave couldn't really remember the last time he'd done anything special for Valentine's Day. He'd spent the last one with Spencer, but their relationship was still new enough then that they'd not done anything more than have a nice dinner with a bottle of wine, and then made love all night. Dave had been convinced (as he often was when Spencer was in a particularly amorous mood), that Spencer had been trying to kill him with sex. Not that that would have been a bad way to die.
This year, the team wasn't on call like they had been the year before, so Dave had booked a night at a bed and breakfast in the wine country without telling Spencer. All he'd told Spencer was that he needed to bring an over night bag when he came over that morning. In the end, he supposed it was still going to be dinner, and wine, and love making, but the change of atmosphere seemed appropriate for giving one's lover a ring.
"Still not telling me where we're going?" Spencer said as soon as Dave opened the door.
"Happy to see you too," Dave said, but he smiled and gave Spencer the kiss he'd leaned in for.
"Mmm, I'm happy to see you," Spencer said, twining his arms around Dave and kissing him again. "If you're planning to go skiing, I should warn you you'll be disappointed."
Dave gave him a bewildered look. "Can you even imagine me on skis?" he asked, and shook his head. "Come on, we need to get going."
"Going where?"
"That's for me to know and you to find out," Dave said, smirking.
"And here I thought I was dating an older man," Spencer teased, and made a face.
Dave just snorted, but was happy that Spencer didn't bother to make himself comfortable. He just headed back out the door. Dave swatted him on the ass before he got too far, then picked up his own things from where he'd put them at the door to follow.
The drive up was relaxed, full of intermittent conversation. Dave wasn't in any big hurry to get to the bed and breakfast so much as he'd just wanted to get started on their getaway. So he took his time on winding roads and tried to keep Spencer from guessing where they were headed as long as possible. Predictably, when they got there, Spencer pointed out that a more efficient route would have got them there an hour earlier, but he was grinning as he said it.
They got checked in and went up to their room to get settled in. Garcia had helped Dave load an iPod with music he and Spencer both liked, and showed him how to work it, so Dave put music on when they got to their room. Spencer teased him about shedding his Luddite ways, which made Dave grump at him and go off to inspect the bathroom.
"I brought something special just for you, you know, so you'd better not hide in there all night," Spencer called after a few moments, and Dave stepped back in to see Spencer toeing off his shoes and starting to unpack his bag.
"It's Valentine's; I brought special things for you too."
Spencer looked up and grinned at him. "This is different. I had to do a lot of digging."
Dave couldn't help the smile that formed on his face when Spencer produced a pair of jeans from his bag. It seemed like every time they went away, he was always pestering Spencer about dressing down (and wishing Spencer would do more to show off that perfect ass when they were away from work).
"I didn't know if we were going anywhere they'd be appropriate, but--"
"Oh, I'll make sure we do," Dave said, and crossed the room to kiss Spencer hungrily. "Mmm, put those on now." He stroked a hand down to cup Spencer's ass, then pulled away. There was a nice winery with an attached restaurant where the dress was casual. Dave had planned to go there anyway, now they would just dress down a little. Dinner, then a full tasting, then bring a couple of bottles back to the room. Or maybe the tasting first, depending on how soon Spencer felt like leaving the room.
Spencer laughed softly and looked down at himself, then back up at Dave from under his lashes. "I thought I looked nice," he said.
"You do," Dave replied. Well, Spencer always looked good, even if his clothing choices were sometimes... questionable. Spencer did look like he'd actually looked at himself in the mirror today, though. "Put the jeans on anyway."
Spencer's lips curled. "That would require taking these off," he said, his tone suggestive as he started to pull open the pants he was wearing.
"That's genius for you," Dave said flatly, but he stared openly, his gaze appreciative, as Spencer peeled away--slowly, the bastard--the layer of clothing that had been covering those long, beautiful legs.
After a moment, Dave settled on the bed and leaned back, knowing Spencer was finally used to the way Dave liked to ogle him. God, he was gorgeous. Dave didn't want to get sidetracked yet, though, even if he knew Spencer was probably going to try to seduce him before they went to dinner. Technically they had time, but Dave had a plan, and he didn't want to deviate from it.
When Spencer stood before him half dressed, he shifted on his feet a bit. The last vestiges of Spencer's awkwardness with this were still sort of cute. Regardless, Spencer didn't drop Dave's gaze anymore. He slipped his fingers through the openings between the buttons of his shirt. "This too?"
"You could lose the tie," Dave said, and was unsurprised when Spencer lost the tie and the shirt, and crawled into Dave's lap wearing nothing but socks and underwear.
Dave sighed and looped his arms around him. "You are incorrigible," he said, and kissed Spencer softly. "You know," he began, and was interrupted with another kiss, "we do have dinner plans." Spencer didn't seem to care, since he pressed closer into Dave's lap and kissed him again.
"We can push them back... twenty minutes?" Spencer breathed, and in spite of his protests, Dave couldn't keep his hands from traveling up Spencer's legs and back. "You're entirely too dressed," Spencer added.
"You're the minx who stripped without provocation," Dave said, and Spencer laughed, reaching back for a moment to pull his socks off. Then he seemed intent to finish what he'd started and stood to drop his underwear too.
Spencer was standing in from of him, completely bare and already hard, and suddenly Dave did feel entirely too clothed in his jeans, a button up shirt, and sports coat. He couldn't be bothered to fix it though, as he stared at Spencer, who was looking down at him, desire in his eyes.
"Cousin Felicia was right," he muttered, sliding off the bed to his knees. "You have me completely wrapped around your little finger." He ran his hands up Spencer's legs again, gazing hungrily at him. "Twenty minutes."
Spencer reached down, smiling at Dave, and sifted his fingers through his hair. "You're so easy," he teased.
"You're a manipulative little bastard," Dave retorted, and leaned in, nuzzling at Spencer's arousal. "Beautiful, but manipulative." He licked teasingly at the head, then took Spencer deep without any more warning.
Spencer yelped quietly, and his fingers closed tighter in Dave's hair. "God!" he gasped. "Mmm, you wouldn't let me do it if... you didn't like it." His eyelids were already drooping as he watched Dave.
Dave just made a skeptical noise around Spencer's cock and pulled back, swirling his tongue around Spencer's cock before taking him deep again. It was entirely Spencer's fault somehow, he just hadn't quite figured out how yet. Maybe because of the transformation he'd made from body-shy to completely wanton, stripping out of his clothes with little provocation at all.
Dave worked his lips and tongue over Spencer until Spencer was whimpering, and when Spencer finally swayed a little, Dave nudged him back until Spencer all but fell against the table. "Dave, I want--" Spencer started, but couldn't seem to finish. His knuckles were white as he gripped the edge, Dave's tongue flicking at Spencer's slit, and then Spencer was bucking into Dave's mouth.
Pleased, Dave didn't relent until Spencer was completely spent. Then he pulled back, licking him clean and gazing up smugly at him. "Now put the damn jeans on," he said, and slapped lightly at Spencer's ass. He grinned at Spencer's whimper of complaint, but just shifted himself back to sit on the bed again, adjusting his own half-hard cock a little in his jeans. He'd get over it easier than Spencer would have.
Spencer slumped against the desk, watching Dave for a moment, and then letting his eyes fall shut. "God," he panted. "I-- can't-- You're the bastard. I wanted... you to fuck me." He looked pretty satisfied, however, so Dave wasn't concerned that Spencer hadn't gotten exactly what he'd planned on getting.
Dave snorted and crossed an ankle over his knee. "Can't always get what you want," he retorted. "Hurry up, we might actually be on time for our reservations."
"I can't breathe to dress," Spencer complained, but pushed up a little and fumbled for his shirt. He started to pull on his clothes, looking more than a little graceless at first, as he very obviously hadn't come down from the high of orgasm yet. Dave had to fight a laugh at how adorable it was, but he couldn't fight the smirk. Not that Spencer even noticed.
Dave had been right; Spencer looked delicious in jeans. Maybe it was a good thing he didn't dress like this at work. Dave might have more trouble keeping his mind on the job. Dave watched until Spencer tugged his jacket on, then he went to wash his hands. Five minutes later they were walking out the door for dinner.
Spencer was more relaxed than usual during dinner, which was wonderful. Dave knew it was probably the location and the pre-meal orgasm that did it, but he intended to blame it on the jeans, just to have one more excuse to give Spencer why he should wear them.
Spencer got even more relaxed at the wine tasting, for obvious reasons, and God, he was beautiful. He needed to relax more often. He deserved it.
Of course, Dave was having a hard time enjoying it. He kept finding himself thinking ridiculous things like 'he's having a great time; of course, he won't say no,' as if he were actually proposing to Spencer. Dave wasn't nearly as nauseous as he'd been when he'd proposed to Kay, but he was far more on edge than he had been with Rita. Don't be a fucking idiot, he told himself firmly, and dragged Spencer off to the last of the evening's activities.
Spencer wasn't quite so relaxed when Dave told him they were going dancing.
"I can't do this," Spencer hissed under his breath.
Dave sighed. The idea of dancing, in and of itself, had always seemed unappealing to Dave, but it was romantic, and Dave always inevitably found that he enjoyed it once he was actually doing it. "Spencer, if I can do this, you can."
"Dave, I--"
But Dave was already pulling him out onto the dance floor and moving them in a slow, easy pattern.
"I can't believe you're doing this," Spencer said, his cheeks bright red, and then he stepped on Dave's toes.
"Shut up, and enjoy it," Dave grumbled.
Spencer sighed and was silent for a while, but after the third time he stepped on Dave's toes, he tried to pull away. "This is stupid," he protested, and Dave glared at him.
"You're a mathematical genius and you can't count off four beats per measure?" he muttered. "Relax and just follow my lead."
Spencer sighed again, rather dramatically in Dave's opinion, but he leaned against Dave a little more and eventually seemed to actually relax, letting Dave move them both. Dave found himself smiling as Spencer rested his cheek against Dave's.
Dave drew in a deep breath. Spencer was wonderful like this, in Dave's arms, trusting Dave. When Spencer's arm went tighter around Dave's shoulders, Dave's went tighter around Spencer's waist. "I love you, Spencer Reid."
Spencer made a pleased noise and settled closer. Dave could feel Spencer's smile against his cheek.
"You took me dancing," Spencer murmured in return, but he sounded sort of overwhelmed by the idea now.
"I'm never sure you actually hear me when I tell you how special you are," Dave said back, his voice soft. "So I try to show you as often as possible." He pulled back for a brief kiss, though he didn't want to make a spectacle of them. "You're a good dancer once you relax."
Spencer laughed a breathy sort of laugh. "Honestly, it's just a good thing I'm not dating Morgan. This would be a completely different sort of club if I were."
Dave snorted in amusement. "Careful, you'll make me jealous with suggestions like that," he teased, and pulled Spencer closer.
The tips of Spencer's fingers went into Dave's hair near the nape of his neck. "I love you too."
He relaxed against him again, and Dave was grinning now after having gotten those words, which were rare outside of sex, from Spencer. They danced for a while longer, then they both seemed to just know they were ready to go. Dave got two bottles of chilled wine to take back to the B&B with them and they headed back.
Spencer was grinning easily by the time they got back and Dave let them back into the room. He lit candles while Dave poured the wine, and they settled on the couch after slipping off their shoes and coats.
"I don't know what I'd do with myself job-wise if it happened, but sometimes I wish the real world really was like this," Spencer murmured, kissing Dave's cheek.
Dave eyed him. It wasn't that he'd never considered it. He'd as good as said that if Strauss ever found out about their relationship, Dave would either work it out or resign so Spencer could keep his job. But he'd never considered leaving the BAU so Spencer could be 'out'. For the most part, Dave was content with the way things were. "Would you be happier?" he asked quietly.
Spencer's expression went a little odd, then he huffed a laugh. "Wouldn't you?"
"Um...I'm mostly okay with how things are," Dave said, though he wondered if that was the wrong answer. Still, they went to dinner, their families knew about each other, their 'BAU family' knew... He wasn't sure what Spencer wanted to change, really.
Spencer's expression went outright confused then. "I--" His mouth hung open for a second and then he managed, "What? I-- What are you talking about?"
Dave blinked. "Being, ah, more open about our relationship?" he hazarded.
Spencer blinked back at him for a moment, and then a slow smile slid across his face. He scooted closer on the couch and kissed Dave. "That would be nice too," he whispered against Dave's lips. "But that wasn't what I meant." His lips brushed Dave's cheek, and when he spoke again, his voice was oddly more vulnerable. "I meant that I wished that everything... felt this good all the time. That everything was, ah, really this perfect."
Dave wrapped his arms around Spencer, melting. "I always adore you as much as I do tonight," he murmured. "I'd make the world perfect for you if I could." He smiled crookedly at Spencer.
"I know." Spencer kissed him. "I'd actually suggest we stay in this alternate universe forever, but it's not really fair to Hotch, is it?"
"Mmm, what would he do without two of his team members?" Dave joked. He kissed Spencer again, his heart starting to pound a little. God, this was his moment. Or at least, it would be the moment, if he were actually proposing. So that made it the right moment for the gift, didn't it? He drew in a long breath. You're a fucking idiot, he told himself, and said, "Spence...I...maybe we should...I got you a couple presents."
Brilliant. That was just absolutely fucking brilliant.
Spencer smiled a silly affectionate sort of smile. "You've already done way too much, but I know arguing that point with you is futile."
Dave shrugged. "It's Valentine's Day. Anyway, this is...well, call it my attempt to make the world a little more perfect, at least." He managed a crooked smile and told himself not to feel so ridiculously ill. This was stupid. He knew Spencer loved him. They were already planning for the rest of their lives together. And it wasn't like he was letting himself in for a huge wedding and all the ridiculous frippery that went along with it. It was just a fucking ring.
Spencer watched him for a long moment, his smile not fading, and then he leaned in to steal another kiss, this one lingering, exploring, sharing the taste of wine between their tongues. Spencer drew back when he was a little breathless and nibbled at Dave's lip. "Okay," he whispered, then added, "For the record, I think you're too good to me."
Dave snorted and kissed him firmly, then extracted himself from Spencer's embrace so he could get up. The gifts were in his bag, and he pulled them out slowly, tucking the ring box under his arm. He hoped Spencer liked the other two. Though he thought they were surefire wins: one that spoke to the intellectual side of him, and one that spoke to the more carnal side. He carried them back over to the couch and sat down.
Spencer looked at both the boxes, then back at Dave. "Two?" he asked, as if two were too many, but then he seemed to decide to drop the subject. "Which one first?"
Dave shrugged and Spencer eyed them both for a moment before opening the smaller gift. Dave snorted. "Big box is not always the big gift, you know," he said.
"Shh," Spencer said, pulling open the paper.
"Careful."
Spencer glanced up, and then started working more carefully around the seams of paper covering the envelope inside. When he got it open, he studied the tickets inside. They were to a lecture series on Renaissance art & literature that Dave had heard about and thought Spencer might enjoy as much as Dave would.
Spencer grinned. "There are two here," he said. "Does that mean you're going with me?"
Dave raised his eyebrows. "I sure as hell don't want you taking someone else," he pointed out. "I thought we might both find this interesting. And it'll give you something to put in your letters to your mom."
Spencer just grinned at him for another moment, and then, in the best mock-serious tone he seemed to be able to manage, said, "She's still not going to like you, David." He was smiling, though.
"She's barely met me, why do you keep saying she won't like me?" Dave protested. Of course, it was an old conversation, and he knew it had to do with one thing--he was the same age as Diana Reid, give or take. He shook his head. "Just shut up and open the second gift."
Spencer leaned forward and gave Dave a brief kiss. "Thank you," he said, then sat back to open the larger box. The wrapping was pulled back to reveal a dark colored box with intricate designs running down the front. Spencer's eyebrows rose and his eyes widened as he read what it contained. "Chocolate body paint, mint chocolate massage oil, body... dust." The look of surprise was quickly replaced with a wicked one. "Oh, we're opening this tonight." He leaned in for another kiss, this one much more heated.
Dave could almost hear him getting hard already. When the kiss ended, Dave grinned at him. "You might want to wait just a little longer," he said, feeling better about things even if his stomach was still twinging. "You have one more gift to open."
"Three? Dave, this is--"
"This is the best I can do towards giving you everything you deserve," Dave interrupted firmly, and covered Spencer's hand with a palm. "Just...thank you."
He took a deep breath and pulled out the third box. God, just let him react right, Dave thought, without knowing what the 'right' reaction would even be. He held it out.
Spencer watched Dave for a moment, and then took the small box. "Dave," he said, but then didn't say anything else as he pulled open the box and peered inside... and then didn't react at all. He was just staring at the ring silently, impossibly still for what felt like too long before he looked up at Dave again without taking the ring out of the box. "It's beautiful," he said, but his tone didn't seem quite the right one.
Dave swallowed, his stomach bottoming out. God, whatever the right reaction was, that hadn't been it. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then licked his lips. "But?" he prompted, because there was no sense avoiding that the 'but' was coming.
"I don't-- I don't..." Spencer pressed his lips together. He was almost stiff now. "I-- does this mean what I think you mean it to mean?"
Dave frowned. "What the hell does a ring usually mean?" he demanded, trying to hide a sudden rush of embarrassment with his defensive response. "Is there some secret meaning I've missed?"
Spencer's mouth opened, but then he just stared for a moment. He shifted in his seat, his expression growing a little torn. "I-- I'm... Thank you. I really don't know what to say."
"Thank you is usually a good place to start," Dave muttered, not bothering to quell his sarcasm. "What's wrong with it? Don't like the color?"
"I-- Dave, please don't act like this," Spencer said. He looked a little like it was hurting him to say what he was saying, but at the moment, Dave couldn't care less, because Spencer also looked about two exchanges from getting upset, and Dave felt a little like an argument right now. Five minutes ago everything had been perfect, he couldn't help thinking bitterly.
"Act like what? Like I can't for the life of me understand why you're not acting the slightest bit pleased that I wanted to show you how much I love you? Or like I can't for the life of me understand why you were more excited about the damn Kama Sutra kit than you are a fucking ring?" Despite his anger, Dave kept his voice down, mostly.
"You have no right to get angry with me, David. I'm entitled to my own reactions, especially considering you never once mentioned this to me!" Spencer retorted quickly, and Spencer's voice was getting a little higher.
"What, I was supposed to get permission first?" Dave demanded. "We've been together over a year, we've agreed we want this to be permanent. I know we're not exactly a traditional couple, but this is the logical next step in a relationship, Spencer! Considering I have more experience than you in that regard, you might take my word for it."
Before Dave even finished the last sentence, Spencer snapped the ring box shut loudly and shoved it against Dave's chest. "No. I don't want it. Take it back," he said, his voice angry, though there was something in his expression Dave couldn't read, and Spencer wasn't looking at him any more.
God, Dave couldn't catch his breath. He stared at Spencer, barely catching the box before it tumbled to the floor. "Look," he said, trying to gentle his voice, "just because your father left doesn't mean everyone is going to." He knew he was simplifying it, not to mention ignoring Gideon's abandonment and Diana Reid's issues, but it was the best he could do right now. His stomach was churning too much to think. "We've already made a commitment to each other, you've seen that I'm not going anywhere." He stopped to take a deep breath, because his voice was starting to rise, but when Spencer spoke again, his voice was near-livid.
"This isn't about my parents!" he growled. "This is about you. You and your experience! I don't need a ring. I don't... need a fucking ring from you!" Spencer's eyes were narrowed, and he was so still that it looked forced, like he was barely holding in an explosion. "Everyone you give a ring to becomes an ex!" he snapped, and then sucked in a sudden breath that shook in the middle, and held it as if he'd realized too late that those words weren't supposed to come out.
Dave dropped the ring. The box clattered to the floor, the only noise in the ringing silence. He didn't look down, just kept staring at Spencer as his heart thudded in his chest. Slowly the thought trickled through that now he finally knew Spencer was no different than the others, watching to see if he was going to leave again. Dave closed his mouth finally and swallowed. "Fuck you," he whispered, and stood, turning to leave the room.
"Dave, please," Spencer said after a moment, his tone suddenly a little desperate. Dave heard him put the Kama Sutra box on the floor and get up to follow him. "Please don't just walk away."
"Don't walk away?" Dave repeated, his breath coming faster. If he didn't walk away, he was bound to say things they would both regret. He darted a glare over his shoulder at Spencer. "I'm just doing what I can to make things a little more perfect." Oops, too late. He stalked to the door and jerked it open.
Spencer didn't say anything. Dave heard him moving though, and before Dave went to shut the door with a glance back, the room's bathroom door slammed shut.
Dave paused with the door open, standing halfway into the hall. God damn it, Spencer always did this. At some point in the argument he stopped fighting back and retreated, reminding Dave that Spencer had never been good at fighting back, and making Dave feel like a fucking football team bully. Dave stood there, staring at the mauve walls, the cherry-stained chair rail, the tasteful pastoral oil painting over a matching cherry occasional table. What good was a romantic bed and breakfast and a Kama Sutra gift box if you were pissed off at your lover on Valentine's Day?
With a sigh, Dave turned back and went back into the room, shutting the door quietly. He was still angry, but not as angry as he was guilty and embarrassed as hell. And hurt. He couldn't ignore that, as much as he wanted to. Spencer had hit him below the belt first, and Dave's reaction was always just to lash out after that. Spencer knew damn well that two of his three wives had left him, and the third, he thought he had a damn good reason for divorcing.
Action speaks louder than intent, Dave thought sourly, and got down on his hands and knees to look for the ring box. He found it under the couch and pulled it out, then had to open it to ensure the ring hadn't fallen out. He hadn't cared about the price tag before Spencer had refused it, but now...well, it was too expensive to just lose it in a bed and breakfast.
After he stuffed it in his breast pocket, he slumped on the couch, not knowing what the hell he was supposed to do now. He picked up his wine glass and gulped most of it, staring blankly at the wall and trying to ride out the emotions battling in his chest.
It felt like too long, but eventually the bathroom door clicked back open. "David?" Spencer asked, and his voice was broken.
Dave didn't answer, he just looked in the direction of Spencer's voice, and Spencer was obviously waiting for confirmation that Dave had left because after another pause, Dave heard Spencer sniff loudly and start padding back into the room. He was reaching for the bottle of wine on the nightstand, eyes red-rimmed and glassy, before he realized that Dave was even there, and then he did a funny, jerky sort of step, as if he barely stopped himself from running back into the bathroom. He seemed to force himself to stand there, though, and lifted his hand to press his knuckles to his lips.
God. This was Dave's fault. Spencer was beautiful even like this, but it was painful to see because Dave knew he was the one who had hurt Spencer. He wasn't entirely sure how giving him a ring had caused it, but Dave was the one who was an expert at fucking up relationships, so it wasn't a stretch to realize it was his fault.
"I love you," he said, surprised at the hoarseness of his own voice. But he'd been sitting here trying not to choke on his feelings, so maybe that explained it.
Spencer let out a little sob, and then looked away when his eyes went shiny again. "I'm sorry," he squeaked, but didn't move.
Dave sighed. "Will you come sit down?" he asked. This was nothing like how their fights usually went. Then again, usually they weren't fighting about something like Dave proposing and Spencer saying no. Because no matter how Dave tried to brush it off, that's exactly what he'd been doing.
"You got up first," Spencer said, and stood there frozen for another moment. Finally he wiped stubbornly at his eyes in spite of them being dry, and crossed the room, bringing the second bottle of wine with him.
Dave rubbed a hand down his chin. "I wanted to walk away before I said something really shitty," he admitted. "Didn't manage it." He held his arms open, hoping Spencer wouldn't reject the offer, because he wasn't sure he could handle two rejections in one night. Not after the magnitude of the first one.
"No, you didn't," Spencer said, but his tone was absent enough not to make Dave angrier, even if he suspected he should have been angrier at that. Spencer stared down at Dave's outstretched arms without sitting, frowning. "You're angry at me," he pointed out.
"I love you," Dave said again. "And I'm...a lot of things right now, but that doesn't mean I don't want you in my arms." He was angry mostly because Spencer had hurt his feelings, and because Dave really hated embarrassing himself, but he wasn't going to say that. Spencer would figure that out soon enough, anyway.
Spencer nodded, but it still took him a long time to move. He finally put the wine bottle on the floor and sat, snuggling up to Dave's chest and wrapping his arms around Dave. He drew another shaky breath and pressed his face to Dave's chest. "You-- Dave--" There was a long pause, and when Spencer spoke again, his voice was still small, but a little less shaky. "You should have told me."
Dave held Spencer tightly for a long moment, then loosened one arm enough to stroke his fingers through Spencer's hair. "Told you that I was thinking about getting you a ring?" he asked, and was proud of the way he didn't sound angry now. He was still a little bewildered at the way things had happened, and felt like he'd been hit in the face, but they were talking again, and that was what mattered.
Spencer nodded against Dave's chest, then hummed his agreement. "This... we could have discussed it a lot less... well, more rationally-- God, I'm sorry, Dave. Don't... you can't leave."
Dave sighed. "I wasn't leaving," he protested, feeling stupid and telling himself not to get annoyed. He knew Spencer had abandonment issues, and he should have realized that walking away from an argument of this magnitude wasn't the way to react. Of course he fucking triggered a bad reaction there. "I shouldn't have walked away like that," he admitted, "but I wasn't leaving." He kept stroking Spencer's hair, the gesture as much to comfort him as to reassure Spencer.
Spencer made a little noise and nodded again, his arms circling around Dave a little tighter. "God," he muttered. He was quiet for a bit, but Dave just kept stroking his hair, and then Spencer said, "Why would you think I wanted a ring?"
"Because..." Dave searched for words for a moment, then grunted in annoyance. "You enjoy all the...the special things. Romance and flowers and...a ring is just, it's what you do next. When you find someone you want to keep forever." He scowled. "I thought you'd want that."
"I..." Spencer trailed off, then Dave felt his fingers curl against his shirt before they started to stroke. Spencer shifted closer. "It's not the gesture that I don't like. I just don't want to be part of the 'I married David Rossi club', Dave," he whispered.
Dave's scowl didn't fade. "You're still sore because Kay called you 'wife number four'," he accused, remembering suddenly. "If that's what this is about..."
"It's not," Spencer said quickly, then relented just as fast. "Maybe a little."
Dave snorted. "Look, it's not like I'm really asking you to marry me. It's just, you know, a symbol." He tightened his arms around Spencer. "Plus it tells everyone else to back the hell off, because you're taken."
Spencer huffed an unhappy sounding laugh. "Dave, no one is even looking my direction."
"Bullshit," Dave muttered. "You think I don't know that bartender girl still calls you?"
Spencer pulled back to look at Dave, blinking at him for a moment. "Austin is a sweet girl that I did a magic trick for. But it's not like that."
"She likes you," Dave said. "And there are plenty of people looking your direction. You just don't notice. I do."
"I know you do." Spencer ran his fingers through his hair. "Why are you worried if you know I only notice you looking?"
"I'm not worried," Dave said, though it wasn't entirely true. He trusted Spencer, but he still wondered if someday Spencer would realize he'd changed over the years and Dave hadn't. "I just like people to know you're taken." He pulled Spencer in for a kiss, then sighed. "It's not important. If you don't want the ring, I'll take it back." God, that would be embarrassing.
"It is important. If it wasn't important, we wouldn't have fought over it," Spencer pointed out, then frowned. "If you want me to wear it, I'll wear it."
Dave frowned back at him. "It wasn't that you said no, it was how you said it," he retorted, a hint of defensiveness creeping into his voice again despite trying to resist. "'Everyone I give a ring to becomes an ex'?"
"'Just because my father left'?" Spencer shot back, but his voice was calm. After a moment, he sighed and collapsed back against Dave's chest. He let out a long breath, and seemed to force his shoulders to relax, then whispered, "Fine. I'm scared. I thought you were going to leave me just now, just when you went out the door... I thought..."
"Spencer," Dave murmured, then wrapped him more securely in his arms and sighed. "I apologize for not realizing how you would feel about that. I wasn't leaving you. I was leaving the argument. I didn't want to say things that would hurt you, and I knew I was going to." He frowned. Rita had always said he was shit at talking about talking emotions, and that was mostly true, but this was Spencer. "I love you. That isn't going to change. I get pissed off too easily to leave you just because I'm angry at you. And being angry at you doesn't mean I don't love you. Come on, you get angry at me and that doesn't change that you love me, right?"
Spencer sniffed, and Dave automatically reached up to stroke his hair again.
"No, but you don't have to worry; I don't have a track record of failed relationships," Spencer said, his voice wavering a little.
Dave growled in annoyance. "You know damn well two of those three left me," he said, "and there's no need to bring it up every damn time we argue." He sighed. "Look, my relationship with Kay failed because I was never around. She got lonely. That's not exactly a problem you and I are going to have."
"I know that, but outside of marriages, you've said yourself you've burned a lot of bridges. You... you left the BAU; even Hotch said he hadn't seen you in a couple of years before you came back. And I... just keep thinking one day..." He drew a shaky breath and tightened his hold on Dave.
"One day what?" Dave asked, gentling his voice. "Spencer, one day you might wake up and realize you're not the man you were at twenty-eight, but I'm still the same guy. I'm not going to change. You're young, you've got a lot of years ahead of you, and some day, what if you don't want me? Huh?" He kissed Spencer's cheek. "Any relationship has to be built on love and faith. If you don't have faith in me..."
"I'm sorry," Spencer said. "It's not just you. Maybe it is my dad. Maybe... Gideon." He shook his head and buried his face in Dave's neck. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, too," Dave murmured. "Listen, every relationship is a work in progress, too. We're still learning about each other." He smiled crookedly. "So you don't want a ring. I've learned something." He couldn't help that he still wished Spencer would wear one, but he wasn't going to guilt him into it. "And if I walk away in the middle of an argument, I'm trying not to say something nasty. You've learned something."
"That's a bad and ineffective method," Spencer muttered, but kissed Dave's neck anyway.
Dave chuckled and stroked Spencer's hair. "Well, we'll work on different methods of learning things." He hoped they could salvage something from the night.
"Let's do that," Spencer said softly. "I can't believe... never mind. Can we drop this?"
"You can't believe what?" Dave asked, curious. Maybe he ought to let it drop, but he really didn't want to have this come up again and again.
"What you said. Just before I walked away," Spencer said quietly, then sighed. "But I actually can believe it, so... nevermind."
Dave sighed, too. "I'm a bastard, I know that," he said. "And it wasn't fair, because that was...I was glad you felt like the night had been perfect." He shook his head and leaned in to kiss Spencer softly.
Spencer kissed him back, and then sighed. "Well, we still have chocolate body paint," Spencer said, but Dave had a feeling if Spencer meant that, he'd already be taking the initiative to get the box open and get them to bed.
"Maybe another night," he said. God, this hadn't gone anything like he'd expected. "I was right, you know. You do look damn good in jeans."
Spencer hummed and relaxed against Dave. "Take me to bed and hold me," he murmured.
Dave chuckled. "Gladly." He kissed Spencer's temple, then stood, pulling Spencer up with him. He guided Spencer over to the bed, undressing him efficiently. He turned down the covers and let Spencer climb in while he undressed himself. The ring box went on the nightstand with his watch. Then he spent some time fussing with the lights and the pillows before climbing in bed.
Spencer reached over and made quick work of getting Dave's arms around him, pressing himself up against Dave once he was settled inside them. "I'm so sorry, David."
"Shh, don't apologize any more," Dave said. He brushed his nose against Spencer's cheek and kissed him. "You're forgiven. Nothing else needs to be said." He wondered if he needed to apologize again, but he really hated apologizing. He'd already said it once. Instead he just hooked an ankle around Spencer's, pulling him closer.
Between the night's activities and the argument, he was drained, and apparently Spencer was too. Spencer's breath evened out quickly as he drifted off to sleep, and Dave let himself follow shortly after.
PART TWO
Authors:
innerslytherin and severity_softlyPairing: Reid/Rossi
Rating: NC-17/FRAO
WC: ~14,200
Summary: Dave and Spencer have been together long enough to know they want forever, and Dave knows what the logical next step would be if Spencer were a woman. Dave decides to take that step over Valentine's Day weekend.
Notes: Self-betaed as usual.
This is part of the "Conscious of Our Treasures" universe, all of which can be found at this tag. This is part THREE. :)
This is without a doubt the stupidest idea you've ever had, Dave Rossi told himself as he stared down at the shiny objects in the glass case.
"Maybe if you told me something about her?" prompted the salesgirl helpfully. "Is there a reason you're not looking at diamonds? Diamonds are the traditional--"
"He's thirty, and I've been divorced three times," Dave said, glaring at her. "So I know a little something about how to do this. Not to mention he's not the type that wants to flash a diamond around. Just...something simple, but interesting. Can you do that or should I go to Hollister's?"
Her eyes had widened from the moment Dave said "he", and they'd only continued to grow wider as he kept talking, but when he finished, she smiled brightly. "Well. That explains why Mr. Clering said you're one of our best customers. Let's see, something discreet for a young man, no diamonds...no stones at all?"
Dave snorted but nodded. It was true, he'd bought all three engagement sets at Clering's over the years, and he'd done anniversary gifts for Kay and Rita here, as well. Debbie hadn't lasted long enough for anniversary gifts. He still wasn't sure this was a good idea, but Spencer seemed to genuinely like being romanced, and the next step in a relationship with a woman would be an engagement ring. Dave wasn't about to flaunt their relationship, but he liked the idea of acknowledging it somehow.
Of course, everyone in the team knew about it, and no one outside the team would notice either of them wearing rings. There was no reason to feel twitchy about it, but he sort of did. Maybe because they were both men. Then again, he could just imagine the smile he would get from Spencer when his lover opened the little box. Dave liked doing things that earned him that huge smile that made Spencer look his age.
"Here, what about these?" the girl said, coming back to the counter with a small tray of platinum and titanium rings. Dave's lips pulled to the side as he fought a cynical grin. Their best customer, so she'll show off the expensive ones, he thought. But they were nice. He liked the black ones the best, and it only took him a few minutes to pick out a black titanium band with a strip of platinum in the middle. When he gave her the size, she looked surprised.
"Hey, three marriages," he said, managing a crooked smile for her now that he'd found something. "I know how to do this. Anyway, he's a heavy sleeper."
She smiled back and went to see if they had the size he needed. When she returned, she was carrying a small white box triumphantly. She let him inspect it, then wrapped it up for him. He didn't look at the price tag before he handed over his credit card. The price wasn't what mattered, anyway.
"Thanks for your help, Sheila," he said, and laughed when she looked surprised. "Have a good one."
He tucked the box into his breast pocket and headed home. He'd already bought a couple other things for Spencer, but this was the one he'd been most anxious over.
***
Dave couldn't really remember the last time he'd done anything special for Valentine's Day. He'd spent the last one with Spencer, but their relationship was still new enough then that they'd not done anything more than have a nice dinner with a bottle of wine, and then made love all night. Dave had been convinced (as he often was when Spencer was in a particularly amorous mood), that Spencer had been trying to kill him with sex. Not that that would have been a bad way to die.
This year, the team wasn't on call like they had been the year before, so Dave had booked a night at a bed and breakfast in the wine country without telling Spencer. All he'd told Spencer was that he needed to bring an over night bag when he came over that morning. In the end, he supposed it was still going to be dinner, and wine, and love making, but the change of atmosphere seemed appropriate for giving one's lover a ring.
"Still not telling me where we're going?" Spencer said as soon as Dave opened the door.
"Happy to see you too," Dave said, but he smiled and gave Spencer the kiss he'd leaned in for.
"Mmm, I'm happy to see you," Spencer said, twining his arms around Dave and kissing him again. "If you're planning to go skiing, I should warn you you'll be disappointed."
Dave gave him a bewildered look. "Can you even imagine me on skis?" he asked, and shook his head. "Come on, we need to get going."
"Going where?"
"That's for me to know and you to find out," Dave said, smirking.
"And here I thought I was dating an older man," Spencer teased, and made a face.
Dave just snorted, but was happy that Spencer didn't bother to make himself comfortable. He just headed back out the door. Dave swatted him on the ass before he got too far, then picked up his own things from where he'd put them at the door to follow.
The drive up was relaxed, full of intermittent conversation. Dave wasn't in any big hurry to get to the bed and breakfast so much as he'd just wanted to get started on their getaway. So he took his time on winding roads and tried to keep Spencer from guessing where they were headed as long as possible. Predictably, when they got there, Spencer pointed out that a more efficient route would have got them there an hour earlier, but he was grinning as he said it.
They got checked in and went up to their room to get settled in. Garcia had helped Dave load an iPod with music he and Spencer both liked, and showed him how to work it, so Dave put music on when they got to their room. Spencer teased him about shedding his Luddite ways, which made Dave grump at him and go off to inspect the bathroom.
"I brought something special just for you, you know, so you'd better not hide in there all night," Spencer called after a few moments, and Dave stepped back in to see Spencer toeing off his shoes and starting to unpack his bag.
"It's Valentine's; I brought special things for you too."
Spencer looked up and grinned at him. "This is different. I had to do a lot of digging."
Dave couldn't help the smile that formed on his face when Spencer produced a pair of jeans from his bag. It seemed like every time they went away, he was always pestering Spencer about dressing down (and wishing Spencer would do more to show off that perfect ass when they were away from work).
"I didn't know if we were going anywhere they'd be appropriate, but--"
"Oh, I'll make sure we do," Dave said, and crossed the room to kiss Spencer hungrily. "Mmm, put those on now." He stroked a hand down to cup Spencer's ass, then pulled away. There was a nice winery with an attached restaurant where the dress was casual. Dave had planned to go there anyway, now they would just dress down a little. Dinner, then a full tasting, then bring a couple of bottles back to the room. Or maybe the tasting first, depending on how soon Spencer felt like leaving the room.
Spencer laughed softly and looked down at himself, then back up at Dave from under his lashes. "I thought I looked nice," he said.
"You do," Dave replied. Well, Spencer always looked good, even if his clothing choices were sometimes... questionable. Spencer did look like he'd actually looked at himself in the mirror today, though. "Put the jeans on anyway."
Spencer's lips curled. "That would require taking these off," he said, his tone suggestive as he started to pull open the pants he was wearing.
"That's genius for you," Dave said flatly, but he stared openly, his gaze appreciative, as Spencer peeled away--slowly, the bastard--the layer of clothing that had been covering those long, beautiful legs.
After a moment, Dave settled on the bed and leaned back, knowing Spencer was finally used to the way Dave liked to ogle him. God, he was gorgeous. Dave didn't want to get sidetracked yet, though, even if he knew Spencer was probably going to try to seduce him before they went to dinner. Technically they had time, but Dave had a plan, and he didn't want to deviate from it.
When Spencer stood before him half dressed, he shifted on his feet a bit. The last vestiges of Spencer's awkwardness with this were still sort of cute. Regardless, Spencer didn't drop Dave's gaze anymore. He slipped his fingers through the openings between the buttons of his shirt. "This too?"
"You could lose the tie," Dave said, and was unsurprised when Spencer lost the tie and the shirt, and crawled into Dave's lap wearing nothing but socks and underwear.
Dave sighed and looped his arms around him. "You are incorrigible," he said, and kissed Spencer softly. "You know," he began, and was interrupted with another kiss, "we do have dinner plans." Spencer didn't seem to care, since he pressed closer into Dave's lap and kissed him again.
"We can push them back... twenty minutes?" Spencer breathed, and in spite of his protests, Dave couldn't keep his hands from traveling up Spencer's legs and back. "You're entirely too dressed," Spencer added.
"You're the minx who stripped without provocation," Dave said, and Spencer laughed, reaching back for a moment to pull his socks off. Then he seemed intent to finish what he'd started and stood to drop his underwear too.
Spencer was standing in from of him, completely bare and already hard, and suddenly Dave did feel entirely too clothed in his jeans, a button up shirt, and sports coat. He couldn't be bothered to fix it though, as he stared at Spencer, who was looking down at him, desire in his eyes.
"Cousin Felicia was right," he muttered, sliding off the bed to his knees. "You have me completely wrapped around your little finger." He ran his hands up Spencer's legs again, gazing hungrily at him. "Twenty minutes."
Spencer reached down, smiling at Dave, and sifted his fingers through his hair. "You're so easy," he teased.
"You're a manipulative little bastard," Dave retorted, and leaned in, nuzzling at Spencer's arousal. "Beautiful, but manipulative." He licked teasingly at the head, then took Spencer deep without any more warning.
Spencer yelped quietly, and his fingers closed tighter in Dave's hair. "God!" he gasped. "Mmm, you wouldn't let me do it if... you didn't like it." His eyelids were already drooping as he watched Dave.
Dave just made a skeptical noise around Spencer's cock and pulled back, swirling his tongue around Spencer's cock before taking him deep again. It was entirely Spencer's fault somehow, he just hadn't quite figured out how yet. Maybe because of the transformation he'd made from body-shy to completely wanton, stripping out of his clothes with little provocation at all.
Dave worked his lips and tongue over Spencer until Spencer was whimpering, and when Spencer finally swayed a little, Dave nudged him back until Spencer all but fell against the table. "Dave, I want--" Spencer started, but couldn't seem to finish. His knuckles were white as he gripped the edge, Dave's tongue flicking at Spencer's slit, and then Spencer was bucking into Dave's mouth.
Pleased, Dave didn't relent until Spencer was completely spent. Then he pulled back, licking him clean and gazing up smugly at him. "Now put the damn jeans on," he said, and slapped lightly at Spencer's ass. He grinned at Spencer's whimper of complaint, but just shifted himself back to sit on the bed again, adjusting his own half-hard cock a little in his jeans. He'd get over it easier than Spencer would have.
Spencer slumped against the desk, watching Dave for a moment, and then letting his eyes fall shut. "God," he panted. "I-- can't-- You're the bastard. I wanted... you to fuck me." He looked pretty satisfied, however, so Dave wasn't concerned that Spencer hadn't gotten exactly what he'd planned on getting.
Dave snorted and crossed an ankle over his knee. "Can't always get what you want," he retorted. "Hurry up, we might actually be on time for our reservations."
"I can't breathe to dress," Spencer complained, but pushed up a little and fumbled for his shirt. He started to pull on his clothes, looking more than a little graceless at first, as he very obviously hadn't come down from the high of orgasm yet. Dave had to fight a laugh at how adorable it was, but he couldn't fight the smirk. Not that Spencer even noticed.
Dave had been right; Spencer looked delicious in jeans. Maybe it was a good thing he didn't dress like this at work. Dave might have more trouble keeping his mind on the job. Dave watched until Spencer tugged his jacket on, then he went to wash his hands. Five minutes later they were walking out the door for dinner.
Spencer was more relaxed than usual during dinner, which was wonderful. Dave knew it was probably the location and the pre-meal orgasm that did it, but he intended to blame it on the jeans, just to have one more excuse to give Spencer why he should wear them.
Spencer got even more relaxed at the wine tasting, for obvious reasons, and God, he was beautiful. He needed to relax more often. He deserved it.
Of course, Dave was having a hard time enjoying it. He kept finding himself thinking ridiculous things like 'he's having a great time; of course, he won't say no,' as if he were actually proposing to Spencer. Dave wasn't nearly as nauseous as he'd been when he'd proposed to Kay, but he was far more on edge than he had been with Rita. Don't be a fucking idiot, he told himself firmly, and dragged Spencer off to the last of the evening's activities.
Spencer wasn't quite so relaxed when Dave told him they were going dancing.
"I can't do this," Spencer hissed under his breath.
Dave sighed. The idea of dancing, in and of itself, had always seemed unappealing to Dave, but it was romantic, and Dave always inevitably found that he enjoyed it once he was actually doing it. "Spencer, if I can do this, you can."
"Dave, I--"
But Dave was already pulling him out onto the dance floor and moving them in a slow, easy pattern.
"I can't believe you're doing this," Spencer said, his cheeks bright red, and then he stepped on Dave's toes.
"Shut up, and enjoy it," Dave grumbled.
Spencer sighed and was silent for a while, but after the third time he stepped on Dave's toes, he tried to pull away. "This is stupid," he protested, and Dave glared at him.
"You're a mathematical genius and you can't count off four beats per measure?" he muttered. "Relax and just follow my lead."
Spencer sighed again, rather dramatically in Dave's opinion, but he leaned against Dave a little more and eventually seemed to actually relax, letting Dave move them both. Dave found himself smiling as Spencer rested his cheek against Dave's.
Dave drew in a deep breath. Spencer was wonderful like this, in Dave's arms, trusting Dave. When Spencer's arm went tighter around Dave's shoulders, Dave's went tighter around Spencer's waist. "I love you, Spencer Reid."
Spencer made a pleased noise and settled closer. Dave could feel Spencer's smile against his cheek.
"You took me dancing," Spencer murmured in return, but he sounded sort of overwhelmed by the idea now.
"I'm never sure you actually hear me when I tell you how special you are," Dave said back, his voice soft. "So I try to show you as often as possible." He pulled back for a brief kiss, though he didn't want to make a spectacle of them. "You're a good dancer once you relax."
Spencer laughed a breathy sort of laugh. "Honestly, it's just a good thing I'm not dating Morgan. This would be a completely different sort of club if I were."
Dave snorted in amusement. "Careful, you'll make me jealous with suggestions like that," he teased, and pulled Spencer closer.
The tips of Spencer's fingers went into Dave's hair near the nape of his neck. "I love you too."
He relaxed against him again, and Dave was grinning now after having gotten those words, which were rare outside of sex, from Spencer. They danced for a while longer, then they both seemed to just know they were ready to go. Dave got two bottles of chilled wine to take back to the B&B with them and they headed back.
Spencer was grinning easily by the time they got back and Dave let them back into the room. He lit candles while Dave poured the wine, and they settled on the couch after slipping off their shoes and coats.
"I don't know what I'd do with myself job-wise if it happened, but sometimes I wish the real world really was like this," Spencer murmured, kissing Dave's cheek.
Dave eyed him. It wasn't that he'd never considered it. He'd as good as said that if Strauss ever found out about their relationship, Dave would either work it out or resign so Spencer could keep his job. But he'd never considered leaving the BAU so Spencer could be 'out'. For the most part, Dave was content with the way things were. "Would you be happier?" he asked quietly.
Spencer's expression went a little odd, then he huffed a laugh. "Wouldn't you?"
"Um...I'm mostly okay with how things are," Dave said, though he wondered if that was the wrong answer. Still, they went to dinner, their families knew about each other, their 'BAU family' knew... He wasn't sure what Spencer wanted to change, really.
Spencer's expression went outright confused then. "I--" His mouth hung open for a second and then he managed, "What? I-- What are you talking about?"
Dave blinked. "Being, ah, more open about our relationship?" he hazarded.
Spencer blinked back at him for a moment, and then a slow smile slid across his face. He scooted closer on the couch and kissed Dave. "That would be nice too," he whispered against Dave's lips. "But that wasn't what I meant." His lips brushed Dave's cheek, and when he spoke again, his voice was oddly more vulnerable. "I meant that I wished that everything... felt this good all the time. That everything was, ah, really this perfect."
Dave wrapped his arms around Spencer, melting. "I always adore you as much as I do tonight," he murmured. "I'd make the world perfect for you if I could." He smiled crookedly at Spencer.
"I know." Spencer kissed him. "I'd actually suggest we stay in this alternate universe forever, but it's not really fair to Hotch, is it?"
"Mmm, what would he do without two of his team members?" Dave joked. He kissed Spencer again, his heart starting to pound a little. God, this was his moment. Or at least, it would be the moment, if he were actually proposing. So that made it the right moment for the gift, didn't it? He drew in a long breath. You're a fucking idiot, he told himself, and said, "Spence...I...maybe we should...I got you a couple presents."
Brilliant. That was just absolutely fucking brilliant.
Spencer smiled a silly affectionate sort of smile. "You've already done way too much, but I know arguing that point with you is futile."
Dave shrugged. "It's Valentine's Day. Anyway, this is...well, call it my attempt to make the world a little more perfect, at least." He managed a crooked smile and told himself not to feel so ridiculously ill. This was stupid. He knew Spencer loved him. They were already planning for the rest of their lives together. And it wasn't like he was letting himself in for a huge wedding and all the ridiculous frippery that went along with it. It was just a fucking ring.
Spencer watched him for a long moment, his smile not fading, and then he leaned in to steal another kiss, this one lingering, exploring, sharing the taste of wine between their tongues. Spencer drew back when he was a little breathless and nibbled at Dave's lip. "Okay," he whispered, then added, "For the record, I think you're too good to me."
Dave snorted and kissed him firmly, then extracted himself from Spencer's embrace so he could get up. The gifts were in his bag, and he pulled them out slowly, tucking the ring box under his arm. He hoped Spencer liked the other two. Though he thought they were surefire wins: one that spoke to the intellectual side of him, and one that spoke to the more carnal side. He carried them back over to the couch and sat down.
Spencer looked at both the boxes, then back at Dave. "Two?" he asked, as if two were too many, but then he seemed to decide to drop the subject. "Which one first?"
Dave shrugged and Spencer eyed them both for a moment before opening the smaller gift. Dave snorted. "Big box is not always the big gift, you know," he said.
"Shh," Spencer said, pulling open the paper.
"Careful."
Spencer glanced up, and then started working more carefully around the seams of paper covering the envelope inside. When he got it open, he studied the tickets inside. They were to a lecture series on Renaissance art & literature that Dave had heard about and thought Spencer might enjoy as much as Dave would.
Spencer grinned. "There are two here," he said. "Does that mean you're going with me?"
Dave raised his eyebrows. "I sure as hell don't want you taking someone else," he pointed out. "I thought we might both find this interesting. And it'll give you something to put in your letters to your mom."
Spencer just grinned at him for another moment, and then, in the best mock-serious tone he seemed to be able to manage, said, "She's still not going to like you, David." He was smiling, though.
"She's barely met me, why do you keep saying she won't like me?" Dave protested. Of course, it was an old conversation, and he knew it had to do with one thing--he was the same age as Diana Reid, give or take. He shook his head. "Just shut up and open the second gift."
Spencer leaned forward and gave Dave a brief kiss. "Thank you," he said, then sat back to open the larger box. The wrapping was pulled back to reveal a dark colored box with intricate designs running down the front. Spencer's eyebrows rose and his eyes widened as he read what it contained. "Chocolate body paint, mint chocolate massage oil, body... dust." The look of surprise was quickly replaced with a wicked one. "Oh, we're opening this tonight." He leaned in for another kiss, this one much more heated.
Dave could almost hear him getting hard already. When the kiss ended, Dave grinned at him. "You might want to wait just a little longer," he said, feeling better about things even if his stomach was still twinging. "You have one more gift to open."
"Three? Dave, this is--"
"This is the best I can do towards giving you everything you deserve," Dave interrupted firmly, and covered Spencer's hand with a palm. "Just...thank you."
He took a deep breath and pulled out the third box. God, just let him react right, Dave thought, without knowing what the 'right' reaction would even be. He held it out.
Spencer watched Dave for a moment, and then took the small box. "Dave," he said, but then didn't say anything else as he pulled open the box and peered inside... and then didn't react at all. He was just staring at the ring silently, impossibly still for what felt like too long before he looked up at Dave again without taking the ring out of the box. "It's beautiful," he said, but his tone didn't seem quite the right one.
Dave swallowed, his stomach bottoming out. God, whatever the right reaction was, that hadn't been it. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then licked his lips. "But?" he prompted, because there was no sense avoiding that the 'but' was coming.
"I don't-- I don't..." Spencer pressed his lips together. He was almost stiff now. "I-- does this mean what I think you mean it to mean?"
Dave frowned. "What the hell does a ring usually mean?" he demanded, trying to hide a sudden rush of embarrassment with his defensive response. "Is there some secret meaning I've missed?"
Spencer's mouth opened, but then he just stared for a moment. He shifted in his seat, his expression growing a little torn. "I-- I'm... Thank you. I really don't know what to say."
"Thank you is usually a good place to start," Dave muttered, not bothering to quell his sarcasm. "What's wrong with it? Don't like the color?"
"I-- Dave, please don't act like this," Spencer said. He looked a little like it was hurting him to say what he was saying, but at the moment, Dave couldn't care less, because Spencer also looked about two exchanges from getting upset, and Dave felt a little like an argument right now. Five minutes ago everything had been perfect, he couldn't help thinking bitterly.
"Act like what? Like I can't for the life of me understand why you're not acting the slightest bit pleased that I wanted to show you how much I love you? Or like I can't for the life of me understand why you were more excited about the damn Kama Sutra kit than you are a fucking ring?" Despite his anger, Dave kept his voice down, mostly.
"You have no right to get angry with me, David. I'm entitled to my own reactions, especially considering you never once mentioned this to me!" Spencer retorted quickly, and Spencer's voice was getting a little higher.
"What, I was supposed to get permission first?" Dave demanded. "We've been together over a year, we've agreed we want this to be permanent. I know we're not exactly a traditional couple, but this is the logical next step in a relationship, Spencer! Considering I have more experience than you in that regard, you might take my word for it."
Before Dave even finished the last sentence, Spencer snapped the ring box shut loudly and shoved it against Dave's chest. "No. I don't want it. Take it back," he said, his voice angry, though there was something in his expression Dave couldn't read, and Spencer wasn't looking at him any more.
God, Dave couldn't catch his breath. He stared at Spencer, barely catching the box before it tumbled to the floor. "Look," he said, trying to gentle his voice, "just because your father left doesn't mean everyone is going to." He knew he was simplifying it, not to mention ignoring Gideon's abandonment and Diana Reid's issues, but it was the best he could do right now. His stomach was churning too much to think. "We've already made a commitment to each other, you've seen that I'm not going anywhere." He stopped to take a deep breath, because his voice was starting to rise, but when Spencer spoke again, his voice was near-livid.
"This isn't about my parents!" he growled. "This is about you. You and your experience! I don't need a ring. I don't... need a fucking ring from you!" Spencer's eyes were narrowed, and he was so still that it looked forced, like he was barely holding in an explosion. "Everyone you give a ring to becomes an ex!" he snapped, and then sucked in a sudden breath that shook in the middle, and held it as if he'd realized too late that those words weren't supposed to come out.
Dave dropped the ring. The box clattered to the floor, the only noise in the ringing silence. He didn't look down, just kept staring at Spencer as his heart thudded in his chest. Slowly the thought trickled through that now he finally knew Spencer was no different than the others, watching to see if he was going to leave again. Dave closed his mouth finally and swallowed. "Fuck you," he whispered, and stood, turning to leave the room.
"Dave, please," Spencer said after a moment, his tone suddenly a little desperate. Dave heard him put the Kama Sutra box on the floor and get up to follow him. "Please don't just walk away."
"Don't walk away?" Dave repeated, his breath coming faster. If he didn't walk away, he was bound to say things they would both regret. He darted a glare over his shoulder at Spencer. "I'm just doing what I can to make things a little more perfect." Oops, too late. He stalked to the door and jerked it open.
Spencer didn't say anything. Dave heard him moving though, and before Dave went to shut the door with a glance back, the room's bathroom door slammed shut.
Dave paused with the door open, standing halfway into the hall. God damn it, Spencer always did this. At some point in the argument he stopped fighting back and retreated, reminding Dave that Spencer had never been good at fighting back, and making Dave feel like a fucking football team bully. Dave stood there, staring at the mauve walls, the cherry-stained chair rail, the tasteful pastoral oil painting over a matching cherry occasional table. What good was a romantic bed and breakfast and a Kama Sutra gift box if you were pissed off at your lover on Valentine's Day?
With a sigh, Dave turned back and went back into the room, shutting the door quietly. He was still angry, but not as angry as he was guilty and embarrassed as hell. And hurt. He couldn't ignore that, as much as he wanted to. Spencer had hit him below the belt first, and Dave's reaction was always just to lash out after that. Spencer knew damn well that two of his three wives had left him, and the third, he thought he had a damn good reason for divorcing.
Action speaks louder than intent, Dave thought sourly, and got down on his hands and knees to look for the ring box. He found it under the couch and pulled it out, then had to open it to ensure the ring hadn't fallen out. He hadn't cared about the price tag before Spencer had refused it, but now...well, it was too expensive to just lose it in a bed and breakfast.
After he stuffed it in his breast pocket, he slumped on the couch, not knowing what the hell he was supposed to do now. He picked up his wine glass and gulped most of it, staring blankly at the wall and trying to ride out the emotions battling in his chest.
It felt like too long, but eventually the bathroom door clicked back open. "David?" Spencer asked, and his voice was broken.
Dave didn't answer, he just looked in the direction of Spencer's voice, and Spencer was obviously waiting for confirmation that Dave had left because after another pause, Dave heard Spencer sniff loudly and start padding back into the room. He was reaching for the bottle of wine on the nightstand, eyes red-rimmed and glassy, before he realized that Dave was even there, and then he did a funny, jerky sort of step, as if he barely stopped himself from running back into the bathroom. He seemed to force himself to stand there, though, and lifted his hand to press his knuckles to his lips.
God. This was Dave's fault. Spencer was beautiful even like this, but it was painful to see because Dave knew he was the one who had hurt Spencer. He wasn't entirely sure how giving him a ring had caused it, but Dave was the one who was an expert at fucking up relationships, so it wasn't a stretch to realize it was his fault.
"I love you," he said, surprised at the hoarseness of his own voice. But he'd been sitting here trying not to choke on his feelings, so maybe that explained it.
Spencer let out a little sob, and then looked away when his eyes went shiny again. "I'm sorry," he squeaked, but didn't move.
Dave sighed. "Will you come sit down?" he asked. This was nothing like how their fights usually went. Then again, usually they weren't fighting about something like Dave proposing and Spencer saying no. Because no matter how Dave tried to brush it off, that's exactly what he'd been doing.
"You got up first," Spencer said, and stood there frozen for another moment. Finally he wiped stubbornly at his eyes in spite of them being dry, and crossed the room, bringing the second bottle of wine with him.
Dave rubbed a hand down his chin. "I wanted to walk away before I said something really shitty," he admitted. "Didn't manage it." He held his arms open, hoping Spencer wouldn't reject the offer, because he wasn't sure he could handle two rejections in one night. Not after the magnitude of the first one.
"No, you didn't," Spencer said, but his tone was absent enough not to make Dave angrier, even if he suspected he should have been angrier at that. Spencer stared down at Dave's outstretched arms without sitting, frowning. "You're angry at me," he pointed out.
"I love you," Dave said again. "And I'm...a lot of things right now, but that doesn't mean I don't want you in my arms." He was angry mostly because Spencer had hurt his feelings, and because Dave really hated embarrassing himself, but he wasn't going to say that. Spencer would figure that out soon enough, anyway.
Spencer nodded, but it still took him a long time to move. He finally put the wine bottle on the floor and sat, snuggling up to Dave's chest and wrapping his arms around Dave. He drew another shaky breath and pressed his face to Dave's chest. "You-- Dave--" There was a long pause, and when Spencer spoke again, his voice was still small, but a little less shaky. "You should have told me."
Dave held Spencer tightly for a long moment, then loosened one arm enough to stroke his fingers through Spencer's hair. "Told you that I was thinking about getting you a ring?" he asked, and was proud of the way he didn't sound angry now. He was still a little bewildered at the way things had happened, and felt like he'd been hit in the face, but they were talking again, and that was what mattered.
Spencer nodded against Dave's chest, then hummed his agreement. "This... we could have discussed it a lot less... well, more rationally-- God, I'm sorry, Dave. Don't... you can't leave."
Dave sighed. "I wasn't leaving," he protested, feeling stupid and telling himself not to get annoyed. He knew Spencer had abandonment issues, and he should have realized that walking away from an argument of this magnitude wasn't the way to react. Of course he fucking triggered a bad reaction there. "I shouldn't have walked away like that," he admitted, "but I wasn't leaving." He kept stroking Spencer's hair, the gesture as much to comfort him as to reassure Spencer.
Spencer made a little noise and nodded again, his arms circling around Dave a little tighter. "God," he muttered. He was quiet for a bit, but Dave just kept stroking his hair, and then Spencer said, "Why would you think I wanted a ring?"
"Because..." Dave searched for words for a moment, then grunted in annoyance. "You enjoy all the...the special things. Romance and flowers and...a ring is just, it's what you do next. When you find someone you want to keep forever." He scowled. "I thought you'd want that."
"I..." Spencer trailed off, then Dave felt his fingers curl against his shirt before they started to stroke. Spencer shifted closer. "It's not the gesture that I don't like. I just don't want to be part of the 'I married David Rossi club', Dave," he whispered.
Dave's scowl didn't fade. "You're still sore because Kay called you 'wife number four'," he accused, remembering suddenly. "If that's what this is about..."
"It's not," Spencer said quickly, then relented just as fast. "Maybe a little."
Dave snorted. "Look, it's not like I'm really asking you to marry me. It's just, you know, a symbol." He tightened his arms around Spencer. "Plus it tells everyone else to back the hell off, because you're taken."
Spencer huffed an unhappy sounding laugh. "Dave, no one is even looking my direction."
"Bullshit," Dave muttered. "You think I don't know that bartender girl still calls you?"
Spencer pulled back to look at Dave, blinking at him for a moment. "Austin is a sweet girl that I did a magic trick for. But it's not like that."
"She likes you," Dave said. "And there are plenty of people looking your direction. You just don't notice. I do."
"I know you do." Spencer ran his fingers through his hair. "Why are you worried if you know I only notice you looking?"
"I'm not worried," Dave said, though it wasn't entirely true. He trusted Spencer, but he still wondered if someday Spencer would realize he'd changed over the years and Dave hadn't. "I just like people to know you're taken." He pulled Spencer in for a kiss, then sighed. "It's not important. If you don't want the ring, I'll take it back." God, that would be embarrassing.
"It is important. If it wasn't important, we wouldn't have fought over it," Spencer pointed out, then frowned. "If you want me to wear it, I'll wear it."
Dave frowned back at him. "It wasn't that you said no, it was how you said it," he retorted, a hint of defensiveness creeping into his voice again despite trying to resist. "'Everyone I give a ring to becomes an ex'?"
"'Just because my father left'?" Spencer shot back, but his voice was calm. After a moment, he sighed and collapsed back against Dave's chest. He let out a long breath, and seemed to force his shoulders to relax, then whispered, "Fine. I'm scared. I thought you were going to leave me just now, just when you went out the door... I thought..."
"Spencer," Dave murmured, then wrapped him more securely in his arms and sighed. "I apologize for not realizing how you would feel about that. I wasn't leaving you. I was leaving the argument. I didn't want to say things that would hurt you, and I knew I was going to." He frowned. Rita had always said he was shit at talking about talking emotions, and that was mostly true, but this was Spencer. "I love you. That isn't going to change. I get pissed off too easily to leave you just because I'm angry at you. And being angry at you doesn't mean I don't love you. Come on, you get angry at me and that doesn't change that you love me, right?"
Spencer sniffed, and Dave automatically reached up to stroke his hair again.
"No, but you don't have to worry; I don't have a track record of failed relationships," Spencer said, his voice wavering a little.
Dave growled in annoyance. "You know damn well two of those three left me," he said, "and there's no need to bring it up every damn time we argue." He sighed. "Look, my relationship with Kay failed because I was never around. She got lonely. That's not exactly a problem you and I are going to have."
"I know that, but outside of marriages, you've said yourself you've burned a lot of bridges. You... you left the BAU; even Hotch said he hadn't seen you in a couple of years before you came back. And I... just keep thinking one day..." He drew a shaky breath and tightened his hold on Dave.
"One day what?" Dave asked, gentling his voice. "Spencer, one day you might wake up and realize you're not the man you were at twenty-eight, but I'm still the same guy. I'm not going to change. You're young, you've got a lot of years ahead of you, and some day, what if you don't want me? Huh?" He kissed Spencer's cheek. "Any relationship has to be built on love and faith. If you don't have faith in me..."
"I'm sorry," Spencer said. "It's not just you. Maybe it is my dad. Maybe... Gideon." He shook his head and buried his face in Dave's neck. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, too," Dave murmured. "Listen, every relationship is a work in progress, too. We're still learning about each other." He smiled crookedly. "So you don't want a ring. I've learned something." He couldn't help that he still wished Spencer would wear one, but he wasn't going to guilt him into it. "And if I walk away in the middle of an argument, I'm trying not to say something nasty. You've learned something."
"That's a bad and ineffective method," Spencer muttered, but kissed Dave's neck anyway.
Dave chuckled and stroked Spencer's hair. "Well, we'll work on different methods of learning things." He hoped they could salvage something from the night.
"Let's do that," Spencer said softly. "I can't believe... never mind. Can we drop this?"
"You can't believe what?" Dave asked, curious. Maybe he ought to let it drop, but he really didn't want to have this come up again and again.
"What you said. Just before I walked away," Spencer said quietly, then sighed. "But I actually can believe it, so... nevermind."
Dave sighed, too. "I'm a bastard, I know that," he said. "And it wasn't fair, because that was...I was glad you felt like the night had been perfect." He shook his head and leaned in to kiss Spencer softly.
Spencer kissed him back, and then sighed. "Well, we still have chocolate body paint," Spencer said, but Dave had a feeling if Spencer meant that, he'd already be taking the initiative to get the box open and get them to bed.
"Maybe another night," he said. God, this hadn't gone anything like he'd expected. "I was right, you know. You do look damn good in jeans."
Spencer hummed and relaxed against Dave. "Take me to bed and hold me," he murmured.
Dave chuckled. "Gladly." He kissed Spencer's temple, then stood, pulling Spencer up with him. He guided Spencer over to the bed, undressing him efficiently. He turned down the covers and let Spencer climb in while he undressed himself. The ring box went on the nightstand with his watch. Then he spent some time fussing with the lights and the pillows before climbing in bed.
Spencer reached over and made quick work of getting Dave's arms around him, pressing himself up against Dave once he was settled inside them. "I'm so sorry, David."
"Shh, don't apologize any more," Dave said. He brushed his nose against Spencer's cheek and kissed him. "You're forgiven. Nothing else needs to be said." He wondered if he needed to apologize again, but he really hated apologizing. He'd already said it once. Instead he just hooked an ankle around Spencer's, pulling him closer.
Between the night's activities and the argument, he was drained, and apparently Spencer was too. Spencer's breath evened out quickly as he drifted off to sleep, and Dave let himself follow shortly after.
PART TWO
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Date: 2009-02-21 02:14 pm (UTC)