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geekystudmuffinTitle: Inappropriate (But Unavoidable) (2/2)
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
innerslytherin and severity_softly
Pairing: Hotch/JJ
Rating: PG
Word count: ~17,500
Summary: After breaking up with Will, JJ eventually can't hide her pregnancy from her boss. What she doesn't expect is for Hotch to step in as a surrogate father...and she certainly doesn't expect for her own feelings about Hotch to change as her pregnancy progresses.
Notes: Mild AU--JJ succeeded in breaking up with Will in "In Heat". We Feng Shui'ed canon where we needed to from there (part of Lo-fi, Will's role in fatherhood, etc.). ;) Thanks tonebula99 for fact-checking the whole pregnancy/motherhood thing, and for darkhawkhealer for additional info.
This is part of the "What Happens in Vegas" universe. The first fic in that universe, Why You Should Never Drink Too Much in Vegas, does NOT need to be read first, but will hopefully add to your enjoyment when read in company with this fic.
Part One
JJ couldn't help feeling almost like she was back in high school again as she slipped out of her hotel room and glanced around. It was ridiculous to feel like a teenager breaking curfew; she was a grown woman and ridiculously pregnant, which meant she was entitled to midnight snack runs to fulfill bizarre cravings. "I will never forgive you for this," she muttered to her belly, though she was rubbing 'Junior' fondly. She sighed and headed slowly for the elevators. At least it was 'never night in Vegas', so she was likely to have no trouble finding a banana split and dill pickle spears. Hopefully at the same place.
As she reached the bank of elevators, she was surprised to find a familiar form approaching from the other end of the hall. She frowned. "Hotch? Is everything okay?"
Hotch lifted his brows and nodded. "Prentiss is an interesting drunk," he said, tilting his head at her. He looked like he wanted to be amused, but wasn't sure it was appropriate.
"God, she didn't dance on the table or throw herself at Spence, did she?" JJ joked, punching the down button. "I need something to eat."
Hotch put his hands in his pockets and shifted a little closer, his body language seeming to say he was going to join her. He watched the elevator numbers for a moment. "Candy apples wrapped in bacon?"
It surprised a laugh out of her, and she smiled up at him. "Close enough."
He smiled back at her, his expression softening. "You don't mind company?"
"Of course not," JJ said. Not if it's you, she added mentally, before she could stop the thought. "You'd think I'd have had enough to eat when we all went out for dinner," she said awkwardly.
"Junior's a growing boy," Hotch replied, looking away from her.
"I swear to God, when she comes out, she's going to kick your ass," she muttered, darting a mischievous glance at him, grinning. Though truthfully, she was starting to feel like it was a boy, too. "Just give her about fifteen years."
He made a chiding noise, shaking his head. "Already filling his thoughts with such violence." He was grinning, actually grinning, back at her, though.
"I don't know how she'll ever be normal, after being nourished on banana splits and dill pickles," JJ muttered as the elevator arrived. She rubbed absently at her lower back, then slumped against the elevator wall.
"Are you feeling all right?" Hotch asked, his grin fading a little. Then he shook himself and held up his hands. "Sorry, I know, you have another three weeks."
She shook her head. "I feel fine," she said, and sighed, looking over at him. "I suppose it would have been unethical for me to have kept him around for back and foot massages, wouldn't it?" she asked. As unethical as Hotch would think offering them was, she reminded herself, but his expression was even, calm, and slightly amused.
"Yes, probably," he said, his hand on her back as he guided her out of the elevator. "The hotel restaurant first?" he asked. "They ought to have what you want."
She gave a rueful laugh. "Better that than trying to waddle my way any further," she agreed.
He snorted. "You aren't waddling."
She shot him a look. She was, and they both knew it, even if it was nice of him to lie.
"You're walking. Slowly." He smiled and slowed his pace to match hers more comfortably. His fingers were still pressing lightly against her back, she realized. She wanted to lean into his touch, to let him be strong. She shouldn't be thinking this sort of thing.
She nodded and looked down, sliding her hands down to lace her fingers together under her bulge. "Mmm," she managed, smiling mostly to herself. It was probably a lot less than she should have said, but this felt nice, and part of her didn't want to ruin it talking.
Hotch didn't say anything more, but he guided her through a surprising number of people in the lobby until they reached the restaurant, which was still open, though not crowded. The waitress wasn't busy, and she came right over for their orders, before JJ was even settled in. Hotch glanced at JJ, then turned to the waitress, his eyes glimmering with humor.
"A banana split, please, with dill pickle spears on the side. And decaf coffee to drink."
Without missing a beat, the waitress said, "And for your wife?"
JJ laughed immediately, and then glanced at Hotch, who looked even more amused, and didn't bother to correct their waitress. "I'm, ah, not..." she started, and then stopped. "He'll have a decaf tea, and... are you hungry?"
Hotch shook his head.
"Just the tea," JJ said, and the waitress nodded, smiling, and walked off.
"Did you just imply I was your wife?" he asked.
"If you're going to insist Junior is a boy..." she said, and shrugged, watching him. God, he was handsome, and the way he was looking at her was wonderful. "You should smile more," she blurted before she could stop herself.
Hotch's smile went a little odd and he glanced down at the table, his eyelashes dark against his cheek. Then he looked back up, and the smile strengthened again. "Thank you for...letting me be part of this, JJ," he said quietly. "It means a lot to know..." He trailed off and shrugged. "You know, you haven't even told me what names you're thinking about. Surely you have some by now."
It was a blatant effort to change the subject.
"You mean Junior isn't good enough?" she asked, and was at least rewarded with a small smile, in spite of the change in Hotch's demeanor. "William Henry or Henry William if it's a boy. I like Piper if it's a girl, but Will hates it. For the record, I'm not a huge fan of Henry, but..." She shrugged.
Aaron's eyebrows went up a little and he nodded slowly. "William? Are you going to use Jareau for the last name?" he asked. She had a feeling he wanted to ask why she was letting Will participate in the naming, if she didn't want to marry him. The waitress brought their food out then, interrupting the conversation.
"Here you go, honey. When are you due?"
JJ smiled at her. "Three weeks."
"Wow, I bet you're ready to have that over, aren't ya? Of course, once the little guy's born, you won't get a minute's rest. I've had three, I know." She set Hotch's tea in front of him. "You're taking good care of your missus, right? Back rubs and waiting on her hand and foot?" She grinned at JJ. "Then again, he brought ya to Vegas and he's taking ya out at midnight to fill your cravings, so I guess he must be a keeper, huh?"
JJ had just taken a sip of her coffee, and choked a bit, then managed an odd sounding, "Yeah, I guess so."
The waitress patted her back lightly. "You're one of the lucky ones," she said, and was gone again.
JJ looked back at Hotch, her eyes a little watery. "I can't bring myself to ruin it for her," she said. And truthfully, part of her thought there was something sort of fun about playing Hotch's wife for the night. God, get over it.
Hotch was watching her with an odd expression on his face. She couldn't quite read it, but it warmed her. "You don't need to cry about it," he murmured dryly. "I know I'm not great at marriage, but I didn't think I was that bad."
JJ laughed and wiped her eyes, then cleared her throat and took another sip of her coffee. "It just went down the wrong pipe," she said defensively, and took a bite of pickle.
Hotch tilted his head, still watching her. "You never really said if it's marriage in general you object to, or if it was just because you don't love Will."
"The latter," she said, then dipped her pickle into the melty part of the ice cream, glaring at him when he made a face. "Marriage might be kind of fun, actually." She shrugged. "I don't know, Hotch. He would have proposed to me and probably moved to Virginia, and... it just wasn't fair to him to let him do that if I didn't love him." She sighed. "I mean I do love him, as a friend, but I'm not in love with him." She rolled her eyes and speared a bite of banana. "God, I sound like a Lifetime movie. Where's Valerie Bertinelli?" she said, and looked around them expectantly.
Hotch laughed, then took his tea spoon and scraped up a little ice cream and hot fudge. "I don't know, I think I'm supposed to be either your foul-mouthed woman friend or gay, if that's the case." He ate the ice cream, then tilted his head. "I think it's very good of you to let Will be part of Junior's life. A boy needs a dad, after all," he added, grinning faintly at her.
"Just as much as a girl does," she said, smiling. She shrugged. "I wasn't looking forward to telling him, but I have no reason to think he won't be a wonderful father, and he deserves to be a part of his daughter's life." When he went for another bite of her ice cream, she swooped her own spoon down and trapped his under hers. "I thought you weren't hungry," she said, directing a teasing glare at him.
He gave her a mischievous look that made her wonder suddenly how much trouble he'd gotten into as a boy. "But it's hot fudge," he said. "How can I resist?" With a sigh, she let him have another bite. How could anyone resist that look? She was quick to dip the pickle back in the melty ice cream, though, which would hopefully deter him from eating all of it.
"You know," he said, after he'd licked the hot fudge off his spoon, "I hadn't even thought to ask if you've got Junior's nursery ready. Crib, changing table, diaper hamper... You wouldn't believe all the things you need. Is anyone doing a shower for you?"
"God, you sound like my mom," she teased. "Em's having one. I talked her out of inviting all you men. And made her promise there would be no disgusting games, just lots of food."
"Well, time's running out," he said, and she was momentarily distracted by the way his tongue darted out to catch a tiny bit of ice cream on his lip, but he was focused on stealing another bite of her food--from the side of the dish farthest from the pickle--so she didn't think he noticed.
"Three weeks," she insisted, and pushed the pickle into his spoon before he got the bite he was working on.
"Hey!" He gave her an injured look and lifted the spoon to smear ice cream on her nose. "Three weeks doesn't necessarily mean three weeks for baby number one," he said, grinning as she spluttered at him.
She started laughing when he did, and lifted her napkin to wipe her nose. "I'm getting you back for that," she muttered, grinning, and then it hit her like a jolt of electricity: This wasn't just Hotch relaxed. She'd seen Hotch relaxed before. This was different than the way he normally joked with her.
Emily was right. Hotch was flirting.
JJ bit her lower lip, her smile going stupidly wide before she could stop it.
When the waitress came back with their bill, she automatically gave it to Hotch, and he waved off JJ's protests and paid for it. It made her wonder if he was playing along with the waitress' idea that they were married, or if this was sort of a date. They made their way back upstairs, ignoring the lure of the casino. JJ's back was aching fiercely, and she found herself wishing again that she'd kept Will around for massages. She held in a sigh and rubbed idly at the small of her back.
"You know, I'd be happy to do that," Hotch said quietly. He was standing a little closer than he needed to, considering the elevator wasn't all that small. "The back rubs and waiting on you hand and foot, I mean." He quirked his lips in a smile, and she wondered if he wanted to pass it off as a joke, instead of a genuine offer.
She felt a little like she couldn't breathe, but she looked up at him and met his gaze. "I wouldn't turn you down," she replied, keeping her voice carefully halfway between joking and serious. It was an answer that left the decision in his hands. Did he realize he was flirting? It seemed unreal, but he had to know what he was doing.
His smile strengthened. "You did say you wished you could keep someone around for that," he said. The elevator dinged then, getting their attention, and he waited for her to step out before following. She was the one who had checked them all in, and she knew his room was down the other direction with Dave and Emily...but he was walking with her anyway. God, he'd been serious, and she'd just said yes, and... Oh, God, what was she doing?
What was he doing? It was equal parts exciting and terrifying that Hotch would do this, given that they worked together and he was technically her boss.
She let them into her room, darting a small glance down the hall to make sure no one was watching. It was strange, considering she'd barely considered it the last time she'd gone to his room. She felt slightly less ridiculous when she noticed that he was looking too. And then they were inside the room, and she was shutting the door, and in the little entry way, it was impossible to keep from touching him, considering the entry ways of hotel rooms were decidedly not designed for more than one person, especially when one was roughly the diameter of a small sun.
She touched his arm briefly, and then moved inside. "I trust you know how to do this pregnant massage thing?" she asked, and then winced while her back was still to him. God, Haley was the last thing she needed to bring up.
He exhaled sharply, but only said, "I know what I'm doing." It almost sounded like he was trying to reassure her...or himself? She wondered if he had suddenly realized he'd crossed a line. Not that she'd minded at all, but was he going to stop? He cleared his throat, but by the time she turned to look at him, he was smiling faintly. "Feet or back first?" he said, rolling up his sleeves.
She gave a small laugh that was a little more nervous than she would have wanted it to be. "You don't have to rub my feet," she said, because that somehow seemed more intimate, and as much as she wanted this, it also felt like walking a fine, dangerous line at the moment.
He nodded, and after a moment of hesitation, he closed the gap between them. He gazed down at her and she couldn't look away. Then he hesitated just a moment before he took her hands and led her back to the bed.
"Here," he said, guiding her onto it on her knees. "It'll be more comfortable this way."
She got to the middle of the bed, sitting forward on her knees, and he climbed on behind her. He settled his hands on her shoulders, then cleared his throat again. "When Haley was pregnant," he began, his voice oddly stilted, "her sister got her a pregnancy massage package. They made husbands go, too, so I learned first-hand what was most beneficial, areas to avoid, that sort of thing." His hands slid down a little, and then his thumbs started working into her muscles. JJ closed her eyes. Suddenly it felt very hard to catch her breath.
When she didn't respond, Hotch's hands stilled for a moment. "JJ," he said quietly, "is this all right?"
"Yeah," she said quickly, but her voice sounded just as breathless as she felt. She nodded a moment later, her eyes still closed. "It's fine. It's... good. Thank you." She drew a deep, slow breath, wishing her heart wasn't suddenly thudding in her chest. Then Junior kicked her hard, and she sucked in a much sharper breath and moved her hand to rub her stomach.
Hotch chuckled. "Maybe he'll be a kicker for a football team. Morgan would like that." He pressed a little harder, then started working his hands down her spine.
"You wish," she replied, still feeling breathless, though she was smiling now.
Hotch hummed. "I just want both mother and baby to be healthy," he said softly.
JJ bit her lips together, just taking in those words. Normally she would have teased him for saying something like that, but she couldn't quite do it this time. Instead she just listened to his breathing as his fingers kneaded into her sore muscles, and then he hit an especially sore spot and she groaned automatically and dropped her head forward. "Hotch," she whispered.
His hands slowed. "Hmm?"
"I-- nothing. I don't know. Don't stop," she replied, stifling another little pleased groan when he didn't hesitate to start again.
Silence settled between them as JJ searched for something to say. Hotch didn't speak either, and she wondered what he was thinking. She tried not to think about the way his hands were roaming her back, working down to the small of her back where she was sorest, then sliding back up her spine to rub her shoulders more lightly. God, maybe this was more intimate than a foot rub. But really she knew anything would have felt intimate to her, the way they'd been with each other lately. She wanted so badly to know why he was doing this, if he really meant it the way she thought he might.
"Mmm," she hummed after a long silence. "I-- you have-- your hands," she started, and then breathed a laugh. "I'm sorry. Brain lost contact with mouth." She leaned back into his touch a little, and she realized that her breath had gone a little fast.
He laughed faintly, and she was surprised at how close the sound was. The next moment he hit a sore spot and she let out a quiet groan. She heard him catch his breath, and then his hands stilled.
"I...should probably go," he murmured after a moment. He cleared his throat. "We have a...an early flight tomorrow."
She sucked in a breath and tensed immediately, sitting forward again. A wash of cold swept through her. She'd relaxed too much. It was a ridiculous thought, given that he had offered her a massage, but it was an unavoidable one, considering his abrupt decision to leave after the night they'd shared. "I-- Yeah, but... Okay," she said finally, not sure what else to say.
"Hey, you just undid all the work I did," he said. He rubbed his hands lightly against her shoulders. "Sleep well, JJ." His voice was still warm, which made her feel a little better about the abrupt way he was leaving. She didn't turn right away, though, trying to arrange her expression into something she thought would be acceptable. By the time she turned, he was almost at the door. He paused and glanced back. "Let me know if you need someone to help you out of bed in the morning," he said, and then he was gone.
***
JJ was still feeling awkward about Vegas after they returned to Quantico without Rossi, Morgan and Reid. She was worried about Spencer, and grateful that Morgan had asked Rossi to stay behind and help him...but her thoughts kept drifting to the way things had happened between her and Hotch. Or not happened, as the case might be.
Emily had been watching them both carefully, and JJ thought it was a sign of just how wrong things had gone that a woman who was cranky and hung over could notice. She was unsurprised when Emily cornered her in her office shortly after they returned.
"Okay, what's going on?" Emily demanded, dropping into the chair across from JJ's and slumping over the desk.
JJ shifted uncomfortably, and rubbed her back, looking at the open door of her office. Then she looked back at Emily, whose head was against the desk, and got up to shut her door herself. "Nothing's going on," she muttered. "Why?"
"If nothing's going on, why did you just shut the door?" Emily countered. "And you and Hotch are both acting stiff and jumpy today. So what's going on?"
"Nothing's going on. That's what's going on," JJ said, and settled next to Emily awkwardly. "We shared a banana split last night. Then he gave me a back rub. And then... just left. He just..." She shook her head. "This is your fault."
"My fault?" Emily demanded, sitting up and grinning at her. "Okay, first of all, how is this my fault? Second of all, did Hotch ask you out?"
"No, he didn't. He caught me going out for a late snack, and..." She trailed off, remembering Hotch's excuse for being out. "Wait, what were you doing last night?"
"Drinking and gambling, both in excess." Emily groaned and put her head back on the table. "I lost two hundred dollars and drank my way through probably another fifty or sixty. And please don't remind me, because then I'll have to remember David Rossi holding my hair while I threw up. We're talking about you and Hotch."
JJ made a face halfway between disgust and sympathy. "Oh, Em," she said. Emily just lifted her hand and made a little gesture, indicating she wanted JJ to move on. JJ sighed, and tried to shift her focus away from Emily's bender. "It's your fault because you planted the seed," she said finally.
"I did not plant the seed," Emily said. "You know as well as I do that both of you had already thought about it. You're going to have to make some kind of move, though, because he's Hotch. You know him, he's so damn stiff with honor that he's probably already got himself tied up in knots about pressuring you or being inappropriate or sexual harassment or something."
"Make some kind of move?" JJ repeated, incredulous. "There's no way. I can't--I won't-- God, Em. No."
Emily rolled her head to one side so she could fix one eye on JJ's face, cocking her eyebrow. "Tell me the truth, JJ. Did you fall in love with Aaron Hotchner before or after you broke up with Will?"
JJ sputtered a funny sort of almost laugh and frowned at Emily. "I'm not in love with Hotch," she said firmly. She wasn't. There was just no way she could be. Her back twinged, and she rubbed at it and shifted. "I'm not."
"Which one of us are you trying to convince?" Emily asked.
"This isn't a fair conversation to have with a woman who's nine months pregnant. It's... nesting instinct. Hormones. What woman in my state wouldn't want a man like Hotch around?" JJ asked.
"A man like Hotch?" Emily repeated. "Oh, so he's the ideal then, right?"
"Stop profiling me, or I'll hurt you," JJ growled.
"I've tried the girl-talk route, and it isn't working," Emily said. "Anyway, that's not profiling. It's logic. Not to mention I'm not blind." She made a little growly noise and fanned herself, then smirked at JJ.
JJ gave her a flat look. "So you're just trying to see if Hotch is fair game, huh?"
"Thank you, no," Emily said. "I adore Hotch, but the last thing I need to do is get involved with a man who can't acknowledge his own feelings. I have enough trouble doing that myself, can you imagine if the two most compartmentalized people in the world got together?"
"Yeah, well, at least you're not the approximate size of Texas right now," JJ muttered. "Discussing your love life makes a hell of a lot more sense than mine."
"Hmm, avoidance and transference," Emily said, and JJ threw a paperclip at her. Emily didn't flinch.
"What is it Garcia always says when you guys do this?" JJ asked.
"'I hate profilers'," Emily replied.
"Yeah, that." JJ glared at her.
"Don't make me tie him to the next hotel bed and cover him in chocolate sauce," Emily said.
Oh, God, what a thought. JJ's glare strengthened. "Have you forgotten the fact that I'm nine months pregnant?"
"Okay, first of all, sex is good for pregnant women."
"Good for inducing labor too," JJ retorted, but Emily just waved her hand.
"Second of all," she continued. "Hotch obviously finds you attractive, and he can't possibly have failed to notice that you're pregnant, considering you told him way before you told the rest of us." Emily smirked at her. "And thirdly--"
She was cut off as someone knocked on JJ's door. A moment later Hotch stuck his head in.
Emily grinned. "Speak of the devil."
"Huh?" Hotch gave her a bewildered look.
"Nothing," JJ said quickly.
Emily kicked JJ's calf lightly, then stood up. "I need more coffee," she said, and Hotch watched her go, then looked at JJ questioningly.
"She's already gone through a pot and a half," he said.
"She might need a couple more gallons today," JJ said, swallowing hard and telling herself to just act normal. After the night before and the conversation she just had with Emily, she wasn't sure that was possible. "What's up?"
He cleared his throat and glanced over his shoulder, then came in all the way and shut the door behind him. "I just wanted..." He glanced away, then met her gaze. He looked extremely unhappy. "I realize I crossed a line last night, JJ. I am so sorry. I wanted--I want--to help you in any way I can, and I...didn't mean to act inappropriately." He made a helpless hand gesture. "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable."
"You didn't," JJ said, shaking her head. God, she wanted him, and he was being so stupidly Hotch. But the words she wanted to say were trying to climb so far down her throat they'd never come out. "You, ah... you made me feel good," she managed after a moment, and levered herself out of her chair to get to his level.
He nodded absently, but he wasn't meeting her gaze any more. "I hope you realize that, despite my behavior, I respect you a great deal," he said quietly. "I would never want to take advantage... I don't want you to think I..."
It was painful to watch him fumbling for words like this. Hotch never fumbled for words. He was always so quietly confident. JJ told herself to say something, anything, to make him feel better. The words felt like they were stuck inside her.
"Breathe," she said finally, and that got his attention because he looked up at her finally. She suddenly wondered if she should take her own advice, so she drew a long breath and let it out before she spoke again. "You don't want me to think what? That you're attracted to me? Because... that wouldn't be so terrible. I don't think." She looked down at her stomach, suddenly feeling lightheaded, and ran her hands over the bulge. It was funny how comforting that gesture could be.
Hotch tilted his head, staring at her, and after a long moment he laughed faintly. "You don't think that would be so terrible?" he repeated. "That's such a ringing endorsement." But despite the fact that he was trying to make light of it, he sounded like he was choking on the words. He moved closer, and she could hear his breathing, fast and out of rhythm. "Jen...I'm your boss."
"I hadn't noticed," she breathed, managing a smile, and wished she sounded a little more normal. She licked her lips. This was it, wasn't it? This was that make or break moment. She sucked in a breath and touched his arm, then forced the next words out, even as her heart tried to beat out of her chest. "If you don't kiss me, I'm going to kiss you," she said. "And considering..." She darted a significant glance at her stomach, then looked back at him. "It'll be a lot less awkward if you come to me instead of making me pull you down."
"Oh, God," he whispered. "I shouldn't." But he moved closer and lifted a hand to brush his fingers against her cheek. "I should never have let myself fall for you." The words stole her breath away, and then he doubled the effect by leaning down and brushing his lips against hers with something that felt a lot like reverence.
God. JJ reached up and slid her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in for more, and he stepped in, his hands sliding over either side of her stomach. She made a little pleased noise, and then drew her tongue along his lip. It caused a shiver to run through him, then he deepened the kiss, and JJ didn't think she'd ever get enough.
Still, she pulled back when they were breathless, her eyes traveling his face. "Who knew all I needed to do was get pregnant?" she said, and smiled slowly at him.
He laughed faintly, but he shook his head. "You're beautiful, pregnant or not pregnant," he murmured, "but all you needed to do was break up with Will." He kissed her again, then leaned his forehead against hers. "I've wanted this longer than I should have." His fingers brushed against her cheek again.
"God," she breathed, unsure how to even respond to that. If she was honest, she wasn't sure how long she'd wanted this, given Emily had had to tell her. Somehow, she didn't think mentioning that Emily knew would help anything right now. "Hotch," she whispered, brushing her lips to his and her fingers into his hair.
He hummed into the kiss, and when it ended, he didn't pull away. "You can call me Aaron." His eyes crinkled in a smile just before he kissed her again. "We shouldn't be making out in your office," he murmured. "We shouldn't be making out at all." He was rubbing his hand in circles against the small of her back, though, and she knew he didn't want to stop.
"I'd drag you under the desk if I thought we'd fit, actually," she whispered, then kissed him again before pulling back. She grinned up at him for a long moment, barely believing this was real, then said, "I'm taking you out to dinner tonight, Aaron." God, his first name felt weird on her lips, but good too. "No working late."
"No working late?" he asked, smiling back at her. "That's like the pot calling the kettle black." He traced one fingertip across her lower lip. "Pick you up at seven?" he murmured, a teasing note in his voice.
She nipped at his finger and he pulled it away, feigning hurt. She laughed and pulled him back for a brief kiss. "I'll be in the parking lot with bells on."
Things didn't go quite as smoothly as JJ had hoped. Instead of meeting Hotch to go to dinner, JJ went into labor before it even got to seven. Looking back, she may have been in labor most of the day. Garcia was on the phone with Will and her parents, who had all been planning to come to Virginia the following week, as soon as the doctors had taken her back, but in the end Emily had stayed with her through the birth.
The adrenaline rush of having your best friend go into labor seemed to be a wonderful cure for hangovers.
Emily had also seemed to take great pleasure in updating JJ from time to time about the way Hotch was alternating between pacing, checking his watch, and occasionally throwing himself into a chair like he was completely exhausted. JJ had mostly wanted to hit Emily at the time, but now that everything was over, she was enjoying mulling over that. She was tired and sore, but she felt utterly wonderful, and she really wanted nothing more than to have Hotch in here with her, the way he'd been there for her every step of the way so far.
Fortunately, Emily knew her very well.
A light knock sounded at the door to her room, and after a moment Hotch peeked inside. His face lit up when he saw her and she felt her heart give an extra-hard thump. God, he was so wonderful, and he was looking like that at her.
"Hey," she murmured, and he stepped in and shut the door behind him.
"Hi," he said. "You look beautiful."
"Everyone keeps saying that. I'm starting to not believe it," she said, and held her hand out, wanting him closer.
He smiled and crossed the room to lace their fingers together. "Generally, if everyone agrees on something, it's true," he said, and leaned down to kiss her softly. "How do you feel?"
"Terrible," she said. "And wonderful. And weird." She ran her thumb over his and closed her eyes. "I just pushed a six pound human being out of my body, and you're kissing me, and... good but weird sums it up, I think. And achy."
"You're amazing," he said, settling lightly on the edge of her bed and finally leaning over to inspect the sleeping infant in the crib next to her bed. "Does Junior have a name now?"
"William Henry," she said, frowning at him. "You win. Happy?"
Hotch just laughed and brushed his finger across Henry's nose. "He can still play soccer."
"I don't care if he has less interest in any of that than Reid," she said, smiling. "M'tired," she murmured, and closed her eyes again. "Happy you're here, and I owe you a date, but I have a feeling that might be sort of difficult for a while, unless you find dirty diapers and burping romantic."
Hotch laughed again. "Romantic isn't quite the word I'd use, but we'll figure something out."
She hummed a little laugh. She wished this would have happened sooner with Hotch. It would have been wonderful to have been able to enjoy being with him before, when she only had to consider herself and not a child. She let herself imagine it for a moment, but it was silly to wish for things that wouldn't happen, and after she'd held Henry the first time, she knew she wouldn't want to go back now anyway.
She felt herself smiling, and she squeezed Hotch's hand. "This is really shit timing, you know," she said, sounding far more pleased than she'd expected she would.
"Shh, no swearing in front of Henry." Hotch smiled and shifted closer to her. "You say the timing's bad now, but just wait until you want someone else around who knows how to change a diaper without getting peed on," he teased. "You'll be glad of the timing approximately ten hours after they let you take him home."
She grinned, still not opening her eyes. "Oh, are you coming home with us?" she teased, and then remembered Will and frowned, looking up at Hotch. "Actually... Will's going to be in the guest bedroom for a couple weeks, more than likely," she said, and suddenly hoped he wasn't going to feel weird about that. At the time that she'd invited Will to stay, she hadn't considered that Hotch might be in her life like he was now, and it seemed silly to make Will stay at a hotel.
"Ah." His voice was unreadable. "That could be awkward." He gazed down at her contemplatively, but he wasn't really frowning. His free hand lifted to brush her cheek. "Would you rather I stay out of the way for the time being?"
"Um," she said. "Not really, but it would make this pretty public." JJ didn't think she wanted everyone to know about this, at least not yet (and maybe never, in spite of how wonderful it was, given that it could cost both of them their careers), and if she didn't want it to be public, she knew Hotch wouldn't.
"We haven't really had time to even talk about this," Hotch said softly.
"I know," she said, watching him. "That's part of the point."
He nodded. "This isn't really the time, either." His hand tightened on hers. "But I'm not going anywhere. We have time. That is..." He looked at her sideways, his expression oddly shy. "If you want that."
She couldn't help but smile at that. "It's not that I don't want it, but it could ruin our careers." Most especially hers, she thought, but she didn't say that. Hotch might be the boss, but the BAU aside, the FBI was still a Boys' Club. Whatever happened to their actual jobs, if anything, she would be the one looked on more harshly by anyone not on their team. "We'll figure it out," she said, and then there was another small knock on the door.
They pulled away from each other, though Hotch didn't stand, and Will poked his head in the door.
"I came as soon as I got the call, but my flight got delayed," he said, crossing the room. "I'm so sorry, JJ. I should have come sooner. I know first babies are unpredictable." He leaned over and kissed JJ's forehead, and JJ closed her eyes and let him, smiling. "Agent Hotchner," he greeted when he pulled away, and looked between them, shifting on his feet. "My God, is that my baby? Our baby? JJ, is this--"
"This is William Henry," she said softly. "I thought we could call him Henry, to avoid confusion..."
"Oh, he's so beautiful," Will breathed, bending down to be closer to his son. His expression was enthralled, and JJ couldn't help comparing the way Hotch's attention had all been for her first, rather than her son.
"He's so beautiful," Will murmured again. He glanced up. "Can I hold him?"
"You ought to wait until he wakes up again," Hotch said. JJ could hear the amusement in his voice. "Take that from someone who learned the hard way to let sleeping babies lie."
Will chuckled and stood. "JJ, I'm sorry I wasn't here," he said again.
"It's fine, Will. I'm not alone," she said, touching Hotch's arm lightly. "Anyway, my parents aren't even here yet."
"Oh, that's terrible," she said, scratching the back of his head. Hotch stood then, and she was glad, as it seemed Will might be starting to realize he'd interrupted something more than just JJ being checked in on by her boss.
"I should get out of the way. Good to see you again, detective," Hotch said.
"Yes, sir, you too." He held out a hand, and Hotch shook it. "Thanks for keeping JJ company. I feel like a heel for not being here."
Hotch gave him a small smile. "Don't. Life is unpredictable. I was out on a case when my son was born." He turned to smile at JJ, and she could see SSA Hotchner slipping into place. "JJ, you'll let me know if there's anything you need?" His smile quirked a little, and for just a moment she thought she could see the warmth in his gaze. "Even if it's just changing diapers so you can take a nap. I'll send Reid over."
She laughed and waved him out. "Thanks, Hotch."
It seemed almost surreal when Will came and sat where Hotch had just been sitting, like some cosmic game of Shuffle the Significant Other. And then he reached out and took her hand too, and gave her an earnestly concerned look. "How are you feeling? You look beautiful."
"I think the world's set on repeat," she said, and grinned when he looked confused. She squeezed his hand. "Everyone keeps saying that."
"Well, it's true," Will said, smiling at her. "Everyone can see that. Besides, how could the mother of my son not be beautiful?" He lifted a hand to touch her cheek, and JJ raised her hand uncomfortably to stop him.
"Don't, Will. This...nothing is going to change."
"JJ, I want you to reconsider. I think our boy deserves a good home, parents who can be there for him. Don't you think that?"
Wonderful. JJ could see it now: her parents were going to meet Will, fall in love with him for her, and then all three of them would be trying to convince her to get married.
She sighed. "I think that we can be there for him without being married."
"I'm not talking about marriage," Will said, and JJ was thankful she'd at least put that to rest. "I'm talking about us." He squeezed her hand and looked down at the bed nervously. "I'm moving to Virginia, JJ. I want to be a good father, and I can't if I'm not where my son is."
"You're quitting your job?" she managed, feeling suddenly overwhelmed.
"Past tense. Quit," he said, then pulled his badge out of his jeans' pocket and handed it to her. "And if I'm here, we won't be so hard anymore either."
"Oh, Will," she whispered, staring at it. How could this be happening? She thought she'd ended things in a final way, but now Will had quit his job... But Hotch wanted her, too. God, this was too much.
"I just want you to think about it, JJ," he said. "We could be more of a family that way."
"I'm seeing someone," she said, and hoped to God she wouldn't regret it. After all, she had kept her relationship with Will "secret" from the team, so surely he'd show some discretion. Just to be safe, she added, "I haven't told anyone, so..." The expression on his face was so blank it hurt. "I just thought you should know."
"That was sort of fast," Will said, not looking at her. "Unless you'd already decided on this before you dumped me."
JJ could have laughed at the thought of having premeditated any of this if it wasn't for the way he looked. "Trust me, I didn't plan it," she said. She sighed, and ducked her head to look at him. "You have a beautiful son. We do. Whether we're together or not."
"I just...I thought we could be a family. A real family, not an alternate weekends, you get Thanksgiving and I get Christmas kind of family." He stared down at their hands and let go of hers, folding his hands in his lap. "This guy, he doesn't have a problem with you having someone else's baby?"
"There's no way he could have possibly been unaware," she said. "No, he doesn't."
Will just nodded and stared down at the floor. She watched him for a moment, then smiled. "Hey... we're just meeting your son. Let's worry about the other stuff later, okay?"
***
As predicted, things were awkward with Will during the following weeks, but they managed to fall into a routine with Henry. Will was really a wonderful father. Not that JJ had had any doubt he would be, but it was actually sort of amazing to watch Will with their son. He was unrelenting in his move to Virginia too. He very obviously wasn't happy with JJ's new anonymous relationship, but he had been very serious about wanting to be there for his son.
JJ used every opportunity she had over the following weeks to try to prove to Will that their relationship could be normal--a loving one for their child--without them having to be together. He still had things to settle back in Louisiana, selling his house and moving, but by the time Will left, he had seemed to settle into the idea of their relationship how it was. It didn't hurt that she was still leaking all kinds of bodily fluids and couldn't fit into any of her old pre-maternity clothes, and felt terminally unsexy. She was certain the teachers hadn't covered all this post-birth stuff in health class, or no one would ever get pregnant.
Between Will and her parents (not to mention all the visitors she received during the week following the birth), she couldn't help but feel like she'd been trying to keep way too many balls in the air than a new mother should be expected to. When her house was finally empty, all she wanted to do was call Hotch and make him come over and help her relax.
He had called once or twice since she'd gone home from the hospital, but they never had more than a few minutes to chat, and she always had to be careful about who overheard her. For that matter, he probably did, too, but she figured he could take care of that end himself. She didn't want her parents asking too many questions, and she didn't want Will asking any. But Hotch had made clear, at least, that he was still interested in spending time with her, and so when she finally got Henry to sleep on her first afternoon alone, she settled down in her recliner, put her feet up, and dialed his cell number.
"Hotchner."
She smiled at the sound of his voice. God, she had it bad. "It's JJ."
"Hi! How are you?"
"I'm fine. Okay, I'm not fine, I'm exhausted. But content, anyway. You must be alone, or anyone around you would realize you were talking to someone you don't work with."
His voice had softened and warmed, and it made her feel ridiculously pleased. "I'm alone. I was just getting ready to head home. I was providing expert witness at a local case, and court just got out." She heard the chirp of a keyless remote. "What are you doing?"
"Enjoying the silence," she said, groaning happily, and he laughed on the other end of the line.
"Did everyone leave, or did you lock yourself in the attic?"
JJ grinned. "Gone. They're all gone, and I couldn't be happier. But I think if you're hungry, you could come share dinner with me. I have blended carrots that Henry isn't eating yet and a nice bottle of formula breathing," she teased. She was actually breast feeding, but she wasn't sure she wanted to offer that to Hotch even in jest. "Or you could pick something up." She suddenly wondered if she was expecting too much on too short notice, and amended, "Unless you'd rather go home and enjoy your own silence."
"Of course not," he said. "If you're sure you can handle having company again so soon. Sandwiches, Chinese, or Italian?" There was one definite benefit of falling for a co-worker; he knew what she liked to eat.
"Sandwiches, please," she said. "Everything else is too hard to eat tonight."
"I can understand that," he said, a smile in his voice. "I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Good," she said. "Bye."
"See you soon," Hotch said, and the phone clicked off.
JJ sighed, then slumped in the couch, smiling even as her eyes wanted to drift shut. After fighting it a moment, she lost the struggle, and fell to sleep. The next thing she was aware of was something moving against her hip. She gasped and jumped, then realized in a blur of thoughts that her phone was vibrating against her on the couch.
"God," she panted, then looked at the display. She smiled in spite of the way her heart was hammering in her chest, then made her way to the door.
Hotch was on the other side. "I figured you wouldn't have the ringer on, and thought it was safer to call than knock and possibly wake him," he said.
"Thanks," she breathed, still recovering from the combination of her impromptu nap and her startling wake up call.
He held up a carry-out sack and smiled at her. "Dinner reservations for Jareau, party of two?" he said. She laughed and stood aside so he could come in. "I couldn't remember if you like Dijon mustard," he admitted. "So I got the normal stuff. And there are two dill pickle spears, in case you're still craving them." He glanced at her. "But I did have them wrapped separately in case the smell of them makes you sick now."
"Oh, thank God," she said, making a face. She stood there for a moment, wanting to touch him. It was strange to be hesitant, she knew. But they'd had only a brief period of time to touch comfortably, and then life had thrown a curve at them and they'd barely seen each other since the birth. Not that she felt particularly sexy right now, but still... She licked her lips and tilted her head at him, and then just gave in and wrapped her arms around him. "It's good to see you."
Hotch chuckled, but he wrapped his arms around her, holding her securely. "It's good to see you too," he murmured, his breath tickling her ear. "Things haven't been the same without you. I've been missing things I didn't even know you did. Like the way you fiddle with your pencils when you aren't talking at the round table, or the way you tease Reid."
"Morgan and Emily tease him more than I do," she murmured, her face against his shoulder. He felt so strong. It was exactly what she needed. She lifted her head and smiled at him, but didn't pull away. "I don't fiddle with my pencils."
"They do, and you're nicer about the way you tease him," Hotch said. He smiled back at her. "Which is why I miss the way you do it. And yes, you do. It's cute." He kissed her quickly, then made a noise and kissed her again, more slowly.
She hummed happily into the kiss, melting into his embrace. It was ridiculous how good this felt, how comfortable. She enjoyed the way his free hand rubbed her back tenderly. "Cute?" she repeated when she pulled back, her tone flat, though her eyes were amused.
"Cute," he repeated firmly, smiling at her. He kissed her forehead, then drew back. "Are you hungry? You've probably learned by now that you have to take advantage of his naps."
"Mmm, yes," she said, not really wanting to pull away. She wanted nothing more than to be cuddled and maybe get a backrub, or the footrub he'd promised her a month ago. But she would regret it if she didn't eat now. She stepped back and gave his free hand a little tug, and then led the way into her living room.
She got Hotch settled on the couch, then went to the kitchen for drinks. When she came back, she sat next to him and unwrapped her sandwich, setting the pickles as far away from her as she could. "If I don't see another pickle in my life, it'll be too soon," she told him, which made him laugh.
"Henry will probably love them," he teased.
"Good thing he can't chew them for a while. Maybe I'll forget the horror," she said, and settled back against the couch next to him.
He laughed quietly and shifted. She could see him glancing at her, but it wasn't until he spoke that she realized he might be questioning the situation between them. "How are things with Will?" He glanced over at her again, then turned his attention to his sandwich.
She turned to look at him for a moment, trying to read his expression. It was impossible. "They're okay. My parents love him, which is sort of a blessing and a curse, but... I think he understands it's over now, even if no one but me seems happy with that." She looked away, taking a bite of her sandwich, chewing thoughtfully. "He's still moving to Virginia," she added after a moment, more quietly.
Aaron nodded. "If..." He took a deep breath. "If you're having second thoughts, please say so now. I won't be angry, I just...I would hate to get in the way if you want to...just don't feel obligated to me, that's all."
Her gaze jerked back to him again, her lips parting, and then she shook her head. "No. I don't," she said firmly. "I wouldn't... I wouldn't take the risk if you weren't who I really wanted." She shifted a little to face him better. "I want you."
He looked back at her, smiling. "I'm glad." He lifted a hand to brush his fingers against her cheek. "I shouldn't ever have considered this. But I've always respected you and liked you a great deal, and then we were both suddenly single again... I think my feelings blitz-attacked me."
She laughed and turned her cheek into his touch. "Same here." She kissed his palm, and then shifted to lean against him, turning her attention back to her sandwich when his arm slipped around her shoulders.
They ate in silence for a while, and she was pleased that even when Hotch's sandwich started losing tomato slices and bits of lettuce, he didn't take his arm from around her shoulders. When they'd finished, she set their plates on the coffee table and then Hotch wrapped both arms around her and pulled her back to lean against his chest. "This is going to be a little difficult, with our jobs," he said, kissing her hair.
"In some ways," JJ replied, pressing her lips to his neck. "I don't think we should say anything about it. The team'll figure it out, but I'm not worried about them." She shifted and slid her arms around his waist. "It'll be nice to have someone to hold me like this after a bad case though."
"Someone who understands what the case was like," he agreed. "What the job is." He rested his cheek against her hair, one hand sliding along her arm. "The fact remains that either or both of us could lose our jobs, if someone outside the team finds out. I don't want that to happen, but...we should probably have a, well, a plan, I guess. For if that happens."
She nodded. "Okay," she murmured. "Can we talk about that later though? I'm supposed to be relaxing now," she informed him.
"Mmm, that's right." He stroked a hand over her hair, then pulled her closer. "What can I do to help you relax? Rub your feet? Promise to change the next dirty diaper?"
"This is a good start," she murmured, and turned to kissed his cheek softly.
He hummed and brought a hand up to cup her cheek. "You're so wonderful," he whispered, and kissed her lightly on the lips. He seemed to understand she wasn't really into the whole idea of sex right now.
"So're you," she said, her hand slipping to his hip.
She was pleased when she settled again and he held her tighter. Of course, it was precisely at that moment that she heard a distinct cry from the nursery. She made a little whiny noise, then pulled back and sighed. "Never going to have a normal adult evening," she complained, but she was smiling anyway.
"Not for several years," he agreed. "I'd offer to go get him, but I'm afraid I don't even know where the nursery is."
She smiled and slipped her hand into his as she pulled away. "You can come with me," she offered.
His fingers tightened around hers, and he pulled her back for one more kiss. "Gladly. Lead on."
Authors:
innerslytherin and severity_softlyPairing: Hotch/JJ
Rating: PG
Word count: ~17,500
Summary: After breaking up with Will, JJ eventually can't hide her pregnancy from her boss. What she doesn't expect is for Hotch to step in as a surrogate father...and she certainly doesn't expect for her own feelings about Hotch to change as her pregnancy progresses.
Notes: Mild AU--JJ succeeded in breaking up with Will in "In Heat". We Feng Shui'ed canon where we needed to from there (part of Lo-fi, Will's role in fatherhood, etc.). ;) Thanks to
nebula99 for fact-checking the whole pregnancy/motherhood thing, and for darkhawkhealer for additional info.This is part of the "What Happens in Vegas" universe. The first fic in that universe, Why You Should Never Drink Too Much in Vegas, does NOT need to be read first, but will hopefully add to your enjoyment when read in company with this fic.
Part One
JJ couldn't help feeling almost like she was back in high school again as she slipped out of her hotel room and glanced around. It was ridiculous to feel like a teenager breaking curfew; she was a grown woman and ridiculously pregnant, which meant she was entitled to midnight snack runs to fulfill bizarre cravings. "I will never forgive you for this," she muttered to her belly, though she was rubbing 'Junior' fondly. She sighed and headed slowly for the elevators. At least it was 'never night in Vegas', so she was likely to have no trouble finding a banana split and dill pickle spears. Hopefully at the same place.
As she reached the bank of elevators, she was surprised to find a familiar form approaching from the other end of the hall. She frowned. "Hotch? Is everything okay?"
Hotch lifted his brows and nodded. "Prentiss is an interesting drunk," he said, tilting his head at her. He looked like he wanted to be amused, but wasn't sure it was appropriate.
"God, she didn't dance on the table or throw herself at Spence, did she?" JJ joked, punching the down button. "I need something to eat."
Hotch put his hands in his pockets and shifted a little closer, his body language seeming to say he was going to join her. He watched the elevator numbers for a moment. "Candy apples wrapped in bacon?"
It surprised a laugh out of her, and she smiled up at him. "Close enough."
He smiled back at her, his expression softening. "You don't mind company?"
"Of course not," JJ said. Not if it's you, she added mentally, before she could stop the thought. "You'd think I'd have had enough to eat when we all went out for dinner," she said awkwardly.
"Junior's a growing boy," Hotch replied, looking away from her.
"I swear to God, when she comes out, she's going to kick your ass," she muttered, darting a mischievous glance at him, grinning. Though truthfully, she was starting to feel like it was a boy, too. "Just give her about fifteen years."
He made a chiding noise, shaking his head. "Already filling his thoughts with such violence." He was grinning, actually grinning, back at her, though.
"I don't know how she'll ever be normal, after being nourished on banana splits and dill pickles," JJ muttered as the elevator arrived. She rubbed absently at her lower back, then slumped against the elevator wall.
"Are you feeling all right?" Hotch asked, his grin fading a little. Then he shook himself and held up his hands. "Sorry, I know, you have another three weeks."
She shook her head. "I feel fine," she said, and sighed, looking over at him. "I suppose it would have been unethical for me to have kept him around for back and foot massages, wouldn't it?" she asked. As unethical as Hotch would think offering them was, she reminded herself, but his expression was even, calm, and slightly amused.
"Yes, probably," he said, his hand on her back as he guided her out of the elevator. "The hotel restaurant first?" he asked. "They ought to have what you want."
She gave a rueful laugh. "Better that than trying to waddle my way any further," she agreed.
He snorted. "You aren't waddling."
She shot him a look. She was, and they both knew it, even if it was nice of him to lie.
"You're walking. Slowly." He smiled and slowed his pace to match hers more comfortably. His fingers were still pressing lightly against her back, she realized. She wanted to lean into his touch, to let him be strong. She shouldn't be thinking this sort of thing.
She nodded and looked down, sliding her hands down to lace her fingers together under her bulge. "Mmm," she managed, smiling mostly to herself. It was probably a lot less than she should have said, but this felt nice, and part of her didn't want to ruin it talking.
Hotch didn't say anything more, but he guided her through a surprising number of people in the lobby until they reached the restaurant, which was still open, though not crowded. The waitress wasn't busy, and she came right over for their orders, before JJ was even settled in. Hotch glanced at JJ, then turned to the waitress, his eyes glimmering with humor.
"A banana split, please, with dill pickle spears on the side. And decaf coffee to drink."
Without missing a beat, the waitress said, "And for your wife?"
JJ laughed immediately, and then glanced at Hotch, who looked even more amused, and didn't bother to correct their waitress. "I'm, ah, not..." she started, and then stopped. "He'll have a decaf tea, and... are you hungry?"
Hotch shook his head.
"Just the tea," JJ said, and the waitress nodded, smiling, and walked off.
"Did you just imply I was your wife?" he asked.
"If you're going to insist Junior is a boy..." she said, and shrugged, watching him. God, he was handsome, and the way he was looking at her was wonderful. "You should smile more," she blurted before she could stop herself.
Hotch's smile went a little odd and he glanced down at the table, his eyelashes dark against his cheek. Then he looked back up, and the smile strengthened again. "Thank you for...letting me be part of this, JJ," he said quietly. "It means a lot to know..." He trailed off and shrugged. "You know, you haven't even told me what names you're thinking about. Surely you have some by now."
It was a blatant effort to change the subject.
"You mean Junior isn't good enough?" she asked, and was at least rewarded with a small smile, in spite of the change in Hotch's demeanor. "William Henry or Henry William if it's a boy. I like Piper if it's a girl, but Will hates it. For the record, I'm not a huge fan of Henry, but..." She shrugged.
Aaron's eyebrows went up a little and he nodded slowly. "William? Are you going to use Jareau for the last name?" he asked. She had a feeling he wanted to ask why she was letting Will participate in the naming, if she didn't want to marry him. The waitress brought their food out then, interrupting the conversation.
"Here you go, honey. When are you due?"
JJ smiled at her. "Three weeks."
"Wow, I bet you're ready to have that over, aren't ya? Of course, once the little guy's born, you won't get a minute's rest. I've had three, I know." She set Hotch's tea in front of him. "You're taking good care of your missus, right? Back rubs and waiting on her hand and foot?" She grinned at JJ. "Then again, he brought ya to Vegas and he's taking ya out at midnight to fill your cravings, so I guess he must be a keeper, huh?"
JJ had just taken a sip of her coffee, and choked a bit, then managed an odd sounding, "Yeah, I guess so."
The waitress patted her back lightly. "You're one of the lucky ones," she said, and was gone again.
JJ looked back at Hotch, her eyes a little watery. "I can't bring myself to ruin it for her," she said. And truthfully, part of her thought there was something sort of fun about playing Hotch's wife for the night. God, get over it.
Hotch was watching her with an odd expression on his face. She couldn't quite read it, but it warmed her. "You don't need to cry about it," he murmured dryly. "I know I'm not great at marriage, but I didn't think I was that bad."
JJ laughed and wiped her eyes, then cleared her throat and took another sip of her coffee. "It just went down the wrong pipe," she said defensively, and took a bite of pickle.
Hotch tilted his head, still watching her. "You never really said if it's marriage in general you object to, or if it was just because you don't love Will."
"The latter," she said, then dipped her pickle into the melty part of the ice cream, glaring at him when he made a face. "Marriage might be kind of fun, actually." She shrugged. "I don't know, Hotch. He would have proposed to me and probably moved to Virginia, and... it just wasn't fair to him to let him do that if I didn't love him." She sighed. "I mean I do love him, as a friend, but I'm not in love with him." She rolled her eyes and speared a bite of banana. "God, I sound like a Lifetime movie. Where's Valerie Bertinelli?" she said, and looked around them expectantly.
Hotch laughed, then took his tea spoon and scraped up a little ice cream and hot fudge. "I don't know, I think I'm supposed to be either your foul-mouthed woman friend or gay, if that's the case." He ate the ice cream, then tilted his head. "I think it's very good of you to let Will be part of Junior's life. A boy needs a dad, after all," he added, grinning faintly at her.
"Just as much as a girl does," she said, smiling. She shrugged. "I wasn't looking forward to telling him, but I have no reason to think he won't be a wonderful father, and he deserves to be a part of his daughter's life." When he went for another bite of her ice cream, she swooped her own spoon down and trapped his under hers. "I thought you weren't hungry," she said, directing a teasing glare at him.
He gave her a mischievous look that made her wonder suddenly how much trouble he'd gotten into as a boy. "But it's hot fudge," he said. "How can I resist?" With a sigh, she let him have another bite. How could anyone resist that look? She was quick to dip the pickle back in the melty ice cream, though, which would hopefully deter him from eating all of it.
"You know," he said, after he'd licked the hot fudge off his spoon, "I hadn't even thought to ask if you've got Junior's nursery ready. Crib, changing table, diaper hamper... You wouldn't believe all the things you need. Is anyone doing a shower for you?"
"God, you sound like my mom," she teased. "Em's having one. I talked her out of inviting all you men. And made her promise there would be no disgusting games, just lots of food."
"Well, time's running out," he said, and she was momentarily distracted by the way his tongue darted out to catch a tiny bit of ice cream on his lip, but he was focused on stealing another bite of her food--from the side of the dish farthest from the pickle--so she didn't think he noticed.
"Three weeks," she insisted, and pushed the pickle into his spoon before he got the bite he was working on.
"Hey!" He gave her an injured look and lifted the spoon to smear ice cream on her nose. "Three weeks doesn't necessarily mean three weeks for baby number one," he said, grinning as she spluttered at him.
She started laughing when he did, and lifted her napkin to wipe her nose. "I'm getting you back for that," she muttered, grinning, and then it hit her like a jolt of electricity: This wasn't just Hotch relaxed. She'd seen Hotch relaxed before. This was different than the way he normally joked with her.
Emily was right. Hotch was flirting.
JJ bit her lower lip, her smile going stupidly wide before she could stop it.
When the waitress came back with their bill, she automatically gave it to Hotch, and he waved off JJ's protests and paid for it. It made her wonder if he was playing along with the waitress' idea that they were married, or if this was sort of a date. They made their way back upstairs, ignoring the lure of the casino. JJ's back was aching fiercely, and she found herself wishing again that she'd kept Will around for massages. She held in a sigh and rubbed idly at the small of her back.
"You know, I'd be happy to do that," Hotch said quietly. He was standing a little closer than he needed to, considering the elevator wasn't all that small. "The back rubs and waiting on you hand and foot, I mean." He quirked his lips in a smile, and she wondered if he wanted to pass it off as a joke, instead of a genuine offer.
She felt a little like she couldn't breathe, but she looked up at him and met his gaze. "I wouldn't turn you down," she replied, keeping her voice carefully halfway between joking and serious. It was an answer that left the decision in his hands. Did he realize he was flirting? It seemed unreal, but he had to know what he was doing.
His smile strengthened. "You did say you wished you could keep someone around for that," he said. The elevator dinged then, getting their attention, and he waited for her to step out before following. She was the one who had checked them all in, and she knew his room was down the other direction with Dave and Emily...but he was walking with her anyway. God, he'd been serious, and she'd just said yes, and... Oh, God, what was she doing?
What was he doing? It was equal parts exciting and terrifying that Hotch would do this, given that they worked together and he was technically her boss.
She let them into her room, darting a small glance down the hall to make sure no one was watching. It was strange, considering she'd barely considered it the last time she'd gone to his room. She felt slightly less ridiculous when she noticed that he was looking too. And then they were inside the room, and she was shutting the door, and in the little entry way, it was impossible to keep from touching him, considering the entry ways of hotel rooms were decidedly not designed for more than one person, especially when one was roughly the diameter of a small sun.
She touched his arm briefly, and then moved inside. "I trust you know how to do this pregnant massage thing?" she asked, and then winced while her back was still to him. God, Haley was the last thing she needed to bring up.
He exhaled sharply, but only said, "I know what I'm doing." It almost sounded like he was trying to reassure her...or himself? She wondered if he had suddenly realized he'd crossed a line. Not that she'd minded at all, but was he going to stop? He cleared his throat, but by the time she turned to look at him, he was smiling faintly. "Feet or back first?" he said, rolling up his sleeves.
She gave a small laugh that was a little more nervous than she would have wanted it to be. "You don't have to rub my feet," she said, because that somehow seemed more intimate, and as much as she wanted this, it also felt like walking a fine, dangerous line at the moment.
He nodded, and after a moment of hesitation, he closed the gap between them. He gazed down at her and she couldn't look away. Then he hesitated just a moment before he took her hands and led her back to the bed.
"Here," he said, guiding her onto it on her knees. "It'll be more comfortable this way."
She got to the middle of the bed, sitting forward on her knees, and he climbed on behind her. He settled his hands on her shoulders, then cleared his throat again. "When Haley was pregnant," he began, his voice oddly stilted, "her sister got her a pregnancy massage package. They made husbands go, too, so I learned first-hand what was most beneficial, areas to avoid, that sort of thing." His hands slid down a little, and then his thumbs started working into her muscles. JJ closed her eyes. Suddenly it felt very hard to catch her breath.
When she didn't respond, Hotch's hands stilled for a moment. "JJ," he said quietly, "is this all right?"
"Yeah," she said quickly, but her voice sounded just as breathless as she felt. She nodded a moment later, her eyes still closed. "It's fine. It's... good. Thank you." She drew a deep, slow breath, wishing her heart wasn't suddenly thudding in her chest. Then Junior kicked her hard, and she sucked in a much sharper breath and moved her hand to rub her stomach.
Hotch chuckled. "Maybe he'll be a kicker for a football team. Morgan would like that." He pressed a little harder, then started working his hands down her spine.
"You wish," she replied, still feeling breathless, though she was smiling now.
Hotch hummed. "I just want both mother and baby to be healthy," he said softly.
JJ bit her lips together, just taking in those words. Normally she would have teased him for saying something like that, but she couldn't quite do it this time. Instead she just listened to his breathing as his fingers kneaded into her sore muscles, and then he hit an especially sore spot and she groaned automatically and dropped her head forward. "Hotch," she whispered.
His hands slowed. "Hmm?"
"I-- nothing. I don't know. Don't stop," she replied, stifling another little pleased groan when he didn't hesitate to start again.
Silence settled between them as JJ searched for something to say. Hotch didn't speak either, and she wondered what he was thinking. She tried not to think about the way his hands were roaming her back, working down to the small of her back where she was sorest, then sliding back up her spine to rub her shoulders more lightly. God, maybe this was more intimate than a foot rub. But really she knew anything would have felt intimate to her, the way they'd been with each other lately. She wanted so badly to know why he was doing this, if he really meant it the way she thought he might.
"Mmm," she hummed after a long silence. "I-- you have-- your hands," she started, and then breathed a laugh. "I'm sorry. Brain lost contact with mouth." She leaned back into his touch a little, and she realized that her breath had gone a little fast.
He laughed faintly, and she was surprised at how close the sound was. The next moment he hit a sore spot and she let out a quiet groan. She heard him catch his breath, and then his hands stilled.
"I...should probably go," he murmured after a moment. He cleared his throat. "We have a...an early flight tomorrow."
She sucked in a breath and tensed immediately, sitting forward again. A wash of cold swept through her. She'd relaxed too much. It was a ridiculous thought, given that he had offered her a massage, but it was an unavoidable one, considering his abrupt decision to leave after the night they'd shared. "I-- Yeah, but... Okay," she said finally, not sure what else to say.
"Hey, you just undid all the work I did," he said. He rubbed his hands lightly against her shoulders. "Sleep well, JJ." His voice was still warm, which made her feel a little better about the abrupt way he was leaving. She didn't turn right away, though, trying to arrange her expression into something she thought would be acceptable. By the time she turned, he was almost at the door. He paused and glanced back. "Let me know if you need someone to help you out of bed in the morning," he said, and then he was gone.
***
JJ was still feeling awkward about Vegas after they returned to Quantico without Rossi, Morgan and Reid. She was worried about Spencer, and grateful that Morgan had asked Rossi to stay behind and help him...but her thoughts kept drifting to the way things had happened between her and Hotch. Or not happened, as the case might be.
Emily had been watching them both carefully, and JJ thought it was a sign of just how wrong things had gone that a woman who was cranky and hung over could notice. She was unsurprised when Emily cornered her in her office shortly after they returned.
"Okay, what's going on?" Emily demanded, dropping into the chair across from JJ's and slumping over the desk.
JJ shifted uncomfortably, and rubbed her back, looking at the open door of her office. Then she looked back at Emily, whose head was against the desk, and got up to shut her door herself. "Nothing's going on," she muttered. "Why?"
"If nothing's going on, why did you just shut the door?" Emily countered. "And you and Hotch are both acting stiff and jumpy today. So what's going on?"
"Nothing's going on. That's what's going on," JJ said, and settled next to Emily awkwardly. "We shared a banana split last night. Then he gave me a back rub. And then... just left. He just..." She shook her head. "This is your fault."
"My fault?" Emily demanded, sitting up and grinning at her. "Okay, first of all, how is this my fault? Second of all, did Hotch ask you out?"
"No, he didn't. He caught me going out for a late snack, and..." She trailed off, remembering Hotch's excuse for being out. "Wait, what were you doing last night?"
"Drinking and gambling, both in excess." Emily groaned and put her head back on the table. "I lost two hundred dollars and drank my way through probably another fifty or sixty. And please don't remind me, because then I'll have to remember David Rossi holding my hair while I threw up. We're talking about you and Hotch."
JJ made a face halfway between disgust and sympathy. "Oh, Em," she said. Emily just lifted her hand and made a little gesture, indicating she wanted JJ to move on. JJ sighed, and tried to shift her focus away from Emily's bender. "It's your fault because you planted the seed," she said finally.
"I did not plant the seed," Emily said. "You know as well as I do that both of you had already thought about it. You're going to have to make some kind of move, though, because he's Hotch. You know him, he's so damn stiff with honor that he's probably already got himself tied up in knots about pressuring you or being inappropriate or sexual harassment or something."
"Make some kind of move?" JJ repeated, incredulous. "There's no way. I can't--I won't-- God, Em. No."
Emily rolled her head to one side so she could fix one eye on JJ's face, cocking her eyebrow. "Tell me the truth, JJ. Did you fall in love with Aaron Hotchner before or after you broke up with Will?"
JJ sputtered a funny sort of almost laugh and frowned at Emily. "I'm not in love with Hotch," she said firmly. She wasn't. There was just no way she could be. Her back twinged, and she rubbed at it and shifted. "I'm not."
"Which one of us are you trying to convince?" Emily asked.
"This isn't a fair conversation to have with a woman who's nine months pregnant. It's... nesting instinct. Hormones. What woman in my state wouldn't want a man like Hotch around?" JJ asked.
"A man like Hotch?" Emily repeated. "Oh, so he's the ideal then, right?"
"Stop profiling me, or I'll hurt you," JJ growled.
"I've tried the girl-talk route, and it isn't working," Emily said. "Anyway, that's not profiling. It's logic. Not to mention I'm not blind." She made a little growly noise and fanned herself, then smirked at JJ.
JJ gave her a flat look. "So you're just trying to see if Hotch is fair game, huh?"
"Thank you, no," Emily said. "I adore Hotch, but the last thing I need to do is get involved with a man who can't acknowledge his own feelings. I have enough trouble doing that myself, can you imagine if the two most compartmentalized people in the world got together?"
"Yeah, well, at least you're not the approximate size of Texas right now," JJ muttered. "Discussing your love life makes a hell of a lot more sense than mine."
"Hmm, avoidance and transference," Emily said, and JJ threw a paperclip at her. Emily didn't flinch.
"What is it Garcia always says when you guys do this?" JJ asked.
"'I hate profilers'," Emily replied.
"Yeah, that." JJ glared at her.
"Don't make me tie him to the next hotel bed and cover him in chocolate sauce," Emily said.
Oh, God, what a thought. JJ's glare strengthened. "Have you forgotten the fact that I'm nine months pregnant?"
"Okay, first of all, sex is good for pregnant women."
"Good for inducing labor too," JJ retorted, but Emily just waved her hand.
"Second of all," she continued. "Hotch obviously finds you attractive, and he can't possibly have failed to notice that you're pregnant, considering you told him way before you told the rest of us." Emily smirked at her. "And thirdly--"
She was cut off as someone knocked on JJ's door. A moment later Hotch stuck his head in.
Emily grinned. "Speak of the devil."
"Huh?" Hotch gave her a bewildered look.
"Nothing," JJ said quickly.
Emily kicked JJ's calf lightly, then stood up. "I need more coffee," she said, and Hotch watched her go, then looked at JJ questioningly.
"She's already gone through a pot and a half," he said.
"She might need a couple more gallons today," JJ said, swallowing hard and telling herself to just act normal. After the night before and the conversation she just had with Emily, she wasn't sure that was possible. "What's up?"
He cleared his throat and glanced over his shoulder, then came in all the way and shut the door behind him. "I just wanted..." He glanced away, then met her gaze. He looked extremely unhappy. "I realize I crossed a line last night, JJ. I am so sorry. I wanted--I want--to help you in any way I can, and I...didn't mean to act inappropriately." He made a helpless hand gesture. "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable."
"You didn't," JJ said, shaking her head. God, she wanted him, and he was being so stupidly Hotch. But the words she wanted to say were trying to climb so far down her throat they'd never come out. "You, ah... you made me feel good," she managed after a moment, and levered herself out of her chair to get to his level.
He nodded absently, but he wasn't meeting her gaze any more. "I hope you realize that, despite my behavior, I respect you a great deal," he said quietly. "I would never want to take advantage... I don't want you to think I..."
It was painful to watch him fumbling for words like this. Hotch never fumbled for words. He was always so quietly confident. JJ told herself to say something, anything, to make him feel better. The words felt like they were stuck inside her.
"Breathe," she said finally, and that got his attention because he looked up at her finally. She suddenly wondered if she should take her own advice, so she drew a long breath and let it out before she spoke again. "You don't want me to think what? That you're attracted to me? Because... that wouldn't be so terrible. I don't think." She looked down at her stomach, suddenly feeling lightheaded, and ran her hands over the bulge. It was funny how comforting that gesture could be.
Hotch tilted his head, staring at her, and after a long moment he laughed faintly. "You don't think that would be so terrible?" he repeated. "That's such a ringing endorsement." But despite the fact that he was trying to make light of it, he sounded like he was choking on the words. He moved closer, and she could hear his breathing, fast and out of rhythm. "Jen...I'm your boss."
"I hadn't noticed," she breathed, managing a smile, and wished she sounded a little more normal. She licked her lips. This was it, wasn't it? This was that make or break moment. She sucked in a breath and touched his arm, then forced the next words out, even as her heart tried to beat out of her chest. "If you don't kiss me, I'm going to kiss you," she said. "And considering..." She darted a significant glance at her stomach, then looked back at him. "It'll be a lot less awkward if you come to me instead of making me pull you down."
"Oh, God," he whispered. "I shouldn't." But he moved closer and lifted a hand to brush his fingers against her cheek. "I should never have let myself fall for you." The words stole her breath away, and then he doubled the effect by leaning down and brushing his lips against hers with something that felt a lot like reverence.
God. JJ reached up and slid her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in for more, and he stepped in, his hands sliding over either side of her stomach. She made a little pleased noise, and then drew her tongue along his lip. It caused a shiver to run through him, then he deepened the kiss, and JJ didn't think she'd ever get enough.
Still, she pulled back when they were breathless, her eyes traveling his face. "Who knew all I needed to do was get pregnant?" she said, and smiled slowly at him.
He laughed faintly, but he shook his head. "You're beautiful, pregnant or not pregnant," he murmured, "but all you needed to do was break up with Will." He kissed her again, then leaned his forehead against hers. "I've wanted this longer than I should have." His fingers brushed against her cheek again.
"God," she breathed, unsure how to even respond to that. If she was honest, she wasn't sure how long she'd wanted this, given Emily had had to tell her. Somehow, she didn't think mentioning that Emily knew would help anything right now. "Hotch," she whispered, brushing her lips to his and her fingers into his hair.
He hummed into the kiss, and when it ended, he didn't pull away. "You can call me Aaron." His eyes crinkled in a smile just before he kissed her again. "We shouldn't be making out in your office," he murmured. "We shouldn't be making out at all." He was rubbing his hand in circles against the small of her back, though, and she knew he didn't want to stop.
"I'd drag you under the desk if I thought we'd fit, actually," she whispered, then kissed him again before pulling back. She grinned up at him for a long moment, barely believing this was real, then said, "I'm taking you out to dinner tonight, Aaron." God, his first name felt weird on her lips, but good too. "No working late."
"No working late?" he asked, smiling back at her. "That's like the pot calling the kettle black." He traced one fingertip across her lower lip. "Pick you up at seven?" he murmured, a teasing note in his voice.
She nipped at his finger and he pulled it away, feigning hurt. She laughed and pulled him back for a brief kiss. "I'll be in the parking lot with bells on."
Things didn't go quite as smoothly as JJ had hoped. Instead of meeting Hotch to go to dinner, JJ went into labor before it even got to seven. Looking back, she may have been in labor most of the day. Garcia was on the phone with Will and her parents, who had all been planning to come to Virginia the following week, as soon as the doctors had taken her back, but in the end Emily had stayed with her through the birth.
The adrenaline rush of having your best friend go into labor seemed to be a wonderful cure for hangovers.
Emily had also seemed to take great pleasure in updating JJ from time to time about the way Hotch was alternating between pacing, checking his watch, and occasionally throwing himself into a chair like he was completely exhausted. JJ had mostly wanted to hit Emily at the time, but now that everything was over, she was enjoying mulling over that. She was tired and sore, but she felt utterly wonderful, and she really wanted nothing more than to have Hotch in here with her, the way he'd been there for her every step of the way so far.
Fortunately, Emily knew her very well.
A light knock sounded at the door to her room, and after a moment Hotch peeked inside. His face lit up when he saw her and she felt her heart give an extra-hard thump. God, he was so wonderful, and he was looking like that at her.
"Hey," she murmured, and he stepped in and shut the door behind him.
"Hi," he said. "You look beautiful."
"Everyone keeps saying that. I'm starting to not believe it," she said, and held her hand out, wanting him closer.
He smiled and crossed the room to lace their fingers together. "Generally, if everyone agrees on something, it's true," he said, and leaned down to kiss her softly. "How do you feel?"
"Terrible," she said. "And wonderful. And weird." She ran her thumb over his and closed her eyes. "I just pushed a six pound human being out of my body, and you're kissing me, and... good but weird sums it up, I think. And achy."
"You're amazing," he said, settling lightly on the edge of her bed and finally leaning over to inspect the sleeping infant in the crib next to her bed. "Does Junior have a name now?"
"William Henry," she said, frowning at him. "You win. Happy?"
Hotch just laughed and brushed his finger across Henry's nose. "He can still play soccer."
"I don't care if he has less interest in any of that than Reid," she said, smiling. "M'tired," she murmured, and closed her eyes again. "Happy you're here, and I owe you a date, but I have a feeling that might be sort of difficult for a while, unless you find dirty diapers and burping romantic."
Hotch laughed again. "Romantic isn't quite the word I'd use, but we'll figure something out."
She hummed a little laugh. She wished this would have happened sooner with Hotch. It would have been wonderful to have been able to enjoy being with him before, when she only had to consider herself and not a child. She let herself imagine it for a moment, but it was silly to wish for things that wouldn't happen, and after she'd held Henry the first time, she knew she wouldn't want to go back now anyway.
She felt herself smiling, and she squeezed Hotch's hand. "This is really shit timing, you know," she said, sounding far more pleased than she'd expected she would.
"Shh, no swearing in front of Henry." Hotch smiled and shifted closer to her. "You say the timing's bad now, but just wait until you want someone else around who knows how to change a diaper without getting peed on," he teased. "You'll be glad of the timing approximately ten hours after they let you take him home."
She grinned, still not opening her eyes. "Oh, are you coming home with us?" she teased, and then remembered Will and frowned, looking up at Hotch. "Actually... Will's going to be in the guest bedroom for a couple weeks, more than likely," she said, and suddenly hoped he wasn't going to feel weird about that. At the time that she'd invited Will to stay, she hadn't considered that Hotch might be in her life like he was now, and it seemed silly to make Will stay at a hotel.
"Ah." His voice was unreadable. "That could be awkward." He gazed down at her contemplatively, but he wasn't really frowning. His free hand lifted to brush her cheek. "Would you rather I stay out of the way for the time being?"
"Um," she said. "Not really, but it would make this pretty public." JJ didn't think she wanted everyone to know about this, at least not yet (and maybe never, in spite of how wonderful it was, given that it could cost both of them their careers), and if she didn't want it to be public, she knew Hotch wouldn't.
"We haven't really had time to even talk about this," Hotch said softly.
"I know," she said, watching him. "That's part of the point."
He nodded. "This isn't really the time, either." His hand tightened on hers. "But I'm not going anywhere. We have time. That is..." He looked at her sideways, his expression oddly shy. "If you want that."
She couldn't help but smile at that. "It's not that I don't want it, but it could ruin our careers." Most especially hers, she thought, but she didn't say that. Hotch might be the boss, but the BAU aside, the FBI was still a Boys' Club. Whatever happened to their actual jobs, if anything, she would be the one looked on more harshly by anyone not on their team. "We'll figure it out," she said, and then there was another small knock on the door.
They pulled away from each other, though Hotch didn't stand, and Will poked his head in the door.
"I came as soon as I got the call, but my flight got delayed," he said, crossing the room. "I'm so sorry, JJ. I should have come sooner. I know first babies are unpredictable." He leaned over and kissed JJ's forehead, and JJ closed her eyes and let him, smiling. "Agent Hotchner," he greeted when he pulled away, and looked between them, shifting on his feet. "My God, is that my baby? Our baby? JJ, is this--"
"This is William Henry," she said softly. "I thought we could call him Henry, to avoid confusion..."
"Oh, he's so beautiful," Will breathed, bending down to be closer to his son. His expression was enthralled, and JJ couldn't help comparing the way Hotch's attention had all been for her first, rather than her son.
"He's so beautiful," Will murmured again. He glanced up. "Can I hold him?"
"You ought to wait until he wakes up again," Hotch said. JJ could hear the amusement in his voice. "Take that from someone who learned the hard way to let sleeping babies lie."
Will chuckled and stood. "JJ, I'm sorry I wasn't here," he said again.
"It's fine, Will. I'm not alone," she said, touching Hotch's arm lightly. "Anyway, my parents aren't even here yet."
"Oh, that's terrible," she said, scratching the back of his head. Hotch stood then, and she was glad, as it seemed Will might be starting to realize he'd interrupted something more than just JJ being checked in on by her boss.
"I should get out of the way. Good to see you again, detective," Hotch said.
"Yes, sir, you too." He held out a hand, and Hotch shook it. "Thanks for keeping JJ company. I feel like a heel for not being here."
Hotch gave him a small smile. "Don't. Life is unpredictable. I was out on a case when my son was born." He turned to smile at JJ, and she could see SSA Hotchner slipping into place. "JJ, you'll let me know if there's anything you need?" His smile quirked a little, and for just a moment she thought she could see the warmth in his gaze. "Even if it's just changing diapers so you can take a nap. I'll send Reid over."
She laughed and waved him out. "Thanks, Hotch."
It seemed almost surreal when Will came and sat where Hotch had just been sitting, like some cosmic game of Shuffle the Significant Other. And then he reached out and took her hand too, and gave her an earnestly concerned look. "How are you feeling? You look beautiful."
"I think the world's set on repeat," she said, and grinned when he looked confused. She squeezed his hand. "Everyone keeps saying that."
"Well, it's true," Will said, smiling at her. "Everyone can see that. Besides, how could the mother of my son not be beautiful?" He lifted a hand to touch her cheek, and JJ raised her hand uncomfortably to stop him.
"Don't, Will. This...nothing is going to change."
"JJ, I want you to reconsider. I think our boy deserves a good home, parents who can be there for him. Don't you think that?"
Wonderful. JJ could see it now: her parents were going to meet Will, fall in love with him for her, and then all three of them would be trying to convince her to get married.
She sighed. "I think that we can be there for him without being married."
"I'm not talking about marriage," Will said, and JJ was thankful she'd at least put that to rest. "I'm talking about us." He squeezed her hand and looked down at the bed nervously. "I'm moving to Virginia, JJ. I want to be a good father, and I can't if I'm not where my son is."
"You're quitting your job?" she managed, feeling suddenly overwhelmed.
"Past tense. Quit," he said, then pulled his badge out of his jeans' pocket and handed it to her. "And if I'm here, we won't be so hard anymore either."
"Oh, Will," she whispered, staring at it. How could this be happening? She thought she'd ended things in a final way, but now Will had quit his job... But Hotch wanted her, too. God, this was too much.
"I just want you to think about it, JJ," he said. "We could be more of a family that way."
"I'm seeing someone," she said, and hoped to God she wouldn't regret it. After all, she had kept her relationship with Will "secret" from the team, so surely he'd show some discretion. Just to be safe, she added, "I haven't told anyone, so..." The expression on his face was so blank it hurt. "I just thought you should know."
"That was sort of fast," Will said, not looking at her. "Unless you'd already decided on this before you dumped me."
JJ could have laughed at the thought of having premeditated any of this if it wasn't for the way he looked. "Trust me, I didn't plan it," she said. She sighed, and ducked her head to look at him. "You have a beautiful son. We do. Whether we're together or not."
"I just...I thought we could be a family. A real family, not an alternate weekends, you get Thanksgiving and I get Christmas kind of family." He stared down at their hands and let go of hers, folding his hands in his lap. "This guy, he doesn't have a problem with you having someone else's baby?"
"There's no way he could have possibly been unaware," she said. "No, he doesn't."
Will just nodded and stared down at the floor. She watched him for a moment, then smiled. "Hey... we're just meeting your son. Let's worry about the other stuff later, okay?"
***
As predicted, things were awkward with Will during the following weeks, but they managed to fall into a routine with Henry. Will was really a wonderful father. Not that JJ had had any doubt he would be, but it was actually sort of amazing to watch Will with their son. He was unrelenting in his move to Virginia too. He very obviously wasn't happy with JJ's new anonymous relationship, but he had been very serious about wanting to be there for his son.
JJ used every opportunity she had over the following weeks to try to prove to Will that their relationship could be normal--a loving one for their child--without them having to be together. He still had things to settle back in Louisiana, selling his house and moving, but by the time Will left, he had seemed to settle into the idea of their relationship how it was. It didn't hurt that she was still leaking all kinds of bodily fluids and couldn't fit into any of her old pre-maternity clothes, and felt terminally unsexy. She was certain the teachers hadn't covered all this post-birth stuff in health class, or no one would ever get pregnant.
Between Will and her parents (not to mention all the visitors she received during the week following the birth), she couldn't help but feel like she'd been trying to keep way too many balls in the air than a new mother should be expected to. When her house was finally empty, all she wanted to do was call Hotch and make him come over and help her relax.
He had called once or twice since she'd gone home from the hospital, but they never had more than a few minutes to chat, and she always had to be careful about who overheard her. For that matter, he probably did, too, but she figured he could take care of that end himself. She didn't want her parents asking too many questions, and she didn't want Will asking any. But Hotch had made clear, at least, that he was still interested in spending time with her, and so when she finally got Henry to sleep on her first afternoon alone, she settled down in her recliner, put her feet up, and dialed his cell number.
"Hotchner."
She smiled at the sound of his voice. God, she had it bad. "It's JJ."
"Hi! How are you?"
"I'm fine. Okay, I'm not fine, I'm exhausted. But content, anyway. You must be alone, or anyone around you would realize you were talking to someone you don't work with."
His voice had softened and warmed, and it made her feel ridiculously pleased. "I'm alone. I was just getting ready to head home. I was providing expert witness at a local case, and court just got out." She heard the chirp of a keyless remote. "What are you doing?"
"Enjoying the silence," she said, groaning happily, and he laughed on the other end of the line.
"Did everyone leave, or did you lock yourself in the attic?"
JJ grinned. "Gone. They're all gone, and I couldn't be happier. But I think if you're hungry, you could come share dinner with me. I have blended carrots that Henry isn't eating yet and a nice bottle of formula breathing," she teased. She was actually breast feeding, but she wasn't sure she wanted to offer that to Hotch even in jest. "Or you could pick something up." She suddenly wondered if she was expecting too much on too short notice, and amended, "Unless you'd rather go home and enjoy your own silence."
"Of course not," he said. "If you're sure you can handle having company again so soon. Sandwiches, Chinese, or Italian?" There was one definite benefit of falling for a co-worker; he knew what she liked to eat.
"Sandwiches, please," she said. "Everything else is too hard to eat tonight."
"I can understand that," he said, a smile in his voice. "I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Good," she said. "Bye."
"See you soon," Hotch said, and the phone clicked off.
JJ sighed, then slumped in the couch, smiling even as her eyes wanted to drift shut. After fighting it a moment, she lost the struggle, and fell to sleep. The next thing she was aware of was something moving against her hip. She gasped and jumped, then realized in a blur of thoughts that her phone was vibrating against her on the couch.
"God," she panted, then looked at the display. She smiled in spite of the way her heart was hammering in her chest, then made her way to the door.
Hotch was on the other side. "I figured you wouldn't have the ringer on, and thought it was safer to call than knock and possibly wake him," he said.
"Thanks," she breathed, still recovering from the combination of her impromptu nap and her startling wake up call.
He held up a carry-out sack and smiled at her. "Dinner reservations for Jareau, party of two?" he said. She laughed and stood aside so he could come in. "I couldn't remember if you like Dijon mustard," he admitted. "So I got the normal stuff. And there are two dill pickle spears, in case you're still craving them." He glanced at her. "But I did have them wrapped separately in case the smell of them makes you sick now."
"Oh, thank God," she said, making a face. She stood there for a moment, wanting to touch him. It was strange to be hesitant, she knew. But they'd had only a brief period of time to touch comfortably, and then life had thrown a curve at them and they'd barely seen each other since the birth. Not that she felt particularly sexy right now, but still... She licked her lips and tilted her head at him, and then just gave in and wrapped her arms around him. "It's good to see you."
Hotch chuckled, but he wrapped his arms around her, holding her securely. "It's good to see you too," he murmured, his breath tickling her ear. "Things haven't been the same without you. I've been missing things I didn't even know you did. Like the way you fiddle with your pencils when you aren't talking at the round table, or the way you tease Reid."
"Morgan and Emily tease him more than I do," she murmured, her face against his shoulder. He felt so strong. It was exactly what she needed. She lifted her head and smiled at him, but didn't pull away. "I don't fiddle with my pencils."
"They do, and you're nicer about the way you tease him," Hotch said. He smiled back at her. "Which is why I miss the way you do it. And yes, you do. It's cute." He kissed her quickly, then made a noise and kissed her again, more slowly.
She hummed happily into the kiss, melting into his embrace. It was ridiculous how good this felt, how comfortable. She enjoyed the way his free hand rubbed her back tenderly. "Cute?" she repeated when she pulled back, her tone flat, though her eyes were amused.
"Cute," he repeated firmly, smiling at her. He kissed her forehead, then drew back. "Are you hungry? You've probably learned by now that you have to take advantage of his naps."
"Mmm, yes," she said, not really wanting to pull away. She wanted nothing more than to be cuddled and maybe get a backrub, or the footrub he'd promised her a month ago. But she would regret it if she didn't eat now. She stepped back and gave his free hand a little tug, and then led the way into her living room.
She got Hotch settled on the couch, then went to the kitchen for drinks. When she came back, she sat next to him and unwrapped her sandwich, setting the pickles as far away from her as she could. "If I don't see another pickle in my life, it'll be too soon," she told him, which made him laugh.
"Henry will probably love them," he teased.
"Good thing he can't chew them for a while. Maybe I'll forget the horror," she said, and settled back against the couch next to him.
He laughed quietly and shifted. She could see him glancing at her, but it wasn't until he spoke that she realized he might be questioning the situation between them. "How are things with Will?" He glanced over at her again, then turned his attention to his sandwich.
She turned to look at him for a moment, trying to read his expression. It was impossible. "They're okay. My parents love him, which is sort of a blessing and a curse, but... I think he understands it's over now, even if no one but me seems happy with that." She looked away, taking a bite of her sandwich, chewing thoughtfully. "He's still moving to Virginia," she added after a moment, more quietly.
Aaron nodded. "If..." He took a deep breath. "If you're having second thoughts, please say so now. I won't be angry, I just...I would hate to get in the way if you want to...just don't feel obligated to me, that's all."
Her gaze jerked back to him again, her lips parting, and then she shook her head. "No. I don't," she said firmly. "I wouldn't... I wouldn't take the risk if you weren't who I really wanted." She shifted a little to face him better. "I want you."
He looked back at her, smiling. "I'm glad." He lifted a hand to brush his fingers against her cheek. "I shouldn't ever have considered this. But I've always respected you and liked you a great deal, and then we were both suddenly single again... I think my feelings blitz-attacked me."
She laughed and turned her cheek into his touch. "Same here." She kissed his palm, and then shifted to lean against him, turning her attention back to her sandwich when his arm slipped around her shoulders.
They ate in silence for a while, and she was pleased that even when Hotch's sandwich started losing tomato slices and bits of lettuce, he didn't take his arm from around her shoulders. When they'd finished, she set their plates on the coffee table and then Hotch wrapped both arms around her and pulled her back to lean against his chest. "This is going to be a little difficult, with our jobs," he said, kissing her hair.
"In some ways," JJ replied, pressing her lips to his neck. "I don't think we should say anything about it. The team'll figure it out, but I'm not worried about them." She shifted and slid her arms around his waist. "It'll be nice to have someone to hold me like this after a bad case though."
"Someone who understands what the case was like," he agreed. "What the job is." He rested his cheek against her hair, one hand sliding along her arm. "The fact remains that either or both of us could lose our jobs, if someone outside the team finds out. I don't want that to happen, but...we should probably have a, well, a plan, I guess. For if that happens."
She nodded. "Okay," she murmured. "Can we talk about that later though? I'm supposed to be relaxing now," she informed him.
"Mmm, that's right." He stroked a hand over her hair, then pulled her closer. "What can I do to help you relax? Rub your feet? Promise to change the next dirty diaper?"
"This is a good start," she murmured, and turned to kissed his cheek softly.
He hummed and brought a hand up to cup her cheek. "You're so wonderful," he whispered, and kissed her lightly on the lips. He seemed to understand she wasn't really into the whole idea of sex right now.
"So're you," she said, her hand slipping to his hip.
She was pleased when she settled again and he held her tighter. Of course, it was precisely at that moment that she heard a distinct cry from the nursery. She made a little whiny noise, then pulled back and sighed. "Never going to have a normal adult evening," she complained, but she was smiling anyway.
"Not for several years," he agreed. "I'd offer to go get him, but I'm afraid I don't even know where the nursery is."
She smiled and slipped her hand into his as she pulled away. "You can come with me," she offered.
His fingers tightened around hers, and he pulled her back for one more kiss. "Gladly. Lead on."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2009-02-22 02:34 am (UTC)It kind of reminds me of a book that I saw in Barnes & Noble the other day called, "Porn for Moms" (or something like that). It has pictures of attractive men with captions like, "Let me cook dinner tonight" and "Oh, I'll take care of the baby, you have a nap".
I like daddy-Hotch.
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Date: 2009-02-22 03:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-22 12:29 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it!
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Date: 2009-02-22 02:46 am (UTC)Mischievous!Hotch stealing ice-cream = *drools*
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Date: 2009-02-22 03:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-22 12:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-22 08:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-22 12:31 pm (UTC)Thanks!
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Date: 2009-02-22 05:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-22 02:00 pm (UTC)I'm particularly impressed with your take on Will... there are too many fics out there that turn him into a womanising/alcoholic/violent/all of the above a**hole, whereas you take the nice, earnest guy that we saw on the show and write him like that. (No great fan of his am I, but I hate character assassination more!)
The image of Rossi holding Emily's hair back had me giggling, and if I had to have one little nitpick, it's that there was not enough Garcia in there, I'd love to know what she thought of the whole thing! (Though of course, if you were to do a sequel/companion piece, you could address that...)
Fantastic story, one that I'm definitely going to be rereading! *applause*
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Date: 2009-02-22 02:04 pm (UTC)Whaaaaat?! I clearly have not read any of these fics (but I don't generally read fics with him in them), but that seems grossly out of character. I'm not a huge fan of Will, but he ADORES JJ, and is a very sweet guy.
I'm so glad you liked it! I love your Hotch/JJ drabbles and think you ought to write more. *nods* There is not enough of them around. :(
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Date: 2009-02-22 05:10 pm (UTC)I'm not sure how Garcia wasn't in here much...we both love her to pieces, she just wasn't around...
I'm glad you enjoyed this! :)
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Date: 2009-02-22 02:17 pm (UTC)I don't think I would have been convinced of this plot unless Hotch was the guy involved. He is noble and sincere and earnest and he'd have the ability to give a woman nine months pregnant (and completely inclined to hate men and blame them in general for the sorry state of her body) goosebumps.
You must write more of this. Clandestine affair? Third wheel hovering over JJ and very likely to pick up on Hotch's less than professional interest?
More.
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Date: 2009-02-22 02:23 pm (UTC)Thanks!
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Date: 2009-02-22 05:11 pm (UTC):D
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Date: 2009-02-22 02:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-22 02:25 pm (UTC)Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!
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Date: 2009-02-22 05:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-22 06:26 pm (UTC)also: high admiration for not a single bad word about Haley. I really can't see a thing wrong with her (apart from the affair which I think she had in canon) and I dislike having her pictured as cold/selfish/whatever in fics that pair of Hotch with someone. I'm so glad you didn't do that!
I hope very much there'll be a third part.
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Date: 2009-02-23 01:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-23 02:32 pm (UTC)I liked her a lot in the few scenes she was in, especially when she was with the team for an evening in a bar (season two, the episode which ended with Gabriel/evil dad/schizophrenic son abducting Reid). The divorce was IMO terribly sad for Hotch but in fanfiction it certainly did wonders for his sex life. ;)
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Date: 2009-02-28 03:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-22 06:32 pm (UTC)*sighs and snuggles up with you both* loves it.
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Date: 2009-02-23 01:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-28 03:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-23 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-23 01:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-28 03:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-23 01:20 pm (UTC)Thanks :)
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Date: 2009-02-24 03:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-28 03:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-24 03:16 am (UTC)Wait, no, I did love Hotch being all...well...courtly over JJ while she was pregnant, and afterward, too.
That's all. :)
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Date: 2009-02-24 03:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-28 03:13 am (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2009-02-27 09:00 pm (UTC)Plus I liked how you wrote Will (like many here said, he stayed true to his sweet mumbling self) and Emily was a hoot! Oh and I totally agree with 'your' Emily- Hotch and Emily are too similar to really work as a couple, at least in my POV. It's why I don't ship them (then again, I'm either anti-ship or rare-ship, so....*shrugs*)
Great job! Can't wait to read your next Hotch fic!
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Date: 2009-02-27 11:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-28 03:25 am (UTC)I generally don't read or ship Hotch/Prentiss. Like Innerlsytherin said, I think they both need someone to shake them up.
then again, I'm either anti-ship or rare-ship, so....*shrugs*
In my last fandom, I had a fairly large OTP, and then I loved rare-pairs. By the end of it, by OTP had become a tiny rare-pair that I think only me and Innerslytherin were even writing! I'm a big ole multi-shipper in CM though, with rare exceptions!
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Date: 2009-06-20 01:40 pm (UTC)your voices always sound great no matter what the pairing.
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Date: 2009-06-20 11:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-30 11:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-31 02:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-31 05:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-06 04:10 am (UTC)Anyway, the thought of Hotch being there for JJ all the way along, is so Hotch-like and sweet. I love the dynamic in this and how you slowly took JJ and Hotch from friends to more and how Will wasn't a bad guy in this, just he and JJ didn't work together.
I love Daddy!Hotch. Who wouldn't want a man like him, at her side? *Sigh*
Thanks for sharing : )
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Date: 2010-11-06 12:32 pm (UTC)And as far as Will, I can not understand the Will hate. I know there are shippers that were unhappy that canon messed with their ship, and I can totally understand that. But to write Will as a bad guy just because you don't want him around is ridiculous. It's out of character. He is clearly a very sweet guy who adores JJ. It's the same with Kevin. He's a great guy who adores Garcia, but certain people (most Morgan/Garcia shippers) don't like him because he messed with their ship. If we need him gone in a fic, though, we're not going to make him a monster all of a sudden. It's just not who he (or Will) is.
Anyway, off my soap box... I am glad you liked this. Thanks!
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Date: 2010-11-06 03:24 pm (UTC)Anyway, thanks! :)