ext_28200 (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
severity-softly.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
geekystudmuffin2009-03-24 11:30 pm
severity-softly.livejournal.com) wrote in geekystudmuffin2009-03-24 11:30 pm
Love Like a Fever, 1/2, Hotch/Reid, NC-17
Title: Love Like a Fever (1/2)
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
innerslytherin and severity_softly
Pairing: Hotch/Reid
Rating: NC-17
Word count: ~13,500
Summary: When Aaron takes his annual leave to spend time with Jack, he winds up needing Spencer to help him through a hard time. After the scare is over, Aaron and Spencer find themselves closer than before.
Notes: This started off as an idea to writeslash_girl a short little fic to say thanks (she knows why). But then our muses ran away with it and it wound up not being so short. Anyway, thank you, Stacy. We hope you enjoy it.
The team had been told not to expect to hear from Hotch for at least two weeks. Of course, the moment Hotch had announced he was taking two weeks of Annual Leave to do nothing but spend time with his son, Rossi had started a pool on how long Hotch would last away from the office.
Spencer was a Vegas boy at heart, and he'd gone for the long shot. He fully expected total radio silence from Hotch for the full two weeks. He'd told himself he was happy that Hotch was taking time to actually relax, even if it was because his ex-wife was remarrying and going on a two-week honeymoon to the Mediterranean. He'd tried to convince himself that he was glad Hotch was going to get that much time with his son.
In reality he knew he was going to miss his boss. It would be the longest time he'd ever gone without seeing him, including the month of enforced medical leave Spencer had taken after the Hankel case. Everyone on the team had stayed in contact with him during that time, but Hotch had been the only one who came to see Spencer and who assured Spencer that Gideon was staying away out of guilt.
When Spencer's cell phone rang at ten-fifteen Friday night, and the caller ID said "Aaron Hotchner" on it, it was less than twenty-four hours since Hotch's AL had begun. Spencer suddenly had a bad feeling that JJ was going to win her thirty-six hour bet.
Spencer sighed and flipped open his phone, though he had to admit, he was glad to get to hear Hotch's voice. "Hotch, I'm not allowed to tell you anything about what we're doing unless we need you. Dave threatened to shoot us if anyone encouraged you to work when you're supposed to be with Jack," he said, then grinned. "You know, I really prefer your method of team leadership."
"Reid, thank God." Hotch's voice cracked, which made Spencer sit up. The book he'd been reading slid off his lap. "I hoped you wouldn't be busy. I'm at Children's...Jack's sick. He's been restless with a fever all evening after I brought him home from the reception. He started throwing up...I brought him to the ER when I saw his temperature. Haley and Jim's flight left about four hours ago; they're somewhere over the Atlantic right now. I can't call Haley's parents, because they'd panic, but I just..." He trailed off and then made an awkward noise. "I'm sorry, I needed to talk to someone."
"It's fine," Spencer said automatically. He grabbed his book off the floor to toss it on the coffee table, then immediately headed to the bedroom to get dressed. "You're at Children's?" he asked, and then suddenly realized that Aaron hadn't asked him to come to the hospital. He'd just wanted to talk.
"They don't know what's wrong with him," Hotch said. Spencer couldn't think of a time when he'd heard Hotch sound like this, his voice almost shaking. "He's...just lying in that bed that's too big for him...there are all these tubes and they're monitoring his pulse, and..." Spencer heard a noise that must be Aaron rubbing his hand over his mouth. "I keep thinking he'll be scared, but...he's just...out of it."
Spencer stood there frowning. He wondered why Aaron called him rather than Dave. After a moment, he managed to say, "I'm sorry." Then he decided he didn't care that Hotch hadn't actually invited him. "What room are you in?" he asked, skimming out of his pajamas.
Hotch gave him the number, then said, "Spencer, you don't have to--I didn't mean for you to come down here. I'm sorry, I've interrupted your night..."
"I wasn't really all that excited about the grilled cheese I was going to make, or the bad Sci-fi movie I would have wound up watching," Spencer said, pulling clothes out of his closet.
"It's after ten at night," Aaron said, his voice steadying for a moment. "You haven't eaten supper yet?"
Spencer coughed. "I had a Twinkie a while ago," he said, tugging on his pants one handed.
"You really need someone around to remind you when to eat," Hotch said. His voice seemed slightly affectionate, but Spencer told himself that was just wishful thinking. Through the phone came the crackly noise of someone being paged over the intercom. "I can't really talk longer," Aaron said. "I ought to be there in case Jack wakes up. I just...I just needed to talk. Thanks."
"Yeah," Spencer said. "I'll see you in a few."
Aaron thanked him again, then hung up, and Spencer finished getting dressed and left. He didn't really feel like eating hospital cafeteria food, and he supposed he should eat, so he picked up fast food on the way. He got Aaron something too, just in case. He knew Aaron had probably eaten at Haley's reception, but he didn't care.
When he got to the hospital, he went straight for Jack's room and knocked. When there wasn't an answer, he poked his head in slowly and saw Aaron hunched over in a seat near Jack's bed.
"Hey," he said quietly, then glanced over at the bed. His lips parted in surprise at the sight of Jack in the bed, hooked up to machines, but all he could manage to say was, "He's gotten so big."
Aaron looked up, acknowledging Spencer but not smiling, then turned his attention back to his son. "Has he? To me he just looks tiny and fragile. Like those tubes are too big to fit in his body." After a moment he stood up and walked over to touch Spencer's shoulder. "You really didn't have to come," he said, but the tone of his voice seemed to say he was glad anyway.
"I know," Spencer said, and glanced at Aaron's hand. A moment later, he wished he hadn't, because that seemed to prompt Aaron to take it back. Spencer was not a touchy person, but he'd always felt warmed and comforted when Hotch touched him. He held up the paper bag in his hand and shrugged. "I got you a burger if you want it."
"Thanks." Aaron looked surprised, but he took it. "I ate at the reception, but..." He turned and looked back at the bed, and profound unhappiness washed over his face. "God, Spencer, he's my little boy."
Spencer frowned. He tried to say that everything was going to be okay, but he didn't know what was wrong and couldn't bring himself to say things like that just because it was what you're supposed to say. "Do they know what's wrong?"
"No," Aaron whispered. He went back to the chair and sat down--collapsed in it, really. He was clutching the top of the paper bag so tightly his knuckles were white. "They've run some tests. They'll run more in the morning if he doesn't respond to antibiotics."
For the first time Spencer took the time to really look at Hotch. The circles under Hotch's eyes were dark, his eyes reddened as if he'd been rubbing at them. His hair was ruffled, and his shirt collar was open, though he'd clearly not finished changing out of the clothes he'd worn to Haley's wedding.
Spencer sat next to him and took the bag back, then put it on the chair next to him with his own. "You don't have to eat it if you don't want." He watched Aaron for a long moment, wishing he knew what to say. God, he wasn't any good at this; he wasn't really even any good with grieving parents at work. He sighed and sat back, looking away in case Aaron didn't want to be scrutinized.
He squinted at the bags hanging above Jack's bed, noting the antibiotic they were using wasn't overly strong and they just had Jack on fluids in addition to it. "Has he been awake much?"
Aaron shook his head, then finally looked back at Spencer. "He's been out most of the time since I got him here. He fell asleep in the car. But I can't bear to leave him for too long." He looked at Jack again, his voice going hoarse. "I keep thinking how scared he'll be when he wakes up."
Spencer nodded. "When I was seven, I got pneumonia, and my mom sat by my bed and read me Pablo Neruda and Faust." He gave a wry smile, then looked back at Jack. "He's lucky you're here."
Aaron sighed. "I didn't even think about getting books. I just barely remembered to get his teddy bear." He reached down next to him and pulled out a floppy brown bear, then tucked it under his arm. He looked unbearably sad, and Spencer ached that he couldn't do anything to help.
He couldn't help but feel bad that he seemed to have just made Aaron guilty too. "I wasn't expecting that you should have," he said, and sighed. "I was in the hospital for several days; she had time to get them later." He had the impulse to reach out and touch Aaron, but his hand refused to move. Aaron was a tactile person, and Spencer wasn't. It felt almost inappropriate, especially given he knew how he really felt about Aaron.
Aaron nodded, then glanced over at the bag of food. "I'm sorry, you got yourself food too, didn't you? We should eat before it gets cold."
Spencer nodded and handed the bag back to Aaron after getting out his own food. He watched him for a moment, them reminded himself that watching Aaron wasn't going to help anything. "I got you fries too, but if you don't want them..." He shrugged. He wasn't sure he should be making small talk.
"Fries are fine," Aaron said as he pulled them out. He laughed after a moment, though the sound wasn't very happy. "Jack always gets fries in his Happy Meals, but he doesn't eat them, and then when he's eaten everything else, he tells me I can have them." He glanced at Spencer. "And by then they're cold."
Spencer laughed too. "What kind of kid doesn't like fries?" he teased, smiling at Hotch. He wondered if he should tease right now, but if it made Aaron smile it might be worth it.
Aaron's lips quirked up. "One who's too eager to get to the playground to finish his meal." His almost-smile faded quickly, but at least he'd tried. "Thanks for coming, Spencer. It's better than sitting here alone and wondering..."
Spencer nodded. "Yeah. It's fine." Spencer crossed his legs and slumped in his seat a bit. "Was Dave busy?"
Aaron looked surprised. "I don't know. Why?"
Spencer glanced over, then looked away. "I just thought... you would have called him first." He shrugged, hoping his tone was casual.
Aaron's surprise didn't fade, but it turned into something else, something Spencer couldn't quite pinpoint. "No. I didn't really think about calling anyone but you."
That made Spencer's chest feel tight in a way he hadn't felt in a while--in a good way--and he sucked in a slow breath, then couldn't help but smile faintly at Aaron. He looked back down and unwrapped his burger. "Really?" he asked quietly, not quite able to look at Aaron as he asked.
Aaron looked over at him, then shrugged. "You always let me talk. And you're good company."
"I'm not very good at this." Spencer glanced at Jack, who was still sleeping.
Aaron shrugged again. "You're here." He gave Spencer a small smile.
Spencer nodded. He wondered if being here was enough when he didn't know what to say. They ate in silence for a while, though, and Spencer could see Aaron's shoulders had relaxed noticeably since Spencer had arrived.
When they were done, the silence still hung in the room, but Spencer was glad Aaron didn't seem uncomfortable with that, and after a while, Jack groaned and started coughing. His eyes clamped shut and he brought a tiny fist up to his mouth.
Aaron was at his bedside faster than Spencer could react. "Jack?" he whispered, his fingers brushing through his son's hair. "Hi, Jacksie. Daddy's here."
Jack frowned, seeming surprised by the touch, then reached a hand up toward Aaron, making little grabby hands for him. "Daddy," he murmured, and Aaron leaned down and kissed Jack's forehead. Spencer could see tiny fingers curl into Aaron's hair.
"How do you feel, buddy?" Aaron asked. He kept his cheek against Jack's skin, maybe feeling how hot Jack was.
"Sick," Jack said vaguely. "W'you lay down with me?"
"I can't." Aaron's voice was apologetic. "But I'll stay right here with you." He stroked his hand down Jack's arm and closed his eyes. Spencer wasn't sure if he'd ever seen this sort of pain on Aaron's face. He wondered if he was supposed to leave the room now that Jack was awake.
"I won't take up too much space," Jack complained. "I can squish."
Aaron made a noise that was half amusement and half unhappiness and glanced at Spencer. Then he shoved his shoes off and shifted Jack over carefully. "Come here, then," he murmured, climbing onto the bed. He kissed Jack's forehead again.
Jack snuggled up against Aaron, wrapping his arm around him--or at least he tried to, but he got tied up on the IVs. Aaron shh'd him gently and held his hand.
Spencer looked down at the floor. Now he was certain he shouldn't be watching this, but he wasn't sure if he should just leave either. It was then that Jack seemed to notice him, because he heard the little boy's muffled whisper. "Daddy, who's that? Is he sick too?"
Aaron looked over and beckoned for Spencer to come closer. "This is Spencer. You've met him before, when you were just a baby. He works with me. He came to see how you are."
Spencer walked over, feeling awkward, but held his hand up in a little wave. "Hi, Jack," he said, and Jack lifted a hand in a weak, but exaggerated wave.
"Spesser," he said. "Hi. You look sad like my Daddy. Are y'sure you're not sick?"
Spencer's lips twisted. "No, I'm not sick."
"He's just sad that you're sick," Aaron explained. "Like I am." He looked up at Spencer, then cuddled Jack a little closer. "I brought Jack Bear with me." He glanced at Spencer and nodded towards the forgotten teddy bear.
"Oh," Jack said. When Spencer brought it over, Jack pushed it away. "I don't want him to get sick," he protested. Spencer pressed his lips together to keep from smiling--apparently Jack wasn't as concerned about his two human companions--but then Jack started coughing again.
Aaron propped Jack up just a little, soothing him while he coughed. He looked like he was in pain as much as his son. When Jack was finished, he whimpered and snuggled against Aaron, pushing his face into his dad's chest.
"Here," Aaron said quietly, taking the bear from Spencer. "Jack Bears don't get sick. They're special. He's just here to make you feel better."
Jack made another whimpery noise and pulled the bear against his chest. He was quiet for a while, and Aaron just pressed his lips to Jack's hair and rested with him. Spencer pulled his chair over closer and watched the edge of the bed.
"Daddy?" Jack whispered some time later, after Spencer had thought he'd gone back to sleep. "Does Spesser like me? He's not loud like Jim."
"Of course Spencer likes you," Aaron whispered back. "I think maybe he's quiet because he doesn't want to interrupt your rest." He glanced at Spencer, looking a little apprehensive. "Maybe he could tell you a story, if you want."
Spencer's eyebrows shot up, but Jack was already trying to roll to face him. "I want a story," he said, and Spencer forced his brows back down.
He gave Aaron an unsure look, then said, "What kind of story?"
"You know the King Arthur stories, don't you?" Aaron asked. "You could tell one of those."
"I know whatever kind of stories you want," Spencer told Jack.
Jack was looking at him expectantly. "King Arthur."
Aaron smiled at Spencer, stroking Jack's hair back from his forehead. "Maybe Jack hasn't heard about the sword in the stone," he suggested. "About how King Arthur became the king."
Spencer nodded. It had been a while since he'd read the story, but he remembered the words on the page and started to recite them. After a while Jack was smiling at him, and Spencer wasn't really sure how to respond to that. He wasn't used to children, and certainly not children that seemed to like him. He offered Jack a little smile back, but just kept on with the story.
The story was punctuated by stops when Jack coughed, nurse visits, and one longer break when Jack coughed so hard he threw up and started crying. But eventually Spencer finished the story, and Jack seemed as happy as he could have been.
Aaron was smiling as he stroked his hand down his son's arm. "Spencer knows some good stories, doesn't he, Jacks?" he whispered. "Do you think you could go to sleep for a while?"
Jack nodded tiredly. "Thank you, Spesser," he said in a small voice.
Spencer smiled at him. "You're welcome," he said, and glanced at Aaron. He wondered how late it was. He was starting to feel sleepy too, but he didn't really want to leave Aaron. He slept pretty well in chairs anyway.
Aaron's smile had widened for a moment when Jack said thank you. He kissed Jack's forehead again and looked up at Spencer. "Thanks for coming," he said. "It must be getting late."
Spencer shrugged, looking at the way Aaron was resting with Jack. "Probably," he said, not looking at his watch.
After a moment, Aaron nodded, still smiling. He didn't say anything else, just watched Spencer quietly.
Spencer held his gaze for a moment, feeling a little strange, but in a good way. Then he shifted and slouched down in his chair. He started to close his eyes, but then glanced over at Aaron first. "I can go if you want me to, but I don't mind staying."
Aaron was quiet for several heartbeats, then shook his head. "If you don't mind, then stay."
Spencer nodded, then dropped his head back against the chair and closed his eyes.
***
Aaron was exhausted when Jack was finally well enough to leave the hospital. The doctors never figured out what was wrong with Jack, but the past two days had been the most harrowing of Aaron's life. it had been worse even than when they were waiting to hear if Elle and Penelope would recover from being shot. It was possible that having Reid in the hands of Tobias Hankel had been just as bad; on the one hand Jack was his son, but on the other, Hankel had been infinitely more malicious than Jack's illness.
As bad as the past two days had been, though, there had been some good to come out of it. He couldn't help but feel closer to Reid after they'd kept vigil over his son together. Just knowing that Spencer was willing to come sit in a hospital room with him was immensely important to him.
Jack was still weak and tired, and the doctor had suggested another day of bed rest at home. Spencer had offered to stop at the store and pick up some things that Jack liked to eat so Aaron could take Jack straight home. Gratefully, Aaron had taken him up on the offer. He was just getting Jack settled into bed with fresh sheets and lots of fluffy pillows (he'd taken all the pillows off his own bed) when he heard the doorbell.
"Is that Spesser?" Jack asked. He said he wasn't sleepy, so Aaron had a feeling he would be demanding another story from Spencer.
"I bet it is. Why don't you lie quietly up here, and in a little bit I'll send him upstairs?"
Jack nodded and got really still under his covers to prove he'd keep to his word. Aaron grinned and kissed his forehead, then headed down to answer the door.
Spencer was looking around the front door when Aaron answered, and Spencer held up the bag with groceries. "They were out of blue raspberry Popsicles, but I got watermelon ones. They're green, so he can still turn his mouth colors if that's why he likes the blue ones."
Aaron laughed and beckoned Spencer inside. "You must have read his mind," he said, taking the bag from Spencer. "Come on back to the kitchen. You want a Coke or something?"
"Oh." Spencer hovered for a minute, as if he didn't think he was going to be invited to stay, and then followed Aaron inside. "Yeah, a Coke is fine."
"Sorry, you must be as tired as I am," Aaron said. "I didn't even think you might want to go home and collapse." He looked anxiously at Spencer, hoping he would stay, but telling himself not to be disappointed if he didn't.
"No," Spencer said quickly. "No, it's fine, I just thought..." He shrugged. "I'd like to stay."
Aaron gave him a small smile. "Okay." He led the way to the kitchen and set down the bag of groceries, then got out two Cokes from the refrigerator. When he turned back to look at Spencer, though, he was hit by a surge of gratitude. He opened his mouth, then put the Cokes on the counter and hugged Spencer hard. "Thank you," he whispered.
Spencer sucked in a breath and tensed a little, which Aaron expected, given that Spencer wasn't overly touchy. What Aaron didn't expect was that a moment later Spencer's shoulders relaxed and he melted against Aaron, returning the hug. "It's fine," he murmured.
"I'm so grateful," Aaron murmured, telling himself not to enjoy this too much or read too much into it. "I think the waiting would have driven me crazy if you hadn't been there." He lowered his head just enough to rest it lightly against Spencer's shoulder; he wasn't sure when it had happened, but Spencer was taller even than Aaron now.
Aaron felt Spencer draw a slow breath, and one of Spencer's fingers stroked between Aaron's shoulderblades, then stopped. "I'm glad you called me. I'm... you called me first," he said. He still sounded a little like he couldn't believe that.
Aaron laughed quietly but couldn't make himself pull back. If Spencer only knew how much Aaron needed him. "You never seemed to mind," he murmured instead. "When I talked about Haley, about the way things were falling apart..."
Spencer nodded. His hand stroked one more time, and then he pulled back, looking awkward. "I'm glad you talk to me. You need to talk to someone. I figure even someone that doesn't know what to say is better than nothing." His lips twisted into a small smile.
Aaron smiled back at him. "You know how to listen. That's better than all the advice in the world." He felt awkward suddenly and wished he had the right--or the courage--to touch Spencer's cheek, to press his lips against Spencer's. Instead he cleared his throat and turned to get Spencer's Coke. "Jack was hoping you'd tell him another story," he said sheepishly.
"Oh, was he?" Spencer said, taking his Coke. "I'm running out of kid's stories. I doubt he'd enjoy Goethe."
Aaron chuckled. "Maybe something a little lighter," he suggested, starting to put away the groceries. "I'd suggest fairy tales, but I have a feeling your mother only ever read you the Grimms' versions."
Spencer pursed his lips. "I know The Velveteen Rabbit," he suggested.
"That would work." Aaron stepped closer. "You don't have to do this. I'm sorry, I just..." He sighed. I want you to be a bigger part of my life. He couldn't just say something like that, though. "Jack really likes you."
"It's fine," Spencer said. He hesitated a moment, like he had something to say, then he just looked out the kitchen door. "Are you coming with me?"
"If you want me to." Aaron had planned to pull together something to feed them for lunch, but he didn't know if he should say that. He rubbed thoughtfully at his chin. "I thought maybe you could stay for lunch, at least."
Spencer stared at him for a moment, and then a smile bloomed across his face. "Okay." He shifted a little. "Have you decided to take it upon yourself to make sure I eat?"
Aaron smiled back. "Someone obviously needs to," he teased, reaching out and nudging Spencer's arm. Then he caught himself and pulled back. He ought to be more careful about touching Spencer.
For a second, Spencer's smile went strange, but then it widened until it was broader than it was before. "I don't mind."
"You haven't tasted my cooking yet," Aaron retorted. "Come on, Jack's room is this way."
Jack really hadn't been tired. He'd grinned broadly when Spencer came in, then hung on every words of Spencer's story. When it was over, he asked a bunch of questions about how he could make his own toys come to life while Spencer tried to explain, to Jack's dismay, that it wasn't possible. Jack finally started getting sleepy when Spencer tried to explain the biological processes that had to be present to indicate if something was or was not a living organism.
Before long, Jack was asleep, his thumb in his mouth. Aaron brushed his hair back from his forehead, then smiled and stood up. He tilted his head for Spencer to follow him out of the bedroom. When they got back to the kitchen, Aaron gestured at a bar stool.
"Sandwiches, pasta, or freezer pizza?" he asked. "I'm afraid I don't have the energy for anything more complicated, so bachelor food will have to do this time." Not 'this time', Aaron, he berated himself. You can't assume Spencer will want to keep spending time with you.
"Freezer pizza," Spencer said, tilting his head at Aaron. "Next time I can bring food. Not just groceries."
Aaron found himself staring at Spencer, a warmth spreading in his chest that made him smile. "Sounds good." He started the oven pre-heating, then glanced over at Spencer. "Need another Coke or anything?" He could really use a glass of wine, but he wasn't sure if Spencer drank socially any more. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen him with anything stronger than coffee.
"No, I'm okay," Spencer said. "I could really use coffee, but it doesn't go very well with pizza." Spencer looked tired, but when he finally sat at the barstool Aaron had pointed out, he looked comfortable and pleased to be here.
Aaron nodded and dismissed the idea of a glass of wine. He wasn't going to drink in front of Spencer unless he could be certain it wouldn't cause him any distress. Aaron had been fairly certain that dilaudid had been Spencer's drug of choice, but he wasn't going to risk it.
"Coffee it is, then." He brewed coffee for Spencer and tea for himself, and when the pizza was ready, they ate in companionable quiet. He had a feeling they were both worn out, and he thought again how very fortunate he was to have someone who would go through this with him.
When they were both staring at their plates, debating whether or not to finish off the pizza, Aaron finally touched Spencer's shoulder again, deliberately. "Spencer," he said quietly, "thank you for everything. I couldn't ask for a better friend."
Spencer had smiled at the touch, but when Aaron finished, it slipped. It was brief, and Aaron might have missed it if he hadn't been making eye contact. When Spencer pushed the smile back up, it didn't look as genuine. "I'm glad I could help," he said, then cleared his throat. "I probably should head home. I didn't sleep much at the hospital."
His words sent a pang of guilt through Aaron, who squeezed his shoulder lightly. "You did help," he murmured. I don't know how to say how much. "Sleep well." He hesitated, then said, "Maybe you could come by for dinner one night this week?"
Spencer gave Aaron that same odd smile, and nodded. "Sounds good." He glanced at their plates. "Do you want help cleaning up?"
"No, this is fine," Aaron said. "You've already helped so much. Go home and get some sleep." He smiled crookedly. "And remember to eat supper."
Spencer breathed a laugh. "Maybe you should call me and remind me,"he joked, then headed for the door.
"Maybe I will," Aaron joked back, and found himself smiling broadly for no reason.
PART TWO
Authors:
innerslytherin and severity_softlyPairing: Hotch/Reid
Rating: NC-17
Word count: ~13,500
Summary: When Aaron takes his annual leave to spend time with Jack, he winds up needing Spencer to help him through a hard time. After the scare is over, Aaron and Spencer find themselves closer than before.
Notes: This started off as an idea to write
slash_girl a short little fic to say thanks (she knows why). But then our muses ran away with it and it wound up not being so short. Anyway, thank you, Stacy. We hope you enjoy it.The team had been told not to expect to hear from Hotch for at least two weeks. Of course, the moment Hotch had announced he was taking two weeks of Annual Leave to do nothing but spend time with his son, Rossi had started a pool on how long Hotch would last away from the office.
Spencer was a Vegas boy at heart, and he'd gone for the long shot. He fully expected total radio silence from Hotch for the full two weeks. He'd told himself he was happy that Hotch was taking time to actually relax, even if it was because his ex-wife was remarrying and going on a two-week honeymoon to the Mediterranean. He'd tried to convince himself that he was glad Hotch was going to get that much time with his son.
In reality he knew he was going to miss his boss. It would be the longest time he'd ever gone without seeing him, including the month of enforced medical leave Spencer had taken after the Hankel case. Everyone on the team had stayed in contact with him during that time, but Hotch had been the only one who came to see Spencer and who assured Spencer that Gideon was staying away out of guilt.
When Spencer's cell phone rang at ten-fifteen Friday night, and the caller ID said "Aaron Hotchner" on it, it was less than twenty-four hours since Hotch's AL had begun. Spencer suddenly had a bad feeling that JJ was going to win her thirty-six hour bet.
Spencer sighed and flipped open his phone, though he had to admit, he was glad to get to hear Hotch's voice. "Hotch, I'm not allowed to tell you anything about what we're doing unless we need you. Dave threatened to shoot us if anyone encouraged you to work when you're supposed to be with Jack," he said, then grinned. "You know, I really prefer your method of team leadership."
"Reid, thank God." Hotch's voice cracked, which made Spencer sit up. The book he'd been reading slid off his lap. "I hoped you wouldn't be busy. I'm at Children's...Jack's sick. He's been restless with a fever all evening after I brought him home from the reception. He started throwing up...I brought him to the ER when I saw his temperature. Haley and Jim's flight left about four hours ago; they're somewhere over the Atlantic right now. I can't call Haley's parents, because they'd panic, but I just..." He trailed off and then made an awkward noise. "I'm sorry, I needed to talk to someone."
"It's fine," Spencer said automatically. He grabbed his book off the floor to toss it on the coffee table, then immediately headed to the bedroom to get dressed. "You're at Children's?" he asked, and then suddenly realized that Aaron hadn't asked him to come to the hospital. He'd just wanted to talk.
"They don't know what's wrong with him," Hotch said. Spencer couldn't think of a time when he'd heard Hotch sound like this, his voice almost shaking. "He's...just lying in that bed that's too big for him...there are all these tubes and they're monitoring his pulse, and..." Spencer heard a noise that must be Aaron rubbing his hand over his mouth. "I keep thinking he'll be scared, but...he's just...out of it."
Spencer stood there frowning. He wondered why Aaron called him rather than Dave. After a moment, he managed to say, "I'm sorry." Then he decided he didn't care that Hotch hadn't actually invited him. "What room are you in?" he asked, skimming out of his pajamas.
Hotch gave him the number, then said, "Spencer, you don't have to--I didn't mean for you to come down here. I'm sorry, I've interrupted your night..."
"I wasn't really all that excited about the grilled cheese I was going to make, or the bad Sci-fi movie I would have wound up watching," Spencer said, pulling clothes out of his closet.
"It's after ten at night," Aaron said, his voice steadying for a moment. "You haven't eaten supper yet?"
Spencer coughed. "I had a Twinkie a while ago," he said, tugging on his pants one handed.
"You really need someone around to remind you when to eat," Hotch said. His voice seemed slightly affectionate, but Spencer told himself that was just wishful thinking. Through the phone came the crackly noise of someone being paged over the intercom. "I can't really talk longer," Aaron said. "I ought to be there in case Jack wakes up. I just...I just needed to talk. Thanks."
"Yeah," Spencer said. "I'll see you in a few."
Aaron thanked him again, then hung up, and Spencer finished getting dressed and left. He didn't really feel like eating hospital cafeteria food, and he supposed he should eat, so he picked up fast food on the way. He got Aaron something too, just in case. He knew Aaron had probably eaten at Haley's reception, but he didn't care.
When he got to the hospital, he went straight for Jack's room and knocked. When there wasn't an answer, he poked his head in slowly and saw Aaron hunched over in a seat near Jack's bed.
"Hey," he said quietly, then glanced over at the bed. His lips parted in surprise at the sight of Jack in the bed, hooked up to machines, but all he could manage to say was, "He's gotten so big."
Aaron looked up, acknowledging Spencer but not smiling, then turned his attention back to his son. "Has he? To me he just looks tiny and fragile. Like those tubes are too big to fit in his body." After a moment he stood up and walked over to touch Spencer's shoulder. "You really didn't have to come," he said, but the tone of his voice seemed to say he was glad anyway.
"I know," Spencer said, and glanced at Aaron's hand. A moment later, he wished he hadn't, because that seemed to prompt Aaron to take it back. Spencer was not a touchy person, but he'd always felt warmed and comforted when Hotch touched him. He held up the paper bag in his hand and shrugged. "I got you a burger if you want it."
"Thanks." Aaron looked surprised, but he took it. "I ate at the reception, but..." He turned and looked back at the bed, and profound unhappiness washed over his face. "God, Spencer, he's my little boy."
Spencer frowned. He tried to say that everything was going to be okay, but he didn't know what was wrong and couldn't bring himself to say things like that just because it was what you're supposed to say. "Do they know what's wrong?"
"No," Aaron whispered. He went back to the chair and sat down--collapsed in it, really. He was clutching the top of the paper bag so tightly his knuckles were white. "They've run some tests. They'll run more in the morning if he doesn't respond to antibiotics."
For the first time Spencer took the time to really look at Hotch. The circles under Hotch's eyes were dark, his eyes reddened as if he'd been rubbing at them. His hair was ruffled, and his shirt collar was open, though he'd clearly not finished changing out of the clothes he'd worn to Haley's wedding.
Spencer sat next to him and took the bag back, then put it on the chair next to him with his own. "You don't have to eat it if you don't want." He watched Aaron for a long moment, wishing he knew what to say. God, he wasn't any good at this; he wasn't really even any good with grieving parents at work. He sighed and sat back, looking away in case Aaron didn't want to be scrutinized.
He squinted at the bags hanging above Jack's bed, noting the antibiotic they were using wasn't overly strong and they just had Jack on fluids in addition to it. "Has he been awake much?"
Aaron shook his head, then finally looked back at Spencer. "He's been out most of the time since I got him here. He fell asleep in the car. But I can't bear to leave him for too long." He looked at Jack again, his voice going hoarse. "I keep thinking how scared he'll be when he wakes up."
Spencer nodded. "When I was seven, I got pneumonia, and my mom sat by my bed and read me Pablo Neruda and Faust." He gave a wry smile, then looked back at Jack. "He's lucky you're here."
Aaron sighed. "I didn't even think about getting books. I just barely remembered to get his teddy bear." He reached down next to him and pulled out a floppy brown bear, then tucked it under his arm. He looked unbearably sad, and Spencer ached that he couldn't do anything to help.
He couldn't help but feel bad that he seemed to have just made Aaron guilty too. "I wasn't expecting that you should have," he said, and sighed. "I was in the hospital for several days; she had time to get them later." He had the impulse to reach out and touch Aaron, but his hand refused to move. Aaron was a tactile person, and Spencer wasn't. It felt almost inappropriate, especially given he knew how he really felt about Aaron.
Aaron nodded, then glanced over at the bag of food. "I'm sorry, you got yourself food too, didn't you? We should eat before it gets cold."
Spencer nodded and handed the bag back to Aaron after getting out his own food. He watched him for a moment, them reminded himself that watching Aaron wasn't going to help anything. "I got you fries too, but if you don't want them..." He shrugged. He wasn't sure he should be making small talk.
"Fries are fine," Aaron said as he pulled them out. He laughed after a moment, though the sound wasn't very happy. "Jack always gets fries in his Happy Meals, but he doesn't eat them, and then when he's eaten everything else, he tells me I can have them." He glanced at Spencer. "And by then they're cold."
Spencer laughed too. "What kind of kid doesn't like fries?" he teased, smiling at Hotch. He wondered if he should tease right now, but if it made Aaron smile it might be worth it.
Aaron's lips quirked up. "One who's too eager to get to the playground to finish his meal." His almost-smile faded quickly, but at least he'd tried. "Thanks for coming, Spencer. It's better than sitting here alone and wondering..."
Spencer nodded. "Yeah. It's fine." Spencer crossed his legs and slumped in his seat a bit. "Was Dave busy?"
Aaron looked surprised. "I don't know. Why?"
Spencer glanced over, then looked away. "I just thought... you would have called him first." He shrugged, hoping his tone was casual.
Aaron's surprise didn't fade, but it turned into something else, something Spencer couldn't quite pinpoint. "No. I didn't really think about calling anyone but you."
That made Spencer's chest feel tight in a way he hadn't felt in a while--in a good way--and he sucked in a slow breath, then couldn't help but smile faintly at Aaron. He looked back down and unwrapped his burger. "Really?" he asked quietly, not quite able to look at Aaron as he asked.
Aaron looked over at him, then shrugged. "You always let me talk. And you're good company."
"I'm not very good at this." Spencer glanced at Jack, who was still sleeping.
Aaron shrugged again. "You're here." He gave Spencer a small smile.
Spencer nodded. He wondered if being here was enough when he didn't know what to say. They ate in silence for a while, though, and Spencer could see Aaron's shoulders had relaxed noticeably since Spencer had arrived.
When they were done, the silence still hung in the room, but Spencer was glad Aaron didn't seem uncomfortable with that, and after a while, Jack groaned and started coughing. His eyes clamped shut and he brought a tiny fist up to his mouth.
Aaron was at his bedside faster than Spencer could react. "Jack?" he whispered, his fingers brushing through his son's hair. "Hi, Jacksie. Daddy's here."
Jack frowned, seeming surprised by the touch, then reached a hand up toward Aaron, making little grabby hands for him. "Daddy," he murmured, and Aaron leaned down and kissed Jack's forehead. Spencer could see tiny fingers curl into Aaron's hair.
"How do you feel, buddy?" Aaron asked. He kept his cheek against Jack's skin, maybe feeling how hot Jack was.
"Sick," Jack said vaguely. "W'you lay down with me?"
"I can't." Aaron's voice was apologetic. "But I'll stay right here with you." He stroked his hand down Jack's arm and closed his eyes. Spencer wasn't sure if he'd ever seen this sort of pain on Aaron's face. He wondered if he was supposed to leave the room now that Jack was awake.
"I won't take up too much space," Jack complained. "I can squish."
Aaron made a noise that was half amusement and half unhappiness and glanced at Spencer. Then he shoved his shoes off and shifted Jack over carefully. "Come here, then," he murmured, climbing onto the bed. He kissed Jack's forehead again.
Jack snuggled up against Aaron, wrapping his arm around him--or at least he tried to, but he got tied up on the IVs. Aaron shh'd him gently and held his hand.
Spencer looked down at the floor. Now he was certain he shouldn't be watching this, but he wasn't sure if he should just leave either. It was then that Jack seemed to notice him, because he heard the little boy's muffled whisper. "Daddy, who's that? Is he sick too?"
Aaron looked over and beckoned for Spencer to come closer. "This is Spencer. You've met him before, when you were just a baby. He works with me. He came to see how you are."
Spencer walked over, feeling awkward, but held his hand up in a little wave. "Hi, Jack," he said, and Jack lifted a hand in a weak, but exaggerated wave.
"Spesser," he said. "Hi. You look sad like my Daddy. Are y'sure you're not sick?"
Spencer's lips twisted. "No, I'm not sick."
"He's just sad that you're sick," Aaron explained. "Like I am." He looked up at Spencer, then cuddled Jack a little closer. "I brought Jack Bear with me." He glanced at Spencer and nodded towards the forgotten teddy bear.
"Oh," Jack said. When Spencer brought it over, Jack pushed it away. "I don't want him to get sick," he protested. Spencer pressed his lips together to keep from smiling--apparently Jack wasn't as concerned about his two human companions--but then Jack started coughing again.
Aaron propped Jack up just a little, soothing him while he coughed. He looked like he was in pain as much as his son. When Jack was finished, he whimpered and snuggled against Aaron, pushing his face into his dad's chest.
"Here," Aaron said quietly, taking the bear from Spencer. "Jack Bears don't get sick. They're special. He's just here to make you feel better."
Jack made another whimpery noise and pulled the bear against his chest. He was quiet for a while, and Aaron just pressed his lips to Jack's hair and rested with him. Spencer pulled his chair over closer and watched the edge of the bed.
"Daddy?" Jack whispered some time later, after Spencer had thought he'd gone back to sleep. "Does Spesser like me? He's not loud like Jim."
"Of course Spencer likes you," Aaron whispered back. "I think maybe he's quiet because he doesn't want to interrupt your rest." He glanced at Spencer, looking a little apprehensive. "Maybe he could tell you a story, if you want."
Spencer's eyebrows shot up, but Jack was already trying to roll to face him. "I want a story," he said, and Spencer forced his brows back down.
He gave Aaron an unsure look, then said, "What kind of story?"
"You know the King Arthur stories, don't you?" Aaron asked. "You could tell one of those."
"I know whatever kind of stories you want," Spencer told Jack.
Jack was looking at him expectantly. "King Arthur."
Aaron smiled at Spencer, stroking Jack's hair back from his forehead. "Maybe Jack hasn't heard about the sword in the stone," he suggested. "About how King Arthur became the king."
Spencer nodded. It had been a while since he'd read the story, but he remembered the words on the page and started to recite them. After a while Jack was smiling at him, and Spencer wasn't really sure how to respond to that. He wasn't used to children, and certainly not children that seemed to like him. He offered Jack a little smile back, but just kept on with the story.
The story was punctuated by stops when Jack coughed, nurse visits, and one longer break when Jack coughed so hard he threw up and started crying. But eventually Spencer finished the story, and Jack seemed as happy as he could have been.
Aaron was smiling as he stroked his hand down his son's arm. "Spencer knows some good stories, doesn't he, Jacks?" he whispered. "Do you think you could go to sleep for a while?"
Jack nodded tiredly. "Thank you, Spesser," he said in a small voice.
Spencer smiled at him. "You're welcome," he said, and glanced at Aaron. He wondered how late it was. He was starting to feel sleepy too, but he didn't really want to leave Aaron. He slept pretty well in chairs anyway.
Aaron's smile had widened for a moment when Jack said thank you. He kissed Jack's forehead again and looked up at Spencer. "Thanks for coming," he said. "It must be getting late."
Spencer shrugged, looking at the way Aaron was resting with Jack. "Probably," he said, not looking at his watch.
After a moment, Aaron nodded, still smiling. He didn't say anything else, just watched Spencer quietly.
Spencer held his gaze for a moment, feeling a little strange, but in a good way. Then he shifted and slouched down in his chair. He started to close his eyes, but then glanced over at Aaron first. "I can go if you want me to, but I don't mind staying."
Aaron was quiet for several heartbeats, then shook his head. "If you don't mind, then stay."
Spencer nodded, then dropped his head back against the chair and closed his eyes.
***
Aaron was exhausted when Jack was finally well enough to leave the hospital. The doctors never figured out what was wrong with Jack, but the past two days had been the most harrowing of Aaron's life. it had been worse even than when they were waiting to hear if Elle and Penelope would recover from being shot. It was possible that having Reid in the hands of Tobias Hankel had been just as bad; on the one hand Jack was his son, but on the other, Hankel had been infinitely more malicious than Jack's illness.
As bad as the past two days had been, though, there had been some good to come out of it. He couldn't help but feel closer to Reid after they'd kept vigil over his son together. Just knowing that Spencer was willing to come sit in a hospital room with him was immensely important to him.
Jack was still weak and tired, and the doctor had suggested another day of bed rest at home. Spencer had offered to stop at the store and pick up some things that Jack liked to eat so Aaron could take Jack straight home. Gratefully, Aaron had taken him up on the offer. He was just getting Jack settled into bed with fresh sheets and lots of fluffy pillows (he'd taken all the pillows off his own bed) when he heard the doorbell.
"Is that Spesser?" Jack asked. He said he wasn't sleepy, so Aaron had a feeling he would be demanding another story from Spencer.
"I bet it is. Why don't you lie quietly up here, and in a little bit I'll send him upstairs?"
Jack nodded and got really still under his covers to prove he'd keep to his word. Aaron grinned and kissed his forehead, then headed down to answer the door.
Spencer was looking around the front door when Aaron answered, and Spencer held up the bag with groceries. "They were out of blue raspberry Popsicles, but I got watermelon ones. They're green, so he can still turn his mouth colors if that's why he likes the blue ones."
Aaron laughed and beckoned Spencer inside. "You must have read his mind," he said, taking the bag from Spencer. "Come on back to the kitchen. You want a Coke or something?"
"Oh." Spencer hovered for a minute, as if he didn't think he was going to be invited to stay, and then followed Aaron inside. "Yeah, a Coke is fine."
"Sorry, you must be as tired as I am," Aaron said. "I didn't even think you might want to go home and collapse." He looked anxiously at Spencer, hoping he would stay, but telling himself not to be disappointed if he didn't.
"No," Spencer said quickly. "No, it's fine, I just thought..." He shrugged. "I'd like to stay."
Aaron gave him a small smile. "Okay." He led the way to the kitchen and set down the bag of groceries, then got out two Cokes from the refrigerator. When he turned back to look at Spencer, though, he was hit by a surge of gratitude. He opened his mouth, then put the Cokes on the counter and hugged Spencer hard. "Thank you," he whispered.
Spencer sucked in a breath and tensed a little, which Aaron expected, given that Spencer wasn't overly touchy. What Aaron didn't expect was that a moment later Spencer's shoulders relaxed and he melted against Aaron, returning the hug. "It's fine," he murmured.
"I'm so grateful," Aaron murmured, telling himself not to enjoy this too much or read too much into it. "I think the waiting would have driven me crazy if you hadn't been there." He lowered his head just enough to rest it lightly against Spencer's shoulder; he wasn't sure when it had happened, but Spencer was taller even than Aaron now.
Aaron felt Spencer draw a slow breath, and one of Spencer's fingers stroked between Aaron's shoulderblades, then stopped. "I'm glad you called me. I'm... you called me first," he said. He still sounded a little like he couldn't believe that.
Aaron laughed quietly but couldn't make himself pull back. If Spencer only knew how much Aaron needed him. "You never seemed to mind," he murmured instead. "When I talked about Haley, about the way things were falling apart..."
Spencer nodded. His hand stroked one more time, and then he pulled back, looking awkward. "I'm glad you talk to me. You need to talk to someone. I figure even someone that doesn't know what to say is better than nothing." His lips twisted into a small smile.
Aaron smiled back at him. "You know how to listen. That's better than all the advice in the world." He felt awkward suddenly and wished he had the right--or the courage--to touch Spencer's cheek, to press his lips against Spencer's. Instead he cleared his throat and turned to get Spencer's Coke. "Jack was hoping you'd tell him another story," he said sheepishly.
"Oh, was he?" Spencer said, taking his Coke. "I'm running out of kid's stories. I doubt he'd enjoy Goethe."
Aaron chuckled. "Maybe something a little lighter," he suggested, starting to put away the groceries. "I'd suggest fairy tales, but I have a feeling your mother only ever read you the Grimms' versions."
Spencer pursed his lips. "I know The Velveteen Rabbit," he suggested.
"That would work." Aaron stepped closer. "You don't have to do this. I'm sorry, I just..." He sighed. I want you to be a bigger part of my life. He couldn't just say something like that, though. "Jack really likes you."
"It's fine," Spencer said. He hesitated a moment, like he had something to say, then he just looked out the kitchen door. "Are you coming with me?"
"If you want me to." Aaron had planned to pull together something to feed them for lunch, but he didn't know if he should say that. He rubbed thoughtfully at his chin. "I thought maybe you could stay for lunch, at least."
Spencer stared at him for a moment, and then a smile bloomed across his face. "Okay." He shifted a little. "Have you decided to take it upon yourself to make sure I eat?"
Aaron smiled back. "Someone obviously needs to," he teased, reaching out and nudging Spencer's arm. Then he caught himself and pulled back. He ought to be more careful about touching Spencer.
For a second, Spencer's smile went strange, but then it widened until it was broader than it was before. "I don't mind."
"You haven't tasted my cooking yet," Aaron retorted. "Come on, Jack's room is this way."
Jack really hadn't been tired. He'd grinned broadly when Spencer came in, then hung on every words of Spencer's story. When it was over, he asked a bunch of questions about how he could make his own toys come to life while Spencer tried to explain, to Jack's dismay, that it wasn't possible. Jack finally started getting sleepy when Spencer tried to explain the biological processes that had to be present to indicate if something was or was not a living organism.
Before long, Jack was asleep, his thumb in his mouth. Aaron brushed his hair back from his forehead, then smiled and stood up. He tilted his head for Spencer to follow him out of the bedroom. When they got back to the kitchen, Aaron gestured at a bar stool.
"Sandwiches, pasta, or freezer pizza?" he asked. "I'm afraid I don't have the energy for anything more complicated, so bachelor food will have to do this time." Not 'this time', Aaron, he berated himself. You can't assume Spencer will want to keep spending time with you.
"Freezer pizza," Spencer said, tilting his head at Aaron. "Next time I can bring food. Not just groceries."
Aaron found himself staring at Spencer, a warmth spreading in his chest that made him smile. "Sounds good." He started the oven pre-heating, then glanced over at Spencer. "Need another Coke or anything?" He could really use a glass of wine, but he wasn't sure if Spencer drank socially any more. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen him with anything stronger than coffee.
"No, I'm okay," Spencer said. "I could really use coffee, but it doesn't go very well with pizza." Spencer looked tired, but when he finally sat at the barstool Aaron had pointed out, he looked comfortable and pleased to be here.
Aaron nodded and dismissed the idea of a glass of wine. He wasn't going to drink in front of Spencer unless he could be certain it wouldn't cause him any distress. Aaron had been fairly certain that dilaudid had been Spencer's drug of choice, but he wasn't going to risk it.
"Coffee it is, then." He brewed coffee for Spencer and tea for himself, and when the pizza was ready, they ate in companionable quiet. He had a feeling they were both worn out, and he thought again how very fortunate he was to have someone who would go through this with him.
When they were both staring at their plates, debating whether or not to finish off the pizza, Aaron finally touched Spencer's shoulder again, deliberately. "Spencer," he said quietly, "thank you for everything. I couldn't ask for a better friend."
Spencer had smiled at the touch, but when Aaron finished, it slipped. It was brief, and Aaron might have missed it if he hadn't been making eye contact. When Spencer pushed the smile back up, it didn't look as genuine. "I'm glad I could help," he said, then cleared his throat. "I probably should head home. I didn't sleep much at the hospital."
His words sent a pang of guilt through Aaron, who squeezed his shoulder lightly. "You did help," he murmured. I don't know how to say how much. "Sleep well." He hesitated, then said, "Maybe you could come by for dinner one night this week?"
Spencer gave Aaron that same odd smile, and nodded. "Sounds good." He glanced at their plates. "Do you want help cleaning up?"
"No, this is fine," Aaron said. "You've already helped so much. Go home and get some sleep." He smiled crookedly. "And remember to eat supper."
Spencer breathed a laugh. "Maybe you should call me and remind me,"he joked, then headed for the door.
"Maybe I will," Aaron joked back, and found himself smiling broadly for no reason.
PART TWO
no subject
Squee! Boy needs a keeper!
...
"You really need someone around to remind you when to eat," Hotch said.
...*cough*...nevermind...
no subject
no subject
Aaron as Spence keeper--that would be very yummie!
no subject
no subject
no subject
And yes! It's so weird he had that funny growth spurt at his age, but it's very obvious in the new pic! *L*