A Change of Plans, Rossi/Prentiss, PG-13
Apr. 23rd, 2009 11:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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geekystudmuffinTitle: A Change of Plans
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
innerslytherin and severity_softly
Pairing: Rossi/Prentiss
Rating: PG-13
WC: ~6,900
Summary: What if the test had been positive?
Important Notes: This is the first installment to our new series, which is an AU from the What Happens in Vegas Universe. It's not necessary, but probably best, if you're familiar with Why You Should Never Drink Too Much in Vegas, and parts of Things You Never Want to Hear After a One-Night Stand in Vegas--but this fic goes AU at the peeing-in-a-cup point.
Further Notes: I totally spaced it on getting our Italian checked by my Italian friends. >.> This translation is from Google and possibly not reliable, so don't use it to make love to an Italian. You might be insulting his mother.
"I'm late."
There were a lot of things Dave Rossi had never expected to hear Emily Prentiss say. At the top of the list were two words that, thank God, she hadn't said yet. Right after those words were two more, and she'd just said them. He stared blankly at her until she repeated them.
"I'm late. Like, late." Her fingers were twisted together and her dark eyes were very wide. And Dave felt like he might be having a heart attack.
"God." He stumbled backwards and sat down, suddenly glad they were having this conversation at his house, because he had a nice full liquor cabinet...that she shouldn't touch. God, it wouldn't be fair for him to get drunk if she couldn't, would it? "Em..."
"A week late," she elaborated, and his chest squeezed again. Oh fuck.
Of course, that's what had got them into this in the first place.
***
It was almost--almost--worth this, to see Dave Rossi virtually speechless. Almost.
Except that it also made it ten times worse to see the proof, plain as day, on Dave's face that having a kid was the last thing he wanted. God, what was she going to do if she was pregnant? It would have been different if it were some anonymous "sperm donor". She could have handled raising a baby on her own in that situation. But if it was Dave, someone she liked, was attracted to, and respected... she wasn't sure how she could deal with having a child with a man like that when she knew he didn't want it.
"Great. Brilliant. Fantastic," she said, her tone flat, and didn't look at him.
One thing you couldn't say about David Rossi was that he was stupid. She wasn't looking at him, but she heard him get up, and a moment later, he joined her on the couch, his arm sliding around her shoulders.
"Hey, this is... this is okay," he said, and even though his voice didn't sound anything like normal, she could tell he was trying. "We'll...we'll figure things out. What do you want to do? You know I'm not going to leave you on your own."
Emily just shook her head. Part of her wanted to tell him to shut up, that she'd rather be alone than drag him into something he didn't want. The other part of her couldn't bear to form the words. "Stop saying things you're not sure you want to say," she said finally.
"Hey, you don't know what I want," Dave said, tightening his arm around her. "Because I don't know what the hell I want. But I know what I don't want, which is to be an asshole to a woman I care about. God, how long does that damn test take?"
Emily wasn't sure if the churning in her stomach was from the waiting or from his reaction...or maybe from the little hesitation she'd heard before Dave said he 'cared about' her. She sort of wanted to hit him.
"A few minutes," she said testily. "And I don't want you to raise a kid with me just to keep from being an asshole. Not the right reason. I don't want to be... I'm not a consolation prize--'sorry, you didn't get what you really want, but...'--and when I have a kid, it won't be either."
She sighed and stood, walking back down the hallway without waiting for him to reply.
"What the hell?" he demanded, following her. "First of all, no man in his right mind would view you as a consolation prize, Emily Prentiss! Second of all...what the hell? How would a kid be a consolation prize?"
She sighed again, frustrated suddenly, and turned back around to face him. "Okay, maybe that was a bad analogy. I don't want to just be what you got stuck with. I want to... I want to be someone's grand prize, me and my child, not just... what you got stuck with because I got pregnant and it was the honorable thing to do." She realized suddenly that she was getting emotional, and cursed herself, then straightened up and set her jaw. "It's probably done now."
Dave was looking at her with an expression she couldn't interpret. She wasn't sure she even wanted to. After a moment he shook his head. "I have a feeling I'd be the one who was a consolation prize," he said, and turned away. "Okay, so--what now?"
She stared at him for a moment, and had the impulse to correct him, to tell him that she wanted him, but she quickly stifled it. It didn't matter. They wanted totally different things. "Now I just go read them."
"Okay." She saw his shoulders move as he took a deep breath, then he turned back around. "Okay, so we read them."
She opened her mouth, wanting to tell him she'd do it alone, but then shut it, her stomach turning again. She headed into the bathroom, feeling suddenly ill, and picked up the tests... and just stared at them for a moment.
She was silent for so long that Dave cleared his throat. "Well?" he managed finally.
She opened her mouth to speak, but a little squeaky sort of noise was all that came out. She felt a little like she might cry, but at the moment, she wasn't sure if it was out of happiness or sadness. "They're, ah..." She shook her head to try to steady herself. "They're positive."
She was pregnant for the second time, and this time she had no one to make her feel ashamed about it. Then again, this was the second time in her life she'd gotten pregnant by a man that didn't want a kid. She let out a funny sort of hollow laugh, but didn't move, or look at him. She wasn't sure she'd be able to handle the disappointment on his face.
He made a noise, then swallowed audibly and cleared his throat. "They're...you're..." He paused. "We're going to--we..." His voice sounded strange.
Her lips tightened and she shook her head again, quickly. "No, we don't have to do anything, Dave," she told him, then exhaled loudly and tossed the tests into the trash. She needed to get out of here, but she suddenly felt shaky, so she braced herself against the counter and dropped her head.
Dave exhaled too and sat on the closed toilet lid. "We're parents," he said, sounding shell-shocked. She couldn't look at him. "God. Wow." His hand entered her field of vision and curled gently around her wrist. "C'mere."
She didn't move, and after a moment, she looked at him, knowing her expression was a little pained. "What, Dave? You don't want a kid."
His expression was more than a little off, for that matter, but he tugged lightly on her wrist. "Come here," he repeated. "I...God, Em." He shook his head. "I never planned it, but I...I'm not... Heh, I mean, wow."
Emily pressed her hand to her forehead, frowning, but sat in his lap like he was wanting anyway. "You're not making me feel any more confident about this 'we' thing." God, the idea made her a little ill--not the idea of having a child with him, but that she might let him in on this and he might panic, and that would hurt worse than him just outright saying he didn't want any part of this.
Dave wrapped his arms around her and pressed his face against her hair. She felt him inhale deeply, then he pulled back a little and sighed. "I'm a little shocked," he admitted. "You've had a few days to think about this. I haven't." He didn't sound angry, though. She didn't think.
"We did have sex without a condom," she pointed out. "You hadn't thought about it since then?"
"I...a fleeting possibility, maybe," Dave said. "But you said you're on the pill, and I figured...what are the chances?" He let out a long breath and kissed her temple. "Wow." He slid a hand down to rest lightly against her belly. "Wow."
The gesture brought tears to her eyes, but she fought them. "Dave, don't. Just... just think about this, okay?" She slid away from him on his lap so she could look at him. "I'm going to go home tonight, and you're going to really think about this, and you're going to panic, and I can't... I... you can't do that to me. You need to think about this before you just... say--" She clamped her eyes shut and shook her head again, drawing a sharp breath and letting it out. This wasn't coming out right.
He frowned. "Okay," he said quietly. "Okay. I'm scared shitless. I admit it. But...I mean, that's pretty amazing. You and I...we made a person. That's just...wow." He shook his head again. He seemed dazed. God, this was awful. She shouldn't have come here to take the tests.
"But look," he said after a moment. "I'm not gonna walk away from you. And not out of some sense of obligation or duty. It's because I...I care about you. I respect and admire you, and..." He shrugged finally. "Maybe I have no idea what I'm doing, but how could I know I have a kid and not...not...well, be a dad?"
"A lot of people do it every day," Emily said, not opening her eyes. Her lips pulled to the side. "You were perfectly fine walking away from me before tonight," she said.
"Bullshit," Dave said, his voice flat. "I dealt with it because I knew you wanted things that, frankly, I thought I couldn't give you." He coughed. "Apparently I'm not shooting blanks."
She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Oh my God, Dave, you're not that old."
He shrugged. "My first wife and I didn't use birth control. I always figured it could be me instead of her." He inhaled deeply and let out a sigh. "I never thought this would happen. But...now that it has..." He shrugged. "I think I would have been disappointed if... Oh, God, I don't know. I just...I want to make this work. I... Oh, hell, I don't know, Emily. I just want to do this."
Emily sighed and dropped her hand, feeling suddenly drained. And she couldn't help the way her chest was aching with hope that what Dave was saying was the truth, and that he wouldn't go back on his word. "I swear to you, if you change your mind tomorrow after saying all this... I'll beat you to within an inch of your life," she said, but a funny combination of emotion overtook her before she finished, and somehow she was smiling at the absurdity of her words and near tears again.
Dave seemed to understand, because he tightened his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. "I'm not a guy who changes his mind," he murmured. "But I would deserve it, in that case." He brushed his nose against her cheek. "Emily Prentiss. Mother of my child. God."
She snorted. "Are you calling me God?" After a moment, she relaxed, not having noticed how tense she'd been. She let her head drop to his shoulder, and sighed. "Maybe your guys aren't very active, and I'm just exceptionally fertile." After what she'd been through at 15, she could probably count the number of times she'd had sex without protection on one hand.
He huffed a laugh and kissed her gently. "I guess so," he said. He still sounded a little shaky, but she supposed it was a pretty big shock to get at fifty-three. He tightened his arms. "Maybe we should move somewhere more comfortable. And you can tell me if we need to have a serious talk now or if that waits until we've both absorbed this information a while longer."
"Later," she told him, and tightened her arms around his shoulders for a moment. She hesitated before she spoke again, but she didn't really want to go home and be alone. "Can I stay tonight?" she said, then added, "If you need space, I totally understand."
"No, it's...I'd like that," Dave said. He nudged her to stand up but didn't ever stop holding on to her as they went out to the living room. They settled on the couch, and Dave's arms went around her again immediately. It was sweet.
She sighed and relaxed against him again. "You don't have to say yes just because I'm pregnant."
Dave snorted. "I was saying yes because I'd been thinking about asking you myself and wondering if you needed space." He buried his nose in her hair, stroking a hand along her arm. "Wow," he murmured. This was getting to be a refrain with him.
"Do you think you'll be able to stop saying that before his first birthday?" she asked, and then wondered if joking about that was too soon. She wasn't even sure she was ready herself.
"Oh God," he said, sounding almost scared. "Maybe."
She sighed and tried not to react. She knew that was too soon, but somehow the fear in his voice made her feel worse about this. "Dave, you don't have to--"
"I don't have to what?" he interrupted. "I don't have to choose to be with a woman I care deeply about? I don't have to try to embrace the curveball life has thrown at me? I don't have to be honest about how damn scared I am about this?" He let out an explosive sigh. "Em, this is a lot to deal with. I mean, you know, we're talking radical lifestyle change here. You're gonna have to give me a little time to get used to all of it. But that doesn't mean I don't want it."
Emily nodded against his chest. "Maybe I should give you space, then," she murmured.
"That's not what I meant," Dave said, sounding calmer. "I just... It's like any uncertainty I express here, you think it's me saying I don't want it." He tightened his arms around her. "That's not it. And you...you're pregnant with my baby. I mean...my God." His fingers began stroking her hair. "That's pretty damn amazing. But I don't want to push you away, either."
She nodded again. "I'm scared," she admitted. "And not of having a baby." She hoped he would understand what she meant without having to explain it.
His fingers stilled on her hair, then started stroking again. "You're scared I'll walk away," he murmured.
She swallowed hard, but was glad he understood. "I'd rather you walk away now than tell me you're going to do this and walk away later."
He was silent for a long while, then finally said, "I know that...I'm good at walking away. But I do take commitments seriously." His words came slowly, but she appreciated that he was thinking them through before he spoke. "I always did my best to honor my marriage vows, and even though I know I was partly to blame for all three of my failed marriages, I...well, a big part of the problem in a couple of those was that I was unwilling to walk away from this job." He sighed. "I told Aaron once that I would have tried harder if I'd had kids. I, uh, I didn't mean it the way he took it--I wasn't criticizing him--but..." He chuckled ruefully. "This probably isn't really making you feel any better, is it?"
She huffed a small laugh and looked at him. "Not a lot." She smiled at him weakly, and then it slid off and she dropped her head back to his shoulder. "I always imagined this would be a much happier occasion."
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. She felt his lips against her hair, but he didn't say anything else.
She sighed. "It's not your fault."
"Feels that way." Dave was silent for a moment, then said, "I, uh don't suppose you've said anything to anyone else?" He cleared his throat. "The thing is...if you were anyone else, I'd talk to Aaron about this. But I can't exactly...ah..." He trailed off. She wondered if he were hoping she'd give him permission to do that anyway.
She sat back and looked at him. She understood entirely, but Hotch was her boss. Hotch and Dave may go back, but there were other issues at play here, given they weren't supposed to be fraternizing at all.
Not that Hotch didn't know after finding them on the way to her room in Vegas, but that was beside the point.
"I talked to JJ," she admitted. "But JJ isn't... our boss." She rolled her eyes, because they all knew the dynamics between Hotch and Dave were different than Hotch's dynamics with everyone else, and corrected herself, "My boss."
"He's technically my boss, too," Dave said, but his tone of voice made it clear that he knew what she meant. "And considering he's spending a hell of a lot of time around JJ and Henry these days..." He sighed. "I mean, whatever happens here, there's going to be some sort of impact on one of our jobs. I wouldn't like leaving the team, but I'd hate even more for you to have to do that. And considering I have a highly successful second career... Well, I don't think they can really do much to punish us, and Aaron certainly isn't going to be the one to instigate anything." He settled his arms around her more comfortably. "I just...I could really use some guidance here," he admitted finally, "and I trust Aaron."
She pressed her lips together. She didn't really like the idea, but in the end, she trusted Hotch too, even when she disagreed with him--especially after what had happened in Georgetown--and she couldn't deny Dave someone to talk to about this when she had already talked to JJ without even asking him. She nodded slowly. "Okay."
Dave pulled back to meet her gaze, then touched her cheek and kissed her softly. "Thank you," he whispered. He stroked his thumb across her cheek for a moment, then smiled at her and kissed her again, more slowly.
She made a little noise into the kiss, feeling torn between how good it felt to kiss him again and hoping this wasn't all going to fall to pieces. When she pulled back she drew a deep breath and smiled at him faintly, her eyes traveling his face. "God, I hope it looks like me," she said, suddenly hoping he would laugh. She couldn't take much more of the heaviness in the room.
"Hey, what am I, chopped liver?" he growled, but she could see the amusement in his eyes. "Maybe she'll have your smile." As soon as he said it, she felt him tense, but the reaction, which seemed a lot like nerves, passed a moment later. He kissed her again. "Emily," he murmured, cupping her cheek.
She sighed and rested her head against his shoulder again. "I'm exhausted." She knew it was more emotional than physical, but that didn't really matter.
"Mmm. Maybe we should go to bed," he said, brushing his cheek against her hair. "Or I could get some dinner together if you haven't eaten."
"I haven't, but I don't really feel like it," she said.
"Hey, you're eating for two now," he pointed out. "I don't think you're supposed to be skipping meals. I can make a pretty good dish of pasta."
She blinked at him for a moment, then sighed. She was going to have to start getting into the mindset to take care of herself, and she hadn't even thought about it until now. "Because pasta is so hard to make?" she said and smiled at him.
"I think I'm offended," he said dryly. He kissed her and shifted her away from him, then stood up. "Won't take me long." He vanished into the kitchen, and Emily lingered on the couch. After a while the cat wandered out and started brushing against her legs, and then Dave called out that dinner was ready.
They ate in the kitchen, and she had to admit that it was good, even if it hadn't been hard. She sat at the table sipping a cup of tea while he cleared the table, then he curled his fingers around hers and led her into the bedroom.
When they got there he stopped and turned her around. Then he wrapped his arms around her from behind, nuzzling at her neck, and murmured, "I have a shirt that would look great on you."
She drew in a deep breath. God, this did feel good, especially after it had been so hard to keep her distance since Vegas. She prayed hard again that she wasn't going to wind up hurt. "Okay," she murmured, sliding her hands over his arms.
"You are so beautiful," Dave murmured. "God, I've wanted to do this. I've thought about you. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you." His lips tickled at the nape of her neck. "But I thought it would complicate things at work..." He nibbled gently. "Emily."
"It will," she whispered. "Even more now." She slid a hand back into his hair, but then dropped it so she could turn around and hold him back, pressing her face to his neck. "But I've wanted you too."
She felt his laughter as much as she heard it. "But now that it's irrevocably complicated, we might as well go on making love," he murmured, tightening his arms around her.
She slid a hand up his back, smiling against his skin, even if making love wasn't exactly what she would have called what happened in Vegas. "Might as well," she agreed, and kissed his jaw.
"Mmm. Come to bed, Emily," he whispered, and kissed her thoroughly. One hand slid down to cup her behind, pulling her closer.
"Oh," she whispered, her fingertips sliding into his hair. "Are we starting tonight?" she breathed against his lips. Not that she minded.
"Is that okay with you?" His tone implied confidence that she would say yes, though it was nice knowing he wouldn't mind if she said no. "You're so beautiful."
"Mmm, I don't mind," she said, kissing him. "So this means at least the shock part is over?"
"I'm not promising there won't be minor relapses," he said, walking her backwards to the bed. "But I think I can safely say there won't be any unexpected meltdowns." He grinned at her and stroked one palm up her side to cup her breast.
She sucked in a breath, then shivered as he stroked his thumb over her nipple. God, it was ridiculous how excited she was already, and she knew he could feel that even through the fabric of her blouse. "Dave," she whispered, pulling him down for another kiss and sliding her hand up the back of his shirt.
"I want to make love to you," he whispered. Her lips parted and she nodded, and then he was pushing her shirt up her stomach, tugging it over her head without bothering to unbutton it. There was a quiet urgency in his actions that she felt herself responding to as he kissed her again, his hands roaming down her bare back.
She let out a shaky breath, and wrapped her arms around him as his lips moved lower, over her shoulder. "God," she whispered, then slid her hands around to unbutton the first two buttons of his shirt so she could pull his off too, and when his arms went around her again, the feel of their bare skin touching sent little sparks of desire through her.
"You're so amazing, Emily," he whispered, the fingers of one hand unfastening her jeans. He kissed her hungrily, then smiled and lowered her down to the bed. She lifted her hips for him to tug her jeans off, and then he knelt on the bed and kissed her stomach, his fingers brushing the skin so lightly they almost tickled. He looked stunned, or maybe awed, and then he met her gaze and heat flared up in his eyes. "I want you."
She sucked in a breath, then reached down to sift her fingers through his hair. "I want you too," she murmured. This was overwhelming, but wonderful. And frightening. And she wondered if he could see that in her gaze. "C'mere."
He smiled slowly at her and pushed his jeans off, then crawled up to kiss her softly. "I have a confession to make," he whispered, holding her gaze.
She smiled faintly, but it felt a little hesitant. "What's that?"
"I knew I wanted more than a one-night stand." He traced a finger down her cheek. "I just thought it was all I could get."
She huffed an almost-laugh, then kissed him again. "You didn't even have to get me drunk," she whispered, holding him close as a more natural smile curled her lips.
He buried his hands in her hair and kissed her hungrily, then rolled them so she was on top of him. "You mean I wouldn't have had to spend half an hour cleaning up puke?" he teased, wrapping his arms around her.
"See, we were having such a nice conversation, and then you bring that up," she said, giving him a mock frown.
"You know, that's something I love about you," Dave said. "You're so kick-ass and polished, and then you puke on the bathroom floor." He grinned and kissed her.
"Shut up," she told him. "Or you're sleeping on the couch."
"This is my house!" he protested, and kissed her again, rolling them back over so she was pinned to the mattress.
She snorted. "Seriously, I was a lot more into this when you were saying you wanted to make love to me, not talking about me getting drunk and vomiting," she said. That's not all I did that night, she thought suddenly. God, she was pregnant.
He hummed and leaned in, letting his lips brush her ear. "Sei la donna più bella del mondo. Voglio fare l'amore con te. Voglio tenerti stretta fra le braccia. Voglio svegliarmi accanto a te."
She wasn't a woman easily seduced by a foreign tongue, but Dave's voice did things to her on a regular basis anyway. She smiled, her hands trailing over the small of his back, and whispered, "Non c'é altro posto in cui preferirei essere." *
***
Dave spent the whole next day trying to work up his nerve.
He'd woken up with Emily in his arms, and it had been fantastic, if a little awkward when they both sort of panicked at the same time, then realized it and laughed at themselves. When they got to work, he'd poured himself a cup of coffee and holed up in his office, and he'd spent the better part of the morning there. There had been a late-morning roundtable, and then he'd seen Emily and Morgan head off in one direction while he and Reid went another.
He knew it wasn't his imagination that JJ was shooting him looks, but he didn't think it was his place to answer the question in her eyes. Emily was her best friend; Emily could talk to her. If JJ had something to say to him, he knew damn well that she would, probably sooner rather than later.
Hotch was the person he really needed to talk to, though, and currently Hotch was the person he was actually afraid to talk to.
It was dark outside and later than Dave usually stuck around when he finally went and tapped on Hotch's half-open office door.
"Come in," he heard Hotch say, and when he came in Hotch looked up, his eyebrows lifting. "You're in late. Something wrong?"
Dave stuck his hands in his jeans pockets. "Ah...You wanna go get a drink?" He couldn't talk about this in the office, where Hotch actually was his boss, no matter how often Dave pushed him. This was best friend territory, and that required a bar and copious amounts of scotch.
Hotch's eyebrows lifted further, but then went back down after a moment, and he started sorting the papers on his desk and putting them away. "I'm at least glad to know whatever's got you acting strangely isn't work related."
Dave just coughed and looked out over the bullpen. He was actually relieved that Emily had already gone. She would be sitting at her desk watching him anxiously and trying not to look like she was watching him anxiously. He'd told her he needed a night on his own, and she probably knew he was planning to drag Hotch to the nearest bar, but she'd been gracious about not saying anything.
Hotch was looking at him a little more intently when they left the office, but he didn't say anything until they reached the elevators. "I'll drive," he said mildly. Dave knew what that really meant was, 'I'm going to end up driving you home tonight anyway, so we might as well leave your car here.'
They ended up at a bar they'd frequented much more often in their younger days. It was quiet and dark, and had a very good selection of scotch. Dave slumped into a booth with a sigh and just stared at his first glass of scotch for a moment. He had no idea what he was going to say.
Hotch watched him for a moment, then turned his attention to his own drink. He was drinking wine, and would likely quit after the second glass. Some days, Dave was grateful Hotch knew him so incredibly well.
"Is this about Emily?"
And other days, Dave cursed the very day he met Aaron Hotchner.
He sucked in a deep breath, then took a gulp of scotch. His heart was pounding; of all the huge confessions he'd made to Hotch over the past fifteen years, this was possibly the biggest. He dragged his gaze up to meet Hotch's, then almost chickened out. He opened his mouth, then swallowed and licked his lips.
"She's pregnant."
His voice barely sounded like his own. Oh, God, that was the first time he'd said it out loud like that.
Aaron's eyebrows shot up, then a moment later he got them under control, but his lips were still parted in surprise. "Dave..." It sounded almost like the beginning of a lecture, but then Aaron closed his mouth and cleared his throat, then his voice gentled. "What are you planning to do?"
"Learn how to be a dad," Dave replied, and that was when the wall of panic hit him, feeling like a ton of bricks at sixty miles an hour. Oh my God. I'm going to be a dad. He suddenly couldn't catch his breath. He stared at Aaron, pleading silently for his friend to say something good.
Aaron looked like he wasn't sure what to say at first. He was looking at Dave a little like he was a man who'd just been given a life sentence. Or maybe that was Dave's imagination. Then Aaron shifted and pressed his lips together, looking uncomfortable. "You know... having Jack was not my idea. In fact, I was pretty adamant that my job is not one that makes caring for a child easy. But Haley..." Aaron shook his head, and looked up at Dave again. "I wouldn't give him back for the world, even after everything that's happened."
Dave just kept staring at him. That was the something good Aaron was supposed to say? "My God, Aaron, I'm going to be horrible at this. What do I do? I'd pretty much figured that this wasn't possible after Kay never...and I'm fifty-fucking-three years old. Oh my God." He bolted down the rest of his scotch and nodded to the waiter to bring another.
Aaron's lips quirked. Just briefly, but Dave sort of wanted to curse at him. "You're not going to be horrible. You're going to be fine." He took a drink of his wine, then said, "I was terrified to be a father, and I'm certainly not perfect, not even..." He shook his head again. "You won't think you're going to be okay, and then you'll hold him the first time." Aaron grinned. "And then you'll know you're not going to be okay... but you will."
"Quit being smug at me," Dave grumbled, but just the fact that Aaron wasn't shouting at him was making him feel a little better. He'd resisted the lecture he'd obviously wanted to give. Dave slumped further, leaning his forehead against his hand. "One time, Aaron. ONE time. I mean, what the fuck?"
Aaron was still smiling at him. "It's Reality 101. That's all it takes."
Dave glared at him. "Shut up." He took a long breath. "Someone oughta tell Garcia to stop drinking the water." He sighed. Aaron might not be lecturing, but Dave had a feeling he was laughing at him on the inside.
"I think she'll figure it out." Aaron dropped his chin into his hand and didn't say a word when the waiter when he brought Dave's second scotch. "God, it really is everyone on the team. Except Morgan and Reid."
"Don't say that," Dave muttered. "Reid's girly enough and genius enough that he might manage it." He scowled and stared at the table. "At least you got to choose with JJ. Ah, fuck, but that isn't fair. I wanted Emily, and even after Vegas I didn't stop wanting Emily. We just agreed it was better this way because...well, she wants kids and I don't. Didn't." He rubbed his face. "Fuck."
Aaron was staring at the table now, and Dave suddenly realized he'd just brought up Aaron's relationship with JJ. Everyone knew about it, but no one had ever said it out loud, as far as Dave knew. After a moment, though, Aaron just frowned and looked up at Dave. "You love her," Aaron said quietly, cautiously. "You'll be fine."
Dave kept his face buried in his hand but rolled his eyes sideways to look at Aaron. "That obvious?"
Aaron shrugged, but he smiled faintly. "I've seen you in love before. I had suspected for a while, but after Georgetown, I knew." His smile widened just barely. "'Call the Vatican'?" He shrugged. "Not that I disagreed, in the end, but..."
"I would've done that for anyone on the team," Dave muttered, though he wasn't entirely sure that was the case. He rubbed his face and sat up, then took a healthy gulp of scotch. "So what do I do? Is she going to laugh at me if I ask her to marry me?"
"My guess is that she won't laugh at you, but she'll think you're only doing it because she's pregnant if you do it now," Aaron said. His eyes flicked to Dave's mostly empty glass, but he just sipped his wine without mentioning it.
Dave sighed. "Well, it is, but not because I didn't want to," he said. "I'm not going to fuck this up. I know I'm good at that, but I'm not." He finished his scotch, pleased by the way warmth was spreading through his body. "Aaron, I didn't mean what I said, back in Boston. I mean, I guess I meant it, but it wasn't a criticism of you." He met Aaron's gaze. "I know you tried. You tried harder than anyone I know."
"It doesn't matter," Aaron said quietly, his eyes on his glass.
"It does to me. I respect you, Aaron; hell, you're my best friend. I don't want you thinking I blame you for Haley leaving." Dave had downed the first two scotches quickly enough that he could actually feel himself getting sentimental. He gestured for another, and the waiter was quick to bring it over. The guy clearly knew where his tips were coming from tonight.
"I know that," Aaron said. "I meant that it doesn't matter how hard I tried, in the long run." Aaron pressed his lips together. "I'm assuming what happened between you was meant to be a one time thing?" he said, but didn't wait for a reply. "And because of that, I doubt you've told her how you feel." He held Dave's gaze for a moment. "I would make sure you tell her at least a few times before you go so far as to buy a ring."
Dave nodded slowly. He hadn't been sure if she would even consider marriage, since they worked together. But clearly he had to make sure she understood how he felt. "I do know that much," he said. "I learn from my mistakes. I didn't let my second wife even take tennis lessons after Kay ran off with her instructor." He quirked a wry smile at Aaron, but he knew Aaron was remembering the way Dave's third marriage had happened too quickly. He sipped at his scotch, wondering if Aaron had guessed any of what Emily had told Dave during their investigation of Father Silvano.
Finally he just murmured, "She's been hurt a lot, I think. I don't know if she really believes any man can be fully depended on. And I know my track record doesn't look good."
Aaron nodded. "All you can do is try to prove her wrong," he murmured. "As often as possible."
"Yeah." shook his head. "God, I'm gonna be a dad, Aaron. I keep thinking if I say it enough, I'll believe it. It seems unreal."
Aaron leaned forward and touched Dave's forearm. "You'll be fine," he said, holding Dave's gaze for a few moment before sitting back. "And if worse comes to worse, I have a lot of practice changing diapers."
"Oh my God." But Dave found himself grinning just a little. "Mama Rosa's going to be beside herself with joy."
Aaron returned the smile. "She'll love Emily."
Dave nodded. "Yeah, that too. Heh. I keep going back and forth between excited and terrified. But then it's like...if I freak out, I'm afraid Em's going to take it wrong. I can be terrified and still stick around, you know? But I'm not sure she gets that. She's a smart woman, I'm not saying that, but..." He shook his head. "I made the mistake of saying, back in Vegas, that I'm not exactly the fatherly sort."
Aaron's lips parted and he drew a long breath. "Ah." He looked thoughtful for a moment, then asked, "What did she say?"
"She said she thought I wouldn't be as bad at it as I thought." Dave tried to recall the exact words she'd used. "She told me I was 'sweet' and 'patient'." He made a wry face. "I teased her. Asked if she was trying to talk me into something."
Aaron laughed. "Well, I highly doubt she tampered with the condom, regardless," he teased.
Dave cleared his throat and looked down. "Made me forget it entirely," he admitted, then darted a glance up at Aaron. "Don't say a word."
Aaron opened his mouth, looking surprised and, yet again, close to a reprimand. Then he just barely shook his head, pressed his lips together, and looked away across the bar.
"She really was drunk. And I'd had more than I should have." Dave sighed. "I wouldn't have had the courage to say anything to her if we hadn't been drinking. God, this whole thing was messy and stupid, but being with her was never an accident." He looked up at Aaron again, hoping he would understand.
Aaron sighed and nodded, then shook his head, smiling faintly again, an exasperated but fond smile. "You know this is all karmic retribution, right?"
"Sometimes I really hate you," Dave grumbled, and took a gulp of scotch. He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "You never told me having Jack wasn't your idea," he said, returning to something Aaron had said earlier.
Aaron shrugged. "Haley really wanted a child. I wasn't convinced. And... I knew it wasn't going to fix the strain on our marriage, but..." he sighed. "Maybe it was a last ditch effort." He looked up and met Dave's eyes. "Not the best reason to have a child, I know, but I don't regret it now. I did love Haley very much. And I love Jack more than I thought it was possible to love anyone."
Dave smiled faintly. "Do you know how many people have told me having a kid changes everything? I guess the cool thing is how much Jack loves you back." He tapped his fingers against the table. "I'm going to have to get a car with a back seat." Things like that kept occurring to him: car with a back seat, better gun safe, little covers for all the electrical plugs.
Aaron laughed. "Crib, cars seats, toys that he'll do nothing more than stick in his mouth for a while." Aaron tilted his head, still looking amused. "And you'll have to give up a guest bedroom for a nursery."
"If she'll move in with me," Dave said. He laughed. "Maybe she'll make me move into her brownstone. God, I'm in so far over my head." He took a long sip of scotch and realized he didn't really feel like getting drunk any more. He knew he ought to talk this out more with Aaron before he talked to Emily, but he just wanted to be with her. "Everything's going to change," he murmured again, but suddenly he could see more good in that than bad.
** Italian translation
Dave: You are the most beautiful woman in the world. I want to make love to you. I want to hold you in my arms. I want to wake up next to you.
Em: There is no other place I would rather be.
Other installments of this series can be found here.
Authors:
innerslytherin and severity_softlyPairing: Rossi/Prentiss
Rating: PG-13
WC: ~6,900
Summary: What if the test had been positive?
Important Notes: This is the first installment to our new series, which is an AU from the What Happens in Vegas Universe. It's not necessary, but probably best, if you're familiar with Why You Should Never Drink Too Much in Vegas, and parts of Things You Never Want to Hear After a One-Night Stand in Vegas--but this fic goes AU at the peeing-in-a-cup point.
Further Notes: I totally spaced it on getting our Italian checked by my Italian friends. >.> This translation is from Google and possibly not reliable, so don't use it to make love to an Italian. You might be insulting his mother.
"I'm late."
There were a lot of things Dave Rossi had never expected to hear Emily Prentiss say. At the top of the list were two words that, thank God, she hadn't said yet. Right after those words were two more, and she'd just said them. He stared blankly at her until she repeated them.
"I'm late. Like, late." Her fingers were twisted together and her dark eyes were very wide. And Dave felt like he might be having a heart attack.
"God." He stumbled backwards and sat down, suddenly glad they were having this conversation at his house, because he had a nice full liquor cabinet...that she shouldn't touch. God, it wouldn't be fair for him to get drunk if she couldn't, would it? "Em..."
"A week late," she elaborated, and his chest squeezed again. Oh fuck.
Of course, that's what had got them into this in the first place.
***
It was almost--almost--worth this, to see Dave Rossi virtually speechless. Almost.
Except that it also made it ten times worse to see the proof, plain as day, on Dave's face that having a kid was the last thing he wanted. God, what was she going to do if she was pregnant? It would have been different if it were some anonymous "sperm donor". She could have handled raising a baby on her own in that situation. But if it was Dave, someone she liked, was attracted to, and respected... she wasn't sure how she could deal with having a child with a man like that when she knew he didn't want it.
"Great. Brilliant. Fantastic," she said, her tone flat, and didn't look at him.
One thing you couldn't say about David Rossi was that he was stupid. She wasn't looking at him, but she heard him get up, and a moment later, he joined her on the couch, his arm sliding around her shoulders.
"Hey, this is... this is okay," he said, and even though his voice didn't sound anything like normal, she could tell he was trying. "We'll...we'll figure things out. What do you want to do? You know I'm not going to leave you on your own."
Emily just shook her head. Part of her wanted to tell him to shut up, that she'd rather be alone than drag him into something he didn't want. The other part of her couldn't bear to form the words. "Stop saying things you're not sure you want to say," she said finally.
"Hey, you don't know what I want," Dave said, tightening his arm around her. "Because I don't know what the hell I want. But I know what I don't want, which is to be an asshole to a woman I care about. God, how long does that damn test take?"
Emily wasn't sure if the churning in her stomach was from the waiting or from his reaction...or maybe from the little hesitation she'd heard before Dave said he 'cared about' her. She sort of wanted to hit him.
"A few minutes," she said testily. "And I don't want you to raise a kid with me just to keep from being an asshole. Not the right reason. I don't want to be... I'm not a consolation prize--'sorry, you didn't get what you really want, but...'--and when I have a kid, it won't be either."
She sighed and stood, walking back down the hallway without waiting for him to reply.
"What the hell?" he demanded, following her. "First of all, no man in his right mind would view you as a consolation prize, Emily Prentiss! Second of all...what the hell? How would a kid be a consolation prize?"
She sighed again, frustrated suddenly, and turned back around to face him. "Okay, maybe that was a bad analogy. I don't want to just be what you got stuck with. I want to... I want to be someone's grand prize, me and my child, not just... what you got stuck with because I got pregnant and it was the honorable thing to do." She realized suddenly that she was getting emotional, and cursed herself, then straightened up and set her jaw. "It's probably done now."
Dave was looking at her with an expression she couldn't interpret. She wasn't sure she even wanted to. After a moment he shook his head. "I have a feeling I'd be the one who was a consolation prize," he said, and turned away. "Okay, so--what now?"
She stared at him for a moment, and had the impulse to correct him, to tell him that she wanted him, but she quickly stifled it. It didn't matter. They wanted totally different things. "Now I just go read them."
"Okay." She saw his shoulders move as he took a deep breath, then he turned back around. "Okay, so we read them."
She opened her mouth, wanting to tell him she'd do it alone, but then shut it, her stomach turning again. She headed into the bathroom, feeling suddenly ill, and picked up the tests... and just stared at them for a moment.
She was silent for so long that Dave cleared his throat. "Well?" he managed finally.
She opened her mouth to speak, but a little squeaky sort of noise was all that came out. She felt a little like she might cry, but at the moment, she wasn't sure if it was out of happiness or sadness. "They're, ah..." She shook her head to try to steady herself. "They're positive."
She was pregnant for the second time, and this time she had no one to make her feel ashamed about it. Then again, this was the second time in her life she'd gotten pregnant by a man that didn't want a kid. She let out a funny sort of hollow laugh, but didn't move, or look at him. She wasn't sure she'd be able to handle the disappointment on his face.
He made a noise, then swallowed audibly and cleared his throat. "They're...you're..." He paused. "We're going to--we..." His voice sounded strange.
Her lips tightened and she shook her head again, quickly. "No, we don't have to do anything, Dave," she told him, then exhaled loudly and tossed the tests into the trash. She needed to get out of here, but she suddenly felt shaky, so she braced herself against the counter and dropped her head.
Dave exhaled too and sat on the closed toilet lid. "We're parents," he said, sounding shell-shocked. She couldn't look at him. "God. Wow." His hand entered her field of vision and curled gently around her wrist. "C'mere."
She didn't move, and after a moment, she looked at him, knowing her expression was a little pained. "What, Dave? You don't want a kid."
His expression was more than a little off, for that matter, but he tugged lightly on her wrist. "Come here," he repeated. "I...God, Em." He shook his head. "I never planned it, but I...I'm not... Heh, I mean, wow."
Emily pressed her hand to her forehead, frowning, but sat in his lap like he was wanting anyway. "You're not making me feel any more confident about this 'we' thing." God, the idea made her a little ill--not the idea of having a child with him, but that she might let him in on this and he might panic, and that would hurt worse than him just outright saying he didn't want any part of this.
Dave wrapped his arms around her and pressed his face against her hair. She felt him inhale deeply, then he pulled back a little and sighed. "I'm a little shocked," he admitted. "You've had a few days to think about this. I haven't." He didn't sound angry, though. She didn't think.
"We did have sex without a condom," she pointed out. "You hadn't thought about it since then?"
"I...a fleeting possibility, maybe," Dave said. "But you said you're on the pill, and I figured...what are the chances?" He let out a long breath and kissed her temple. "Wow." He slid a hand down to rest lightly against her belly. "Wow."
The gesture brought tears to her eyes, but she fought them. "Dave, don't. Just... just think about this, okay?" She slid away from him on his lap so she could look at him. "I'm going to go home tonight, and you're going to really think about this, and you're going to panic, and I can't... I... you can't do that to me. You need to think about this before you just... say--" She clamped her eyes shut and shook her head again, drawing a sharp breath and letting it out. This wasn't coming out right.
He frowned. "Okay," he said quietly. "Okay. I'm scared shitless. I admit it. But...I mean, that's pretty amazing. You and I...we made a person. That's just...wow." He shook his head again. He seemed dazed. God, this was awful. She shouldn't have come here to take the tests.
"But look," he said after a moment. "I'm not gonna walk away from you. And not out of some sense of obligation or duty. It's because I...I care about you. I respect and admire you, and..." He shrugged finally. "Maybe I have no idea what I'm doing, but how could I know I have a kid and not...not...well, be a dad?"
"A lot of people do it every day," Emily said, not opening her eyes. Her lips pulled to the side. "You were perfectly fine walking away from me before tonight," she said.
"Bullshit," Dave said, his voice flat. "I dealt with it because I knew you wanted things that, frankly, I thought I couldn't give you." He coughed. "Apparently I'm not shooting blanks."
She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Oh my God, Dave, you're not that old."
He shrugged. "My first wife and I didn't use birth control. I always figured it could be me instead of her." He inhaled deeply and let out a sigh. "I never thought this would happen. But...now that it has..." He shrugged. "I think I would have been disappointed if... Oh, God, I don't know. I just...I want to make this work. I... Oh, hell, I don't know, Emily. I just want to do this."
Emily sighed and dropped her hand, feeling suddenly drained. And she couldn't help the way her chest was aching with hope that what Dave was saying was the truth, and that he wouldn't go back on his word. "I swear to you, if you change your mind tomorrow after saying all this... I'll beat you to within an inch of your life," she said, but a funny combination of emotion overtook her before she finished, and somehow she was smiling at the absurdity of her words and near tears again.
Dave seemed to understand, because he tightened his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. "I'm not a guy who changes his mind," he murmured. "But I would deserve it, in that case." He brushed his nose against her cheek. "Emily Prentiss. Mother of my child. God."
She snorted. "Are you calling me God?" After a moment, she relaxed, not having noticed how tense she'd been. She let her head drop to his shoulder, and sighed. "Maybe your guys aren't very active, and I'm just exceptionally fertile." After what she'd been through at 15, she could probably count the number of times she'd had sex without protection on one hand.
He huffed a laugh and kissed her gently. "I guess so," he said. He still sounded a little shaky, but she supposed it was a pretty big shock to get at fifty-three. He tightened his arms. "Maybe we should move somewhere more comfortable. And you can tell me if we need to have a serious talk now or if that waits until we've both absorbed this information a while longer."
"Later," she told him, and tightened her arms around his shoulders for a moment. She hesitated before she spoke again, but she didn't really want to go home and be alone. "Can I stay tonight?" she said, then added, "If you need space, I totally understand."
"No, it's...I'd like that," Dave said. He nudged her to stand up but didn't ever stop holding on to her as they went out to the living room. They settled on the couch, and Dave's arms went around her again immediately. It was sweet.
She sighed and relaxed against him again. "You don't have to say yes just because I'm pregnant."
Dave snorted. "I was saying yes because I'd been thinking about asking you myself and wondering if you needed space." He buried his nose in her hair, stroking a hand along her arm. "Wow," he murmured. This was getting to be a refrain with him.
"Do you think you'll be able to stop saying that before his first birthday?" she asked, and then wondered if joking about that was too soon. She wasn't even sure she was ready herself.
"Oh God," he said, sounding almost scared. "Maybe."
She sighed and tried not to react. She knew that was too soon, but somehow the fear in his voice made her feel worse about this. "Dave, you don't have to--"
"I don't have to what?" he interrupted. "I don't have to choose to be with a woman I care deeply about? I don't have to try to embrace the curveball life has thrown at me? I don't have to be honest about how damn scared I am about this?" He let out an explosive sigh. "Em, this is a lot to deal with. I mean, you know, we're talking radical lifestyle change here. You're gonna have to give me a little time to get used to all of it. But that doesn't mean I don't want it."
Emily nodded against his chest. "Maybe I should give you space, then," she murmured.
"That's not what I meant," Dave said, sounding calmer. "I just... It's like any uncertainty I express here, you think it's me saying I don't want it." He tightened his arms around her. "That's not it. And you...you're pregnant with my baby. I mean...my God." His fingers began stroking her hair. "That's pretty damn amazing. But I don't want to push you away, either."
She nodded again. "I'm scared," she admitted. "And not of having a baby." She hoped he would understand what she meant without having to explain it.
His fingers stilled on her hair, then started stroking again. "You're scared I'll walk away," he murmured.
She swallowed hard, but was glad he understood. "I'd rather you walk away now than tell me you're going to do this and walk away later."
He was silent for a long while, then finally said, "I know that...I'm good at walking away. But I do take commitments seriously." His words came slowly, but she appreciated that he was thinking them through before he spoke. "I always did my best to honor my marriage vows, and even though I know I was partly to blame for all three of my failed marriages, I...well, a big part of the problem in a couple of those was that I was unwilling to walk away from this job." He sighed. "I told Aaron once that I would have tried harder if I'd had kids. I, uh, I didn't mean it the way he took it--I wasn't criticizing him--but..." He chuckled ruefully. "This probably isn't really making you feel any better, is it?"
She huffed a small laugh and looked at him. "Not a lot." She smiled at him weakly, and then it slid off and she dropped her head back to his shoulder. "I always imagined this would be a much happier occasion."
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. She felt his lips against her hair, but he didn't say anything else.
She sighed. "It's not your fault."
"Feels that way." Dave was silent for a moment, then said, "I, uh don't suppose you've said anything to anyone else?" He cleared his throat. "The thing is...if you were anyone else, I'd talk to Aaron about this. But I can't exactly...ah..." He trailed off. She wondered if he were hoping she'd give him permission to do that anyway.
She sat back and looked at him. She understood entirely, but Hotch was her boss. Hotch and Dave may go back, but there were other issues at play here, given they weren't supposed to be fraternizing at all.
Not that Hotch didn't know after finding them on the way to her room in Vegas, but that was beside the point.
"I talked to JJ," she admitted. "But JJ isn't... our boss." She rolled her eyes, because they all knew the dynamics between Hotch and Dave were different than Hotch's dynamics with everyone else, and corrected herself, "My boss."
"He's technically my boss, too," Dave said, but his tone of voice made it clear that he knew what she meant. "And considering he's spending a hell of a lot of time around JJ and Henry these days..." He sighed. "I mean, whatever happens here, there's going to be some sort of impact on one of our jobs. I wouldn't like leaving the team, but I'd hate even more for you to have to do that. And considering I have a highly successful second career... Well, I don't think they can really do much to punish us, and Aaron certainly isn't going to be the one to instigate anything." He settled his arms around her more comfortably. "I just...I could really use some guidance here," he admitted finally, "and I trust Aaron."
She pressed her lips together. She didn't really like the idea, but in the end, she trusted Hotch too, even when she disagreed with him--especially after what had happened in Georgetown--and she couldn't deny Dave someone to talk to about this when she had already talked to JJ without even asking him. She nodded slowly. "Okay."
Dave pulled back to meet her gaze, then touched her cheek and kissed her softly. "Thank you," he whispered. He stroked his thumb across her cheek for a moment, then smiled at her and kissed her again, more slowly.
She made a little noise into the kiss, feeling torn between how good it felt to kiss him again and hoping this wasn't all going to fall to pieces. When she pulled back she drew a deep breath and smiled at him faintly, her eyes traveling his face. "God, I hope it looks like me," she said, suddenly hoping he would laugh. She couldn't take much more of the heaviness in the room.
"Hey, what am I, chopped liver?" he growled, but she could see the amusement in his eyes. "Maybe she'll have your smile." As soon as he said it, she felt him tense, but the reaction, which seemed a lot like nerves, passed a moment later. He kissed her again. "Emily," he murmured, cupping her cheek.
She sighed and rested her head against his shoulder again. "I'm exhausted." She knew it was more emotional than physical, but that didn't really matter.
"Mmm. Maybe we should go to bed," he said, brushing his cheek against her hair. "Or I could get some dinner together if you haven't eaten."
"I haven't, but I don't really feel like it," she said.
"Hey, you're eating for two now," he pointed out. "I don't think you're supposed to be skipping meals. I can make a pretty good dish of pasta."
She blinked at him for a moment, then sighed. She was going to have to start getting into the mindset to take care of herself, and she hadn't even thought about it until now. "Because pasta is so hard to make?" she said and smiled at him.
"I think I'm offended," he said dryly. He kissed her and shifted her away from him, then stood up. "Won't take me long." He vanished into the kitchen, and Emily lingered on the couch. After a while the cat wandered out and started brushing against her legs, and then Dave called out that dinner was ready.
They ate in the kitchen, and she had to admit that it was good, even if it hadn't been hard. She sat at the table sipping a cup of tea while he cleared the table, then he curled his fingers around hers and led her into the bedroom.
When they got there he stopped and turned her around. Then he wrapped his arms around her from behind, nuzzling at her neck, and murmured, "I have a shirt that would look great on you."
She drew in a deep breath. God, this did feel good, especially after it had been so hard to keep her distance since Vegas. She prayed hard again that she wasn't going to wind up hurt. "Okay," she murmured, sliding her hands over his arms.
"You are so beautiful," Dave murmured. "God, I've wanted to do this. I've thought about you. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you." His lips tickled at the nape of her neck. "But I thought it would complicate things at work..." He nibbled gently. "Emily."
"It will," she whispered. "Even more now." She slid a hand back into his hair, but then dropped it so she could turn around and hold him back, pressing her face to his neck. "But I've wanted you too."
She felt his laughter as much as she heard it. "But now that it's irrevocably complicated, we might as well go on making love," he murmured, tightening his arms around her.
She slid a hand up his back, smiling against his skin, even if making love wasn't exactly what she would have called what happened in Vegas. "Might as well," she agreed, and kissed his jaw.
"Mmm. Come to bed, Emily," he whispered, and kissed her thoroughly. One hand slid down to cup her behind, pulling her closer.
"Oh," she whispered, her fingertips sliding into his hair. "Are we starting tonight?" she breathed against his lips. Not that she minded.
"Is that okay with you?" His tone implied confidence that she would say yes, though it was nice knowing he wouldn't mind if she said no. "You're so beautiful."
"Mmm, I don't mind," she said, kissing him. "So this means at least the shock part is over?"
"I'm not promising there won't be minor relapses," he said, walking her backwards to the bed. "But I think I can safely say there won't be any unexpected meltdowns." He grinned at her and stroked one palm up her side to cup her breast.
She sucked in a breath, then shivered as he stroked his thumb over her nipple. God, it was ridiculous how excited she was already, and she knew he could feel that even through the fabric of her blouse. "Dave," she whispered, pulling him down for another kiss and sliding her hand up the back of his shirt.
"I want to make love to you," he whispered. Her lips parted and she nodded, and then he was pushing her shirt up her stomach, tugging it over her head without bothering to unbutton it. There was a quiet urgency in his actions that she felt herself responding to as he kissed her again, his hands roaming down her bare back.
She let out a shaky breath, and wrapped her arms around him as his lips moved lower, over her shoulder. "God," she whispered, then slid her hands around to unbutton the first two buttons of his shirt so she could pull his off too, and when his arms went around her again, the feel of their bare skin touching sent little sparks of desire through her.
"You're so amazing, Emily," he whispered, the fingers of one hand unfastening her jeans. He kissed her hungrily, then smiled and lowered her down to the bed. She lifted her hips for him to tug her jeans off, and then he knelt on the bed and kissed her stomach, his fingers brushing the skin so lightly they almost tickled. He looked stunned, or maybe awed, and then he met her gaze and heat flared up in his eyes. "I want you."
She sucked in a breath, then reached down to sift her fingers through his hair. "I want you too," she murmured. This was overwhelming, but wonderful. And frightening. And she wondered if he could see that in her gaze. "C'mere."
He smiled slowly at her and pushed his jeans off, then crawled up to kiss her softly. "I have a confession to make," he whispered, holding her gaze.
She smiled faintly, but it felt a little hesitant. "What's that?"
"I knew I wanted more than a one-night stand." He traced a finger down her cheek. "I just thought it was all I could get."
She huffed an almost-laugh, then kissed him again. "You didn't even have to get me drunk," she whispered, holding him close as a more natural smile curled her lips.
He buried his hands in her hair and kissed her hungrily, then rolled them so she was on top of him. "You mean I wouldn't have had to spend half an hour cleaning up puke?" he teased, wrapping his arms around her.
"See, we were having such a nice conversation, and then you bring that up," she said, giving him a mock frown.
"You know, that's something I love about you," Dave said. "You're so kick-ass and polished, and then you puke on the bathroom floor." He grinned and kissed her.
"Shut up," she told him. "Or you're sleeping on the couch."
"This is my house!" he protested, and kissed her again, rolling them back over so she was pinned to the mattress.
She snorted. "Seriously, I was a lot more into this when you were saying you wanted to make love to me, not talking about me getting drunk and vomiting," she said. That's not all I did that night, she thought suddenly. God, she was pregnant.
He hummed and leaned in, letting his lips brush her ear. "Sei la donna più bella del mondo. Voglio fare l'amore con te. Voglio tenerti stretta fra le braccia. Voglio svegliarmi accanto a te."
She wasn't a woman easily seduced by a foreign tongue, but Dave's voice did things to her on a regular basis anyway. She smiled, her hands trailing over the small of his back, and whispered, "Non c'é altro posto in cui preferirei essere." *
***
Dave spent the whole next day trying to work up his nerve.
He'd woken up with Emily in his arms, and it had been fantastic, if a little awkward when they both sort of panicked at the same time, then realized it and laughed at themselves. When they got to work, he'd poured himself a cup of coffee and holed up in his office, and he'd spent the better part of the morning there. There had been a late-morning roundtable, and then he'd seen Emily and Morgan head off in one direction while he and Reid went another.
He knew it wasn't his imagination that JJ was shooting him looks, but he didn't think it was his place to answer the question in her eyes. Emily was her best friend; Emily could talk to her. If JJ had something to say to him, he knew damn well that she would, probably sooner rather than later.
Hotch was the person he really needed to talk to, though, and currently Hotch was the person he was actually afraid to talk to.
It was dark outside and later than Dave usually stuck around when he finally went and tapped on Hotch's half-open office door.
"Come in," he heard Hotch say, and when he came in Hotch looked up, his eyebrows lifting. "You're in late. Something wrong?"
Dave stuck his hands in his jeans pockets. "Ah...You wanna go get a drink?" He couldn't talk about this in the office, where Hotch actually was his boss, no matter how often Dave pushed him. This was best friend territory, and that required a bar and copious amounts of scotch.
Hotch's eyebrows lifted further, but then went back down after a moment, and he started sorting the papers on his desk and putting them away. "I'm at least glad to know whatever's got you acting strangely isn't work related."
Dave just coughed and looked out over the bullpen. He was actually relieved that Emily had already gone. She would be sitting at her desk watching him anxiously and trying not to look like she was watching him anxiously. He'd told her he needed a night on his own, and she probably knew he was planning to drag Hotch to the nearest bar, but she'd been gracious about not saying anything.
Hotch was looking at him a little more intently when they left the office, but he didn't say anything until they reached the elevators. "I'll drive," he said mildly. Dave knew what that really meant was, 'I'm going to end up driving you home tonight anyway, so we might as well leave your car here.'
They ended up at a bar they'd frequented much more often in their younger days. It was quiet and dark, and had a very good selection of scotch. Dave slumped into a booth with a sigh and just stared at his first glass of scotch for a moment. He had no idea what he was going to say.
Hotch watched him for a moment, then turned his attention to his own drink. He was drinking wine, and would likely quit after the second glass. Some days, Dave was grateful Hotch knew him so incredibly well.
"Is this about Emily?"
And other days, Dave cursed the very day he met Aaron Hotchner.
He sucked in a deep breath, then took a gulp of scotch. His heart was pounding; of all the huge confessions he'd made to Hotch over the past fifteen years, this was possibly the biggest. He dragged his gaze up to meet Hotch's, then almost chickened out. He opened his mouth, then swallowed and licked his lips.
"She's pregnant."
His voice barely sounded like his own. Oh, God, that was the first time he'd said it out loud like that.
Aaron's eyebrows shot up, then a moment later he got them under control, but his lips were still parted in surprise. "Dave..." It sounded almost like the beginning of a lecture, but then Aaron closed his mouth and cleared his throat, then his voice gentled. "What are you planning to do?"
"Learn how to be a dad," Dave replied, and that was when the wall of panic hit him, feeling like a ton of bricks at sixty miles an hour. Oh my God. I'm going to be a dad. He suddenly couldn't catch his breath. He stared at Aaron, pleading silently for his friend to say something good.
Aaron looked like he wasn't sure what to say at first. He was looking at Dave a little like he was a man who'd just been given a life sentence. Or maybe that was Dave's imagination. Then Aaron shifted and pressed his lips together, looking uncomfortable. "You know... having Jack was not my idea. In fact, I was pretty adamant that my job is not one that makes caring for a child easy. But Haley..." Aaron shook his head, and looked up at Dave again. "I wouldn't give him back for the world, even after everything that's happened."
Dave just kept staring at him. That was the something good Aaron was supposed to say? "My God, Aaron, I'm going to be horrible at this. What do I do? I'd pretty much figured that this wasn't possible after Kay never...and I'm fifty-fucking-three years old. Oh my God." He bolted down the rest of his scotch and nodded to the waiter to bring another.
Aaron's lips quirked. Just briefly, but Dave sort of wanted to curse at him. "You're not going to be horrible. You're going to be fine." He took a drink of his wine, then said, "I was terrified to be a father, and I'm certainly not perfect, not even..." He shook his head again. "You won't think you're going to be okay, and then you'll hold him the first time." Aaron grinned. "And then you'll know you're not going to be okay... but you will."
"Quit being smug at me," Dave grumbled, but just the fact that Aaron wasn't shouting at him was making him feel a little better. He'd resisted the lecture he'd obviously wanted to give. Dave slumped further, leaning his forehead against his hand. "One time, Aaron. ONE time. I mean, what the fuck?"
Aaron was still smiling at him. "It's Reality 101. That's all it takes."
Dave glared at him. "Shut up." He took a long breath. "Someone oughta tell Garcia to stop drinking the water." He sighed. Aaron might not be lecturing, but Dave had a feeling he was laughing at him on the inside.
"I think she'll figure it out." Aaron dropped his chin into his hand and didn't say a word when the waiter when he brought Dave's second scotch. "God, it really is everyone on the team. Except Morgan and Reid."
"Don't say that," Dave muttered. "Reid's girly enough and genius enough that he might manage it." He scowled and stared at the table. "At least you got to choose with JJ. Ah, fuck, but that isn't fair. I wanted Emily, and even after Vegas I didn't stop wanting Emily. We just agreed it was better this way because...well, she wants kids and I don't. Didn't." He rubbed his face. "Fuck."
Aaron was staring at the table now, and Dave suddenly realized he'd just brought up Aaron's relationship with JJ. Everyone knew about it, but no one had ever said it out loud, as far as Dave knew. After a moment, though, Aaron just frowned and looked up at Dave. "You love her," Aaron said quietly, cautiously. "You'll be fine."
Dave kept his face buried in his hand but rolled his eyes sideways to look at Aaron. "That obvious?"
Aaron shrugged, but he smiled faintly. "I've seen you in love before. I had suspected for a while, but after Georgetown, I knew." His smile widened just barely. "'Call the Vatican'?" He shrugged. "Not that I disagreed, in the end, but..."
"I would've done that for anyone on the team," Dave muttered, though he wasn't entirely sure that was the case. He rubbed his face and sat up, then took a healthy gulp of scotch. "So what do I do? Is she going to laugh at me if I ask her to marry me?"
"My guess is that she won't laugh at you, but she'll think you're only doing it because she's pregnant if you do it now," Aaron said. His eyes flicked to Dave's mostly empty glass, but he just sipped his wine without mentioning it.
Dave sighed. "Well, it is, but not because I didn't want to," he said. "I'm not going to fuck this up. I know I'm good at that, but I'm not." He finished his scotch, pleased by the way warmth was spreading through his body. "Aaron, I didn't mean what I said, back in Boston. I mean, I guess I meant it, but it wasn't a criticism of you." He met Aaron's gaze. "I know you tried. You tried harder than anyone I know."
"It doesn't matter," Aaron said quietly, his eyes on his glass.
"It does to me. I respect you, Aaron; hell, you're my best friend. I don't want you thinking I blame you for Haley leaving." Dave had downed the first two scotches quickly enough that he could actually feel himself getting sentimental. He gestured for another, and the waiter was quick to bring it over. The guy clearly knew where his tips were coming from tonight.
"I know that," Aaron said. "I meant that it doesn't matter how hard I tried, in the long run." Aaron pressed his lips together. "I'm assuming what happened between you was meant to be a one time thing?" he said, but didn't wait for a reply. "And because of that, I doubt you've told her how you feel." He held Dave's gaze for a moment. "I would make sure you tell her at least a few times before you go so far as to buy a ring."
Dave nodded slowly. He hadn't been sure if she would even consider marriage, since they worked together. But clearly he had to make sure she understood how he felt. "I do know that much," he said. "I learn from my mistakes. I didn't let my second wife even take tennis lessons after Kay ran off with her instructor." He quirked a wry smile at Aaron, but he knew Aaron was remembering the way Dave's third marriage had happened too quickly. He sipped at his scotch, wondering if Aaron had guessed any of what Emily had told Dave during their investigation of Father Silvano.
Finally he just murmured, "She's been hurt a lot, I think. I don't know if she really believes any man can be fully depended on. And I know my track record doesn't look good."
Aaron nodded. "All you can do is try to prove her wrong," he murmured. "As often as possible."
"Yeah." shook his head. "God, I'm gonna be a dad, Aaron. I keep thinking if I say it enough, I'll believe it. It seems unreal."
Aaron leaned forward and touched Dave's forearm. "You'll be fine," he said, holding Dave's gaze for a few moment before sitting back. "And if worse comes to worse, I have a lot of practice changing diapers."
"Oh my God." But Dave found himself grinning just a little. "Mama Rosa's going to be beside herself with joy."
Aaron returned the smile. "She'll love Emily."
Dave nodded. "Yeah, that too. Heh. I keep going back and forth between excited and terrified. But then it's like...if I freak out, I'm afraid Em's going to take it wrong. I can be terrified and still stick around, you know? But I'm not sure she gets that. She's a smart woman, I'm not saying that, but..." He shook his head. "I made the mistake of saying, back in Vegas, that I'm not exactly the fatherly sort."
Aaron's lips parted and he drew a long breath. "Ah." He looked thoughtful for a moment, then asked, "What did she say?"
"She said she thought I wouldn't be as bad at it as I thought." Dave tried to recall the exact words she'd used. "She told me I was 'sweet' and 'patient'." He made a wry face. "I teased her. Asked if she was trying to talk me into something."
Aaron laughed. "Well, I highly doubt she tampered with the condom, regardless," he teased.
Dave cleared his throat and looked down. "Made me forget it entirely," he admitted, then darted a glance up at Aaron. "Don't say a word."
Aaron opened his mouth, looking surprised and, yet again, close to a reprimand. Then he just barely shook his head, pressed his lips together, and looked away across the bar.
"She really was drunk. And I'd had more than I should have." Dave sighed. "I wouldn't have had the courage to say anything to her if we hadn't been drinking. God, this whole thing was messy and stupid, but being with her was never an accident." He looked up at Aaron again, hoping he would understand.
Aaron sighed and nodded, then shook his head, smiling faintly again, an exasperated but fond smile. "You know this is all karmic retribution, right?"
"Sometimes I really hate you," Dave grumbled, and took a gulp of scotch. He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "You never told me having Jack wasn't your idea," he said, returning to something Aaron had said earlier.
Aaron shrugged. "Haley really wanted a child. I wasn't convinced. And... I knew it wasn't going to fix the strain on our marriage, but..." he sighed. "Maybe it was a last ditch effort." He looked up and met Dave's eyes. "Not the best reason to have a child, I know, but I don't regret it now. I did love Haley very much. And I love Jack more than I thought it was possible to love anyone."
Dave smiled faintly. "Do you know how many people have told me having a kid changes everything? I guess the cool thing is how much Jack loves you back." He tapped his fingers against the table. "I'm going to have to get a car with a back seat." Things like that kept occurring to him: car with a back seat, better gun safe, little covers for all the electrical plugs.
Aaron laughed. "Crib, cars seats, toys that he'll do nothing more than stick in his mouth for a while." Aaron tilted his head, still looking amused. "And you'll have to give up a guest bedroom for a nursery."
"If she'll move in with me," Dave said. He laughed. "Maybe she'll make me move into her brownstone. God, I'm in so far over my head." He took a long sip of scotch and realized he didn't really feel like getting drunk any more. He knew he ought to talk this out more with Aaron before he talked to Emily, but he just wanted to be with her. "Everything's going to change," he murmured again, but suddenly he could see more good in that than bad.
** Italian translation
Dave: You are the most beautiful woman in the world. I want to make love to you. I want to hold you in my arms. I want to wake up next to you.
Em: There is no other place I would rather be.
Other installments of this series can be found here.
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Date: 2009-04-24 04:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 01:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-25 02:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 05:26 am (UTC)"I'll drive," he said mildly. Dave knew what that really meant was, 'I'm going to end up driving you home tonight anyway, so we might as well leave your car here.'
The fact that Dave and Aaron have gone out for drinks enough times for this to be a pattern is gleeful. Loved the whole Dave/Aaron scene, and I totally see Dave going straight to Aaron if he needed to talk out personal matters. and Hotch was so adorably wry - "Call the Vatican"? LOL!
Nice work!
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Date: 2009-04-24 01:30 pm (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2009-04-25 02:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 09:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 01:31 pm (UTC)Thanks!
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Date: 2009-04-25 03:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 01:00 pm (UTC)I hope their baby has his smile too. I need more, more, more. I <3 you guys soooooooooo much!
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Date: 2009-04-24 01:33 pm (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2009-04-25 03:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 04:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-25 03:20 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-04-24 08:20 pm (UTC)This was lovely - I'm looking forward to the next installment.
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Date: 2009-04-25 03:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-04-24 08:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-25 03:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 09:49 pm (UTC)Dave is so cute and bewildered
and Em is also kind of bewildered too
which I like very much
I love Dave and Aaron and their talks
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Date: 2009-04-25 03:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-04-25 03:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-25 03:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-04-25 03:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-25 03:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-04-25 04:14 am (UTC)I think my favorite part, though, was Hotch's uncomfortable confession, and his, "it's karmic retribution" and the way he was kind of deliberately COMPLETELY UNHELPFUL except when he wasn't. Hotch has such a dry, subtle senes of humor and affection and you guys totally captured it here.
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Date: 2009-04-25 11:44 am (UTC)the way he was kind of deliberately COMPLETELY UNHELPFUL except when he wasn't.
*G* That's a great way to put it.
Thanks!
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From:no subject
Date: 2009-04-25 09:30 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for exploring this AU. I fell in love with the first version of "Vegas" and will happily wait for more.
The history between Rossi and Hotch is something I wish the show would show a bit more.
Love, love, LOVE!
Seeing Rossi wrapped around his daughter's finger would be adorable; but I can just see him teaching his son to cook, while Emily throws the football around with him. Nothing like a mom in the FBI to throw 'traditional gender roles' out the window. :)
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Date: 2009-04-25 11:07 pm (UTC)Thanks so much!
Just to stick with the Garcia icon theme...
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Date: 2009-04-26 04:44 am (UTC)But it's a lovely certifiable.
DragonLady
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Date: 2009-04-26 12:25 pm (UTC)Thanks!
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From:no subject
Date: 2009-04-26 02:45 pm (UTC)I really, really liked reading this and there will be daily (obsessive)checking for updates ;)
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Date: 2009-04-26 03:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-27 01:21 am (UTC)Another installment!
And given the craptastic Friday evening I had that included totaling my car (I am fine!), this was a much-needed pick-me-up.
AWESOME. and totally them.
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Date: 2009-04-27 01:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-04-27 06:21 pm (UTC)this is beautiful, and even though I loved the other 'Sliding Doors'-scenario, were you went with it and how it played out, I was a little like:"mmm, darn, I would have loved to see them throw a baby in the mix" :D
I adore this passage, it's very like them
*snort* priceless.
The whole episode with Hotch shows them exactly the way they are: Rossi might be older, but Hotch is the one who's going to do the preaching to the 'teenaged kid' for not thinking before he acts...and both times he has to forcefully restrain himself from doing it, that's hilarious! :D just as the way he can't resist a little smugness.
I love this story and it drew me in totally, until I got to the Italian part, even though I was forewarned. But don't pay much attention to it, surely it had that momentary effect because I am a native Italian.
*grins* no, it wasn't an insult to anybody's mom, :> but the reason that it threw me out of the story for a second is that it is practically correct, except for a couple of basic details that bring it all down.
So I am going to be terribly impudent and offer an unsolicited translation, just... you know, in case you'd like that *grins bashfully*....and I hope you don't see it as a criticism, it's just me being my usual anal-retentive perfectionist little self
Dave: Sei la donna più bella del mondo. Voglio fare l'amore con te. Voglio tenerti stretta fra le braccia. Voglio svegliarmi accanto a te.
Em:Non c'é altro posto in cui preferirei essere
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Date: 2009-04-27 09:52 pm (UTC)I'm also very glad you liked the fic. Obviously we had a hard time deciding whether or not to make her pregnant in the original fic, and this is the result. :D
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Date: 2009-04-28 02:34 am (UTC)This is so lovely and sweetly written. And I was so excited when I saw there was going to be a Dave/Aaron friendship scene. Such a great fic.
Fingers crossed for a little girl for Dave to spoil!
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Date: 2009-04-28 02:36 am (UTC)I'm glad you liked the scene with Dave & Aaron. I love their relationship, whether it's slash or friendship.