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geekystudmuffinTitle: No Soul is Desolate
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
innerslytherin and severity_softly
Pairing: Hotch/Morgan
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Morgan decides to take a detour on the drive back to Quantico. (Set immediately post-Mayhem)
Word count: ~19,000
Warnings: SPOILERS for Mayhem! (Kinks: a little dirty talk *g*)
Notes: RP format. Feel free to point out any glaring mistakes. :)
Part 1, Part 2
When Hotch woke up again, it was early afternoon. Morgan was out again, and Hotch's fingers were itching to get in on whatever the team was working on, even if he wasn't in the office. Dave hung up on him without even saying hello. It sounded like he flipped open his phone and then flipped it shut again immediately. A few minutes later, Garcia was flat out refusing to send anything to Hotch's PDA, or fax anything to the hotel. Dave had, apparently, told her specifically not to talk to him, and told her if she did, that she should tell him to get his 'bruised little butt' back to bed and let Morgan 'take good care of him'. She sounded a little too amused, and Hotch had to wonder if Dave was the only one who knew what was going on. He slumped back in bed, decidedly miserable for the moment, and Morgan returned not long after with food.
It was probably the laziest day Hotch had lived through in a long time, and he probably would have stayed miserable, except that Morgan ambushed him into receiving one of the best blow jobs in his life in the early evening. He didn't seem to mind spending the day in bed with Hotch either, talking about work, which Hotch suspected was only because he knew Hotch would be getting twitchy to get back to it soon.
When night finally came, Hotch found himself drifting off easily, which almost surprised him, considering he'd done nothing all day. Morgan pulled the covers around them both and stayed with Hotch, his arms around Hotch only helping to relax him until he fell into a fitful sleep.
Morgan found himself feeling completely relaxed, snuggled up against Aaron. He'd enjoyed spending the day like this, doing nothing but talking and touching and taking care of Aaron. Of course, the man wasn't the best patient around, but for the most part Morgan had been able to stave off too much discontent.
Still, he couldn't help remembering last night, the way Aaron had kept waking from nightmares. He hoped he could help with that. At least tonight he wouldn't be too much of a coward to try. Finally Morgan drifted asleep to the soothing sound of Aaron's breathing.
Things were a little hazy, but Hotch was certain it was the smoke. It was filling his lungs and stinging his eyes, but all he wanted to do was pull Kate out of that burning car. And he was going to do it if it meant getting burned. So he climbed in, his body erupting in pain like he'd never felt before... and then he gasped and jerked in the flames automatically... and then felt something soft and heavy around his body, and a warm body at his back. It was blessedly dark again, but his heart was hammering in his chest. "God," he choked out, his chest heaving. "I thought-- she--" He stopped, forcing himself to shut up even if his mind couldn't stop racing.
Morgan had jerked away as soon as Aaron started twitching, and he'd been trying to wake him, hating the pain in the noises Aaron was making. As soon as he knew Aaron was awake, he kissed Aaron's neck and began stroking his hair. "I know," he murmured, tightening his other arm around him. "It's all right, Aaron. It was a dream. You're okay."
"I know I'm okay," Hotch said automatically, and felt like a fool for the way his voice cracked with emotion. He tried to focus on Morgan's hand running through his hair, but the fact that Morgan was comforting him only reminded him that he needed the comfort, which didn't do anything to stop the hurt. It just made it want to overwhelm him more. So he fought to focus on anything but the dream and the memories.
Morgan kept brushing his lips over Aaron's skin, holding him tightly. "I'm here," he murmured. He wasn't really sure what Aaron needed or wanted right now. Morgan thought he'd be better off if he would give in to the grief, but he had a feeling Aaron wouldn't be comfortable letting go in front of him.
Hotch closed his eyes and sniffed, fighting the way his eyes were prickling. Don't, he told himself fiercely. He gripped Morgan's hand. "Morgan. Please. Don't," he whispered.
"You'll feel better," Morgan whispered, holding on to Aaron's hand. "Aaron, let me help."
"No, I won't feel better." I'll feel weak, and I already feel weak enough, Hotch thought, and turned his hand to lace his fingers with Morgan. He stubbornly wiped a tear that rolled down his cheek, and that was enough to make him angry at himself for it, and he forced it all down with every ounce of self-respect he still had and tried to steady his breath.
Morgan held in a sigh and kissed Aaron's neck, but didn't say anything. He knew the longer Aaron held this in, the worse it would be when he did break. But Aaron knew that, too, and Morgan wasn't going to push him and risk getting kicked out of his bed, not when he'd just earned a place in it. He closed his eyes and held Aaron tightly.
Hotch drew in a shaky breath and let it out, and then felt the tense lines of his body start to relax the further down he pushed everything he was feeling. He stopped gripping Morgan's hand when he realized how tightly he had it, and stroked Morgan's fingers with his thumb. "I need a drink of water," he whispered, then started to shift, but Morgan held him where he was.
"Shh, I'll get it." Morgan kissed his jaw and climbed out of bed, going over to the sink. As he came back with two glasses of water, he said, "I have whiskey, if you want a splash." He sat on the edge of the bed and held the water out.
"Yeah," Hotch whispered, and waited for Morgan to add some whiskey to his glass before taking it. "Thank you." He curled his hand around Morgan's arm and gave him a little tug, wanting him closer.
Morgan climbed back onto the bed, leaning against the headboard and guiding Aaron over to settle against him. He pulled the covers up as high as he could around them, figuring Aaron would be chilled the way Morgan always was after a nightmare. The clock said 2:24, so at least Aaron had had several hours of sleep first.
Hotch closed his eyes, and let the glass rest on his leg, hoping he'd sleep again once they laid back down. "Sorry," he murmured, taking a sip of his drink and sliding his free hand over Morgan's leg. "You don't have to stay up."
"I'm here for this, too," Morgan said, sliding his arm around Aaron and kissing his shoulder. "Don't be dense, it doesn't suit you." His voice was as light as he could make it.
"I'm not being dense; I'm trying to be considerate," Hotch argued, but didn't say anymore. He just settled more against Morgan.
Morgan laughed and leaned his forehead against Aaron's hair, closing his eyes. He didn't really feel like he needed to talk, which was nice. When they finished their drinks, Aaron slid back down under the covers and Morgan wrapped himself around him carefully. He was surprised at how comfortable he felt with this, but then again, he'd had a long time to want this.
He didn't wake again until morning, when he slipped out of bed and started coffee brewing before he went to work out. By the time he was back, Aaron had showered and was up, so Morgan had a quick shower and they went down to breakfast together. That was when it started to feel a little strange, when they were sitting and talking over fruit and waffles and bacon, like they had a hundred times before while on cases.
Hotch was trying to get information from Morgan as they ate; he had a feeling Morgan had talked to someone about how things were going with the team. Morgan either didn't know, or wouldn't say, though, and Hotch eventually stopped trying. He'd fallen directly back into his usual demeanor once they weren't in private. It was easy to do, and he didn't even notice until he looked up and realized Morgan seemed uncomfortable. He lifted his eyebrows at Morgan. "You all right?" he said, his voice soft.
"Yeah," Morgan said, looking up at him. "It's just...I don't know, this is sort of like work. I mean, breakfast in a hotel and stuff. It's familiar...but it's different, too. You know?" He shrugged and took a bite of his waffles. "Not bad," he clarified quickly.
Hotch nodded and took another bite of his food, thinking over Morgan's words silently for a moment. "This doesn't change anything, you know," he said, and realized Morgan might take that wrong. "Publicly," he added for clarity.
Aaron's first words had made Morgan's heart feel like a fist had gripped it, but as soon as he clarified, Morgan nodded. "Yeah, I get that. I didn't expect any different." He shrugged again. "It's just a little weird." He finished his waffles and stood up. "You need more coffee? Or I saw tea bags over there." He gathered his empty plate and napkins, watching Aaron.
"Coffee," Hotch said, and handed his cup to Morgan. It was strange letting Morgan take care of him, but Morgan was relentless, and Hotch was still sore--he suspected his knee was a little worse after the previous day's activities--and tired of fighting it. When Morgan returned to the table, Hotch thanked him for the coffee and fell silent again for a short time. After a bit, he glanced up and raised an eyebrow. "How much does Garcia know?"
Morgan looked up from watching his coffee as he swirled the cup, his eyebrows going up. "Well, my baby girl figured out a couple of years ago how I feel," he said quietly. "I haven't talked to her since we left New York, but she's probably figured some things out, since you and I are the only ones who haven't come back." He cleared his throat. "It's going to be pretty hard to hide stuff from the team, but I wouldn't tell anyone without talking to you first." He paused, then forged ahead, his voice dropping almost to a whisper. "Especially since I'm not exactly sure where we are right now."
Hotch nodded. "I'm fairly certain she knows. I talked to her yesterday," he confessed, then looked away a moment. He sighed. "They'll figure it out. I just hope they know it doesn't change anything at work." He hoped they wouldn't all think less of him professionally, but he didn't say that. "I don't know where we are either, Morgan... I'm just divorced. I--" He shook his head. "I don't know, but I'd like to find out," he said, looking back at Morgan.
"I know you'll still bust my ass if I'm outta line, and expect me to pull my weight. This was never about you being the SAC. It's about you being you." He looked back down at his coffee. "I don't work for you, anyway. I work for them. The victims. The people who need some justice brought."
"I know that." And Hotch did, and he didn't think anyone would look badly on Morgan for this. "And they know that. And they know that's why I do it, as well, but the fact remains that I should have-- I'm supposed to be upholding higher standards than sleeping with my team."
"Oh, thanks," Morgan teased. "Lowering your standards for me, huh?" He looked up, grinning, and kicked Aaron's foot lightly under the table. "I think you'll find out that what your team wants most is for you to be happy. So if...if I can make you happy, they won't mind." He had a feeling his voice had gone a little funny on those last words; it felt too vulnerable to say that out loud. "But if I screw up, I'll have the entire team lining up to kick my ass," he added, trying to lighten up.
Hotch smiled softly, and lifted his foot to press it on top of Morgan's, pinning it to the floor. His chest felt a little tight, and he wasn't sure what to say, even if Morgan had tried to play off what he'd said. He drew in a breath, and decided the best solution was not to address it. "You're not going to force me to go home when we get back, are you?"
"I think I'm supposed to get you checked out medically, then keep you home for like a week," Morgan said, smiling back. "But maybe you could bribe me to stop by the office for a few minutes. An hour, tops."
Hotch gave Morgan a look. "I've been to the hospital. The bureau should have the reports," he complained. Of course, he'd sort of released himself before the doctors were ready to. Thankfully. So maybe the bureau hadn't cleared him to work yet. He frowned at Morgan.
"Hey, I just know what Dave told me," Morgan said. "And you'd better behave yourself this time. No pulling off of wires or anything." He leaned over the table. "Though, you know, if you feel like taking the hospital gown off again, I'm okay with that." He waggled his eyebrows.
Aaron pursed his lips and sat back in his chair, giving Morgan a look that was half-amused and half-annoyed.
"Hey, can I help it? You're irresistible." Morgan grinned and took Aaron's empty plate. "Come on, let's get back to the room and move out."
*****
The drive to Quantico was much more relaxed than the first portion of their trip home had been. They didn't talk much more, but what conversation there was came easily and was punctuated with laughter.
Morgan knew he had some work to do when he got back. There were apologies to be made, first and foremost to Garcia, for making her talk to him when she'd thought he was driving to his death. But the whole team probably deserved one, and he knew he'd start with Reid. He'd have to make a point to spend some time with the kid outside of work, see how he was really doing.
And he was going to take care of Aaron, whether Aaron liked it or not.
When they pulled into the parking lot at Quantico, Morgan cocked an eyebrow at Aaron. "An hour. Just to reassure everyone that we didn't kill each other, and I am coming back to the BAU. No more."
Hotch sighed and got out of the car without replying, then started inside. "You know, I still have a gun."
"Huh. Yeah, you're right, they oughta take that away from you until you're cleared to go back to work," Morgan said, grinning. He kept pace with Aaron all the way in.
Hotch pressed the elevator button when they reached it. "I have good aim too."
"Damn right you do," Morgan said, but the look he gave Aaron said he wasn't exactly talking about guns.
Hotch looked at Morgan and then huffed a small laugh. "Mmn, don't look at me like that; you'll give us away." His chest gave a funny tug when he was 'us' like that, but he ignored it.
Morgan laughed and turned his eyes forward again just as the elevator doors slid open. He liked the sound of that.
Hotch stepped out and forced most of the limp out of his step, though he couldn't manage all, and it hurt, but he could handle it for a while. When he stepped into the BAU, he couldn't deny how good it felt to be home.
"Faker," Morgan muttered, just loud enough for Aaron to hear him, though it got no reaction.
Reid was out of his seat the moment Hotch walked through the glass doors. "Hotch!" he said, smiling. "You're back!"
Hotch smiled. "Not really. I just came to say hello. I'm apparently banned from my office until I'm completely healed."
"Damn straight you are," Dave said, coming over from the coffee station. "Derek, I thought I told you to take him straight home."
"Yes, sir," Morgan said, "but I thought it might be a good idea to prove to everyone that we both made it back okay. Especially once he threatened to shoot me."
"I'm not entirely convinced you don't still deserve it," Hotch said, smiling softly. For a moment it was awkward to look at Dave, but he did, and then he glanced at Reid when he spoke again.
"Any idea how long?" Reid asked.
"No," Hotch said. "Not long, though." He looked at Dave again. "And here I thought they'd like you better."
Dave had a satisfied look on his face, which vanished at those words. "I told them if I went easy on them, they'd be out of practice when you came back. And you'll be out until the doctor clears you. Derek, you're his assigned chauffeur for the week. Make sure he really does see the doctor."
Morgan saluted. "Where's my baby girl? She talking to me yet?"
"I-- ah. I'll call her," Reid said.
Hotch was frowning at Dave. "The ER doctors already looked at me."
"Right, and Derek was very clear that you were a bad patient. Anyway, it's not my call. Strauss said she wanted you in perfect health before you came back. Nothing I can do about that." Dave smirked and held Hotch's gaze, then flickered a brief glance at Morgan, who had gone over to lean on Reid's desk while the other man called.
Hotch held Dave's gaze for a while, and then shook his head and looked away across the bullpen. "You're enjoying this too much," he said, and they both knew what he meant, even if anyone nearby might not understand what was underneath Hotch's words.
Dave's smirk widened. "You know, I am enjoying it. You had no idea, did you?" He sipped his coffee, not looking away from Aaron's face.
"How could I have?" Hotch asked, dropping his voice and looking back.
Dave shrugged. "He was threatened by me, jealous of our history, and almost got himself shot by Homeland Security to get to you, from what I hear. There was plenty of evidence, if you were looking at it right."
Hotch started toward the kitchenette, where it was more private, expecting Dave to follow. "None of those things necessarily imply attraction, particularly when coming from one who never so much as seemed to have any inclination towards intimacy with the same gender," he murmured. Oh, God, shut up, Aaron.
Dave snorted. "Attraction," he muttered, sounding amused. He settled against the counter, looking at Aaron. "Derek is clearly devoted to you, Aaron. And there are plenty of indications of attraction. The way he looks at you, for example. The way your good opinion of him matters more than anything." Dave shrugged. "Just the fact that he wanted to keep you company after New York says something."
Hotch would never dare betray Morgan's trust and tell Dave what they had discovered happened to Morgan in Chicago, but he mentally listed it as a good reason he never would have considered Morgan being attracted to him or any other man. He shook his head. "In case you haven't noticed, my team is pretty well devoted to each together on whole," he argued. He glanced over to where Morgan was still talking to Reid, then sighed. "And he doesn't care about my opinion any more than Reid does." He wondered why he was even bothering to argue this point.
Dave shook his head. "I think you're mistaken on that last point," he said. He nodded toward Morgan, who had straightened up and was looking their way. As soon as he saw them looking back at him, he looked away, but there had been a flash of anxiety on his face. "He just tries very hard not to let you see. Or anyone, really. Derek hides himself behind a tough-but-sexy facade. I don't think he would have come to me at all, in New York, except that he cared more about you than he did his own ego."
"Don't underestimate that I know my team, or that I understand Morgan, Dave," Hotch said, and as soon as he said it, he realized why he was arguing. It was that same feeling of uselessness that was lingering from New York, of not catching on fast enough or not being able to do anything. He sighed and shook his head. "Forget it... He came to you?"
"He was worried about you, Aaron. We all were, but he was the one who decided to do something about it." Dave finished his coffee and poured himself another cup. "He thought it would be good for you to have a neutral location to decompress a little, before coming home." Dave glanced over his shoulder and lowered his voice. "If there never was anything between you and Kate Joyner, it might be good for him to hear it. I got the impression she would have liked for there to be something. And that you were too fucking married to even consider it." He gave Aaron an amused smile, taking the harshness out of the words.
"Not the first time that's happened," Hotch said, and met Dave's gaze one eyebrow lifting before his lips curled a bit. He looked back at Reid and Morgan when Morgan yelped, just in time to see Garcia stomping over and pummeling him in the chest a couple times before he wrapped her in his arm and she stopped and buried her face against his chest. Hotch couldn't understand what she started to grumble then, but he was fairly certain he heard something about a 'stupid, sexy bastard'. Hotch couldn't help but laugh softly. "And you can stop playing match-maker now, by the way."
"Why, did it work?" Dave said, watching Morgan rock Garcia gently and whisper something in her ear.
"We'll find out," Hotch said, still smiling at Garcia and Morgan. And Reid who was looking slightly uncomfortable at the display so close to his desk. As they watched, Morgan looked up, his gaze meeting Aaron's, and he smiled. After a moment, Hotch turned to look at Dave again. "Looks promising, though."
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence." - T.S. Eliot
Authors:
innerslytherin and severity_softlyPairing: Hotch/Morgan
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Morgan decides to take a detour on the drive back to Quantico. (Set immediately post-Mayhem)
Word count: ~19,000
Warnings: SPOILERS for Mayhem! (Kinks: a little dirty talk *g*)
Notes: RP format. Feel free to point out any glaring mistakes. :)
Part 1, Part 2
When Hotch woke up again, it was early afternoon. Morgan was out again, and Hotch's fingers were itching to get in on whatever the team was working on, even if he wasn't in the office. Dave hung up on him without even saying hello. It sounded like he flipped open his phone and then flipped it shut again immediately. A few minutes later, Garcia was flat out refusing to send anything to Hotch's PDA, or fax anything to the hotel. Dave had, apparently, told her specifically not to talk to him, and told her if she did, that she should tell him to get his 'bruised little butt' back to bed and let Morgan 'take good care of him'. She sounded a little too amused, and Hotch had to wonder if Dave was the only one who knew what was going on. He slumped back in bed, decidedly miserable for the moment, and Morgan returned not long after with food.
It was probably the laziest day Hotch had lived through in a long time, and he probably would have stayed miserable, except that Morgan ambushed him into receiving one of the best blow jobs in his life in the early evening. He didn't seem to mind spending the day in bed with Hotch either, talking about work, which Hotch suspected was only because he knew Hotch would be getting twitchy to get back to it soon.
When night finally came, Hotch found himself drifting off easily, which almost surprised him, considering he'd done nothing all day. Morgan pulled the covers around them both and stayed with Hotch, his arms around Hotch only helping to relax him until he fell into a fitful sleep.
Morgan found himself feeling completely relaxed, snuggled up against Aaron. He'd enjoyed spending the day like this, doing nothing but talking and touching and taking care of Aaron. Of course, the man wasn't the best patient around, but for the most part Morgan had been able to stave off too much discontent.
Still, he couldn't help remembering last night, the way Aaron had kept waking from nightmares. He hoped he could help with that. At least tonight he wouldn't be too much of a coward to try. Finally Morgan drifted asleep to the soothing sound of Aaron's breathing.
Things were a little hazy, but Hotch was certain it was the smoke. It was filling his lungs and stinging his eyes, but all he wanted to do was pull Kate out of that burning car. And he was going to do it if it meant getting burned. So he climbed in, his body erupting in pain like he'd never felt before... and then he gasped and jerked in the flames automatically... and then felt something soft and heavy around his body, and a warm body at his back. It was blessedly dark again, but his heart was hammering in his chest. "God," he choked out, his chest heaving. "I thought-- she--" He stopped, forcing himself to shut up even if his mind couldn't stop racing.
Morgan had jerked away as soon as Aaron started twitching, and he'd been trying to wake him, hating the pain in the noises Aaron was making. As soon as he knew Aaron was awake, he kissed Aaron's neck and began stroking his hair. "I know," he murmured, tightening his other arm around him. "It's all right, Aaron. It was a dream. You're okay."
"I know I'm okay," Hotch said automatically, and felt like a fool for the way his voice cracked with emotion. He tried to focus on Morgan's hand running through his hair, but the fact that Morgan was comforting him only reminded him that he needed the comfort, which didn't do anything to stop the hurt. It just made it want to overwhelm him more. So he fought to focus on anything but the dream and the memories.
Morgan kept brushing his lips over Aaron's skin, holding him tightly. "I'm here," he murmured. He wasn't really sure what Aaron needed or wanted right now. Morgan thought he'd be better off if he would give in to the grief, but he had a feeling Aaron wouldn't be comfortable letting go in front of him.
Hotch closed his eyes and sniffed, fighting the way his eyes were prickling. Don't, he told himself fiercely. He gripped Morgan's hand. "Morgan. Please. Don't," he whispered.
"You'll feel better," Morgan whispered, holding on to Aaron's hand. "Aaron, let me help."
"No, I won't feel better." I'll feel weak, and I already feel weak enough, Hotch thought, and turned his hand to lace his fingers with Morgan. He stubbornly wiped a tear that rolled down his cheek, and that was enough to make him angry at himself for it, and he forced it all down with every ounce of self-respect he still had and tried to steady his breath.
Morgan held in a sigh and kissed Aaron's neck, but didn't say anything. He knew the longer Aaron held this in, the worse it would be when he did break. But Aaron knew that, too, and Morgan wasn't going to push him and risk getting kicked out of his bed, not when he'd just earned a place in it. He closed his eyes and held Aaron tightly.
Hotch drew in a shaky breath and let it out, and then felt the tense lines of his body start to relax the further down he pushed everything he was feeling. He stopped gripping Morgan's hand when he realized how tightly he had it, and stroked Morgan's fingers with his thumb. "I need a drink of water," he whispered, then started to shift, but Morgan held him where he was.
"Shh, I'll get it." Morgan kissed his jaw and climbed out of bed, going over to the sink. As he came back with two glasses of water, he said, "I have whiskey, if you want a splash." He sat on the edge of the bed and held the water out.
"Yeah," Hotch whispered, and waited for Morgan to add some whiskey to his glass before taking it. "Thank you." He curled his hand around Morgan's arm and gave him a little tug, wanting him closer.
Morgan climbed back onto the bed, leaning against the headboard and guiding Aaron over to settle against him. He pulled the covers up as high as he could around them, figuring Aaron would be chilled the way Morgan always was after a nightmare. The clock said 2:24, so at least Aaron had had several hours of sleep first.
Hotch closed his eyes, and let the glass rest on his leg, hoping he'd sleep again once they laid back down. "Sorry," he murmured, taking a sip of his drink and sliding his free hand over Morgan's leg. "You don't have to stay up."
"I'm here for this, too," Morgan said, sliding his arm around Aaron and kissing his shoulder. "Don't be dense, it doesn't suit you." His voice was as light as he could make it.
"I'm not being dense; I'm trying to be considerate," Hotch argued, but didn't say anymore. He just settled more against Morgan.
Morgan laughed and leaned his forehead against Aaron's hair, closing his eyes. He didn't really feel like he needed to talk, which was nice. When they finished their drinks, Aaron slid back down under the covers and Morgan wrapped himself around him carefully. He was surprised at how comfortable he felt with this, but then again, he'd had a long time to want this.
He didn't wake again until morning, when he slipped out of bed and started coffee brewing before he went to work out. By the time he was back, Aaron had showered and was up, so Morgan had a quick shower and they went down to breakfast together. That was when it started to feel a little strange, when they were sitting and talking over fruit and waffles and bacon, like they had a hundred times before while on cases.
Hotch was trying to get information from Morgan as they ate; he had a feeling Morgan had talked to someone about how things were going with the team. Morgan either didn't know, or wouldn't say, though, and Hotch eventually stopped trying. He'd fallen directly back into his usual demeanor once they weren't in private. It was easy to do, and he didn't even notice until he looked up and realized Morgan seemed uncomfortable. He lifted his eyebrows at Morgan. "You all right?" he said, his voice soft.
"Yeah," Morgan said, looking up at him. "It's just...I don't know, this is sort of like work. I mean, breakfast in a hotel and stuff. It's familiar...but it's different, too. You know?" He shrugged and took a bite of his waffles. "Not bad," he clarified quickly.
Hotch nodded and took another bite of his food, thinking over Morgan's words silently for a moment. "This doesn't change anything, you know," he said, and realized Morgan might take that wrong. "Publicly," he added for clarity.
Aaron's first words had made Morgan's heart feel like a fist had gripped it, but as soon as he clarified, Morgan nodded. "Yeah, I get that. I didn't expect any different." He shrugged again. "It's just a little weird." He finished his waffles and stood up. "You need more coffee? Or I saw tea bags over there." He gathered his empty plate and napkins, watching Aaron.
"Coffee," Hotch said, and handed his cup to Morgan. It was strange letting Morgan take care of him, but Morgan was relentless, and Hotch was still sore--he suspected his knee was a little worse after the previous day's activities--and tired of fighting it. When Morgan returned to the table, Hotch thanked him for the coffee and fell silent again for a short time. After a bit, he glanced up and raised an eyebrow. "How much does Garcia know?"
Morgan looked up from watching his coffee as he swirled the cup, his eyebrows going up. "Well, my baby girl figured out a couple of years ago how I feel," he said quietly. "I haven't talked to her since we left New York, but she's probably figured some things out, since you and I are the only ones who haven't come back." He cleared his throat. "It's going to be pretty hard to hide stuff from the team, but I wouldn't tell anyone without talking to you first." He paused, then forged ahead, his voice dropping almost to a whisper. "Especially since I'm not exactly sure where we are right now."
Hotch nodded. "I'm fairly certain she knows. I talked to her yesterday," he confessed, then looked away a moment. He sighed. "They'll figure it out. I just hope they know it doesn't change anything at work." He hoped they wouldn't all think less of him professionally, but he didn't say that. "I don't know where we are either, Morgan... I'm just divorced. I--" He shook his head. "I don't know, but I'd like to find out," he said, looking back at Morgan.
"I know you'll still bust my ass if I'm outta line, and expect me to pull my weight. This was never about you being the SAC. It's about you being you." He looked back down at his coffee. "I don't work for you, anyway. I work for them. The victims. The people who need some justice brought."
"I know that." And Hotch did, and he didn't think anyone would look badly on Morgan for this. "And they know that. And they know that's why I do it, as well, but the fact remains that I should have-- I'm supposed to be upholding higher standards than sleeping with my team."
"Oh, thanks," Morgan teased. "Lowering your standards for me, huh?" He looked up, grinning, and kicked Aaron's foot lightly under the table. "I think you'll find out that what your team wants most is for you to be happy. So if...if I can make you happy, they won't mind." He had a feeling his voice had gone a little funny on those last words; it felt too vulnerable to say that out loud. "But if I screw up, I'll have the entire team lining up to kick my ass," he added, trying to lighten up.
Hotch smiled softly, and lifted his foot to press it on top of Morgan's, pinning it to the floor. His chest felt a little tight, and he wasn't sure what to say, even if Morgan had tried to play off what he'd said. He drew in a breath, and decided the best solution was not to address it. "You're not going to force me to go home when we get back, are you?"
"I think I'm supposed to get you checked out medically, then keep you home for like a week," Morgan said, smiling back. "But maybe you could bribe me to stop by the office for a few minutes. An hour, tops."
Hotch gave Morgan a look. "I've been to the hospital. The bureau should have the reports," he complained. Of course, he'd sort of released himself before the doctors were ready to. Thankfully. So maybe the bureau hadn't cleared him to work yet. He frowned at Morgan.
"Hey, I just know what Dave told me," Morgan said. "And you'd better behave yourself this time. No pulling off of wires or anything." He leaned over the table. "Though, you know, if you feel like taking the hospital gown off again, I'm okay with that." He waggled his eyebrows.
Aaron pursed his lips and sat back in his chair, giving Morgan a look that was half-amused and half-annoyed.
"Hey, can I help it? You're irresistible." Morgan grinned and took Aaron's empty plate. "Come on, let's get back to the room and move out."
*****
The drive to Quantico was much more relaxed than the first portion of their trip home had been. They didn't talk much more, but what conversation there was came easily and was punctuated with laughter.
Morgan knew he had some work to do when he got back. There were apologies to be made, first and foremost to Garcia, for making her talk to him when she'd thought he was driving to his death. But the whole team probably deserved one, and he knew he'd start with Reid. He'd have to make a point to spend some time with the kid outside of work, see how he was really doing.
And he was going to take care of Aaron, whether Aaron liked it or not.
When they pulled into the parking lot at Quantico, Morgan cocked an eyebrow at Aaron. "An hour. Just to reassure everyone that we didn't kill each other, and I am coming back to the BAU. No more."
Hotch sighed and got out of the car without replying, then started inside. "You know, I still have a gun."
"Huh. Yeah, you're right, they oughta take that away from you until you're cleared to go back to work," Morgan said, grinning. He kept pace with Aaron all the way in.
Hotch pressed the elevator button when they reached it. "I have good aim too."
"Damn right you do," Morgan said, but the look he gave Aaron said he wasn't exactly talking about guns.
Hotch looked at Morgan and then huffed a small laugh. "Mmn, don't look at me like that; you'll give us away." His chest gave a funny tug when he was 'us' like that, but he ignored it.
Morgan laughed and turned his eyes forward again just as the elevator doors slid open. He liked the sound of that.
Hotch stepped out and forced most of the limp out of his step, though he couldn't manage all, and it hurt, but he could handle it for a while. When he stepped into the BAU, he couldn't deny how good it felt to be home.
"Faker," Morgan muttered, just loud enough for Aaron to hear him, though it got no reaction.
Reid was out of his seat the moment Hotch walked through the glass doors. "Hotch!" he said, smiling. "You're back!"
Hotch smiled. "Not really. I just came to say hello. I'm apparently banned from my office until I'm completely healed."
"Damn straight you are," Dave said, coming over from the coffee station. "Derek, I thought I told you to take him straight home."
"Yes, sir," Morgan said, "but I thought it might be a good idea to prove to everyone that we both made it back okay. Especially once he threatened to shoot me."
"I'm not entirely convinced you don't still deserve it," Hotch said, smiling softly. For a moment it was awkward to look at Dave, but he did, and then he glanced at Reid when he spoke again.
"Any idea how long?" Reid asked.
"No," Hotch said. "Not long, though." He looked at Dave again. "And here I thought they'd like you better."
Dave had a satisfied look on his face, which vanished at those words. "I told them if I went easy on them, they'd be out of practice when you came back. And you'll be out until the doctor clears you. Derek, you're his assigned chauffeur for the week. Make sure he really does see the doctor."
Morgan saluted. "Where's my baby girl? She talking to me yet?"
"I-- ah. I'll call her," Reid said.
Hotch was frowning at Dave. "The ER doctors already looked at me."
"Right, and Derek was very clear that you were a bad patient. Anyway, it's not my call. Strauss said she wanted you in perfect health before you came back. Nothing I can do about that." Dave smirked and held Hotch's gaze, then flickered a brief glance at Morgan, who had gone over to lean on Reid's desk while the other man called.
Hotch held Dave's gaze for a while, and then shook his head and looked away across the bullpen. "You're enjoying this too much," he said, and they both knew what he meant, even if anyone nearby might not understand what was underneath Hotch's words.
Dave's smirk widened. "You know, I am enjoying it. You had no idea, did you?" He sipped his coffee, not looking away from Aaron's face.
"How could I have?" Hotch asked, dropping his voice and looking back.
Dave shrugged. "He was threatened by me, jealous of our history, and almost got himself shot by Homeland Security to get to you, from what I hear. There was plenty of evidence, if you were looking at it right."
Hotch started toward the kitchenette, where it was more private, expecting Dave to follow. "None of those things necessarily imply attraction, particularly when coming from one who never so much as seemed to have any inclination towards intimacy with the same gender," he murmured. Oh, God, shut up, Aaron.
Dave snorted. "Attraction," he muttered, sounding amused. He settled against the counter, looking at Aaron. "Derek is clearly devoted to you, Aaron. And there are plenty of indications of attraction. The way he looks at you, for example. The way your good opinion of him matters more than anything." Dave shrugged. "Just the fact that he wanted to keep you company after New York says something."
Hotch would never dare betray Morgan's trust and tell Dave what they had discovered happened to Morgan in Chicago, but he mentally listed it as a good reason he never would have considered Morgan being attracted to him or any other man. He shook his head. "In case you haven't noticed, my team is pretty well devoted to each together on whole," he argued. He glanced over to where Morgan was still talking to Reid, then sighed. "And he doesn't care about my opinion any more than Reid does." He wondered why he was even bothering to argue this point.
Dave shook his head. "I think you're mistaken on that last point," he said. He nodded toward Morgan, who had straightened up and was looking their way. As soon as he saw them looking back at him, he looked away, but there had been a flash of anxiety on his face. "He just tries very hard not to let you see. Or anyone, really. Derek hides himself behind a tough-but-sexy facade. I don't think he would have come to me at all, in New York, except that he cared more about you than he did his own ego."
"Don't underestimate that I know my team, or that I understand Morgan, Dave," Hotch said, and as soon as he said it, he realized why he was arguing. It was that same feeling of uselessness that was lingering from New York, of not catching on fast enough or not being able to do anything. He sighed and shook his head. "Forget it... He came to you?"
"He was worried about you, Aaron. We all were, but he was the one who decided to do something about it." Dave finished his coffee and poured himself another cup. "He thought it would be good for you to have a neutral location to decompress a little, before coming home." Dave glanced over his shoulder and lowered his voice. "If there never was anything between you and Kate Joyner, it might be good for him to hear it. I got the impression she would have liked for there to be something. And that you were too fucking married to even consider it." He gave Aaron an amused smile, taking the harshness out of the words.
"Not the first time that's happened," Hotch said, and met Dave's gaze one eyebrow lifting before his lips curled a bit. He looked back at Reid and Morgan when Morgan yelped, just in time to see Garcia stomping over and pummeling him in the chest a couple times before he wrapped her in his arm and she stopped and buried her face against his chest. Hotch couldn't understand what she started to grumble then, but he was fairly certain he heard something about a 'stupid, sexy bastard'. Hotch couldn't help but laugh softly. "And you can stop playing match-maker now, by the way."
"Why, did it work?" Dave said, watching Morgan rock Garcia gently and whisper something in her ear.
"We'll find out," Hotch said, still smiling at Garcia and Morgan. And Reid who was looking slightly uncomfortable at the display so close to his desk. As they watched, Morgan looked up, his gaze meeting Aaron's, and he smiled. After a moment, Hotch turned to look at Dave again. "Looks promising, though."
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence." - T.S. Eliot
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Date: 2008-10-01 11:40 pm (UTC)