The Last Best Days, Hotch/Rossi, NC-17 (21/21)

[innerslytherin]

Title: The Last Best Days
Author: innerslytherin and severity_softly
Artist: tli
Pairing: Hotch/Rossi
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 147,800
Summary: Futurefic--Shortly before Dave turns sixty, he is diagnosed with a grade III brain tumor. He and Aaron have to come to terms with what this means for their relationship. Eventually the team has to help Aaron say goodbye.
Notes: Heavy angst. Lots of medical detail. Character death. This fic would not exist without the extensive help, support, encouragement, and hand-holding from resolucidity, who served as our medical consultant throughout.

Master post



Epilogue

"How much further?" Jack asked. "This is heavy."

Aaron glanced back at the planter Jack was carrying. "It's not that heavy," he said, smiling at his son. He'd shot up in height over the past few months, though he was skinny and a little gawky. Aaron wouldn't have given him anything breakable to carry, because the only time Jack was graceful these days was on the basketball court. "Besides, we're almost there."

He stopped in front of the polished black headstone that said ROSSI.

He sighed and stared at it for a moment. This was the first time he'd been back here since Dave's funeral, almost a year ago. It was strange to think Dave was here, when Aaron had grown so used to thinking of him as just around.

"Where do you think he'd want this?" Jack asked, obviously still anxious to put the plant down.

"How about next to the headstone?" Aaron suggested. "So it won't cover up his name."

Jack nodded and went to put it down. "This thing is dusty. Dave wouldn't like that," he said, and wiped off the top of the headstone with his sleeve. Aaron held a groan as he spread out the blanket and put the little picnic basket down; he'd just washed that shirt.

Jack plopped down on the blanket and stared at the headstone. "He was...sixty-one," he said, obviously doing the math. "He didn't seem that old." He reached out and traced the letters. "We should have brought Fuzzy."

"Fuzzy gets sick in the car," Aaron said, sitting down and stretching out. "And sixty-one isn't old. I certainly hope we'll both get a lot older than that one day."

Jack looked over at him. "Do you think you'll get married again?"

Aaron looked back, surprised by the question. I'll never love anyone like I love Dave, he thought, but he knew realistically he could meet someone. He didn't want to say no if he might go back on that, but he glanced at the blank half of Dave's headstone where his own name was supposed to go and strangely hoped it would eventually be there.

"I don't know," he said finally. "Right now, I don't think so, but unless something horrible happens, I plan to be around for a long time to come so we never know. Why?"

Jack shrugged. "I was just wondering. It's different from when you and Mom got divorced. But I don't want you to be unhappy."

Aaron pressed his lips together, thinking. "If I think that someone else would make me happy in the distant future, I might give it a chance. Right now all it would feel like is that I was betraying Dave... I still love him. A lot. I couldn't give my heart to anyone else right now, because Dave still has it."

Jack nodded. "I still love Dave too," he said. He rolled over on his stomach and picked at the grass at the edge of the blanket. Sometime in the past few months, he'd started clamming up about his emotions more. Aaron wasn't sure how much of it was Aaron's unintentional influence and how much of it was just Jack's age. "I miss him. I...I liked it that you signed my birthday card with his name too."

Aaron nodded. Eventually he was going to have to stop that, but right now it still didn't feel right. "He did say that if he could watch us, he would. I knew he'd want to wish you a happy twelfth."

"He would turn sixty-two this year." Jack quirked his mouth up thoughtfully. "What do you do without Dave? Do you sleep by yourself? He used to sleep in your bed." He glanced at Aaron, but looked away again quickly. "In school they taught us about, you know... about girls and boys sleeping together." His cheeks turned red.

Aaron's eyebrows lifted, and he forced them back down before he looked at Jack. Of course Jack wasn't looking at him anyway. "Well, I certainly don't have anyone else sleeping in my bed right now." He wondered if Jack was specifically asking how two men had sex, or just asking what Aaron... well, did now.

Jack was chewing on his lower lip. "Um. You and Dave used to kiss 'n hold hands 'n stuff." He flickered a quick glance at Aaron and away, and ducked his head lower. "Did you, um...you could do stuff like boys and girls do?" He turned his head and stared at the tombstone. Aaron wondered if Jack felt like Dave was more present here, so he could ask these questions here.

"Yeah," Aaron said. "It's very similar for two boys." He could feel himself getting a little warm, but ignored it. When he paused to think about it, it was probably better for him to explain this than it would be for Jack to hear it crudely described by other children. He swallowed hard. "You can ask me whatever you want, you know? It's not going to bother me." It was unsettling, but Jack didn't need to know that.

Jack gave a jerky shrug. "But you only did...y'know, that with Dave."

Aaron frowned. "What's 'that'? Sex?"

Jack's face went a darker shade of red and he nodded.

Aaron sighed. "I've only ever done that with Dave and your mother." Damn it, Dave, you were supposed to be here for this. "Sex is... it's important, in a way. It's... adults who love each other can express their love that way. It's just another way to make the person you love feel good. And... it's not anything to be embarrassed about. It's normal."

Jack nodded again. "'kay." He pulled at the grass some more, but his shoulders relaxed. "For people you really love, like Dave."

"Yes," Aaron said. Oh God, yes, he thought, already terrified about the idea of Jack having sex. "Did they teach you about STDs?"

"Yeah." Jack chewed his lip. "Rashid said your...your thing can fall off if you get some of those."

That surprised a laugh out of Aaron. "I don't know about fall off. It could make it really uncomfortable down there, though, if it doesn't make you really sick overall. You should definitely love someone before you take that chance, and even then, be safe."

"I don't love anybody. Girls are stupid. Even Susan." Jack picked a dandelion and threw it.

Aaron grinned. "Who's Susan?"

Jack scowled. "A stupid girl at school."

Aaron laughed. He had a feeling Jack didn't exactly think Susan was stupid. "Right."

Jack's scowl deepened. "We used to ride bikes together. But then she started telling people I was her boyfriend and so I said she was a liar and now we can't hang out any more." He threw another dandelion. "She's stupid."

"She's clearly not stupid if she likes you," Aaron said. He stroked his hand over Jack's hair, then opened the picnic basket to get their sandwiches and Cokes.

Jack huffed and sat up. "Who cares. I'm hungry." He looked at their sandwiches. "We should have made spaghetti and meatballs. I still remember how. Dave taught me, remember?"

"Yeah," Aaron said, grinning and unwrapping his sandwich. "Do you remember how to speak any Italian?"

Jack grinned. "Mi chiamo Jack e ho due papà.*" He laughed and took a big bite of his sandwich.

Aaron laughed too, then looked over his son affectionately. Dave may not have had a son that was biologically his, but he'd been a wonderful father to Jack, and it struck him that a little bit of Dave was going to live on in his son. It made Aaron's chest ache, but in a pleasant way. "Keep going," he said. "I've gotten a little rusty."

THE END

* My name is Jack and I have two dads.

Comments

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

I damn near burst into tears sitting here in my cubicle. I know I wouldnt be comfortable reading a fic of this nature but I wanted to see the epilogue and OMG was it beautiful. So beautiful I couldnt hardly stop the gasp that came from my chest as I was reading. You guys, you guys just get so down deep and take out my damn heart with a teaspoon sometimes...and I love you for it, I really really do. I just wanted to pull Jack and Aaron close and never let them go. A picnic with Dave...Oh God, I am choking up again. Amazing.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

LOL I was amazed someone had already commented on this monster, but you cheated. ;)

I'm glad you even gave this part a shot. I totally understand not being able to read the whole thing. There were lots and lots of tears just writing it.

Thank you! <3

[kyrdwyn.livejournal.com]

*bawls*

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

LOL Sorry 'bout that. *hands over tissues*

[iscaris.livejournal.com]

Like mcgarrygirl I cheated and just went straight to the epilogue since I know I can't read the whole thing -- for some reason when you were talking about the fic before I had thought that you killed Hotch instead of Rossi.

It was calm and bittersweet and quietly painful to see Hotch and Jack visit Rossi's grave, and it's great to see Jack understanding and accepting that the love of his father's life is another man.

Congrats on finally posting this epic! 147K is... wow.

[innerslytherin]

Heh, I have a feeling this is going to be a fic a lot of people can't read. *hug* But after mcgarrygirl's comment I went back and read the epilogue alone, and I think it gives you a decent picture of what's left, and that Aaron has come through it. Not undamaged, but undestroyed.

[thelibraniniquity]

I just want to say straight off the bat that this is one of the most difficult stories I've ever read, either fan- or original fiction. Cancer, especially terminal cancer, is an incredibly triggery issue for me at the moment, which I didn't really realise until I was about a third of the way through the story. And like I think most of your readers, I couldn't read the whole thing; I made it through the first half and then had to make myself read the final few chapters and epilogue, just for the sense of completion. And it was worth it. I loved Dave and Aaron's relationship throughout the story, how it stayed strong even when it didn't seem that way, and the BAU-as-family thing was especially well done, and Jack in this seemed... real.

The bittersweet nature of the epilogue was one of the most realistic things in the story, and one of the best. Well done for putting such a well-crafted, complete story together.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you enjoyed (???) it. LOL Enjoyed is a weird word here I guess, and you may have made it more than a lot of people. Heh. I almost feel bad you got stuck with such a LONG, SAD fic for this challenge.

The BAU-as-famaily was really important for us. It was one of the things we agree had to be a big part of the story from tyhe onset. I'm glad it worked for you.

And your art for this is gorgeous. I will make a proper comment when I can. Thank you!

[vamp2puppy.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid I cheated and just read the epilogue because I have to be in the right mood to read a deathfic or I get too upset. Hopefully one day I'll be able to read the whole story, beacause I'm sure it's brilliant and deserves to be read.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

I hope you can! Glad you liked the end, at least.

[xoxo3.livejournal.com]

Wow, I stayed up half the night just so that I could read the entire fic. I thought that it was incredibly well written. I had a relative who died of a malignant brain tumor last year, and reading this story was like reading about my family's experiences. You portrayl of the anger, guilt, grief and sense of powerlessness that everyone experienced was incredibly accurate, as well as the way Rossi's "family" drew together to share their strength and their pain. I don't think I've cried as much as I did reading this last night since that time. You handled a heartwrenching topic beautifully; this was truly a job well done. While I can't say I truly enjoyed this story, I certainly couldn't stop reading, and I don't think any story have ever drawn such an honest emotional reaction from me. Thank you.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you gave the fic a chance even though it could have been very triggery for you, and I'm especially glad you thought we captured it well. While I haven't had a relative with a brain tumor, cancer seem to run in my family, and writing this dredged up a lot of difficult memories of my grandma's death a few years ago.

Thank you for reading and for your comment.

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

Beautifully done. I've been weeping into paper towels.

Nice bits with all the family members.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Aww. *hugs* I'm glad you made it through. Thanks!

[stfg.livejournal.com]

This was a really moving fic. In general, I am more interested in plot than in smut in fics, but one of the things I really loved about this fic was how their sex life evolved as Rossi got more and more sick. It just added another whole dimension to Hotch's (and Rossi's) grieving process.

I have a medical background and I am impressed with how you folks dealt with both the emotional and clinical parts of Rossi's illness. It's cool to see the details right (someone knows what compazine is!), but even cooler to see the whole process of coming to terms with death portrayed so well.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

We actually discussed whether or not to include the smut when we started this fic, and decided that that closeness they share when they're intimate would become really important to them when faced with the reality that they didn't have much time left. We hadn't really thought much ahead about how the cancer would effect the sex at first, but you're right, it certainly did.

And as far as the medical bits go, this fic wouldn't be half the fic it was without resolucidity, our go-to nurse. She was an incredible help on that.

Thank you for reading and commenting. I'm so glad you liked it!

[buddhaformattie.livejournal.com]

I've never leave a comment on your community before. I'm a French reader, and, when I talk to people about Criminal Minds fictions I always refer to you as my "déesses" ^^ but I couldn't find the courage to leave you two a comment. I'm very shy and always second guessing myself when I write in English, so, I was a fan in the shadow ^^' (And I never leave comments, nowhere... I'm a freak ^^')

But, today, I saw your latest fic, this one, and I had to leave you something to beg for your forgiveness. I love reading your fic, your characters always seem so real, I can see them like I do on screen. I'm always pretty impressed on how you achieved that ! You made me feel better so many times with your work, and I feel ashamed not to have leave a comment before.

But, I can't read this one, and I'm sorry... I'm too attached to them, and I just finished watching the opening season and I cried a lot watching this episode, and now... I respect your work, I love it and I'm feeling guilty not reading this one but I can't. I know you probably spent weeks on this one, it seems like a great amount of work and that's why I'm feeling guilty. When I love somebody's work, in any field, I don't miss a thing about them. But, seriously, I know I can't. I never though I'll see the day when I don't want to read something you two wrote. But today's the day. I can't read it and I'm sorry ^^'

But, now I love what you two do, you're great. Thanks for all the great stuff you offer us, being so real and so touching all the damn time. I'll read your next fic, I promise ^^

Sorry not to have left a comment before today.
Emeline.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

It's all right. I'm sure a lot of people read in the shadows.

[hugglesnkisses.livejournal.com]

Having just finished reading this fic over the course of a couple of days, I find myself struggling to find the right words to say.

As always, the quality of writing was superb, the characterisation believable and more importantly engaging and the world you created seems barely indistinguishable from canon. I'm not ashamed to admit I was on the verge of tears for most of the story and it wasn't just because it was hitting close to home - an expression I am loathe to use because it implies something negative. My dad is currently in hospital with cancer, they don't yet know what kind, and while it is most likely that he'll make a decent recovery your fic just shows that even through the darkest times, love and family will last.

This fic for me leaves me with a feeling of a hope and while I'll don't know if I would read it again, I am glad for that feeling.

[innerslytherin]

Thank you for commenting! This fic was really hard for us to write, because we both have experience with cancer in our families. I am glad you found this realistic, and that you took away a strong sense of family and love in the fic. I hope your dad recovers well too. *hug*

Amazing

[strangledavatar.livejournal.com]

I was just looking around for more Hotch/Rossi fiction. I remembered that you co-wrote "The Expansion of Two Natures" which is my favorite fandom (any at all) fiction and so thought to check out your journal.

I generally avoid reading Character-death fics. But I did.

I was blown away. Normally when I read a fiction, I keeping going until I get to the end...and then I'll re-read it. But this one, I had to stop and obsorb it. I would read a couple of chapters and then be crying so hard, I had to stop. and I never cry. It was so beautiful and real. This fiction has taken me longer than The Brothers Karamazov.

You stuck to the characters so well. So well in fact that when the season premiere came on, I was honestly surprised to see Dave at work. He seemed so healthy and I was shocked because my mind had created the world based on your fiction. You really touched me. You and Severity-Softly are such wonderful writers.

Thank you.

Re: Amazing

[innerslytherin]

Thank you so much! Your comment means a lot to me. It's very gratifying to hear that this fic took time to absorb. We put a lot of time and tears and effort into the fic, and it's lovely to hear that it was worth it. This fic is one that has been difficult for me to "shake off" from writing, in that I've found it difficult to get my head out of this fic and turn my attention to others.

I'm glad this fic worked for you, and thanks for your comment.

[thelana.livejournal.com]

Sigh. A sweet and strangely happy making ending. Thanks for kids and their perseverance. Somehow I expected to end my last comment on the fic with "I feel like I just ran a marathon" but somehow this makes it strangely ok.

I still weird and instrusive commenting on this fic because I'm sure it must be really close to your heart. For me, I guess I'm influenced by the fact that my family doesn't tend towards cancer. We usually die around the early to mid 80s, but cancer usually isn't connected to it. There were a lot of moments in the fic that made me think "Is it really ilke that?" and to be honest it touched on quite a lot of things I didn't really want to think about, like that my father might die somewhere in the next decade (hopefully one decade later).

Ficwise, I think what really stuck with me was how happy it was that Rossi was given that short time of going back to the BAU (and proving Spencer wrong). For some reason that felt like it really made a difference.

I also wanted to say that I read your other two longer AaronNDave pieces. I don't even remember whether I ever commented? But I really loved them and I hope I made a bit up for it like this rather than bummed you out. I hope it wasn't too weird for you to have me commenting while coming from a probably very different place :/

[innerslytherin]

I'm glad you liked this ending. We wanted to get across that love endures beyond death, and that Dave is still touching lives.

It didn't at all feel intrusive to me the way you were commenting. To me, it's good to know that a story that is personal for me can still touch people who have no personal experience of cancer. It means I've done my job right, conveying the ups and downs and fears and arguments that happen. Keeping in mind, of course, that I've never lost someone remotely as close as a lover, which I imagine must be even more painful than a grandparent.

I'm pretty sure you've commented to other stories in the past. *G* Either way, I'm glad that you commented on this one. It's really been incredibly gratifying to hear all your thoughts as you went through the fic. *hugs*

[thatsuddenneed.livejournal.com]

I have not cried this hard in a very long time. This story is so well written it honestly could be a movie. This was amazing. I needed this. Thank you.

[innerslytherin]

*hands over a tissue* You're welcome. :) I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for your comment!

[flyakate]

I'm stuck somewhere between tearing up and having a big smile on my face (oh, Jack) and even though it's 2:46am and I should have been asleep hours ago... this was lovely. Hard and achy and hot and sweet and all the voices were there (Spencer broke my heart! Emily kicked some serious ass!) and it was gorgeous. Great job, guys.

*sniffle in a grin*

[innerslytherin]

I'm so glad you liked this! It's a HUGE compliment that you stayed up so late reading. That means a lot to me. *hug* And yeah, that mix of emotions is pretty much how we felt too.

Oh my

[pikerspants.livejournal.com]

I opened the master list for this fic two days ago and have been avoiding the tab ever since knowing exactly how much this was going to hurt to read. This morning I got up early, bought a box of kleenex and read the entire thing.
I'm half a box of kleenex down, my eyes hurt and I have to go read something pretty and fluffy now because it feels like my heart is breaking but first I wanted to tell you that you are AMAZING writers and that this fic, as sad as it was, is one of those ones that I shall remember for a good long while.
Really, you outdid yourselves.

Re: Oh my

[innerslytherin]

Thanks! I'm so glad that our fic is memorable. It was definitely hard to write as well as to read.

[dazzleberry.livejournal.com]

That was an exceptionally well-written story.

There is a special place in my heart for sad stories, and you hit every single target:melancholy, angst, nostalgia, overwhelming dread and anguish. The tone was perfect all the way through-- from the haunting foreshadowing in the earliest chapters to the determination of the middle chapters, to the acceptance and grief at the end. I truly applaud the fact that you chose to give Rossi two bouts with cancer-- it was much more powerful to see him recover and then relapse than it would have been for him to just get sick and die.

Your characterizations were also phenomenal. I know that these aren't your characters, but they could be, if that makes sense. You really embodied them with something so dynamic and full that even without the background of the show, I think they would have been successful characters. It was evident that the show informs them, but they never felt like *fanfic* characters.

I also really appreciated how you treated their relationship. It was heart-wrenching.

If I had a quibble it would be that the highs didn't go high enough, because I always think that sad stories are most poignant when the sadness is set at high contrast with happiness. That said, I don't know if I could have stood it if the anguish had been any more bitter.

To a masochist like me, this was a beautiful and much needed catharsis. Thank you for writing!

(Now, please tell me you've got something fluffy to rec.)

[innerslytherin]

Thank you so much for this comment. I'm glad that the tone of the story worked for you. And I'm glad that the short recovery period wasn't too much when we dove back into the really bad stuff. I was reading Jim Beaver's book Life's That Way, about his wife's terminal cancer, while we were reading part of this, and along with information from resolucidity and our own personal experiences, it definitely informed the characters and the emotions a lot.

Your comment about the characterization means a lot to me. I'm glad you found them true to themselves and realistic. :)

(We've actually talked seriously about adapting this and trying to sell it as an original novel.)

[katewallace.livejournal.com]

I was finally able to stop crying long enough to finish...I'm pretty sure I can't find the words to tell you how wonderful (yeah, even though Dave died) this story was, and yes, in spite of the frequent crying (sobbing) jags, I enjoyed it. And thanks so much for the Epilogue...to know that Hotch and Jack were able to go and get past all the hurt and grief and celebrate Dave's life for what it was, and that Jack was carrying a little bit of it on. (Sorry, must stop..have teared up again!)

[innerslytherin]

*hugs* Sorry about the crying jags... Does it help at all to know that we both had them while we were writing it? And cried while revising too? Heh. I'm glad that you enjoyed this. And I'm glad that the Epilogue helped. It was important to me to address the way real love endures beyond death.

[purplecargirl.livejournal.com]

I consumed read this back when it was first posted but life's been crazy and I'm just now getting to responding, sorry that this is so late.

As I'm sure you've heard over and over again, I basically cried the entire time I read this. Although I'm not sure it's one I'll ever be able to re-read, it was amazingly beautifully written. While it was incredibly sad that he was dying, it was also kind of really fantastic to see Dave living so fully and trying to take care of Aaron instead of just giving up and letting his illness beat him down.

Character death fics are typically depressing (shocking, I know) and while this was extremely sad, it wasn't depressing...if that makes any sense at all. And having the Epilogue helped tremendously because it's nice to know that Hotch (and Jack) could carry on.

I have no idea if this feedback made any sense at all. I swear it did in my head. I guess what I'm trying to say is: GOOD JOB! *thumbs up*

[innerslytherin]

I'm glad to hear from you on this! We honestly cried through a lot of the writing of it, and sometimes it was silly things that made me tear up, like throwaway happy comments one of them would make, that just made me realize how unhappy they would be soon. But your comment makes me extremely happy, because you really commented on what, to me, is the heart of this fic--that is, Dave pursuing a life of quality even as he was dying. I'm glad you weren't left feeling depressed at the end of it. It means a lot to me that you said that. :)

[merisunshine36.livejournal.com]

I had to type this out in Word first to make sure this would be coherent. It's long and rambly (sorry), but work like this deserves pages of praise and then some.

This definitely went on my list of “call your mom” stories, which, for me, are the stories that convey love of family and friends so well that afterward I feel compelled to call my mom and make sure she knows that I love her. Also, my face is currently immobile due to being crusted over with salt from all of the crying I did. I had to take a lot of breaks to go do laundry or whatever and put myself back together. I don't want you to think that the crying is a bad thing; it's like when I was in 8th grade and read Les Miserables and cried pretty much the whole time as so many of the good, decent, hardworking characters get screwed over by fate. Those experiences are so universal, and so individual at the same time, and every time a writer manages to take their personal experience and turn it into a story everyone can relate to, I applaud them. Reading this was painful, but also cathartic. I heard on a radio interview once something to the tune of “great literature means a person or an animal has to die”, and although the commenter was being facetious, well, this was great literature for me.

I don't want to fill the comment box up with things about my feelings, so I wanted to be sure to mention few things about what impressed me from a purely literary standpoint. I loved so much the use of Jack in this story, and the way that he said everything the adults were afraid to in both good times and bad. His inclusion as a character here was an excellent decision; especially with regard to the way that he brings Hotch 'back to life' at the end. One of the other things I loved was the switching of perspective back and forth between Hotch and Rossi. At first, this annoyed me because I would get confused and have no idea whose perspective I was reading. But as I got further into the piece I could easily recognize whose viewpoint it was. And at the same time, the switching back and forth seemed to me another way to show how Rossi and Hotch were two halves of a whole.

Also, the detail. The detail in this! And not just the medical detail, but Garcia's afghan (although here appearances were brief, you wrote her character brilliantly!) and Spencer's rambling and the way Hotch would be sweaty and panting when coming back from a run. And their trip to Ireland. And the hospice. There was a line in the 20th chapter about “foxhole friendships”, and it was a tiny throwaway thing but I read it maybe three times and then googled it to find out where it was from, because it's those details that show how obviously well-read and highly skilled you both are. It's that art of showing not just through description, but through weaving in subtle pieces of information—whether it be about Catholicism, Italian, literature, or cancer—that kept me coming back chapter after chapter. I always wanted to know what the characters would say next.

When I read fanfic like this, it makes me wonder how authors or publishers or hollywood execs or whatever could ever be against derivative works. I came into this fandom ridiculously late and am just now into S3. I waffled for a while on whether or not I wanted to buy S4 but knowing that there is all this fic out there gives me this feeling of *omgneeditnow*. This is the best advertising Criminal Minds could ever hope to get. Thank you for this story, which is so obviously a labor of love. Fandom is so lucky to have writers like you.

[innerslytherin]

I can't even begin to respond properly to your comment. You made me feel so good with this. The fact that you responded to the fic like this just makes every bit of research and the emotional pain of writing it, and the long nights editing, and the tears and sweat (though fortunately no blood) worth every bit.

I'm so glad that you liked Jack as a part of the fic. Since neither severity_softly nor I have kids, we always have to go with our experience with nieces or cousins, and it's always great to hear that a kid rings true to someone. Kids really are fearless when it comes to saying what they think, aren't they? It's one of the things that's so great about kids, and at the same time can be so awful about them. LOL I'm glad that he worked for you.

As far as derivative work goes...I'd be lying if I said I'm not jealous of Max Allan Collins! Lucky man, he basically gets paid to write "officially sanctioned" fanfic. ;) But then again, I suppose Ed Bernero might not like seeing us write the graphic depictions of physical involvement between two men... *G* Anyway, I'm glad this made you want S4 because it's got some good storylines in it! :)

Thank you so much for your comment. I've literally been smiling every time I think about it.

[innerslytherin]

Thanks--that's quite a compliment. :)

[ri-se.livejournal.com]

I'm at a loss for words right now. But I guess I'll manage a couple.

First is Beautiful.

And then I just have to say that being one of the otp types I haven't read this before, but it seems like I couldn't resist anymore. Devoured it almost in one go too, but had to rest every now and then due to the flu (swine or no swine).

[innerslytherin]

Aw, sorry you had the flu! I'm glad you took the time to read this, though, and I'm really glad you thought it was good. :)

[khamira.livejournal.com]

I have just finished reading this wonderfully amazing, heartrendingly beautiful piece.
I am truly at a loss of words to tell you how much, enjoyment is hardly the right word for a story that made me cry but perhaps you will understand what I am trying to say, enjoyment this story gave me. Thank you both so very much.

[innerslytherin]

Thank you for your comment. I think I do know what you mean, and thank you. It was definitely difficult to write, but I think we're both proud of the end result.

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

This is utterly beautiful. Heartwrenching, poignant, tearful, amazing, sob-inducing, and beautiful. You both did an amazing job with this story. I am heartbroken and happy (and obviously not too coherent). Absolutely amazing.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

It's certainly not an easy read, but thank you for giving it a chance. I'm very glad you enjoyed it.

[marashapeshfter.livejournal.com]

That was an amazing story. I usually stay away from fics with character death because my heart can't take it but this one was beautiful, and well written, and well researched, and everyone's reactions especially Dave's were so realistic, and damn I'm starting to cry again. Just a tiny bit.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much for reading. I'm glad you liked it. :)

[silverwolf.livejournal.com]

I know this fic's been around for a while, but I have to compliment you guys on the most phenomenally written heart-wrenching fics ever.It was brutal to read, but I couldn't stop. So incredibly sad, but written perfectly too. Even though it hurt like hell to read, I am confident that one day I will have to read it again. It's just that good.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you. It was difficult to write, so we understand. I'm glad you read it and liked it. :)