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geekystudmuffinTitle: The Last Best Days
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
innerslytherin and severity_softly
Artist:tli
Pairing: Hotch/Rossi
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 147,800
Summary: Futurefic--Shortly before Dave turns sixty, he is diagnosed with a grade III brain tumor. He and Aaron have to come to terms with what this means for their relationship. Eventually the team has to help Aaron say goodbye.
Notes: Heavy angst. Lots of medical detail. Character death. This fic would not exist without the extensive help, support, encouragement, and hand-holding fromresolucidity, who served as our medical consultant throughout.
Master post
Chapter Four
Aaron looked down at his watch and then closed his eyes, tightening his fingers around Dave's. They'd arrived at the hospital earlier than they had to be there, and he was wishing they'd taken their time. Of course, they'd both been awake before the alarm went off. Dave had been excessively clingy from the moment they woke. Not that Aaron blamed him. If Dave hadn't been, Aaron might have felt clingy himself.
In the seat next to him, Dave sighed and leaned back. "I've never been this fucking scared in my life," he muttered.
Aaron sucked in a slow breath. The truth was that he felt the same way. All the years he spent with Haley considered, no matter how much they loved each other, he had never felt as completely understood and at ease as he did with Dave, and the thought of losing him was almost too much to even think of. Aaron didn't think Dave needed to hear that now, though. "I know," he said. He stroked his thumb over Dave's hand. "He's a good surgeon. He's done this a lot. It's going to be okay," he said, and hoped to God it was true.
"I know." Dave shifted in his chair. "You're going to stay, right? Of course you're going to stay. Sorry. I wish we could have gotten ahold of Jack." They hadn't tried calling Haley until last night, and they'd had to leave a message for her to call them back. But that had been last night, and Haley hadn't returned the voice mail Aaron left.
"Maybe it's better if he's not sitting around worried," Aaron said. He didn't really believe it. He'd talked Dave into telling his parents when Dave hadn't wanted to. He didn't think it was fair to not give them the opportunity to say I love you before Dave went under the knife, just in case something did happen.
"Just...make sure, if things don't go well, make sure he knows how much I love him, okay?" Dave said. "He's a good kid, and I feel lucky to have been part of his growing up." He glanced over at Aaron. "Just in case."
Aaron nodded. "You can tell him that when you wake up," he said, then looked at Dave. "But yeah." He squeezed Dave's hand.
"Yeah." Dave sounded like he was starting to hyperventilate a little bit. "You know how much I love you, right? You know how damn much I don't want to die?" He held Aaron's gaze, his expression intent.
"I know," Aaron said, lifting his hand to touch Dave's face. "I know that. I love you too. I love you more than anything. You're not going to die."
"I know," Dave said. He didn't sound totally convinced, but his tone of voice told Aaron that he was going to fight every inch of the way. It was better than the moments of depression that Aaron had witnessed in the past few days. "Hey, when the team gets here, tell them I said thanks, okay? Whenever they show up."
"They'll be here when you wake up," Aaron said. He knew they'd be here a lot sooner than that, actually. He was glad they'd not pushed on being here before, so that Aaron could have this time with Dave alone, but he thought they probably knew he was going to need them once Dave had been taken back.
Dave nodded. "Yeah, I know." He studied Aaron's face for a moment, then smiled faintly and brushed a hand along his jaw. "You're the best damn thing that ever happened to me. I'm lucky to have you with me. I couldn't fight this without you."
Aaron smiled back. "You were a stubborn bastard when we met; you would have been fine."
"Maybe I wouldn't have felt like it was worth fighting if I didn't have you, then," Dave said. "Shut up, I'm trying to be mushy." He leaned in and kissed Aaron softly.
Aaron sucked in a breath and kissed him back, glad that since it was so early there was virtually no one around but the staff. He would have done this anyway, though, because they didn't know what was going to happen. The emptiness of the room just made it more comfortable. "You mean so much to me," he murmured. "I won't lose you. Ever."
"You won't," Dave promised. He grinned at Aaron. "You're stuck with me."
"Good," Aaron said.
A nurse came out into the waiting area. "Mr. Rossi? If you'll follow me, we'll get started." She smiled reassuringly at Aaron.
Dave took a deep breath. "Okay," he said. He squeezed Aaron's hand tighter, then leaned in for one more kiss. "Love you."
And then they were gone. Aaron waited for them to be totally out of earshot before he slumped in his seat and dropped his head into his hands, and then the flood of emotion overwhelmed him. His eyes burned and tears dripped onto his palms before he even knew they were coming.
God, he'd just let Dave walk off to let a doctor open his skull and cut around in his brain. It suddenly hit him that this was probably the most terrified he'd ever been in his adult life. He'd rather be looking down the barrel of a gun.
The team was going to be at the hospital soon, though, and they couldn't find him like this, so Aaron drew a deep breath and sat up again, wiping his eyes and forcing himself calm. It didn't really work--when he got up to make himself coffee, his hands were shaking--but it stopped the tears.
JJ and Henry were the first to arrive. As soon as JJ saw him, she let go of Henry's hand and the boy ran over to hug Aaron.
"Hi," JJ said, offering a tight smile. "Sorry I'm late, but Henry's daycare is closed for the week. Will's coming to get him in a little while, but Henry wanted to see you."
"Hey, buddy," Aaron said, crouching down to return Henry's hug. He messed up Henry's hair, then looked back at JJ. "You're not late. You're the first here, actually."
"Oh, I thought..." JJ glanced over her shoulder, then back at him. "I'm so sorry, I thought Spence and Morgan were going to be here early to wish Dave good luck." She made an unhappy face. "Spence is taking this really hard. I mean, we all are, but..." She sighed.
"I know," Aaron said, and stood, resting a hand on Henry's head. "It's fine. Gave us a chance to be alone." He shrugged. Their relationship wasn't something they generally talked about; it was just something everyone knew. It felt weird that what was happening now was not only horrible and frightening to everyone involved, but it was thrusting Dave and Aaron's relationship into a more prominent place than they usually liked.
JJ nodded and touched his shoulder. "Will told me to give you both his best." She paused. "Can I do anything for you, Hotch? Phone calls, coffee, anything?"
"I haven't gotten a hold of Haley yet," Aaron said, then sighed. "I'm not sure I should even try now that there's nothing they can do. It's not like they can talk to him before..." The words stuck for a moment, then he forced them out. "...before he goes under."
JJ bit her lips together for a second, then nodded towards the door. "Um...about that..." she said, and glanced over. When he followed her gaze, he saw Spencer and Morgan walking in with his ex-wife and son.
Aaron's lips parted and he looked back at JJ. "How did you know?"
She shrugged. "I'm just that good." She raised an eyebrow. "You act like I haven't been working my magic for you for the last ten years."
Aaron shook his head fondly. "Thank you," he said. He'd get a better answer later. Right now it didn't really matter. Jack looked like he was on the verge of tears. Spencer didn't look a whole lot better, but Aaron got down and gave Jack a tight hug as soon as he got to them. "Hey, Jack. Dave's gonna be fine," he promised, praying again that it was true.
"Mom said he's got a thing in his brain," Jack whispered. "She said it's making him sick."
"That's right," Aaron murmured, tightening his arms a little. "They're just going to take it out, and he may not be all better right away, but he's going to keep seeing doctors, and he will get better." Aaron leaned back just enough to look at Jack, stroking his hair. "I love you. I'm so glad you're here. Dave is going to be glad too."
"Daddy, I don't want Dave to be sick," Jack said. He lunged back into Aaron's arms, wrapping his arms around Aaron's neck.
"I don't want him to either," Aaron murmured, closing his eyes against the threat of tears again.
"Do I get to see him?" Jack asked. "I want to see him." Aaron felt a hand on his shoulder; something in him still recognized his ex-wife's touch. She squeezed his shoulder gently, then pulled away.
"They've already taken him in for surgery, but when he comes out, you can see him. I don't think he's going to feel very good, though." Aaron pressed his lips together, and when he opened his eyes he was relieved to see that JJ had guided Morgan and Reid away. "He wanted me to tell you he loves you," he said, his eyes watery.
At those words Jack did start crying. He buried his face against Aaron's neck and mumbled something that wasn't recognizable as words through the tears.
Aaron closed his eyes and held Jack close, only lifting his hand to wipe a tear that slid down his own cheek. God, this was a nightmare. "Shh," he soothed, running a hand over Jack's back. "Dave's just in another room and you'll see him soon."
"I love Dave," Jack blubbered finally.
"I know," Aaron whispered. "He knows that too." This wasn't how they'd wanted Jack to 'come around', but that hardly mattered.
Jack pulled away just enough to look up at him. "Dad, you love Dave a lot, don't you?"
Aaron's lips pulled to the side, and he knew he was just barely masking how much this hurt, tears threatening again. "Yes, I do. I love him so much."
"Yeah." Jack wrapped his arms around Aaron's neck again. "We'll make him be okay, Dad."
"Okay," Aaron said, a pained smile forming on his face. "I'll need your help."
"I'll help," Jack promised. "Mom said if you want me I can come stay and help Dave when you hafta work." Aaron glanced up, shocked, at Haley. She just shrugged and gave him a shaky smile back.
Aaron looked back down at Jack. "I think Dave would really like that. I'm going to be home with him for a little while, but you can come up anyway--on weekends, if you promise to get your homework done too--and when he's well enough for me to leave him and school ends, I think you'd be really good company for him."
"I promise," Jack said. He wiped his face and nodded. He bit his lip, then said, "Mom said the thing in Dave's brain is why he got lost on the way to our house." Motion in the doorway made Aaron glance up and he saw Garcia and Prentiss peek in, then head down the hall to where JJ must have taken the others.
Aaron watched them go, then nodded at Jack. "That's why." He stroked a thumb over Jack's cheek. "I am so glad you told your mom about that, Jack. It was very important. We might not have known we needed to do anything otherwise, and Dave would have gotten sicker." Of course, Aaron knew something needed to be done. It had been Dave that needed to be pushed. "You've helped him already."
"Really?" Jack whispered, and blinked several times when Aaron nodded. "It was weird, Dad. And Dave acted like it didn't matter, but his knuckles were white and he seemed really unhappy." He chewed his lip, then added, "I didn't want him to be mad. I'm glad it helped."
"He's not mad," Aaron said, managing a faint smile. He pulled Jack into his arms again and kissed his hair, then stood, draping his hand over Jack's shoulder and keeping him close. "Haley," he finally said. "I tried to call last night--"
"I know," she said, lifting a hand to stop him. "We were out past Jack's bedtime last night, but I got your message late last night. I could tell something was wrong, and Andrew agreed that we should come. This morning before our flight left, I tried calling, but you were already gone." She smoothed her hand down Jack's back. "So I called JJ. She always did know more about your schedule than I did." But Haley's smile wasn't bitter the way it would have been eight years ago at those words.
"Haley," he began, and she shook her head to stop him again.
"I told JJ that we were flying up, and she said she would have someone meet us at the airport. Spencer and Derek picked us up, and Spencer told us what's going on." Her hand settled on Aaron's shoulder, then pulled away. "I'm so sorry, Aaron."
He shook his head. "It's not anything to be sorry about. There's nothing anyone could have done." He rubbed a hand over his face, feeling tired. "It's just... going to be a long road."
"I just don't want to see you unhappy," she said. "We'll do anything we can to help. Jack's old enough to learn to mow the lawn, isn't he?" She brushed her hand over Jack's hair. "And maybe when Dave's feeling a little better, he can teach Jack how to make his homemade lasagna."
"Cook?" Jack asked, wrinkling his nose.
Aaron breathed a tiny laugh. "Yes, cook. You might like it," he said, and brushed his fingertips down the bridge of Jack's nose to smooth the expression off his face.
"I know I'd like to get a little help around the house from the men," Haley said. She quirked her lips and then sighed. "Derek and Spencer probably want to come in. I know they've been waiting."
Aaron nodded at her, then glanced in the direction the rest of his team had gone. When he looked back at Haley, he held her gaze for a moment, then leaned in to hug her. "Thank you for coming," he murmured, and she squeezed him tightly and kissed his cheek. He cupped her jaw in his hand briefly when he pulled back, then turned to see Jack was smiling faintly at them.
"You haven't seen the rest of the team in a while. Emily and Derek are here," Aaron said, and Jack's smile widened. It was really no surprise Jack had been so drawn to them, but it made Aaron happy. "And Henry."
"Henry's a baby," Jack said.
"You were his age once," Aaron said.
"Nuh-uh."
Aaron snorted and guided Jack towards where the others had disappeared. "Play nice. He might be bigger than you one day."
The rest of the team had gathered in another small waiting area. When Emily saw Aaron, she quit talking to JJ and came over to hug him. Then she smiled at Haley and stuck out a hand to shake Jack's. He got a kick out of that, and pretty soon he'd dragged her over to Derek and they were involved in a conversation of some sort.
Garcia came over and hugged Haley, which Aaron found amusing, but also a little sad. He knew he could be somewhat...formal, he supposed, with his team, but she'd felt more comfortable hugging Dave than hugging Aaron. Then again, he wasn't sure how many hugs he could handle today without breaking down entirely.
"I got you some coffee on the way here," Spencer said, holding out a paper cup.
"Thanks," Aaron said, taking it and reaching out to squeezed Spencer's shoulder. Spencer bit his lips together and looked at the floor, so Aaron added, "He's a good doctor, Spencer."
Spencer nodded. "I know. I looked him up."
Aaron's eyebrows lifted, but fell again after a minute. He should have expected Spencer to take comfort in research. He rubbed his hand over Spencer's shoulder, then let it drop.
"Did they say anything about how long the surgery will be?" Haley asked.
Spencer glanced over at her. "With a procedure this complicated it could be several hours. It depends on a lot of factors, though--" He broke off and glanced at Aaron. "Sorry."
Aaron shook his head. "Spencer's right. They think they'll be able to get everything, but they talked about putting chemotherapy wafers in place after removing the tumor, if it's cancerous, and..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "It could be all day. Don't feel like you have to stay, though."
"Don't be ridiculous," Garcia blurted. She'd obviously been eavesdropping, and now she did hug him, burying her face against his shoulder and squeezing him tightly. "Of course we're staying."
He sighed, but he was thankful anyway. "Okay. I just don't want anyone to feel obligated to spend an entire day off at the hospital."
"I'm not leaving," Spencer muttered, sipping his coffee.
As time passed, everyone eventually settled into seats, with Henry following Jack around and trying to get him to play with the toy horses he'd brought. Whenever Aaron noticed Jack getting irritable with Henry, Emily somehow managed to interrupt and redirect Jack's energy. Spencer pulled a deck of cards out of his ever-present bag and did a few card tricks for the kids, and then Will showed up to get Henry. He shook Aaron's hand and told him he hoped everything went all right, and then they were gone.
Aaron didn't feel like eating anything when lunch-time rolled around and they hadn't heard any news, but finally Spencer and Derek dragged him down to the cafeteria, once Emily promised she would come get them if anyone gave them an update.
Aaron pushed his food around on his plate until Derek nudged him. "C'mon, man, you're not gonna be worth anything to him if you starve yourself."
"I feel nauseous," Aaron admitted, but grudgingly took a bite. It didn't taste like anything. God, it was funny what stress could do to you.
Spencer opened his mouth, then shrugged and didn't say anything. Aaron looked curiously at him, and Spencer made a wry face. "I was going to say something about the physiological effects of fear and anxiety, but I figured you didn't need to hear it."
After a moment Derek laughed, and Aaron managed a weak smile in return. He took another bite of his food, then washed it down with a sip of iced tea. After that it was a little easier to force himself to take bite after bite, until eventually he'd managed half his food. He pushed it away.
"I need to get back upstairs," he said. "I'm sorry. I can't..."
"It's fine," Derek said, resting a hand on Aaron's shoulder. "We're all upset over this. We know, Hotch."
They were all silent as they made their way back to the waiting room. The team had left one of the slightly-more-comfortable wing chairs open, and Aaron slumped into it, feeling like he might throw up the food he'd just eaten. Jack climbed into his lap, apparently regressing from his recent "too big to sit in Dad's lap" phase.
Garcia leaned against Morgan and he put his arm around her. She took one of Spencer's hands in both of hers. JJ and Emily were holding hands too. Haley sat alone, but didn't look out of place surrounded by the team. Aaron experienced a sudden, blinding sense of panic that this was it, that something awful had just happened and he would never see his lover again. Jack shifted and kissed his cheek, then cuddled against his chest, and slowly the panic gripping him eased enough that he could breathe again.
Aaron didn't know how much time had passed when a woman in a pink smock came into the waiting area. She ushered them into a consultation room and said the surgeon would be with them in a moment. She'd hardly left the room when the neurosurgeon appeared. When he pulled his mask down, he was smiling. "I'm happy to tell you that everything went as planned, with no unforeseen complications. Mr. Rossi's in recovery, and he'll be moved into his room shortly," he informed the group. "He'd like to see his family. I told him you'll probably go up and wait for him in his room."
"We can't see him now?" Aaron asked.
"I'm afraid it's against the regulations," the surgeon said. "It'll be about half an hour. He'll be in the Neurosurgery Unit, so if you go up to the third floor, they can direct you to his room to wait."
"Thank you," Aaron said quietly. Then he paused and held out a hand to the surgeon. "Thank you."
The doctor smiled, shook Aaron's hand, and left.
Aaron nodded, then gave Jack a squeeze. "Do you want to come?" Jack nodded and got up to let Aaron stand. They went out and Aaron let JJ and Haley know what was going on. The rest of the team had gone down to the cafeteria. JJ and Haley decided to wait for them and come up to the ward later.
"Okay." Aaron took Jack's hand and followed the doctor, glancing down occasionally at Jack. "Dave isn't going to feel very good, and he's probably not going to look good, either," he murmured. "But it's nothing to be afraid of, okay?"
Jack's grip was tight. "Okay," he whispered.
All the same, Jack had fallen behind Aaron when they got to the ward, and he was holding onto Aaron's belt, pressing up behind him. Aaron hoped he wasn't too scared to look at Dave. The nurse assigned to Dave's room showed them the way and said he would be in shortly. The room didn't have a bed, but there was a chair, and Aaron sat down. Jack stood between him and the window, clinging to Aaron's arm.
It hadn't been very long at all when Aaron heard activity just outside the room, and Dave's hospital bed was wheeled in, along with two IV poles.
Dave looked like shit, with a thick bandage wrapped around his head and dark shadows under his eyes. A nasal canula and blood pressure cuff were attached, and he had a clip on his finger as well as an IV in one arm. He was still the most wonderful sight Aaron had ever seen. Dave opened his eyes, and then Aaron's stomach dropped as Dave grated out, "Who th' hell're you?"
Aaron opened his mouth, feeling suddenly like he was going to throw up, and then Dave grunted.
"'kay, tha'sa bad joke. God, m'sorry. C'mere, Aaron. Z'at Jack wi' you? C'mere." Dave's voice was dry and scratchy.
"God," Aaron said in a gust of breath. If Dave didn't look so bad, he might have considered hitting him. "Don't--" He sucked in a breath and walked over, Jack keeping with him, and took Dave's hand in his gently. "I'm so glad to see you." He could feel Jack peeking around him, and he glanced over. "It's fine, Jack. He's okay," he said, and looked back at Dave. "I'm so glad you're okay." He lifted Dave's hand and kissed his knuckles, wanting to really kiss Dave, but he wasn't sure how much pain Dave was in.
"Hey buddy. How'd you get 'ere? Thought you're in Georgia." Dave's words were a little slurred, but Aaron assumed that could be the anesthesia still wearing off, or whatever pain medications he had in his system. His fingers tightened around Aaron's, and one corner of his mouth turned up in a slow smile. "Glad t'see you."
"We got Dad's message. He sounded upset. That's what mom said." Jack seemed almost shy, and Aaron ran a hand over his shoulder. "Does it hurt?"
"Li'l bit," Dave said. He tugged his hand from Aaron's and lifted it to brush against Jack's cheek. "Love you, buddy. Glad y're here."
Aaron's hand found Dave's leg as he watched them. He didn't want to stop touching Dave.
"I love you too," Jack said, but his voice wavered in the middle of the sentence and tears started to stream down his cheeks.
"Hey, hey, don' need tears," Dave said, giving Jack a smile. His eyes looked pretty shiny, though. He stroked his fingers awkwardly over Jack's hair. "S'okay. M'okay."
"D'they get the thing out of your brain?" Jack asked, and wiped at his cheeks, his tears not really halting much. "What are all the tubes for?"
"Think so," Dave said. "Don' really know yet."
Aaron could tell Jack was frightened by all the tubes, so he gave Jack a quick run-down of everything, trying to simplify it for a ten-year-old. When he was finished, he wasn't sure Jack really understood, but he seemed to get that they didn't mean anything bad.
Dave sighed. "C'mere," he told Jack. "Gimme hug."
Jack nodded. The hospital bed was too high for Jack to give Dave a hug without making Dave move around a lot, so Aaron helped him sit on the edge, and Jack draped himself over Dave's chest. Of course, he just started crying more then, and Aaron felt his own eyes stinging.
He rubbed his hand over Jack's back. "Do you want to go back to Mom in a minute?" he asked. He would never want Jack to think it wasn't okay to show emotion in the way that he had been 'taught' when he was young, but he worried maybe this was too much for Jack. Jack just shook his head against Dave's chest, though.
"He's 'kay," Dave said, his voice hoarse. He was hugging Jack, rubbing his back comfortingly, though his gaze was on Aaron's face. "Love you s'much."
Aaron gave him a smile that was a little too pained, and tried to force away his own tears. They didn't need to all cry. "I love you too," he said, and Jack echoed him.
Dave smiled and lifted one hand to Aaron. He seemed too tired to reach all the way, so Aaron met his hand and curled their fingers together. "M'a lucky man," Dave murmured. His cheeks were wet, but he didn't seem to care. He held Jack close and gripped Aaron's hand weakly.
"Couldn't tell it by looking at you," Aaron said, his smile growing slightly more normal as it hit him suddenly that Dave was really okay. God, that was amazing.
Dave closed his eyes. "Mm, Jack, love you."
"Love you," Jack whispered. He was starting to calm down just a little.
Aaron squeezed Dave's hand, running his thumb over the top of Dave's.
Dave opened his eyes again and gazed up at Aaron. It was incredible that a man who'd just had a hole cut in his skull could look so utterly happy. Aaron realized that Jack's distance had bothered Dave more than he'd let on, but it was more than that. Dave looked at Aaron like a man who had everything he wanted.
Dave's hand tightened slightly on his.
Aaron smiled back at him, then couldn't help himself any more. He moved closer and brushed his lips against Dave's gently. "Are you hurting?" he murmured.
"Nu'too bad," Dave replied. His fingers tightened and he looked at Aaron demandingly, so Aaron obliged with another kiss.
"Ew," Jack announced, but he didn't sound unhappy.
"Hush, or you're next," Aaron said, and turned his head to grin at Jack.
Jack made another disgusted noise. "M'not a baby," he protested, and Aaron almost laughed at the irony, given Jack's eyes were puffy and he was still clinging to Dave's shirt.
"Yeah, s'not baby, Aaron," Dave said, his eyelids drooping. He patted Jack's back. "Like to see your mom, but I don't wan' let you go, buddy." He shifted a little in the bed and looked at Aaron. "Th'others here too?"
"Everyone's here," Aaron said, nodding. He brushed his hand over Dave's cheek. "I should probably tell them you're okay anyway, if it's okay with you for Jack to stay, and they can come up and visit." He didn't want to leave Dave, but everyone else had spent all day in the hospital too. "If you want."
"Don' stay 'way too long," Dave said quietly.
Aaron nodded again, his gaze on Dave's face, then he leaned in to kiss Dave again. "I love you so much," he whispered, then stroked a hand over Jack's hair. "Take care of Dave while I'm gone, okay?"
"I will," Jack promised.
Dave had to fight the grogginess as one by one the members of his adopted family came in to see him and express their pleasure at how well he pulled through. He dealt with a lot more tears, though the only ones that really got to him were Haley's. It was funny how their relationship had changed over the years, but she'd almost become someone for him to depend on. When she saw Jack curled up against his chest and burst into tears, Dave found his eyes prickling again.
She'd leaned down and hugged them both together, and brushed her lips against Dave's cheek. "I'm glad," she'd whispered. Nothing else, but they both knew it covered so much. He'd squeezed her hand and smiled and let the tears well up in his own eyes again.
Finally he'd been left with just Morgan, who brushed a hand over Jack's hair and smiled easily at Dave. "Maybe Spence will finally let me take him home now that he's seen you're okay," Morgan said. He'd gripped Dave's hand for a long time, then said, "You're a tough bastard, Rossi. You work hard at getting better."
Dave had promised, and Morgan had agreed to send Aaron back in.
"Hey," Aaron said softly when he walked back in. Jack had started dozing against Dave's chest and the room had quieted after Haley and the team had left. Dave supposed that was part of what made his relationship with Aaron so special, that quietness about it.
Dave smiled at him and lifted his hand. It felt heavy, but considering how grateful he was to even be alive right now, he wasn't going to complain. "Hi," he mumbled. "Jack fell 'sleep."
"I noticed," Aaron whispered, and stepped further in to take Dave's hand with both of his own. "God, Dave."
"Thanks, Aaron." Dave told himself firmly that no more tears were needed tonight. "F'r your love. F'r being strong."
"You don't need to thank me," Aaron said. Dave could hear the strain of pain and worry in Aaron's voice, but Aaron looked calmer now than he had all day.
"Want to." Dave tightened his fingers on Aaron's for a moment, smiling tiredly. "Isn't over. Maybe isn't even...hardest part." But he wasn't scared any more. He felt strong. Exhausted, yes, but strong. "M'incre'bly grateful t'have you wi' me."
Aaron let out a gusty breath and shook his head. "If knowing you were in some operating room with people cutting into your brain isn't the hardest part, I hope I can make it through this."
Dave's smile widened, though he couldn't keep his eyes open. "Slept through it. Seemed easy t'me." He tugged Aaron's hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly. "Get through this. Stronger'n ever."
Aaron nodded, then leaned in to kiss Dave. "I just want to take you home so I can wrap you up in my arms tonight," he said. "God, I was scared."
"Wish you could," Dave said. "I was too. Made it through th' scary part. Now's just goin' bald." He tugged Aaron for another kiss. "Still love me when 'm bald?" he joked.
Aaron breathed a laugh. "No," he said. "Absolutely not." He squeezed Dave's hand tighter and kissed him again before he could reply.
"'Fraid of that," Dave said, forcing his eyes open to grin briefly at his lover. "Somethin' else, know that? Never met...better man." He knew he was probably coming across as overly mushy at best, but it kept striking him how remarkable his lover was.
"Shh," Aaron whispered. "You really don't need to say all of this. You should rest."
"Resting fine." Dave closed his eyes again. "Haley prob'ly wants our son back. They staying at th' house?"
"I haven't even asked yet," Aaron said. "I hadn't even thought." He ran a hand over Jack's shoulder and Jack stirred a little. "I'm staying here, though."
"Course y'are," Dave said. He hadn't imagined Aaron would do anything else. Like so many things about them, it just hadn't required conversation. He smiled. "Give'm th' keys, let 'em stay..." He was fading. He fought to stay awake. "Guest room."
Aaron nodded, then kissed Dave again before gently waking Jack. "Hey, it's time to go back to mom. You need to go to sleep."
"M'not tired."
"Of course not," Aaron said, his voice dry. "Say bye to Dave, okay? You can come back tomorrow if you want."
"Better come back t'morrow," Dave said. He pried his eyes open. "Listen, buddy, got job for ya. Fuzzy needs food 'n water. Do that f'r me?"
Jack nodded and let Aaron guide him off the bed. They said their goodbyes, and Aaron led Jack out of the room.
Dave wasn't sure how long it was before Aaron came back. It felt like a while, but time wasn't running the way it should today. He was drifting when he heard the door creak, then close again, and then the cushions in the recliner near the bed made a soft noise as someone sat down.
"Aaron?" Dave mumbled. He tried to turn, but he couldn't turn far enough to really see Aaron well. "C'mere. Need t'touch you."
"I thought you were asleep," Aaron said. Dave heard him stand, and then Aaron was slipping his hand into Dave's.
"No' quite." Dave took a deep breath, relishing the comfort of Aaron's presence. He lifted his other hand to stroke along Aaron's arm. "Just you 'n me," he murmured, running his gaze over his lover's face. "Kiss me."
Aaron sucked in a breath, then leaned down, his lips soft against Dave's, and Dave lifted his other hand into Aaron's hair. He deepened the kiss a little, and then Aaron pulled away. "Don't tempt me to climb in the bed with you," he said.
"Wish you would," Dave said, brushing his lips against Aaron's. "Hate sleeping 'thout you." He stroked his fingers through Aaron's hair. "Relax in your arms."
"I know," Aaron whispered, then he leaned down and buried his face against Dave's neck. "You just love to make my life difficult, don't you?" he joked, but he sounded on the verge of tears again.
"Do my best." Dave wrapped his arms around Aaron and stroking him soothingly. "You like it." He kissed Aaron's hair, wishing Aaron would just climb in next to him. God, he had the feeling this was harder on Aaron than it was on him. It felt like it was. Dave knew he would rather be the sick one than have to watch Aaron go through this. "I love you so much," he whispered.
Dave felt another gust of breath against his neck. "I love you too." He kissed Dave's neck. "I was afraid I might never get to do this again."
"Me too," Dave whispered. He didn't want to die, but he had a feeling even dying was easier than being the one left behind. He cleared his throat and pushed the thought away. "Come up here," he ordered quietly. "'m not an invalid. Come to bed."
Aaron pulled back and looked at Dave. "I'm going to twist up all your tubes and I'm sure the nurses that come to check on you won't want to have to work around me."
"Don't give...damn. Want you in my arms." Dave held his gaze, hoping he would give in. God, it was hard to keep his eyes open.
Aaron stared at Dave for a moment. Dave didn't think Aaron was going to do it until Aaron sighed. "Scoot over a little," he said, and Dave tried to shift for Aaron to climb in. Aaron settled next to him and wrapped an arm around Dave's chest. "You know, I'm not going to do everything you want just because you had a hole cut in your head for very long, so I would get my fill now, if I were you."
Dave sucked in a slow breath. "So if I tell you...always fan'sized 'bout...you suck me off...middle of a hospital..." Dave was going to fall asleep.
"Not going to happen," Aaron cut in sternly. He pressed his face against Dave's neck and let out a long, gusty breath.
"Fine," Dave grumbled. "But you owe me." He buried his fingers in Aaron's hair and finally felt himself relaxing all the way, relishing the strength and warmth of Aaron's body against his. "God, I needed you," he whispered, letting his eyes close.
Aaron mumbled something that Dave took to mean I needed you too.
For a long time Dave listened to the noises they made together, the soft sighs of breath, the thump of his own heartbeat, Aaron whispering something when he thought Dave was sliding towards sleep. Dave grunted acknowledgment even though he hadn't heard what Aaron said. Relaxing had allowed the pain to flood back in, but this time he gave in to it instead of ignoring it. His head ached fiercely, though this headache wasn't like the ones before, with the building of pressure and the irritability that went with it. This felt like he'd had a hole cut in his head. He couldn't help wishing for more pain medication, but at the same time he didn't want the nurses to come and throw Aaron out of his bed. There was no telling how many more nights they would be able to lie together like this.
Eventually the pain pushed tears from the corners of his eyes, but he ignored them. They were a release, and it was better than disturbing Aaron to request more medication. Besides, this was a different sort of pain. It almost felt better, somehow, knowing this was part of treatment.
He kept his breathing even and after a time the pain receded enough. Slowly his breaths deepened, and after a while he slept.
When he woke up again, Aaron wasn't there, and Dave had a fleeting moment of panic until he felt someone prodding him gently. It didn't feel like he'd slept long enough at all, but a nurse was leaning over him.
"Aaron?" he managed, and then a shock of pain went through his head.
"He's in the restroom, Mr. Rossi," the nurse murmured. "He can get back in with you when he's back. Just don't tell anyone I said so."
Dave grunted and watched her check his vitals, then she gave him a shot. "Thanks," Dave murmured as she was on her way out. She smiled and pulled the door mostly shut behind her.
The toilet flushed in the other room and the water ran for a moment, then Aaron was coming back, the light pooling into the room as the bathroom door opened, then going dark again as it closed. "Hey," Aaron murmured. "Go back to sleep." he brushed his lips against Dave's.
Dave kissed him back, then pulled away to yawn. "Had to get a shot," he mumbled. "Come back to bed."
"This bed really wasn't made for two people," Aaron said, but he was smiling sleepily.
"Don't care." Dave shifted over, ignoring the way it made his head throb. "C'mere."
Aaron sighed, but got into the bed again, being careful to not twist or crush any of the tubing attached to Dave. "You're such a pain."
"Mmhmm." Dave pressed against him, getting comfortable. "Head hurts." He closed his eyes and yawned again.
"Not what I meant," Aaron whispered, but he kissed Dave's neck and Dave felt him relax. "Did she give you something for pain?"
"Yeah. It'll be fine." Dave hummed, smiling. "Feels good with you." He could feel sleep trying to overtake him again.
Aaron hummed. "I feel like we're being a bit... tragically romantic at the moment."
"Shh. 'm high on painkillers, want a little comfort. No tragedy 'bout that." Dave stretched to kiss Aaron slowly.
"Mmm," Aaron hummed into the kiss. "Go to sleep."
Dave chuckled sleepily and brushed his hand against Aaron's cheek. "Yes, sir."
***
"Mr. Hotchner, I'm glad you're here." Dr. Morgan had paused just inside the door to Dave's room. Once he had Aaron's attention, he closed the door and came all the way in. "How's Dave feeling this morning?"
"You could ask me," Dave said, his voice raspy with sleep. Aaron hadn't realized he was awake again.
Dr. Morgan flashed him a smile. "How are you feeling today, Dave?"
"Pretty good. Think I'm ready to go home."
Dr. Morgan nodded, then looked at Aaron. "How's he really feeling, Mr. Hotchner?"
Aaron couldn't help smiling faintly. "Like hell."
Dr. Morgan laughed as he pulled the other chair over near Aaron's and sat down. "I'd like to talk to you about the results of the tumor resection and yesterday's follow-up MRI."
Dave adjusted the hospital bed, then gestured for Aaron to help him sit up more and prop another pillow behind him. "Go ahead."
Dr. Morgan nodded. The mirth had faded from his face, and Aaron suddenly felt a pit of dread in his stomach. He didn't want to know whatever the doctor had to say.
"This is what's called anaplastic astrocytoma," he said. "Dr. Hainje did a good job with the resection, and you already know they decided to insert the chemo wafers. The problem with anaplastic astrocytoma is that the cells have tentacles, so they're difficult to remove, and there's a strong likelihood of recurrence."
Aaron stared at him, feeling suddenly like he might throw up. He felt slightly stunned, and a little stupid for feeling that way. He'd just been starting to feel safe again, knowing Dave was recovering as well as could be expected from brain surgery, but this... "What does that mean?" he asked, knowing it was a stupid question.
Dave reached over and took his hand, squeezing gently.
"It means that treatment should be aggressive," Dr. Morgan said. "We can follow the surgery with only radiation or chemotherapy, but my opinion is that we should pursue a combination of RT and chemo, which will give Dave a better chance of fighting this off entirely." He looked at Dave. "It's your decision, of course, but I strongly recommend the combination. Of course, you're more than welcome to get a second opinion. I encourage that if you have any doubts or concerns."
Dave nodded slowly, then winced and said, "Okay." Aaron wondered if nodding hurt. "Yeah. We'll do what you think is best. I'm going to beat this."
Aaron sucked in a slow breath, trying to ease the suffocating feeling that was gripping him. He watched Dave for a moment, then looked back at the doctor. "How difficult is that course of treatment going to be?"
Dr. Morgan nodded. "It shouldn't be too difficult," he said. "Chemotherapy will be pills, and the worst part of that, as you probably know, is the nausea and vomiting. That can be alleviated by medication. You shouldn't lose your hair," he added, glancing at Dave. "If you were worried about that." He smiled faintly. "Radiation is going to be a more strenuous commitment. It'll be Monday through Friday for six weeks." He looked from Dave to Aaron. "If you don't treat it, your chances of survival after one year are very slim. But I have every reason to believe your chances are good. I really do think this is the best course, and I think that Dave's determination is a good sign. You're a strong man, healthy in every other way, and you have a great support network."
That went a long way to ease the tightness in Aaron's chest, and when he took another slow breath, it was easier. "Good," he said. He squeezed Dave's hand and rubbed his eyes, finally letting out an explosive sigh. "You know, you can say 'stubborn'; you don't need to dress it up with all this 'determination' business."
Dr. Morgan laughed.
"Fine, I'm a stubborn jackass," Dave said, "but I'm pretty sure that's in my favor this time."
"It is," the doctor assured them, still smiling. "I won't lie to you and say it'll be easy, but we've come a long way in cancer treatments." He stood. "I'll be back in to see you again before you're released. In the meantime, you concentrate on regaining your strength and resuming your activities of daily living."
Aaron nodded. "Thank you," he said. He knew there was a lot more to discuss, but he was willing to let it go for now. Dr. Morgan had said Dave was going to make it through this, and that was what was important. They'd worry about the rest when it came time.
Dave's fingers tightened on his as the doctor left. "Hey," Dave said quietly, and waited until Aaron looked at him. "We're gonna beat this. We are."
He must not have been masking his worry as well as he'd hoped, Aaron thought, though Dave probably read him better than anyone. "I know," he said. "We've done scarier things and not flinched." Of course, that wasn't really true. Somehow a cluster of abnormal cells in Dave's head that the doctor said was treatable was scarier than a man who might have killed dozens of people.
"Exactly." Dave smiled. "C'mere. I want a kiss."
Aaron laughed quietly, and moved closer to brush his lips against Dave's. "Needy," he accused, but he loved it. He loved knowing he was helping Dave.
"Maybe I'm just using this as an excuse to make out with you," Dave mumbled against his lips, stroking a thumb against his cheek.
"Oh, well, in that case, sneaky," Aaron whispered, and kissed Dave again.
Dave chuckled and pulled him closer. "You've always known that."
Author:
innerslytherin and severity_softlyArtist:
tliPairing: Hotch/Rossi
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 147,800
Summary: Futurefic--Shortly before Dave turns sixty, he is diagnosed with a grade III brain tumor. He and Aaron have to come to terms with what this means for their relationship. Eventually the team has to help Aaron say goodbye.
Notes: Heavy angst. Lots of medical detail. Character death. This fic would not exist without the extensive help, support, encouragement, and hand-holding from
resolucidity, who served as our medical consultant throughout.Master post
Chapter Four
Aaron looked down at his watch and then closed his eyes, tightening his fingers around Dave's. They'd arrived at the hospital earlier than they had to be there, and he was wishing they'd taken their time. Of course, they'd both been awake before the alarm went off. Dave had been excessively clingy from the moment they woke. Not that Aaron blamed him. If Dave hadn't been, Aaron might have felt clingy himself.
In the seat next to him, Dave sighed and leaned back. "I've never been this fucking scared in my life," he muttered.
Aaron sucked in a slow breath. The truth was that he felt the same way. All the years he spent with Haley considered, no matter how much they loved each other, he had never felt as completely understood and at ease as he did with Dave, and the thought of losing him was almost too much to even think of. Aaron didn't think Dave needed to hear that now, though. "I know," he said. He stroked his thumb over Dave's hand. "He's a good surgeon. He's done this a lot. It's going to be okay," he said, and hoped to God it was true.
"I know." Dave shifted in his chair. "You're going to stay, right? Of course you're going to stay. Sorry. I wish we could have gotten ahold of Jack." They hadn't tried calling Haley until last night, and they'd had to leave a message for her to call them back. But that had been last night, and Haley hadn't returned the voice mail Aaron left.
"Maybe it's better if he's not sitting around worried," Aaron said. He didn't really believe it. He'd talked Dave into telling his parents when Dave hadn't wanted to. He didn't think it was fair to not give them the opportunity to say I love you before Dave went under the knife, just in case something did happen.
"Just...make sure, if things don't go well, make sure he knows how much I love him, okay?" Dave said. "He's a good kid, and I feel lucky to have been part of his growing up." He glanced over at Aaron. "Just in case."
Aaron nodded. "You can tell him that when you wake up," he said, then looked at Dave. "But yeah." He squeezed Dave's hand.
"Yeah." Dave sounded like he was starting to hyperventilate a little bit. "You know how much I love you, right? You know how damn much I don't want to die?" He held Aaron's gaze, his expression intent.
"I know," Aaron said, lifting his hand to touch Dave's face. "I know that. I love you too. I love you more than anything. You're not going to die."
"I know," Dave said. He didn't sound totally convinced, but his tone of voice told Aaron that he was going to fight every inch of the way. It was better than the moments of depression that Aaron had witnessed in the past few days. "Hey, when the team gets here, tell them I said thanks, okay? Whenever they show up."
"They'll be here when you wake up," Aaron said. He knew they'd be here a lot sooner than that, actually. He was glad they'd not pushed on being here before, so that Aaron could have this time with Dave alone, but he thought they probably knew he was going to need them once Dave had been taken back.
Dave nodded. "Yeah, I know." He studied Aaron's face for a moment, then smiled faintly and brushed a hand along his jaw. "You're the best damn thing that ever happened to me. I'm lucky to have you with me. I couldn't fight this without you."
Aaron smiled back. "You were a stubborn bastard when we met; you would have been fine."
"Maybe I wouldn't have felt like it was worth fighting if I didn't have you, then," Dave said. "Shut up, I'm trying to be mushy." He leaned in and kissed Aaron softly.
Aaron sucked in a breath and kissed him back, glad that since it was so early there was virtually no one around but the staff. He would have done this anyway, though, because they didn't know what was going to happen. The emptiness of the room just made it more comfortable. "You mean so much to me," he murmured. "I won't lose you. Ever."
"You won't," Dave promised. He grinned at Aaron. "You're stuck with me."
"Good," Aaron said.
A nurse came out into the waiting area. "Mr. Rossi? If you'll follow me, we'll get started." She smiled reassuringly at Aaron.
Dave took a deep breath. "Okay," he said. He squeezed Aaron's hand tighter, then leaned in for one more kiss. "Love you."
And then they were gone. Aaron waited for them to be totally out of earshot before he slumped in his seat and dropped his head into his hands, and then the flood of emotion overwhelmed him. His eyes burned and tears dripped onto his palms before he even knew they were coming.
God, he'd just let Dave walk off to let a doctor open his skull and cut around in his brain. It suddenly hit him that this was probably the most terrified he'd ever been in his adult life. He'd rather be looking down the barrel of a gun.
The team was going to be at the hospital soon, though, and they couldn't find him like this, so Aaron drew a deep breath and sat up again, wiping his eyes and forcing himself calm. It didn't really work--when he got up to make himself coffee, his hands were shaking--but it stopped the tears.
JJ and Henry were the first to arrive. As soon as JJ saw him, she let go of Henry's hand and the boy ran over to hug Aaron.
"Hi," JJ said, offering a tight smile. "Sorry I'm late, but Henry's daycare is closed for the week. Will's coming to get him in a little while, but Henry wanted to see you."
"Hey, buddy," Aaron said, crouching down to return Henry's hug. He messed up Henry's hair, then looked back at JJ. "You're not late. You're the first here, actually."
"Oh, I thought..." JJ glanced over her shoulder, then back at him. "I'm so sorry, I thought Spence and Morgan were going to be here early to wish Dave good luck." She made an unhappy face. "Spence is taking this really hard. I mean, we all are, but..." She sighed.
"I know," Aaron said, and stood, resting a hand on Henry's head. "It's fine. Gave us a chance to be alone." He shrugged. Their relationship wasn't something they generally talked about; it was just something everyone knew. It felt weird that what was happening now was not only horrible and frightening to everyone involved, but it was thrusting Dave and Aaron's relationship into a more prominent place than they usually liked.
JJ nodded and touched his shoulder. "Will told me to give you both his best." She paused. "Can I do anything for you, Hotch? Phone calls, coffee, anything?"
"I haven't gotten a hold of Haley yet," Aaron said, then sighed. "I'm not sure I should even try now that there's nothing they can do. It's not like they can talk to him before..." The words stuck for a moment, then he forced them out. "...before he goes under."
JJ bit her lips together for a second, then nodded towards the door. "Um...about that..." she said, and glanced over. When he followed her gaze, he saw Spencer and Morgan walking in with his ex-wife and son.
Aaron's lips parted and he looked back at JJ. "How did you know?"
She shrugged. "I'm just that good." She raised an eyebrow. "You act like I haven't been working my magic for you for the last ten years."
Aaron shook his head fondly. "Thank you," he said. He'd get a better answer later. Right now it didn't really matter. Jack looked like he was on the verge of tears. Spencer didn't look a whole lot better, but Aaron got down and gave Jack a tight hug as soon as he got to them. "Hey, Jack. Dave's gonna be fine," he promised, praying again that it was true.
"Mom said he's got a thing in his brain," Jack whispered. "She said it's making him sick."
"That's right," Aaron murmured, tightening his arms a little. "They're just going to take it out, and he may not be all better right away, but he's going to keep seeing doctors, and he will get better." Aaron leaned back just enough to look at Jack, stroking his hair. "I love you. I'm so glad you're here. Dave is going to be glad too."
"Daddy, I don't want Dave to be sick," Jack said. He lunged back into Aaron's arms, wrapping his arms around Aaron's neck.
"I don't want him to either," Aaron murmured, closing his eyes against the threat of tears again.
"Do I get to see him?" Jack asked. "I want to see him." Aaron felt a hand on his shoulder; something in him still recognized his ex-wife's touch. She squeezed his shoulder gently, then pulled away.
"They've already taken him in for surgery, but when he comes out, you can see him. I don't think he's going to feel very good, though." Aaron pressed his lips together, and when he opened his eyes he was relieved to see that JJ had guided Morgan and Reid away. "He wanted me to tell you he loves you," he said, his eyes watery.
At those words Jack did start crying. He buried his face against Aaron's neck and mumbled something that wasn't recognizable as words through the tears.
Aaron closed his eyes and held Jack close, only lifting his hand to wipe a tear that slid down his own cheek. God, this was a nightmare. "Shh," he soothed, running a hand over Jack's back. "Dave's just in another room and you'll see him soon."
"I love Dave," Jack blubbered finally.
"I know," Aaron whispered. "He knows that too." This wasn't how they'd wanted Jack to 'come around', but that hardly mattered.
Jack pulled away just enough to look up at him. "Dad, you love Dave a lot, don't you?"
Aaron's lips pulled to the side, and he knew he was just barely masking how much this hurt, tears threatening again. "Yes, I do. I love him so much."
"Yeah." Jack wrapped his arms around Aaron's neck again. "We'll make him be okay, Dad."
"Okay," Aaron said, a pained smile forming on his face. "I'll need your help."
"I'll help," Jack promised. "Mom said if you want me I can come stay and help Dave when you hafta work." Aaron glanced up, shocked, at Haley. She just shrugged and gave him a shaky smile back.
Aaron looked back down at Jack. "I think Dave would really like that. I'm going to be home with him for a little while, but you can come up anyway--on weekends, if you promise to get your homework done too--and when he's well enough for me to leave him and school ends, I think you'd be really good company for him."
"I promise," Jack said. He wiped his face and nodded. He bit his lip, then said, "Mom said the thing in Dave's brain is why he got lost on the way to our house." Motion in the doorway made Aaron glance up and he saw Garcia and Prentiss peek in, then head down the hall to where JJ must have taken the others.
Aaron watched them go, then nodded at Jack. "That's why." He stroked a thumb over Jack's cheek. "I am so glad you told your mom about that, Jack. It was very important. We might not have known we needed to do anything otherwise, and Dave would have gotten sicker." Of course, Aaron knew something needed to be done. It had been Dave that needed to be pushed. "You've helped him already."
"Really?" Jack whispered, and blinked several times when Aaron nodded. "It was weird, Dad. And Dave acted like it didn't matter, but his knuckles were white and he seemed really unhappy." He chewed his lip, then added, "I didn't want him to be mad. I'm glad it helped."
"He's not mad," Aaron said, managing a faint smile. He pulled Jack into his arms again and kissed his hair, then stood, draping his hand over Jack's shoulder and keeping him close. "Haley," he finally said. "I tried to call last night--"
"I know," she said, lifting a hand to stop him. "We were out past Jack's bedtime last night, but I got your message late last night. I could tell something was wrong, and Andrew agreed that we should come. This morning before our flight left, I tried calling, but you were already gone." She smoothed her hand down Jack's back. "So I called JJ. She always did know more about your schedule than I did." But Haley's smile wasn't bitter the way it would have been eight years ago at those words.
"Haley," he began, and she shook her head to stop him again.
"I told JJ that we were flying up, and she said she would have someone meet us at the airport. Spencer and Derek picked us up, and Spencer told us what's going on." Her hand settled on Aaron's shoulder, then pulled away. "I'm so sorry, Aaron."
He shook his head. "It's not anything to be sorry about. There's nothing anyone could have done." He rubbed a hand over his face, feeling tired. "It's just... going to be a long road."
"I just don't want to see you unhappy," she said. "We'll do anything we can to help. Jack's old enough to learn to mow the lawn, isn't he?" She brushed her hand over Jack's hair. "And maybe when Dave's feeling a little better, he can teach Jack how to make his homemade lasagna."
"Cook?" Jack asked, wrinkling his nose.
Aaron breathed a tiny laugh. "Yes, cook. You might like it," he said, and brushed his fingertips down the bridge of Jack's nose to smooth the expression off his face.
"I know I'd like to get a little help around the house from the men," Haley said. She quirked her lips and then sighed. "Derek and Spencer probably want to come in. I know they've been waiting."
Aaron nodded at her, then glanced in the direction the rest of his team had gone. When he looked back at Haley, he held her gaze for a moment, then leaned in to hug her. "Thank you for coming," he murmured, and she squeezed him tightly and kissed his cheek. He cupped her jaw in his hand briefly when he pulled back, then turned to see Jack was smiling faintly at them.
"You haven't seen the rest of the team in a while. Emily and Derek are here," Aaron said, and Jack's smile widened. It was really no surprise Jack had been so drawn to them, but it made Aaron happy. "And Henry."
"Henry's a baby," Jack said.
"You were his age once," Aaron said.
"Nuh-uh."
Aaron snorted and guided Jack towards where the others had disappeared. "Play nice. He might be bigger than you one day."
The rest of the team had gathered in another small waiting area. When Emily saw Aaron, she quit talking to JJ and came over to hug him. Then she smiled at Haley and stuck out a hand to shake Jack's. He got a kick out of that, and pretty soon he'd dragged her over to Derek and they were involved in a conversation of some sort.
Garcia came over and hugged Haley, which Aaron found amusing, but also a little sad. He knew he could be somewhat...formal, he supposed, with his team, but she'd felt more comfortable hugging Dave than hugging Aaron. Then again, he wasn't sure how many hugs he could handle today without breaking down entirely.
"I got you some coffee on the way here," Spencer said, holding out a paper cup.
"Thanks," Aaron said, taking it and reaching out to squeezed Spencer's shoulder. Spencer bit his lips together and looked at the floor, so Aaron added, "He's a good doctor, Spencer."
Spencer nodded. "I know. I looked him up."
Aaron's eyebrows lifted, but fell again after a minute. He should have expected Spencer to take comfort in research. He rubbed his hand over Spencer's shoulder, then let it drop.
"Did they say anything about how long the surgery will be?" Haley asked.
Spencer glanced over at her. "With a procedure this complicated it could be several hours. It depends on a lot of factors, though--" He broke off and glanced at Aaron. "Sorry."
Aaron shook his head. "Spencer's right. They think they'll be able to get everything, but they talked about putting chemotherapy wafers in place after removing the tumor, if it's cancerous, and..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "It could be all day. Don't feel like you have to stay, though."
"Don't be ridiculous," Garcia blurted. She'd obviously been eavesdropping, and now she did hug him, burying her face against his shoulder and squeezing him tightly. "Of course we're staying."
He sighed, but he was thankful anyway. "Okay. I just don't want anyone to feel obligated to spend an entire day off at the hospital."
"I'm not leaving," Spencer muttered, sipping his coffee.
As time passed, everyone eventually settled into seats, with Henry following Jack around and trying to get him to play with the toy horses he'd brought. Whenever Aaron noticed Jack getting irritable with Henry, Emily somehow managed to interrupt and redirect Jack's energy. Spencer pulled a deck of cards out of his ever-present bag and did a few card tricks for the kids, and then Will showed up to get Henry. He shook Aaron's hand and told him he hoped everything went all right, and then they were gone.
Aaron didn't feel like eating anything when lunch-time rolled around and they hadn't heard any news, but finally Spencer and Derek dragged him down to the cafeteria, once Emily promised she would come get them if anyone gave them an update.
Aaron pushed his food around on his plate until Derek nudged him. "C'mon, man, you're not gonna be worth anything to him if you starve yourself."
"I feel nauseous," Aaron admitted, but grudgingly took a bite. It didn't taste like anything. God, it was funny what stress could do to you.
Spencer opened his mouth, then shrugged and didn't say anything. Aaron looked curiously at him, and Spencer made a wry face. "I was going to say something about the physiological effects of fear and anxiety, but I figured you didn't need to hear it."
After a moment Derek laughed, and Aaron managed a weak smile in return. He took another bite of his food, then washed it down with a sip of iced tea. After that it was a little easier to force himself to take bite after bite, until eventually he'd managed half his food. He pushed it away.
"I need to get back upstairs," he said. "I'm sorry. I can't..."
"It's fine," Derek said, resting a hand on Aaron's shoulder. "We're all upset over this. We know, Hotch."
They were all silent as they made their way back to the waiting room. The team had left one of the slightly-more-comfortable wing chairs open, and Aaron slumped into it, feeling like he might throw up the food he'd just eaten. Jack climbed into his lap, apparently regressing from his recent "too big to sit in Dad's lap" phase.
Garcia leaned against Morgan and he put his arm around her. She took one of Spencer's hands in both of hers. JJ and Emily were holding hands too. Haley sat alone, but didn't look out of place surrounded by the team. Aaron experienced a sudden, blinding sense of panic that this was it, that something awful had just happened and he would never see his lover again. Jack shifted and kissed his cheek, then cuddled against his chest, and slowly the panic gripping him eased enough that he could breathe again.
Aaron didn't know how much time had passed when a woman in a pink smock came into the waiting area. She ushered them into a consultation room and said the surgeon would be with them in a moment. She'd hardly left the room when the neurosurgeon appeared. When he pulled his mask down, he was smiling. "I'm happy to tell you that everything went as planned, with no unforeseen complications. Mr. Rossi's in recovery, and he'll be moved into his room shortly," he informed the group. "He'd like to see his family. I told him you'll probably go up and wait for him in his room."
"We can't see him now?" Aaron asked.
"I'm afraid it's against the regulations," the surgeon said. "It'll be about half an hour. He'll be in the Neurosurgery Unit, so if you go up to the third floor, they can direct you to his room to wait."
"Thank you," Aaron said quietly. Then he paused and held out a hand to the surgeon. "Thank you."
The doctor smiled, shook Aaron's hand, and left.
Aaron nodded, then gave Jack a squeeze. "Do you want to come?" Jack nodded and got up to let Aaron stand. They went out and Aaron let JJ and Haley know what was going on. The rest of the team had gone down to the cafeteria. JJ and Haley decided to wait for them and come up to the ward later.
"Okay." Aaron took Jack's hand and followed the doctor, glancing down occasionally at Jack. "Dave isn't going to feel very good, and he's probably not going to look good, either," he murmured. "But it's nothing to be afraid of, okay?"
Jack's grip was tight. "Okay," he whispered.
All the same, Jack had fallen behind Aaron when they got to the ward, and he was holding onto Aaron's belt, pressing up behind him. Aaron hoped he wasn't too scared to look at Dave. The nurse assigned to Dave's room showed them the way and said he would be in shortly. The room didn't have a bed, but there was a chair, and Aaron sat down. Jack stood between him and the window, clinging to Aaron's arm.
It hadn't been very long at all when Aaron heard activity just outside the room, and Dave's hospital bed was wheeled in, along with two IV poles.
Dave looked like shit, with a thick bandage wrapped around his head and dark shadows under his eyes. A nasal canula and blood pressure cuff were attached, and he had a clip on his finger as well as an IV in one arm. He was still the most wonderful sight Aaron had ever seen. Dave opened his eyes, and then Aaron's stomach dropped as Dave grated out, "Who th' hell're you?"
Aaron opened his mouth, feeling suddenly like he was going to throw up, and then Dave grunted.
"'kay, tha'sa bad joke. God, m'sorry. C'mere, Aaron. Z'at Jack wi' you? C'mere." Dave's voice was dry and scratchy.
"God," Aaron said in a gust of breath. If Dave didn't look so bad, he might have considered hitting him. "Don't--" He sucked in a breath and walked over, Jack keeping with him, and took Dave's hand in his gently. "I'm so glad to see you." He could feel Jack peeking around him, and he glanced over. "It's fine, Jack. He's okay," he said, and looked back at Dave. "I'm so glad you're okay." He lifted Dave's hand and kissed his knuckles, wanting to really kiss Dave, but he wasn't sure how much pain Dave was in.
"Hey buddy. How'd you get 'ere? Thought you're in Georgia." Dave's words were a little slurred, but Aaron assumed that could be the anesthesia still wearing off, or whatever pain medications he had in his system. His fingers tightened around Aaron's, and one corner of his mouth turned up in a slow smile. "Glad t'see you."
"We got Dad's message. He sounded upset. That's what mom said." Jack seemed almost shy, and Aaron ran a hand over his shoulder. "Does it hurt?"
"Li'l bit," Dave said. He tugged his hand from Aaron's and lifted it to brush against Jack's cheek. "Love you, buddy. Glad y're here."
Aaron's hand found Dave's leg as he watched them. He didn't want to stop touching Dave.
"I love you too," Jack said, but his voice wavered in the middle of the sentence and tears started to stream down his cheeks.
"Hey, hey, don' need tears," Dave said, giving Jack a smile. His eyes looked pretty shiny, though. He stroked his fingers awkwardly over Jack's hair. "S'okay. M'okay."
"D'they get the thing out of your brain?" Jack asked, and wiped at his cheeks, his tears not really halting much. "What are all the tubes for?"
"Think so," Dave said. "Don' really know yet."
Aaron could tell Jack was frightened by all the tubes, so he gave Jack a quick run-down of everything, trying to simplify it for a ten-year-old. When he was finished, he wasn't sure Jack really understood, but he seemed to get that they didn't mean anything bad.
Dave sighed. "C'mere," he told Jack. "Gimme hug."
Jack nodded. The hospital bed was too high for Jack to give Dave a hug without making Dave move around a lot, so Aaron helped him sit on the edge, and Jack draped himself over Dave's chest. Of course, he just started crying more then, and Aaron felt his own eyes stinging.
He rubbed his hand over Jack's back. "Do you want to go back to Mom in a minute?" he asked. He would never want Jack to think it wasn't okay to show emotion in the way that he had been 'taught' when he was young, but he worried maybe this was too much for Jack. Jack just shook his head against Dave's chest, though.
"He's 'kay," Dave said, his voice hoarse. He was hugging Jack, rubbing his back comfortingly, though his gaze was on Aaron's face. "Love you s'much."
Aaron gave him a smile that was a little too pained, and tried to force away his own tears. They didn't need to all cry. "I love you too," he said, and Jack echoed him.
Dave smiled and lifted one hand to Aaron. He seemed too tired to reach all the way, so Aaron met his hand and curled their fingers together. "M'a lucky man," Dave murmured. His cheeks were wet, but he didn't seem to care. He held Jack close and gripped Aaron's hand weakly.
"Couldn't tell it by looking at you," Aaron said, his smile growing slightly more normal as it hit him suddenly that Dave was really okay. God, that was amazing.
Dave closed his eyes. "Mm, Jack, love you."
"Love you," Jack whispered. He was starting to calm down just a little.
Aaron squeezed Dave's hand, running his thumb over the top of Dave's.
Dave opened his eyes again and gazed up at Aaron. It was incredible that a man who'd just had a hole cut in his skull could look so utterly happy. Aaron realized that Jack's distance had bothered Dave more than he'd let on, but it was more than that. Dave looked at Aaron like a man who had everything he wanted.
Dave's hand tightened slightly on his.
Aaron smiled back at him, then couldn't help himself any more. He moved closer and brushed his lips against Dave's gently. "Are you hurting?" he murmured.
"Nu'too bad," Dave replied. His fingers tightened and he looked at Aaron demandingly, so Aaron obliged with another kiss.
"Ew," Jack announced, but he didn't sound unhappy.
"Hush, or you're next," Aaron said, and turned his head to grin at Jack.
Jack made another disgusted noise. "M'not a baby," he protested, and Aaron almost laughed at the irony, given Jack's eyes were puffy and he was still clinging to Dave's shirt.
"Yeah, s'not baby, Aaron," Dave said, his eyelids drooping. He patted Jack's back. "Like to see your mom, but I don't wan' let you go, buddy." He shifted a little in the bed and looked at Aaron. "Th'others here too?"
"Everyone's here," Aaron said, nodding. He brushed his hand over Dave's cheek. "I should probably tell them you're okay anyway, if it's okay with you for Jack to stay, and they can come up and visit." He didn't want to leave Dave, but everyone else had spent all day in the hospital too. "If you want."
"Don' stay 'way too long," Dave said quietly.
Aaron nodded again, his gaze on Dave's face, then he leaned in to kiss Dave again. "I love you so much," he whispered, then stroked a hand over Jack's hair. "Take care of Dave while I'm gone, okay?"
"I will," Jack promised.
Dave had to fight the grogginess as one by one the members of his adopted family came in to see him and express their pleasure at how well he pulled through. He dealt with a lot more tears, though the only ones that really got to him were Haley's. It was funny how their relationship had changed over the years, but she'd almost become someone for him to depend on. When she saw Jack curled up against his chest and burst into tears, Dave found his eyes prickling again.
She'd leaned down and hugged them both together, and brushed her lips against Dave's cheek. "I'm glad," she'd whispered. Nothing else, but they both knew it covered so much. He'd squeezed her hand and smiled and let the tears well up in his own eyes again.
Finally he'd been left with just Morgan, who brushed a hand over Jack's hair and smiled easily at Dave. "Maybe Spence will finally let me take him home now that he's seen you're okay," Morgan said. He'd gripped Dave's hand for a long time, then said, "You're a tough bastard, Rossi. You work hard at getting better."
Dave had promised, and Morgan had agreed to send Aaron back in.
"Hey," Aaron said softly when he walked back in. Jack had started dozing against Dave's chest and the room had quieted after Haley and the team had left. Dave supposed that was part of what made his relationship with Aaron so special, that quietness about it.
Dave smiled at him and lifted his hand. It felt heavy, but considering how grateful he was to even be alive right now, he wasn't going to complain. "Hi," he mumbled. "Jack fell 'sleep."
"I noticed," Aaron whispered, and stepped further in to take Dave's hand with both of his own. "God, Dave."
"Thanks, Aaron." Dave told himself firmly that no more tears were needed tonight. "F'r your love. F'r being strong."
"You don't need to thank me," Aaron said. Dave could hear the strain of pain and worry in Aaron's voice, but Aaron looked calmer now than he had all day.
"Want to." Dave tightened his fingers on Aaron's for a moment, smiling tiredly. "Isn't over. Maybe isn't even...hardest part." But he wasn't scared any more. He felt strong. Exhausted, yes, but strong. "M'incre'bly grateful t'have you wi' me."
Aaron let out a gusty breath and shook his head. "If knowing you were in some operating room with people cutting into your brain isn't the hardest part, I hope I can make it through this."
Dave's smile widened, though he couldn't keep his eyes open. "Slept through it. Seemed easy t'me." He tugged Aaron's hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly. "Get through this. Stronger'n ever."
Aaron nodded, then leaned in to kiss Dave. "I just want to take you home so I can wrap you up in my arms tonight," he said. "God, I was scared."
"Wish you could," Dave said. "I was too. Made it through th' scary part. Now's just goin' bald." He tugged Aaron for another kiss. "Still love me when 'm bald?" he joked.
Aaron breathed a laugh. "No," he said. "Absolutely not." He squeezed Dave's hand tighter and kissed him again before he could reply.
"'Fraid of that," Dave said, forcing his eyes open to grin briefly at his lover. "Somethin' else, know that? Never met...better man." He knew he was probably coming across as overly mushy at best, but it kept striking him how remarkable his lover was.
"Shh," Aaron whispered. "You really don't need to say all of this. You should rest."
"Resting fine." Dave closed his eyes again. "Haley prob'ly wants our son back. They staying at th' house?"
"I haven't even asked yet," Aaron said. "I hadn't even thought." He ran a hand over Jack's shoulder and Jack stirred a little. "I'm staying here, though."
"Course y'are," Dave said. He hadn't imagined Aaron would do anything else. Like so many things about them, it just hadn't required conversation. He smiled. "Give'm th' keys, let 'em stay..." He was fading. He fought to stay awake. "Guest room."
Aaron nodded, then kissed Dave again before gently waking Jack. "Hey, it's time to go back to mom. You need to go to sleep."
"M'not tired."
"Of course not," Aaron said, his voice dry. "Say bye to Dave, okay? You can come back tomorrow if you want."
"Better come back t'morrow," Dave said. He pried his eyes open. "Listen, buddy, got job for ya. Fuzzy needs food 'n water. Do that f'r me?"
Jack nodded and let Aaron guide him off the bed. They said their goodbyes, and Aaron led Jack out of the room.
Dave wasn't sure how long it was before Aaron came back. It felt like a while, but time wasn't running the way it should today. He was drifting when he heard the door creak, then close again, and then the cushions in the recliner near the bed made a soft noise as someone sat down.
"Aaron?" Dave mumbled. He tried to turn, but he couldn't turn far enough to really see Aaron well. "C'mere. Need t'touch you."
"I thought you were asleep," Aaron said. Dave heard him stand, and then Aaron was slipping his hand into Dave's.
"No' quite." Dave took a deep breath, relishing the comfort of Aaron's presence. He lifted his other hand to stroke along Aaron's arm. "Just you 'n me," he murmured, running his gaze over his lover's face. "Kiss me."
Aaron sucked in a breath, then leaned down, his lips soft against Dave's, and Dave lifted his other hand into Aaron's hair. He deepened the kiss a little, and then Aaron pulled away. "Don't tempt me to climb in the bed with you," he said.
"Wish you would," Dave said, brushing his lips against Aaron's. "Hate sleeping 'thout you." He stroked his fingers through Aaron's hair. "Relax in your arms."
"I know," Aaron whispered, then he leaned down and buried his face against Dave's neck. "You just love to make my life difficult, don't you?" he joked, but he sounded on the verge of tears again.
"Do my best." Dave wrapped his arms around Aaron and stroking him soothingly. "You like it." He kissed Aaron's hair, wishing Aaron would just climb in next to him. God, he had the feeling this was harder on Aaron than it was on him. It felt like it was. Dave knew he would rather be the sick one than have to watch Aaron go through this. "I love you so much," he whispered.
Dave felt another gust of breath against his neck. "I love you too." He kissed Dave's neck. "I was afraid I might never get to do this again."
"Me too," Dave whispered. He didn't want to die, but he had a feeling even dying was easier than being the one left behind. He cleared his throat and pushed the thought away. "Come up here," he ordered quietly. "'m not an invalid. Come to bed."
Aaron pulled back and looked at Dave. "I'm going to twist up all your tubes and I'm sure the nurses that come to check on you won't want to have to work around me."
"Don't give...damn. Want you in my arms." Dave held his gaze, hoping he would give in. God, it was hard to keep his eyes open.
Aaron stared at Dave for a moment. Dave didn't think Aaron was going to do it until Aaron sighed. "Scoot over a little," he said, and Dave tried to shift for Aaron to climb in. Aaron settled next to him and wrapped an arm around Dave's chest. "You know, I'm not going to do everything you want just because you had a hole cut in your head for very long, so I would get my fill now, if I were you."
Dave sucked in a slow breath. "So if I tell you...always fan'sized 'bout...you suck me off...middle of a hospital..." Dave was going to fall asleep.
"Not going to happen," Aaron cut in sternly. He pressed his face against Dave's neck and let out a long, gusty breath.
"Fine," Dave grumbled. "But you owe me." He buried his fingers in Aaron's hair and finally felt himself relaxing all the way, relishing the strength and warmth of Aaron's body against his. "God, I needed you," he whispered, letting his eyes close.
Aaron mumbled something that Dave took to mean I needed you too.
For a long time Dave listened to the noises they made together, the soft sighs of breath, the thump of his own heartbeat, Aaron whispering something when he thought Dave was sliding towards sleep. Dave grunted acknowledgment even though he hadn't heard what Aaron said. Relaxing had allowed the pain to flood back in, but this time he gave in to it instead of ignoring it. His head ached fiercely, though this headache wasn't like the ones before, with the building of pressure and the irritability that went with it. This felt like he'd had a hole cut in his head. He couldn't help wishing for more pain medication, but at the same time he didn't want the nurses to come and throw Aaron out of his bed. There was no telling how many more nights they would be able to lie together like this.
Eventually the pain pushed tears from the corners of his eyes, but he ignored them. They were a release, and it was better than disturbing Aaron to request more medication. Besides, this was a different sort of pain. It almost felt better, somehow, knowing this was part of treatment.
He kept his breathing even and after a time the pain receded enough. Slowly his breaths deepened, and after a while he slept.
When he woke up again, Aaron wasn't there, and Dave had a fleeting moment of panic until he felt someone prodding him gently. It didn't feel like he'd slept long enough at all, but a nurse was leaning over him.
"Aaron?" he managed, and then a shock of pain went through his head.
"He's in the restroom, Mr. Rossi," the nurse murmured. "He can get back in with you when he's back. Just don't tell anyone I said so."
Dave grunted and watched her check his vitals, then she gave him a shot. "Thanks," Dave murmured as she was on her way out. She smiled and pulled the door mostly shut behind her.
The toilet flushed in the other room and the water ran for a moment, then Aaron was coming back, the light pooling into the room as the bathroom door opened, then going dark again as it closed. "Hey," Aaron murmured. "Go back to sleep." he brushed his lips against Dave's.
Dave kissed him back, then pulled away to yawn. "Had to get a shot," he mumbled. "Come back to bed."
"This bed really wasn't made for two people," Aaron said, but he was smiling sleepily.
"Don't care." Dave shifted over, ignoring the way it made his head throb. "C'mere."
Aaron sighed, but got into the bed again, being careful to not twist or crush any of the tubing attached to Dave. "You're such a pain."
"Mmhmm." Dave pressed against him, getting comfortable. "Head hurts." He closed his eyes and yawned again.
"Not what I meant," Aaron whispered, but he kissed Dave's neck and Dave felt him relax. "Did she give you something for pain?"
"Yeah. It'll be fine." Dave hummed, smiling. "Feels good with you." He could feel sleep trying to overtake him again.
Aaron hummed. "I feel like we're being a bit... tragically romantic at the moment."
"Shh. 'm high on painkillers, want a little comfort. No tragedy 'bout that." Dave stretched to kiss Aaron slowly.
"Mmm," Aaron hummed into the kiss. "Go to sleep."
Dave chuckled sleepily and brushed his hand against Aaron's cheek. "Yes, sir."
***
"Mr. Hotchner, I'm glad you're here." Dr. Morgan had paused just inside the door to Dave's room. Once he had Aaron's attention, he closed the door and came all the way in. "How's Dave feeling this morning?"
"You could ask me," Dave said, his voice raspy with sleep. Aaron hadn't realized he was awake again.
Dr. Morgan flashed him a smile. "How are you feeling today, Dave?"
"Pretty good. Think I'm ready to go home."
Dr. Morgan nodded, then looked at Aaron. "How's he really feeling, Mr. Hotchner?"
Aaron couldn't help smiling faintly. "Like hell."
Dr. Morgan laughed as he pulled the other chair over near Aaron's and sat down. "I'd like to talk to you about the results of the tumor resection and yesterday's follow-up MRI."
Dave adjusted the hospital bed, then gestured for Aaron to help him sit up more and prop another pillow behind him. "Go ahead."
Dr. Morgan nodded. The mirth had faded from his face, and Aaron suddenly felt a pit of dread in his stomach. He didn't want to know whatever the doctor had to say.
"This is what's called anaplastic astrocytoma," he said. "Dr. Hainje did a good job with the resection, and you already know they decided to insert the chemo wafers. The problem with anaplastic astrocytoma is that the cells have tentacles, so they're difficult to remove, and there's a strong likelihood of recurrence."
Aaron stared at him, feeling suddenly like he might throw up. He felt slightly stunned, and a little stupid for feeling that way. He'd just been starting to feel safe again, knowing Dave was recovering as well as could be expected from brain surgery, but this... "What does that mean?" he asked, knowing it was a stupid question.
Dave reached over and took his hand, squeezing gently.
"It means that treatment should be aggressive," Dr. Morgan said. "We can follow the surgery with only radiation or chemotherapy, but my opinion is that we should pursue a combination of RT and chemo, which will give Dave a better chance of fighting this off entirely." He looked at Dave. "It's your decision, of course, but I strongly recommend the combination. Of course, you're more than welcome to get a second opinion. I encourage that if you have any doubts or concerns."
Dave nodded slowly, then winced and said, "Okay." Aaron wondered if nodding hurt. "Yeah. We'll do what you think is best. I'm going to beat this."
Aaron sucked in a slow breath, trying to ease the suffocating feeling that was gripping him. He watched Dave for a moment, then looked back at the doctor. "How difficult is that course of treatment going to be?"
Dr. Morgan nodded. "It shouldn't be too difficult," he said. "Chemotherapy will be pills, and the worst part of that, as you probably know, is the nausea and vomiting. That can be alleviated by medication. You shouldn't lose your hair," he added, glancing at Dave. "If you were worried about that." He smiled faintly. "Radiation is going to be a more strenuous commitment. It'll be Monday through Friday for six weeks." He looked from Dave to Aaron. "If you don't treat it, your chances of survival after one year are very slim. But I have every reason to believe your chances are good. I really do think this is the best course, and I think that Dave's determination is a good sign. You're a strong man, healthy in every other way, and you have a great support network."
That went a long way to ease the tightness in Aaron's chest, and when he took another slow breath, it was easier. "Good," he said. He squeezed Dave's hand and rubbed his eyes, finally letting out an explosive sigh. "You know, you can say 'stubborn'; you don't need to dress it up with all this 'determination' business."
Dr. Morgan laughed.
"Fine, I'm a stubborn jackass," Dave said, "but I'm pretty sure that's in my favor this time."
"It is," the doctor assured them, still smiling. "I won't lie to you and say it'll be easy, but we've come a long way in cancer treatments." He stood. "I'll be back in to see you again before you're released. In the meantime, you concentrate on regaining your strength and resuming your activities of daily living."
Aaron nodded. "Thank you," he said. He knew there was a lot more to discuss, but he was willing to let it go for now. Dr. Morgan had said Dave was going to make it through this, and that was what was important. They'd worry about the rest when it came time.
Dave's fingers tightened on his as the doctor left. "Hey," Dave said quietly, and waited until Aaron looked at him. "We're gonna beat this. We are."
He must not have been masking his worry as well as he'd hoped, Aaron thought, though Dave probably read him better than anyone. "I know," he said. "We've done scarier things and not flinched." Of course, that wasn't really true. Somehow a cluster of abnormal cells in Dave's head that the doctor said was treatable was scarier than a man who might have killed dozens of people.
"Exactly." Dave smiled. "C'mere. I want a kiss."
Aaron laughed quietly, and moved closer to brush his lips against Dave's. "Needy," he accused, but he loved it. He loved knowing he was helping Dave.
"Maybe I'm just using this as an excuse to make out with you," Dave mumbled against his lips, stroking a thumb against his cheek.
"Oh, well, in that case, sneaky," Aaron whispered, and kissed Dave again.
Dave chuckled and pulled him closer. "You've always known that."
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no subject
Date: 2009-09-27 03:03 pm (UTC)I really love the Haley/Hotch friendship here. I always thought Haley got a bum rap within the fandom. Ok, I admit, I have my fits of hating her at times in canon too, but basically I don't think that she's a bad person and it's nice to see fic that that reflects that.
*sigh* It's really in the nature of the entire topic that there is so much that could be said or talked about. Like I almost imagine that the conversations the team members have amongst each other or with their families. And I'm kinda hoping for a Rossi/Haley convo where she admits she likes Hotch better since he has Dave.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-28 12:43 am (UTC)It's an interesting question, if she likes Hotch better now. Maybe they're at least better friends than they were before. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-09-28 11:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-17 06:57 pm (UTC)I feel more gutted with every chapter. I'm already crying, and there are what--16 chapters left? This reminds me so much of experiences I've been through, and I am as moved by the way you went to great lengths to include all of the medical terminology as I am by the moving character moments.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-18 03:06 am (UTC)