Lips That Have Smiled, Eyes That Have Shed Tears (chapter 11/12); Bellamy/Jackson (The 100); NC-17

[innerslytherin]

Title: Lips That Have Smiled, Eyes That Have Shed Tears - Chapter 11/12
Fandom: The 100
Pairing: Bellamy/Jackson, mentions of Abby Griffin/Jake Griffin
Rating: NC-17/FRAO
WC: ~82,000
Characters: Bellamy Blake, Jackson, Octavia Blake, Aurora Blake, Marcus Kane, Inspector Grus, Abby Griffin, Clarke Griffin, Monty Green, Jasper Jordan, various OCs

Warnings: Bullying, minor character death, alcohol abuse

Notes: We're posting in chapters, but this is not a WIP. We also stayed mostly canon-compliant, but hand-waved a few things while writing this. The Ark doesn't have a limited supply of water in this fic. The timeline of Monty & Jasper's arrest is moved up a bit. And Jackson's backstory is AU, as this was written before 3x10, "Fallen", revealed info about Jackson's mother. Also, neither of us speak Hindi, so the single sentence we wrote in Hindi was googled. If you speak Hindi, and we got it wrong, our feelings will not be hurt if you correct us. :)

Summary: Bellamy Blake isn't one of the privileged on the Ark. His life as a guard cadet would be a lot easier if he weren't trying to keep his mother's secrets and protect his sister. What Bellamy doesn't realize is just how much a certain doctor has figured out about his problems, and how much Doctor Jackson wants to help.

Summary: Bellamy Blake isn't one of the privileged on the Ark. His life as a guard cadet would be a lot easier if he weren't trying to keep his mother's secrets and protect his sister. What Bellamy doesn't realize is just how much a certain doctor has figured out about his problems, and how much Doctor Jackson wants to help.

Previous Chapters: Chapter One, Chapter Two - Part One, Chapter Two - Part Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten


Chapter Eleven

Jackson woke up the next morning feeling better than he had in weeks. Maybe even years, actually.

The roses on his bedside table were still fresh and fragrant, he knew Bellamy loved him, and his body ached in places it hadn't for years, but in a good way. He hadn't expected to allow Bellamy to take him for quite a while, but somehow an 'I love you' had changed everything. It made it seem more important to allow Bellamy to have him in a way he hadn't let anyone else since his last boyfriend when he was nineteen.

Five years of infrequent, casual sex were over now, and Jackson couldn't wait for years to come of frequent, serious sex with someone he loved and who loved him back.

It was scary as fuck, but he was ready.

Jackson knew he had a ridiculous smile on his face when he went into Medical the next morning, so he headed straight for his desk and hoped Abby wouldn't mention it.

"Someone's in a good mood this morning," Abby commented, dropping a couple of files on his desk. "I know it's been a hard week. I'm glad to see you looking a little better."

"Last night was a good night," he said, taming his smile as he looked up at Abby. "It's too soon to hope Bellamy's out of the woods yet, but… last night he… it was good."

"That's good to hear." Abby gave him a small smile. "I'm sure a lot of that credit goes to you. He's experienced a lot of loss in a very short time, but you're someone consistent in his life. Just make sure you take care of yourself as well as him."

"I try. Gotta be here for you too," he said, his smile going warm.

"I certainly hope so," she said. "I don't know what I'd do without you. We really need to apprentice more doctors. I just wish I had more time."

"I'd be willing to do it," he said, looking away and absently opening one of the files she put in front of him.

"I don't think this would be a good point for you to take someone on," she said. "Let's get at least a month or two out from Bellamy's loss. I want to make sure you aren't overworked here." She folded her arms across her chest and leaned on his desk. "Especially since I have a feeling you're going to be volunteering for Skybox duty from now on," she added, her voice warm.

Jackson smiled. "Octavia's a good kid," he said. "I can handle getting stabbed with a needle every once in awhile."

"You should know that the guard who was with you came and filed his own report," Abby said, "and he was extremely apologetic for letting that happen. He was aware of the reasons for Allard's removal from the Skybox, and wanted to assure me that was not in any way connected." She tilted her head. "He spoke highly of how you handled the kids."

Jackson nodded. "That was nice of him," he said. "He didn't need to do that. And he certainly didn't need to apologize. I'm just glad Dax went for my leg instead of my eye." He folded his arms over himself and sat back. "Speaking of the Skybox, visitation is tomorrow. Bell was going to wait until I took lunch so I could go with him, so if you can spare me for a slightly long lunch--if nothing's on fire here, of course--I'd appreciate it."

Abby sucked in a slow breath. "Oh... No one's told him." She tilted her head back, staring at the ceiling. "Oh God, I really didn't want to have to be the one to give him the news, but I suppose Kane thought I would."

She met Jackson's gaze, her brows drawn together. "Jackson, the Chancellor revoked Bellamy's visitation privileges as punishment for his involvement."

Jackson felt his stomach drop, but for a moment, all he could do was stare at Abby blankly. Until anger hit him a moment later, and he felt himself scowling at Abby in spite of knowing this wasn't her fault. "Hasn't he already been punished enough?" he spat.

"I felt that he had been punished enough," Abby said quietly. "I can't imagine how I would feel if they took Clarke from me and told me I couldn't see her. I've been trying to change Thelonious' mind, and I have hope that maybe, given some time and model behavior from Bellamy and Octavia, I'll be successful." She frowned. "Not much hope, I confess. But some."

Jackson huffed and looked away from her. She didn't deserve his anger, but he couldn't quite tamp it down. He drew a couple of steadying breaths, but they didn't help much because he couldn't help but think of how Jaha had seemed so calm when Aurora Blake was floated, or the way Bellamy's face flooded with hatred when he looked at Jaha.

"I'm sorry, Jackson." Abby's voice was low. "I'll talk to Bellamy this evening and let him know. Or I can ask Kane to talk to him, but I think he'd take it better coming from me."

Jackson shook his head. "I'll tell him."

"You shouldn't have to do the Chancellor's dirty work for him, Jackson." Abby's voice hardened for a moment, and she looked away. "I'm sorry," she said. "He's just...he's being intractable. About more than just Bellamy. I'm frustrated."

Jackson sighed and raised a brow at her. She didn't often vent about Council business, and she probably couldn't most of the time, but he appreciated it when she occasionally let him in. "Anything you can talk to me about?" he asked.

"Not yet," she said, pressing her fingers against her lips for a moment. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't vent at you about the Council."

Jackson held another sigh, and even if anger was still burning in his chest just a little, he gave her a sympathetic look. "I vent at you when I need to," he said. "You do realize this relationship goes both ways, right?" He reached out and touched the back of her hand. He knew Abby saw him as an equal professionally now, not as a student, but he sometimes felt like she had trouble seeing him as a friend too.

She smiled at him. "It just isn't fair since this is still confidential, so all I can do is complain that people aren't playing nice and stomp my foot a little." She met his gaze. "I do know it goes both ways, and I appreciate the offer to talk. I just can't right now."

Jackson nodded, dropping his hand. "I understand," he said, smiling at her. "If you ever can, I'm not going anywhere." He looked back at the files on his desk. "I'll tell Bell about his visitation rights. If he doesn't take it well… he's not going to take it well…" He scrubbed a hand through his hair. "It'll be better if he's told in private. That way if he says or does something stupid, It'll just be around me."

Abby huffed a laugh. "You know I wouldn't hold it against him--though it's a good decision to keep him away from Kane, I guess." She sighed. "I feel horrible about the whole thing," she admitted. "I'm of the opinion that Octavia and Bellamy shouldn't have been punished for what their mother did. But my hands are tied in this matter, and Kane seems to think I'm biased."

"You probably are," Jackson said gently. "Thank you… for advocating for him."

"Despite everything, I haven't seen you this happy in years," Abby said. "How could I not advocate for someone who makes you this happy? Especially when I find myself sympathetic to his reasons for what he did." She smiled at him, though her expression seemed sad.

Jackson nodded and smiled back. "I should probably still go visit Octavia tomorrow anyway," he said. "Can't let her be the only kid in there without someone to look out for her."

"I think you should," Abby agreed. "And I'm sure that would make Bellamy feel better, too. You're clear to go, barring emergencies."

Jackson nodded and pulled the open file on his desk closer. "What happened here?" he said.

"Oh." She nodded at the file. "Read it. I thought you might like to see the results of your report about Allard."

When he read the file, he saw that a female prisoner named Roma had reported to the guard that Allard had harassed her repeatedly. He looked up at Abby.

"Word's getting around the Skybox that they're safe from Allard." She smiled faintly. "Two other girls have made similar allegations, and one boy said he'd received a shocklashing for very little reason."

Jackson thought about what she was saying for a moment, and then couldn't stop himself from smiling as warmth spread through his chest. He'd spoken up for those kids, and now they felt protected enough to start speaking up for themselves. "Good for them," he said, but he felt a little breathless suddenly. After a moment, he laughed faintly. "Did I just accidentally adopt a couple hundred kids?" he asked.

Her smile strengthened. "You certainly have a couple hundred who look up to you now," she said. "I'm so proud of you."

He started to say something dismissive about how he'd just done what was right, but then stopped himself. He knew Abby cared about him, maybe even loved him in the way he loved her, but she had never been quick with praise.

"Thank you," he said, smiling at her warmly as he stood and wrapped his arms around her.

She made a surprised noise, but hugged him back tightly. "You made a difference, Jackson," she whispered. "A big one."

He grinned, squeezing her gently. His eyes were stinging suddenly, so he didn't pull back. "Bellamy's going to kill me for adopting kids before we've even discussed it," he joked, blinking hard.

She laughed. "No, I think he was right there with you," she teased. She hugged him a little tighter, then pulled back. "He'll be proud of you, too," she said warmly.

He was pretty sure he'd blinked the wetness from his eyes before she pulled back. He squeezed her shoulders and let go, the memory of what else he had to tell Bellamy tonight crashing back down on him. His smile slid off almost too quickly. "I think he's going to be too heartbroken for that," he said.

Abby sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. "At least he'll know that Octavia is safe because of you. That's no small thing, Jackson."

Jackson nodded, but he didn't really feel it. It wasn't like he could stand outside of Octavia's cell door, and helping get rid of one bad guard didn't automatically make the Skybox safe. "Thanks for showing me that," he said, gesturing to the file on his desk.

"Thanks for reminding me of our responsibilities as doctors," Abby said quietly. She squeezed his shoulder and turned to greet the older man walking into Medical.

It wasn't long before Jackson's first patient showed up, and then it was a steady stream of people until nearly seven. Jackson probably would have stayed later, wrapping up his reporting, but Bellamy showed up with a tray carrying enough food for three people.

"If your eating habits are anything like J's, I figure you probably skipped lunch," he told Abby, and held out the tray for her to pick.

Jackson didn't miss the pained look Abby darted at him, but she smiled at Bellamy. "Thank you, Bellamy." She took a couple of dishes. "Jackson, you should go. I'll be leaving soon myself."

Jackson considered asking her if she was sure, but they both knew tonight wasn't going to go well, so he took her at her word. He filed a few things in his desk and locked it. "You'd better," he told her. "Say hi to Jake and Clarke for me," he added, straightening and reaching out to take the tray from Bellamy.

"I will. See you tomorrow," she said, already picking at her food.

Bellamy smiled at Jackson and let him have the tray. "I wasn't sure if I'd just be dropping this off for you or not," he said quietly as they walked toward the door. "You know I understand the long hours, right? I just want to make sure you eat."

"I know," Jackson said, glad Bellamy was letting him carry the food. "I didn't have anything left that couldn't wait until tomorrow, though." He thought about telling Bellamy about Allard and the Skybox kids' reports, but decided he should wait until they got home before bringing up anything that would remind Bellamy of the Skybox and Octavia until they got home.

"How was your day?" Bellamy asked as they walked.

Jackson shrugged. "Long. Busy. Nothing too exciting, though. Yours?"

"Eh, nothing exciting, nothing terrible." Bellamy glanced sidelong at him. "I...actually didn't hate it."

Jackson chuckled. "Good," he said. He should probably say more, but the sinking feeling in his stomach was returning.

Bellamy frowned at him for a second, but then turned his gaze back to the passage ahead of them. "You know, I was thinking...maybe we should start a chess game. It's something that wouldn't matter what shift I'm on. We just play whenever we can."

Jackson looked over at Bellamy, smiling faintly as Bell's words tugged at a memory. "That's what me and mom used to do," he said softly. He'd actually planned to ask Bellamy later if Octavia had actually learned how to play when he'd tried to teach her, and see if he could bring the chess board into lockup with him to play with her tomorrow, but that would have to wait.

"Oh. Is that...okay?" Bellamy asked, watching his face. "I just thought it made sense."

Jackson smiled more warmly at him. "It does. We should do that."

Bell brushed Jackson's hip with the back of his hand. "If you're sure. Sally says low man on the totem pole usually works third, but her third shift guy likes it, so I'm stuck at second for a while, at least."

Jackson nodded. "No, I like the idea." He walked a little closer to Bell, letting their shoulders brush. Sinclair passed them in the hall and nodded at Jackson, and Jackson returned the nod and kept walking. "So she thinks you'll eventually be able to switch?"

"Probably, but no idea how soon." Bellamy sighed. "It's not quite what I imagined for my life, but it might not be as bad as I was afraid it would."

Jackson smiled, even though dread was pooling in his stomach as they got closer and closer to home. How was he even going to eat? "I don't care what you do. I just want you to be happy."

Bellamy laughed and leaned in to murmur, "If I hadn't already known I loved you, the fact you tried to convince me that being a janitor was okay would have done it." He was smiling faintly at Jackson.

"It is okay," Jackson insisted. "It's just a job. It doesn't define you, just like being a farmer didn't define my mom." An idea suddenly occurred to him. "Hey, maybe you could tutor on the side, like she did."

He saw the uncertainty on Bellamy's face, but then something shifted in his expression, and Bell was smiling. "Maybe." His voice was low. "I hadn't thought about that."

Jackson smiled back, even as Bellamy was unlocking the door to their home. "Yeah, once you're able to switch shifts, you could do that," he said, and he tried to ignore the twisting of his stomach as he stepped inside.

"I wonder if they keep schooling the kids in the Skybox," Bellamy mused. "I'll have to ask Octavia about that. If not, I'll have to take her some books." He took the tray from Jackson and carried it over to the table. "Let me get out of this before we eat," he added, gesturing at his sanitation jumpsuit.

Jackson nodded, sighing heavily, and peeled out of his coat. He stared at the food on the table for a minute, but didn't sit. He watched Bellamy change, and then took his hand and pulled him toward the bed. "Before we eat, we need to talk," he said. "About tomorrow." He felt a little like he might be sick, but he tugged Bellamy down to sit next to him.

"You couldn't get out of work?" Bellamy asked, sitting close. "It's okay. I mean, I'd rather you be there too, but you can always go next time."

"No, Bell. Abby said I could go," Jackson said. He draped his arm around Bellamy's shoulders, and decided to just say it, get the words out, rip the bandage off. "Jaha…"

He expelled a breath. Okay, so just saying it wasn't so simple. "Someone should have told you sooner. Kane. Or Abby. Or fucking…" He sucked in a sharp breath, then blurted, "Jaha revoked your visitation privileges. You can't go see her."

Bellamy just stared at him for a couple of heartbeats. "What?" He shook his head, looking stunned. "What? Why the hell--that fucking asshole. Haven't they done enough?" He jerked to his feet and paced across the room, his hands clenching into fists. When he spun back to stare at Jackson, the glimmer of tears was visible in his eyes. "They float my mother and rip my sister out of our home, then bust me out of the guard and make me a fucking janitor, and now they take away my visitation rights? What the hell?"

Jackson held his gaze, knowing his own expression was pained. "I'm so sorry," he said, unsure if approaching Bellamy was wise. He wanted to hold Bell, but maybe he should let him vent for a moment.

"God damn it!" Bell shoved his hands in his hair, clutching so hard his knuckles whitened. His shoulders were heaving, but Jackson wasn't sure if it was from sobs or just his angry breathing. "All this because Mom wanted two kids," he spat. "What a fucking crime. They already floated her for it. Can't they just leave me and Octavia alone?"

"I wish they would," Jackson said, and stood to walk over to Bellamy because it physically hurt not to try to comfort him. He rested his hands on Bellamy's waist. "Abby said she's trying to convince Jaha to reverse his decision, and until then, I will go see Octavia every chance I can. I know that doesn't help you, but…"

Bellamy sighed and leaned against Jackson's chest. Jackson could feel the tension in every line of his body. "I'm so tired of this," he muttered. "Haven't we lost enough?"

"I'm sorry," Jackson whispered, wrapping his arms around Bellamy and turning his head to kiss his hair. He pressed his fingers into the muscle of Bellamy's back, trying to ease some of the tension. "I wish I could do more."

Bellamy leaned into him harder, his arms finally coming up to hold onto Jackson. "You'll tell Doctor Griffin that I'm grateful for her efforts? I may hate the Chancellor and most of the Council, but she's been really good to me." His voice was still angry, but he was starting to relax just a little.

"I'll tell her," Jackson said. His hands worked their way up to knead at Bellamy's shoulders. "I'm so sorry," he repeated. "I love you so much, and I fucking hate Jaha right now on your behalf."

Bellamy let his head fall to rest on Jackson's shoulder. "God, that feels good," he mumbled. "He's sure lost my vote."

Jackson pressed his cheek to Bellamy's head and sighed, then he pulled away. "Here," he said, and tugged Bellamy toward the bed. "Take your shirt off." He couldn't fix Bellamy's broken heart, but he could try to work as much tension out of his body as possible. "Lay down on your stomach."

Bell did as he was told, settling down on the bed with a deep sigh. "I didn't mean to ruin your evening."

"You didn't," Jackson insisted. "Jaha did." He climbed onto the bed, straddling Bellamy's hips and settling his weight on Bellamy's ass. He hadn't given a lot of massages, but he did know enough about anatomy that he thought he could probably do a good job, so he started working his thumbs into the muscles at the small of Bellamy's back.

Bellamy grunted in what sounded like relief. "So you'll go see O tomorrow, right? You'll take her a letter for me? I can try to explain." He snorted. "Even though I don't really understand myself."

"I'll take her anything you want me to," Jackson said, working his hands slowly, meticulously up. "I was thinking I could bring the chess board, too. Did she pick it up when you tried to teach her?"

Bellamy snorted again, but this time it sounded amused. "I'm pretty sure she lost those pawns deliberately," he said. "Mmm, oh, that feels good."

Jackson smiled faintly. "What does she like to do then?" he asked softly, putting some of his weight into pushing the tension out of Bellamy's body.

"She reads a lot. She used to spend a lot of time on her studies, and she helped Mom with her work." Bell's voice was a little muffled. Jackson could feel him relaxing a little more, though. "Maybe she'd like languages. You two could learn Hindi together."

Jackson chuckled. "We could talk about you right in front of you after she's out, and you'd have no idea what we were saying," he said, his hands reaching Bellamy's mid-back and smoothing out over his ribcage. "I did mention I wasn't that great at languages, right?"

"Mm-hmm." Bell sighed again. "She might enjoy it though. It'd give you two something. I dunno."

"I'll see if she's interested," Jackson said. He really didn't have enough time to learn a new language at the moment, but Octavia probably had a lot of time on her hands. If she had an interest and a talent for languages, Octavia would probably be teaching him Hindi before long. But something about passing along his mother's interests felt nice anyway. His hands moved higher. "Feel good?"

Bell groaned quietly. "So good. I almost can't stay angry." He took a couple of deep breaths and then sighed. "I really wouldn't make it without you. Mm. How was your day, aside from having to tell your boyfriend bad news from the Council?"

"Not bad," Jackson said, then he smiled a little. "I found out I may have adopted a small army of kids without consulting you, though."

"You--huh?" Bellamy opened his eyes, glancing at Jackson sidelong. "Better explain that one."

Jackson huffed a laugh and leaned down to kiss Bellamy's shoulder before continuing the massage. His hands were starting to cramp, but he ignored it. "Abby brought me the file on what happened to Allard," he said. "Apparently, after I made my report, word got around the Skybox. One of the boys came forward about being aggressively shocklashed, and several girls complained about being harassed."

"Wow." Bell shifted a little so he could look at Jackson better. "That's a big deal, J. That's great. I mean, what he was doing wasn't great, but you stopped that."

Jackson snorted, and pushed Bellamy back down against the bed. "I just did the right thing. It's not hard." He pressed the heels of his hands into Bellamy's shoulderblades. "Anyway, he's out of the Skybox, and hopefully on his way out of the guard. Excessive force is bad, but harassing teenage girls is just… fucked up."

Bell grunted. "Doing the right thing is hard, sometimes. Take the compliment. You did good."

"Fine," Jackson said, pretending it was a complaint. "Thank you," he said, his fingers finally curling around Bellamy's shoulders and squeezing gently.

Bellamy sighed, closing his eyes again. "Better," he mumbled. His body felt much more relaxed than it had when Jackson started, but he sighed again.

Jackson kneaded Bell's shoulders, then up his neck a little more gently before giving in to the aching of his hands and stopping. He shook them out and stretched them, then leaned down to kiss the back of Bellamy's neck. "I love you," he whispered against damp skin, and kissed Bell again.

"Ohh, I love you too," Bell breathed. He shifted to one side. "Want a proper kiss," he said. He wasn't smiling, but he was relaxed, at least. That was definite progress.

"I don't know," Jackson said. "I kind of like you at my mercy like this." He lifted enough for Bellamy to turn over under him anyway, though, and leaned down to press his mouth to Bell's.

Bellamy hummed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Jackson and pulling him close. "J," he breathed, and kissed him again.

Jackson slid his fingers into Bell's hair and deepened the kiss, keeping the pace slow and tender. Their food was going to be cold when they finally ate--if they ate--but Jackson didn't care. He just wanted to be whatever Bellamy needed right now.

Bell didn't seem to want anything but long, slow kisses and Jackson in his arms. When he finally pulled back, he was breathing a little hard, but he felt relaxed against Jackson, and he smiled faintly. "I love you," he whispered. "You're so strong."

Jackson huffed a small laugh, stroking his fingertips against Bellamy's cheek. "You're the strong one," he murmured. "I'm just standing next to you."

"Holding me up," Bellamy countered. "You're stronger than I could ever be."

Jackson gave him an unhappy smile. "You're only saying that because you've never seen me suffer any real loss." He sighed and shifted off to Bellamy's side, wrapping his arm over Bellamy's chest. "When my mom died, I handled it in really unhealthy ways."

"You did?" Bellamy sounded surprised. He put his hand on Jackson's arm.

"Yeah," Jackson said, sighing. "I cried on Abby's shoulder briefly, and then I buried myself in training and work to the point that my boyfriend left me a few months later. I can't blame him; you can't be with someone who's not really there. I don't think I looked up again until you came along, though… five years later."

Bellamy didn't say anything for a few moments. He shifted enough to get both arms around Jackson and pull him closer. Then he exhaled. "I'm glad I caught your attention, at least." He pressed a kiss to Jackson's hair.

"Well, you are very good looking," Jackson teased.

Bell chuckled. "It was probably the repeated exposure that did it. I should thank Heron and the rest of them."

Jackson smiled, feeling good that he'd managed to get a small laugh out of Bellamy. He kissed Bell's cheek. "We should probably eat," he said finally. He didn't want to get up, but Bellamy would grump at him if his stomach started to grumble.

"We should. It's probably all cold by now, thanks to me." Bell kissed Jackson softly and then sat up, pulling Jackson after him. "Thank you."

Jackson followed him to the table, and they mostly ate in silence. Jackson could see some tension return to Bellamy's body, but it never got as bad as it was when Jackson had first broken the news. When they finished eating, Bellamy wanted to start his letter for Octavia, so Jackson sat in front of his lowest bookshelf and sorted through his mother's language books.

Jackson wasn't sure if Octavia would like Hindi, French or Spanish better, so he decided he'd let her decide and grabbed beginners texts on all three. He put them on the table to remember to bring them to lockup tomorrow.

He and Bellamy played chess for the rest of the night until it was time to sleep, and left the board mid-game. By the time the next morning came, Jackson was tired from all of Bellamy's tossing and turning the night before, but he got ready for work, made his move in the chess game, and left.

He wound up with a deluge of patients very early, and started to worry he might not be able to see Octavia, but as soon as the flow of patients started to slow down, Abby told him to go, so he did.

The guards outside of the Skybox inspected the books he'd brought, patted him down, and then directed Jackson toward a common room where the kids would be. The room was loud, full of kids huddled in groups with their families, chatting boisterously.

Jackson scanned the room for Octavia, but Monty Green caught his eyes first. Monty beamed at him and gave a thumbs up, then said something to what Jackson assumed were his parents, who looked over at Jackson and smiled. Jackson waved awkwardly and kept scanning the room.

His stomach lurched when he saw John Murphy, sitting alone with a scowl on his face. Jackson had just told Bellamy about what had happened to John's mother, and now John was in here. Jackson considered going over to talk to him, even just to say he was sorry to hear about his mother, but then someone tapped his shoulder.

"Jackson!" Octavia smiled at him as he turned, but then she looked past him. "Where's Bellamy?"

"Hey, Octavia," he said, trying to smile. It didn't feel right on his face. "He couldn't come," he said, and then decided to risk it and pulled her in for a hug. She'd hugged him before, after all. Hopefully she hadn't gotten awkward on him since he'd last seen her.

"What?" she asked, but hugged him back tightly. "Why couldn't he come? Is he okay?"

"He's fine," he said. "He can't come because the Chancellor's an asshole." Jackson let her go and stepped back. "Is there somewhere we can sit? I'll explain."

"We can get a table," she said, leading the way over to an unoccupied corner table. "I already knew the Chancellor's an asshole, since he floated my mom," she said when they got there. "He hasn't done anything to Bellamy, has he? Tell me everything."

"There's not a whole lot to tell," Jackson said, sitting and placing the books on the table in front of him, spines facing him. "Jaha revoked his visitation rights as a punishment."

"He what?" Octavia stared at him, her mouth open. "For--what, for the whole time? What an asshole! He already made us orphans, and now he's going to keep us apart? That's--that's like separating Oliver and the Artful Dodger!" She glared at the tabletop.

Jackson's lips thinned. "As far as I know, it's indefinite until they let you out in two, but my friend Abby--Doctor Griffin--you've met her. She says she's trying to change his mind."

"This place sucks. I seriously don't even know why Mom had me." She slumped in her seat. "If Bell didn't have you to visit for him, I wouldn't even see anyone who cared about me."

"Well, luckily that's not the case," Jackson said. "You're stuck with me for a while whether you like it or not."

"I'm glad." Octavia straightened and looked back up at him. "I'm sorry. I ought to be happy that you're here. I am happy that you're here." She leaned on the table, watching him. "How is Bell?"

Jackson shook his head, waving away her apology. "He's slowly doing better. A few setbacks here and there, most notably when I had to tell him last night he couldn't come see you. And when they gave him his new job assignment." He frowned at her. "They made him a janitor."

She stared at him. "A janitor? They kicked him out of the guard and then instead of doing something that actually fits him, they make him a janitor? God, I bet he loved that." She rolled her eyes. "I mean, there's nothing wrong with being a janitor, but he's so smart. Mom assigned some of my lessons, but Bell was the one who taught me the most. He was always so frustrated I'd rather play make believe instead of chess. And they made him a janitor."

Jackson nodded. "I'm trying to convince him to take up tutoring once he gets on a better shift. It'll at least be more rewarding than sanitation." He sat forward and leaned on the table. "How's life in here? Your blood panel came back perfectly normal, so I assume you have a roommate now. Have you met anyone cool?"

Octavia shrugged. "Her name's Fox. She doesn't really talk much. I borrowed a book from her, so I've been reading that. It's about vampires, so not my thing, but it's better than going crazy. I didn't think Lockup could be worse than being stuck in our rooms all the time, but at least there I had Bell to talk to."

Jackson held a sigh and glanced around the room. "They let you guys socialize a little, don't they? At least, the non-violent kids?"

"Some, but not much. We're not here on vacation. We're here because we're criminals. Apparently we're not supposed to have friends." She rolled her eyes. "I mean, seriously, they think this is going to magically turn us into productive members of society when we turn eighteen?"

Jackson sighed. "You are not a criminal," he told her. "As far as I'm concerned, anyway. And probably most people on the Ark would agree if they knew anything about you." He suddenly wished he could start spreading Bellamy and Octavia's story around the Ark. He could probably get enough popular support to get Octavia released. But then he'd probably be floated for starting an uprising.

Jackson pushed the books across the table, turning the spines to face her. "It's not vampires, but it's not Dickens either. Bellamy thought you might be interested in languages," he said. "Oh," he added, flipping open the cover of the top book to reveal the letter Bellamy had written for Octavia. "Bell wrote that for you."

"A letter!" She snatched at it, then hesitated. "I don't know whether to read it now or to save it." She set it on the table and looked at the books. "Do you speak any of these languages?" she asked, looking up at him. "Bell never tried languages with me."

Jackson shook his head. "I don't speak any of them. One phrase in Hindi, but that's it." He shrugged. "Bell thought we could learn one together, if you're interested." He gave her a small grin. "If we're ever pissed at him after you're out, we can talk about him right in front of his face, and he won't know it."

Octavia laughed faintly. "He'll know that we're talking about him, just not what we're saying. Unless you decide to just randomly talk to me in Hindi about other stuff besides him." She opened the book, looking at the table of contents. "If you don't speak any of them, where did you get these?" she asked.

"They were my mom's," he said. "She spoke all of them. And English. And if we're going to learn another language, we'll need to speak it randomly to stay in practice. He'll never know when we're talking about him."

"All right, I'm convinced," Octavia said, smiling at him mischievously. "Hindi it is. Why did your mom speak all those languages? You said your mom was a farmer, didn't you? She just loved languages."

Jackson returned her smile. "She did," he said. He gestured at the books in front of her. "Of those, Hindi is probably the hardest, though. Spanish might be easier at first."

"Is that the language you'd rather learn?" she asked. "Since Bell seems to have ordered you to learn it with me?"

Jackson chuckled. "He didn't order me to do anything," he said, smiling. "I'm honestly not sure I have the space in my brain for another language, but I'll try at whichever one you want."

"Hindi was your mom's first language, though, right? I'd rather learn a language that means something to you."

Jackson felt his smile go warmer. "Hindi was my mom's first language, yes," he said, "and that's sweet of you, but not necessary."

She snorted. "What else am I going to do in here for a year and a half? I want to learn Hindi."

Jackson nodded, still smiling. "Not afraid of a challenge," he said. "I like it. I'll leave that with you, then," he said, gesturing at the book, "and then you can teach me what you've learned between visitation times when I see you."

"So how are you?" Octavia said, hugging the book against her chest. "Besides a hero to half the kids in lockup, anyway?"

Jackson huffed, but ignored the last part. "I'm good. Busy. Always busy with work, but…" He shrugged, but when he realized what he was about to say next, he couldn't help but grin. "I'm also head over heels for this...guy I'm seeing, so I'm pretty happy in general." God, that was ridiculous.

Octavia laughed. "Head over heels, huh? I bet he feels the same way about you."

"I think so," Jackson said. "He did bring me flowers, and threatened me with chocolates, and told me he loved me, so…" He felt his face warming a little, but he thought it would probably be nice for Octavia to know something was going right for her brother. And part of him wanted Octavia to understand just how much Jackson cared about him.

"Oh my God, he got you flowers?!" Octavia wasn't quite squealing, but her voice had definitely gotten higher in pitch. "He told you he loves you?" She got out of her chair and threw herself at him for a hug. "Thank you for making my brother happy."

He held her tightly, wondering if it would be awkward to tug her into his lap so this hug wasn't at such a weird angle. After a moment, he decided that sixteen was probably too old for that, and it might embarrass her. "I love him too," he said. "So much."

Suddenly it hit him that if things kept going the way they were, Octavia might one day be his sister-in-law. He squeezed her tighter.

"I am so glad he has you," Octavia whispered. She squeezed him and then pulled away a little. "I wish so much that I could have spent time with you together."

"I wish you could too," he said. "Maybe Abby can change the Chancellor's mind eventually."

"I hope so." She went back to her own chair, but she was still beaming at him. "Now I know Bell will be okay."

"I already promised I'd take care of him," he said, nudging her leg under the table and giving her a crooked smile.

"I know, but there's only so much you can be responsible for. Now that I know he's in love with you, it's better."

Jackson nodded, not sure what to say to that. He gestured at the letter still on the table. "Bell said he put a blank piece of paper in there in case you wanted to write back, but they confiscated my pen at the door. Said it could be used as a weapon."

"Oh, they gave us special pens to use." She fished in the pocket of her jumpsuit and pulled one out. It was very small and clearly made of flimsy plastic. "I don't really have any news or anything, but I'll write to him just because." She looked up at Jackson. "But no reading it unless he tells you it's okay," she teased.

He snorted and nudged her again. "Already talking shit about me, huh?" he teased, sitting back and crossing his arms over himself. He grinned, but was becoming aware that the guards were slowly ushering visitors out. "Write fast," he said.

Octavia glanced up, then went back to scribbling. She'd filled almost half the page when the guards reached the family next to them. "Here," she said, and he saw her scrawl a heart and her name. Then she folded it in half and stood up. When she hugged him again, she kissed his cheek. "I'm so glad you're part of us now," she whispered.

"I'll try to come earlier next time," he promised. "Are you saying I'm an unofficial Blake now?" he asked, feeling warmed. He squeezed her and kissed the top of her head, then let go as the guard approached them, grabbing the Spanish and French books off the table.

"Obviously," she said, grinning at him. "Just wait till I get out of here to make it official, okay?"


***


Bellamy got home from his shift and found the quarters he shared with Jackson empty. He frowned, wishing Jackson were home. Then again, he'd taken some time off in the middle of the day, so he might be working late. Bellamy didn't want to make a nuisance of himself in Medical, so he paced around their rooms of a couple of minutes, then decided to clean up a little and shower. If Jackson still wasn't home by then, he'd think about heading to Medical to bring him dinner.

He heard the door opening as he stepped out of the shower, so he wrapped a towel around his waist and looked out to see Jackson come in and take his coat off. Jackson looked over and smiled at him, then dropped the books he was carrying off at the table and walked over to kiss Bellamy.

"Mmm, you always look so good just out of the shower," he murmured. "One day I'm going to join you in there."

"That sounds fun," Bell said, grinning at him. "How was your day?"

"Very busy," Jackson said. "But I did get to see Octavia. She wrote something for you. Made me promise not to read it unless you said it was okay." He lowered his head to place several wet kisses against Bellamy's neck. "Taste really good after a shower too," he murmured.

Bellamy hummed and tilted his head, enjoying the little shivers of pleasure running through him. "How is she?" he asked, sliding his fingers into Jackson's hair.

"Good," Jackson murmured, nipping at Bellamy's jaw. "You know, I need a shower myself," he said, his tone suggestive.

Bellamy laughed. "Our shower is tiny," he murmured, but his body was definitely getting interested now. He tugged lightly on Jackson's hair.

"We'll figure it out," Jackson panted, and then he was stripping out of his clothes and pulling Bellamy back into the shower.

It was almost too cramped, but it didn't take long before the feeling of soapy skin against skin and Jackson's wandering mouth and hands distracted Bellamy from that. And then Jackson was turning him against the shower wall and preparing him.

It was a little rougher than it had been before, without real lube, but Bellamy found that he didn't mind that all that much, and his moans got swallowed by the running water. By the time Jackson came, Bellamy felt almost overheated between the sex and the shower steam, but he let Jackson jerk him off to completion against the wall.

Jackson was panting hard against the back of Bell's neck. "Fuck, I might pass out," he groaned, and then Bell heard the water turn off. "So hot in here," he muttered, and opened the stall door. Bell sagged in relief at the rush of slightly cooler air that hit them.

"I already had the bathroom steamed up before you got home," Bellamy said. He found his discarded towel and wrapped it around him again, grinning at Jackson. It was way too hot, but he couldn't complain, considering how good he felt.

Jackson smiled back at him, grabbing his own towel and scrubbing it through his hair. "God, busy day. Feel better now, though," he said, muffled under the towel.

Bell leaned against the wall, watching Jackson. He'd always thought Jackson was handsome, but that doctor's coat he wore at work hid his trim physique, and Bell enjoyed the view without it. "Glad I could help," he said, still grinning.

"Glad you could too," Jackson said, tugging the towel off his head and continuing to dry himself off. "Mm, and on top of the busy day, I'm pretty sure the Skybox guard stole my favorite pen."

"Asshole," Bell said, but he was too distracted by Jackson's abs to really put much feeling in it. It occasionally felt unreal that such a gorgeous, smart, kind man loved him. His grin softened a little.

"It had a nice glide to it," Jackson continued, seeming unaware of how Bellamy was watching him. "He said it got misplaced, but I don't buy it." Finally, he looked up, towel dangling against his thigh where Jackson had it balled in his fist. He blinked at Bellamy, then tilted his head, giving Bellamy a funny smile. "What?"

Bell shook his head faintly, smiling. "I just love you. I love looking at you and being around you. I'm sorry about your pen."

Jackson's smile widened. "It may be gone, but I'll always have the memories," he said, his grin going silly suddenly.

Bellamy snorted. "I'll start looking for pens to steal for you," he teased. God, he loved that expression on Jackson's face. It felt so good to have Jackson relaxed and looking happy.

"No stealing," Jackson insisted, still grinning as he walked over to kiss Bellamy softly, tracing his fingers over Bellamy's stomach. "Your sister made me an unofficial Blake today," he said softly.

The light touch made Bell's breathing hitch. "She did?" he murmured, pulling back to smile at Jackson. "She seriously likes you. I'm so glad."

An unofficial Blake. Bellamy liked that idea. Jackson was Octavia's family now. In some ways, he was better than Bell, since he could actually visit. A pang of guilt hit him, but he shoved it away.

"So am I," Jackson said. He kissed Bellamy again, then pulled away, hanging his towel and starting to collect his clothes from where he'd tossed them off. "Her letter's on top of the books on the table," he said, padding out of the bathroom naked to put up his work clothes and change.

Bellamy followed him out and quickly pulled on boxers and a t-shirt before sitting at the table to read it.

Bell, oh my gosh, you told Jackson you love him? So proud of you--he's awesome. We're going to learn Hindi together. Did he tell you he's a Skybox hero for getting some awful guard fired? That's why the concussion? Be happy, listen to him. Tutoring's good idea. Then she had scrawled a heart and her name.

Bellamy laughed. "I don't know why she didn't want you to read this," he said. "Maybe because she's got a little crush on my boyfriend." He slid the letter across the table, facing so Jackson could read it.

Jackson was just finishing dressing, and he walked over and picked up the letter. After a moment, he laughed too. "Why wouldn't she have a crush on me?" he teased. "I'm an awesome hero with good ideas." He grinned at Bell and handed the letter back.

Bell held his hand up, indicating size by holding thumb and forefinger apart a few inches. "Tiny little crush," he said, grinning. "But I can't say she's wrong."

Jackson chuckled, then walked over and sat in Bellamy's lap sideways, kissing him. The chair complained a little under their combined weight. "I got so lucky," he said. "When I signed on for you, I didn't realize I would get a bonus."

Bellamy slid his arms around Jackson. "Don't be entirely taken in. She can be pretty bratty if she puts her mind to it," he said, smiling up at him. This felt so nice. Bellamy wondered if he really had the right to be this happy, after everything that had happened. But Jackson was impossible to resist.

"She's still a kid. I've never met a kid who wasn't occasionally a brat," Jackson said. His arms were draped loosely over Bellamy's shoulders, his fingers playing with the hair at the nape of Bell's neck. "I thought we could go out for dinner tonight. Feels like we stay home a lot, and I like showing you off."

"Hmm, am I your trophy boyfriend?" Bellamy asked, shoving his doubts aside. "I like that idea." He lifted his face for a kiss.

"Good," Jackson said, leaning in to give him the kiss he was waiting for. It was slow and lingering, but when Jackson pulled away, he stood. "Get dressed," he said, grabbing the books on the desk and taking them back to the bookshelf.

Bellamy raised his eyebrows. "Yes, sir," he said, standing up and sorting through his clothes for a nicer shirt. When he was dressed, he decided to leave his hair alone; Jackson seemed to like the way it curled if Bellamy didn't slick it back.

Jackson looked him over and smiled at him. "I feel like I should change now," he said, curling his fingers into the Unity Day t-shirt he was wearing.

"Just doing my part as a trophy," Bell teased. He crossed the room and kissed Jackson. "You look good. Let's go eat."

"Okay," Jackson said, leading the way to the corridors and threading his fingers with Bellamy's as they started walking. On the way to the mess, Jackson told him all about what he and Octavia had talked about during visitation, and eventually Jackson let his hand drop and slid it around Bellamy's waist.

A couple times, people Bellamy didn't recognize greeted Jackson in the halls, and Jackson would exchange pleasantries without ever drawing away from Bell. The last person who greeted Jackson before they got to the mess was a beautiful woman with long dark hair. Her eyebrows lifted as she looked between Jackson and Bellamy, then she said, "Wow, I had no idea."

"Now you do," Jackson said, smiling at her.

"Huh," she said. "Okay, I get it now." She grinned and walked past them, and Jackson chuckled.

When she was out of earshot, Jackson said, "Officer Callie Cartwig. She's one of Abby's close friends, and also a bit of a cougar. Not anything wrong with that, really, and she looks amazing for her age, so why not? But she seemed utterly confused when I rejected her advances about a year ago. Should have been her first clue. I doubt she gets many rejections."

Bellamy laughed. "Not with her looks," he said, smiling. It felt good to be out with Jackson, to have proof that J wasn't ashamed to be with him after all that had happened. Maybe people weren't gossiping about him as much as he'd feared, but there were plenty of people they could run into who would know what had happened.

Jackson heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Sometimes not having any recreational interest in female anatomy is a terrible burden," he joked, then leaned in to kiss Bellamy briefly as they got to the entrance of the mess.

Bellamy gave him a surprised look, then smiled. "You really are making sure everyone knows I'm taken, aren't you?" he teased.

"Octavia said I wasn't allowed to be an official Blake until after she was out of lockup, so this is my next best option," Jackson said, his smile faded slightly, but his gaze on Bellamy was warm. "You're in for two more years of this."

Bellamy grinned at him. "Not complaining at all," he assured him. "And she's almost seventeen." Then he wondered what exactly 'an official Blake' meant. His stomach swooped pleasantly and he leaned against Jackson for a moment.

Jackson squeezed him. "A year and a few months, then," he said, kissing Bell's cheek, but then he had to let go of Bellamy to walk through the crowded mess to get their food.

Bell followed him, still smiling. He nodded at Gillmer and got a wave in return. When Bell and Jackson had their food, Bellamy looked to Jackson to pick their table.

Jackson looked back at him. "Anyone you want to sit with, or just us?" he asked.

"Gillmer's over there, but he's only got one empty seat at his table." Bell scanned the hall. "For that matter, all the tables have people at them. Do you see anyone?"

Jackson looked around for a moment, then gestured with his tray toward a table across the room. Bellamy recognized the older, curly-haired man from the corridors the other day. "Sinclair's by himself," Jackson said. "I don't know him super well, but he seems like a good guy."

Bellamy nodded and they made their way over to the table, stopping across from Sinclair. "Do you mind company?" Jackson asked.

"Hey, Jackson. No, have a seat." He glanced at Bellamy. "Don't think we've met. Sinclair." He held out a hand.

"Bellamy Blake," Bell said, shaking his hand. He glanced over at Jackson, then added, "Jackson's boyfriend."

Jackson huffed, sitting down. "I like that. Might start introducing myself like that. 'Jackson, Bellamy Blake's boyfriend.' Not sure how my patients would respond, though. I'll run it by Abby first," he said, grinning at Bell.

Sinclair laughed. "Somehow I'm not sure she'd think that entirely professional," he said. "But it saves me from asking how you two know each other."

Jackson nodded, taking a bite of his food. "Sinclair's the Chief Engineering Officer," he told Bellamy. "They been keeping you busy?" he said, looking back at Sinclair.

Sinclair grunted. "Lost one of my apprentices a few weeks ago, so I've been splitting my time between my actual work and recruiting."

Bellamy glanced over at Sinclair. "How'd that happen?"

He sighed. "Lockup. He's a good kid who made a mistake. I miss him."

"There are a lot of good kids in lockup, unfortunately," Jackson said, pressing his leg against Bellamy's under the table. "There are at least a handful I can think of that don't need to be in there."

Bell shot Jackson a grateful look. "It seems harsh sometimes. We're all dumb when we're young." He took a bite of his food. "Do you know if he'll be able to return to Engineering after he turns eighteen?"

"I certainly hope so," Sinclair said. "I doubt they'll float him, or his best friend, for what they did." Bellamy saw Jackson straighten slightly, but Sinclair continued. "He will have missed a couple years of training, but Monty was one of my most promising, so there's no way I wouldn't take him back."

"Monty Green?" Jackson said, smiling. Sinclair looked a little surprised, but nodded. "He is one of the good ones," Jackson said.

Bellamy laughed a little at the expression on Sinclair's face. "I've decided Jackson just knows everyone," he told the engineer. "He's been looking after my sister in lockup too."

"Your--" He saw Sinclair's brows draw together, then he nodded. "I remember hearing something about that. She's, what, sixteen?" When Bellamy nodded, Sinclair gave him a sympathetic look. "Tough break."

Bell let his lips pull to one side in acknowledgment, but he just nodded and took another bite of food.

Jackson lifted his hand and ran it over Bellamy's back a couple times before going back to his own food. After a moment, he sighed. "How un-fun is it being part of the bureaucracy around here?" he said, glancing at Sinclair before taking a bite of his food.

"Pretty un-fun most of the time," Sinclair admitted. He tilted his head at Jackson. "I suspect you'll have front row seat soon enough, though."

Jackson sighed. "Great."

Bellamy glanced over at Jackson, wondering if there was a promotion in the works for him. Or maybe Doctor Griffin had a special project of some kind that the Council had decided on. "It sounds like I'm better off being out of all that," he said lightly. "Sanitation might not be very challenging, but there's no bureaucracy involved."

Jackson smiled faintly, nudging Bellamy. "I'm hoping 'soon enough' means in a few years," he said. "Six more years. I'd like to at least hit thirty before they make me a Medical Officer and I start going grey, and you leave me for a younger man." Jackson's smile widened. He looked at his plate, completely missing the almost-grave expression on Sinclair's face that said it was probably going to much sooner than that, and took another bite.

Bellamy exchanged a look with Sinclair, then looked over at Jackson, nudging him back. "I like a little grey. It's distinguished-looking." He didn't know Sinclair well enough to joke with him, or he would have added, Just look across the table. As it was, he just smiled at Jackson and turned back to his food.

"That's what my wife says," Sinclair said. He huffed, scraping together the last bites of his food. "She seems to like it. Meanwhile, I still forget sometimes I'm not twenty-four anymore until I look in the mirror."

Jackson let out a small laugh. "I didn't know you were married," he said. "Do you have a kid?"

"Never happened, and we ended up deciding it wasn't in the cards," Sinclair said. He shrugged. "Probably for the best, considering how many hours we both put in at work." Then he smiled. "Anyway, my apprentices are more challenging than raising a kid of my own, I think."

Jackson snorted. "You think?" he asked. "Abby said maybe in a few months, I could start working with someone in medical." He shrugged. "We need extra hands pretty badly."

"If Abby would just stop being stubborn about Clarke proving herself," Sinclair remarked. "She's proven herself to everyone except her mother."

Bellamy grinned. "At least apprentices don't come with dirty diapers and projectile vomiting," he said.

That made Jackson laugh, and he looked warmly over at Bellamy. "Bellamy Blake: the only guy at this table who's actually raised a child."

"Totally worth it," Bellamy said, his grin softening into a smile as he thought of the way Octavia used to curl up in his lap for a story after he got home from school. "But a lot of work."

"I can only imagine," Jackson said. "For now, anyway." He nudged Bellamy's leg under the table, but he seemed to be blushing suddenly as he looked back at his food.

Sinclair cleared his throat. "My break is pretty much over. I should probably head back. It was nice to meet you Bellamy," he said, standing.

"You too, sir," Bellamy said, hoping he wasn't blushing as hard as Jackson. He watched as Sinclair left, then stared down at his plate. Jackson talked so casually about their future, like he took it for granted this was forever. Was that what he thought? Bellamy blinked at his food. Was that what Bellamy wanted?

No question. Yes.

Okay, so why was it so weird to hear Jackson talk about having a kid?

He glanced over at Jackson and cleared his throat. "I'm trying to figure out if you proposed to me earlier and I missed it," he teased, hoping he sounded as light as he was trying for.

Jackson snorted. "When I do that, you won't miss it," he said. Finally, he looked back up from his plate and met Bellamy's gaze, his expression vulnerable.

Bellamy smiled slowly. "Good. I'd hate to miss that." He nudged Jackson's leg with his own. "And I'm pretty sure Octavia would kill you if she wasn't around for that." His chest felt tight, but it was a good kind of tight, like he had too much happiness and didn't know what to do with it all.

A smile crept onto Jackson's face too. After a moment, he leaned in and gave Bellamy a peck on the mouth. "God, I didn't mean to say that," he said. "It just came out. Sinclair fucking bolted, didn't he?" He sounded somewhere between amused and embarrassed.

Bellamy laughed. "He totally did. Kind of an awkward conversation to have with a guy you just met."

"Yeah, I guess," Jackson said, smiling. "Especially given that we were both being so obviously laid back about it."

"I admit, you took me by surprise, too," Bellamy said. He glanced sideways at Jackson. He hadn't thought about a kid. He'd barely gotten used to thinking of Jackson as his boyfriend, as someone who wasn't going to give up on him or disappear. But now that he thought about it, he didn't think Jackson should miss out on being a dad. He'd be good at it.

"I… yeah." Jackson took a bite of his food, but he looked like he had something he wanted to say as he chewed. After a moment, he drew a heavy breath and turned to look at Bellamy. "I'm just… going to say this. I know it hasn't been long, and I'm not talking tomorrow, but… I want everything for us, Bell."

Bellamy's pulse jumped, but it wasn't actually unpleasant. God, he had it bad if he'd started liking the way Jackson kept pushing him out of his comfort zone. He reached over and curled his fingers around Jackson's. "I'm still working on trusting myself not to screw this up," he admitted, "but I've never met anyone who deserved everything as much as you do. So...that sounds good to me."

Jackson smiled, looking ridiculously pleased. He clasped his free hand over their joined ones. "You could never screw this up," he said. "Not even possible."