Fathers Are Not Born; Hotch/Reid; PG-13

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Title: Fathers Are Not Born
Authors: innerslytherin and severity_softly
Pairing: Hotch/Reid
Rating: PG-13 (implied sex--because we've written so much smut lately, we're burned out! ^_~)
Spoilers: minor spoilers for Catching Out
Summary: Aaron overhears what Emily asks Spencer, and has a question of his own.
Word count: ~3,000
Notes: A coda to Catching Out. Feel free to point out any errors. :)

This is part of the "Fathers Are Not Born" universe, all of which can be found at this tag. This is part ONE, though each installment may also be read as a stand alone fic. :)


"Fathers, like mothers, are not born. Men grow into fathers - and fathering is a very important stage in their development."
-- David M. Gottesman


Spencer hadn't wanted to leave that conference room. Not really. He liked to watch Aaron work, and he was absolutely delighted that Aaron seemed to be back on his game again.

Still, it would have been unprofessional, and a little too obvious, if he'd stayed to watch Aaron give the local detective a talk about the name he'd already assigned the killer, and ask most of the people working the case to leave. When Spencer saw them all start to scatter, though, it felt like a little victory. Spencer had been trying to help Aaron out of his funk for over a month now.

Watching Aaron work had always been a delight, but now, seeing him emerge as if from a fog into bright sunlight again, Spencer had to fight not to walk around the case headquarters grinning. He managed it only by knowing how inappropriate it would be to look happy about anything--the murders were brutal and particularly bloody. All the same, he looked forward to the time when he could catch Aaron alone.

Late that evening he slipped out of the hotel room reserved in his name and made his way quietly to Aaron's door. He knocked twice, and after a moment Aaron pulled the door open, wearing a grey t-shirt and pajama pants, his hair still damp from the shower Spencer had known he would need to unwind at the end of their incredibly long day. His face, which had been carefully arranged in a business-like expression--because once or twice they had encountered other team members in the hall like this--melted into a warm smile when he ascertained that the hall was empty except for Spencer.

"Come in," he murmured, standing aside. Spencer slipped in and let Aaron get the door shut and locked. As soon as Aaron turned back, Spencer pressed against him, kissing him in greeting.

Spencer threaded his fingers into Aaron's hair. He'd contained how pleased he was that Aaron was returning from his self-doubt all day, and it felt like it was swelling inside him now. "Hi," he whispered against Aaron's lips.

"Hi," Aaron returned, his arms slipping around Spencer's waist.

"You smell good," Spencer breathed.

Aaron hummed and kissed him again. "I hope so, I just showered." He brushed his nose along Spencer's cheek. "Want something to drink?"

"Mmm, no," Spencer said, turning his head and kissing Aaron hungrily. "Just you." He played with the hair at the back of Aaron's neck, his fingertips light enough to tickle. He knew it drove Aaron crazy, which was the point.

"But I just showered," Aaron repeated, deadpan.

Still, Spencer felt him shiver slightly when he drew one finger down Aaron's neck and back up. "But you like my kind of dirty," he whispered.

"I think you've brainwashed me," Aaron breathed, his eyelids lowering until they were almost closed. "I'm used to being in control of things, and I never seem able to control you."

It wasn't exactly true, of course. Aaron was a self-acknowledged control freak, but there had been very little friction when they embarked on their romantic relationship. From the beginning Aaron had allowed himself to be persuaded to do things Spencer's way, and they had tacitly maintained the illusion that Aaron was calling all the shots and Spencer was merely beguiling enough to change his mind. In reality, Spencer suspected Aaron liked that Spencer knew what he wanted but still didn't demand that Aaron change who he was in order to be with Spencer. It was a fine line Spencer walked, trying to coerce Aaron into playing more while trying to avoid entirely anything that might smack of Haley's old behavior patterns.

"Really, you just have to know how to bribe me," Spencer said, his tone gently teasing, as he nipped at Aaron's lips.

"With sugar and caffeine," Aaron said, nodding wisely. He leaned away from Spencer for a moment, then gave him a slow smile and kissed him. "And sex," he added between kisses. "Which actually seems like a win-win situation, now that I think about it." He moved his hands to Spencer's hips and started guiding him backwards, dropping little kisses along Spencer's jaw.

"You did good work today," Spencer whispered, grinning suddenly because he was blatantly using words Aaron might have used in a work setting. When Aaron hummed a "nnnh," obviously recognizing his own words out of Spencer's mouth, Spencer licked the shell of one of his ears. "Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you're taking charge like that?"

Aaron shivered and gave a faint laugh. "Mmm, I don't think so. Maybe you should tell me now," he said. He moved so his hips were nudging Spencer's. "Or you could show me."

Spencer made a hungry noise and closed his lips around Aaron's earlobe, sucking gently. He could feel Aaron shiver again and tightened his arms around his lover. When he drew back, letting his lips slide wetly away from Aaron's skin, he smiled. "I would be more than happy to show you."

"God," Aaron breathed. "Yes."

Spencer smiled, and when Aaron had guided him back so that his legs hit the bed, Spencer sat back and pulled Aaron down too, wrapping a leg around him once they were settled. "Always been sexy. Always. Since I've known you," he breathed, and pulled Aaron into a needy kiss.





As sexy as it was to see Aaron dressed down like Spencer had when he'd entered the hotel room, seeing him panting and sweaty, his expression peacefully sated, was even better. Spencer smiled, feeling warm and loose, as he curled up against Aaron's side. "You haven't fucked me like that in too long," he murmured. Of course, he thought that how demanding and dominant Aaron was on any given night was directly related to how much Aaron needed reassurance that he was still loved and appreciated. And, well, when Aaron was so on the ball, he didn't need to be reassured.

Aaron let out a small, breathless laugh, as Spencer kissed his shoulder. "It was about time I reminded you who was in charge."

"What if I said you played right into my hands?" Spencer breathed.

Aaron turned his head, not opening his eyes, and kissed Spencer's forehead. "I wouldn't argue."

"Mmm, I've finally got you well trained," Spencer teased.

Aaron just laughed again and ran a hand over Spencer's skin. "You've learned my secret," he murmured. "As long as you treat me right, I'll do anything for you."

And that's exactly why your marriage failed, Spencer thought, but Haley was still a slightly touchy subject--Aaron had loved her--and in the long run it was Spencer's gain anyway, so he didn't say anything about it. He lifted a little to give Aaron a slow kiss, then pulled away to gaze down at Aaron. "I treat you like you deserve to be treated."

"That's a scary thought," Aaron murmured, but he was smiling as he pulled Spencer down for another kiss. "You're very good to me," he added, stroking a hand through Spencer's hair. "You must have an unrealistically high opinion of me." He kissed Spencer again.

"Maybe you just have a distorted opinion of yourself," Spencer said, pulling back to lift his eyebrows at Aaron. Of course, he knew even his gentle implications that Aaron was too hard on himself would never change that, and when Aaron pressed his lips together and gave Spencer an unamused look, Spencer just smiled softly and kissed him again, drawing his lips along Aaron's jaw.

Aaron hummed and wrapped his arms more tightly around Spencer. "I love you," he murmured, stroking his palm down Spencer's back. "I'm beginning to suspect you're good for me."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure of that, actually," Spencer said, smiling. He scraped his teeth lightly against Aaron's jaw, then licked. His body was starting to feel a little less tingly, and he slid back down to rest his head against Aaron's shoulder, sliding a hand down to rest against Aaron's hip. It was silly, but he thought he'd made his point perfectly clear since he'd walked in the door how pleased he was that Aaron was back to his old self at work. He didn't think Aaron needed, or wanted, him to say that so explicitly, though.

"Mmm." Aaron was silent for a while. It was long enough that Spencer began to wonder if he'd drifted off, but then Aaron took a long breath and lifted one hand to stroke over Spencer's hair again. "I was wondering..." he began, and then fell silent.

"What?" Spencer prompted when he didn't go on.

Aaron took another deep breath, then let it out slowly. "How would you feel about spending a weekend with me and Jack?"

Spencer sucked in a small breath and held it for a moment. It wasn't a question that Spencer had expected would never come up, but he hadn't exactly decided how to respond when it did. He knew how much Jack meant to Aaron, and he knew how special an offer it was for Aaron to make. He couldn't refuse, but he also couldn't ignore his apprehension. "Sure," he murmured, after a moment.

Aaron didn't say anything at first, but his fingers kept sifting through Spencer's hair. Spencer knew Aaron's question hadn't been a yes or no question, and that he'd conveniently ignored how he felt about it, but he hoped Aaron wasn't going to call him on that.

"But?" Aaron murmured after a moment, and Spencer sighed.

"I'm not any good with kids," Spencer admitted. "And, ah... I don't really feel inclined to screw up with yours, in particular."

Aaron smiled and kissed Spencer's forehead. "You're not going to screw up," he said. "I love you. I love Jack. I need to have my family together." After a moment he spoke again, his voice more hesitant. "Have you really never wanted children?"

Spencer felt a little wash of cold go through him, and then couldn't suppress a small shiver. First Prentiss and now Aaron? He tried to form words, but they wouldn't come, and eventually he closed his mouth and went silent for a long moment. There had really never been a reason for him to consider having kids--between his lack of a father figure, his awkwardness with children in general, and the fact that he was disinclined to pass on the genetic predisposition for mental illness--and he'd always dismissed the idea before he gave it much thought. "I'm too young, and I really shouldn't reproduce anyway," he finally said.

Aaron tightened his arms, and Spencer realized that he'd tensed a little in Aaron's still-relaxed hold. "Firstly, you're not too young, and secondly, I'm not as convinced as you are that you shouldn't, but that wasn't what I asked."

"Why are you asking at all?"

Aaron drew a long breath. "I overheard you and Prentiss talking," he admitted. "I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but I was there."

"You..." Spencer cleared his throat. "You of all people ought to understand why I shouldn't reproduce." They'd talked about his mother, about his childhood and the way his father had left. He'd thought Aaron understood.

Aaron's arms tightened again. "I'm not necessarily talking about reproduction," he said. "Just being involved in Jack's life is sort of like having a son. Or it could be. If you wanted."

Spencer swallowed. The vulnerability that Aaron was obviously trying to hide was almost painful. He knew Aaron wanted a family, but Spencer was certain the Reid Effect would make that an impossibility. "I don't really know what to say," he admitted after a moment. "Haley wouldn't like Jack having a... ah... 'second daddy'."

"If..." Aaron started, and then he drew a long breath again, seemingly trying to steady himself. "If she were to fall in love again, I would hardly expect her to keep that person from our son." Spencer didn't think Aaron particularly liked that idea of someone he didn't know or love being so close to Jack, but Spencer didn't say anything, and after a moment, Aaron continued. "She shouldn't expect me to either."

"She will," Spencer said before he thought to stop himself. "Especially since it's a, ah, 'non-traditional' relationship."

"Spencer, are you avoiding the subject?" Aaron asked, quickly enough that Spencer knew he'd misstepped.

And then Spencer felt guilty, because he was avoiding the subject. He chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment, then said, "I told you, I don't... I don't know what to say."

Aaron sighed. "I'm Jack's father. I know she won't like that I'm with another man, but that stopped being her business when she decided to cheat on me." His voice was still tight, though. "Are you afraid of Jack, or do you just dislike children?"

"I'm not afraid!" Spencer said immediately, and Aaron's arm tightened a little. Spencer fell silent for a moment. He expected Aaron to say something, but he didn't, and after a moment, Spencer was fairly certain Aaron was just wanting him to think about what he'd asked, because he knew the first reaction was a knee-jerk reaction. Spencer swallowed. "Fine. I'm afraid. I've never been close to a kid, even when I was a kid. They're honest and completely tactless, and they don't like me or understand me any better now than they did when I was their age."

Aaron didn't say anything for a moment, though his hand stroked along Spencer's upper arm. "I'm not sure what to say," he said finally. "It takes practice to be comfortable around children. But I can guarantee that Jack will never like you if he doesn't get to spend time with you. If you're just a person who takes his father away from him..." He took a slow breath. "My father was...well, I remember hating the faceless women I thought he was having affairs with. It had an effect on my relationship with him. By the same token, I think that if Jack knows you, if he spends time around you, he'll learn to appreciate you and admire you. Especially if you start while he's young. You can't just wait until he's a teenager and then expect to reach him. Teenagers profile like psychopaths, after all. Far more frightening than tactless toddlers."

"I'm afraid of teenagers too," Spencer said quietly, and while it wasn't as difficult for him to communicate with teens, he'd always been more comfortable in the company of adults. He drew a deep breath, though. He knew Aaron was right, even if it didn't make the idea of learning to handle children any easier than it was. "You plan to keep me around until Jack's a teenager?" he murmured finally.

Aaron chuckled. "You know, I generally don't tell people I love them and then give them an expiration date," he said, and kissed Spencer's hair. "To be honest, I'm afraid of becoming a teenager's father, but fortunately we have a little time to prepare for that." He shifted, pulling Spencer a little closer. "I didn't feel ready to be a father when Jack was born," he said. "You've probably figured out that having Jack was an attempt to save a marriage that was beginning to come apart. I don't recommend that method, even if I wouldn't trade Jack for anything." He was silent for a moment.

"The thing is, Spencer, I'm proud to be with you. I'm happy with you. And I want my son to know you. I want my son to have a fine man like you to look up to. And I believe in you. I think you would be a good influence on my son as he grows up." Aaron's hand roamed idly along Spencer's skin as he spoke. "That's the part of fatherhood that matters the most, not whether you pass along your genes to someone."

Those words took Spencer's breath away for a moment, and then his eyes started to prickle. After a moment, he sniffed, fighting the overwhelming tide of emotion that had resulted from the fact that anyone would say something like that to him. "He has a fine man to look up to," he murmured, but his voice cracked in the middle of the sentence. "God," he breathed after a moment, because it was useless to try to disguise how much those words had affected him, even if Aaron wasn't looking at Spencer's expression.

Aaron tightened his arms again. "Well, I want him to have another," he whispered, and Spencer was relieved to hear that Aaron, apparently, wasn't unaffected by the conversation, either.

Spencer drew an unsteady breath. "Okay," he said, his voice barely audible, and pressed a kiss to Aaron's shoulder, then another to his jaw, tightening his arms around Aaron until he suspected they might almost be too tight. He wasn't sure if it was fear or emotion, but he wasn't sure it mattered. "Okay."

"Okay," Aaron murmured, sounding a little breathless. "Thank you."

Spencer pressed his face to Aaron's neck. "I think you're the one with an unrealistically high opinion of me."

Aaron breathed a tight laugh, and then said, "You're squeezing me," and Spencer let out a little laugh too--a little gusty one out of a breath he didn't realized he'd been holding--and was pleased that that seemed to break a great deal of the tension in the room.

He let go a bit, though he was still holding Aaron close. "I was serious, though."

Aaron drew in a long breath, and then pressed his lips to Spencer's forehead. "I know," he whispered. "But maybe we both need someone to think that way about us."


"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right."
-- Bill Cosby

---

Next installment in the series: Puddle Wonderful

Comments

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

I think Reid would be a good step-daddy too! After a while, like you said.

Thanks you!