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geekystudmuffinTitle: The Expansion of Two Natures, part seven
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
innerslytherin and severity_softly
Pairing: Hotch/Rossi, and a little Hotch/Haley
Rating: PG-13 for this part, NC-17 overall
Summary: When Aaron Hotchner is new to the BAU, he finds himself working closely with SSA David Rossi--one of the original founders of the department. As their relationship progresses, they realize what they have together is more than friendship...but circumstances keep them from having all that they knew they could have together. Years later, Dave has a second chance, just when Aaron needs a friend the most...
Word count: ~6,600 for this part, ~78,000 overall
Notes: RP format. Mild AU, as we played fast and loose with Hotch's already screwy back story (especially in regards to his work history and the timeline of his marriage to Haley).
Previous parts: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four-a, Part Four-b, Part Five-a, Part Five-b, Part Six
"Love is the expansion of two natures in such fashion that each include the other, each is enriched by the other." - Felix Adler
Dave woke up depressed and hung over. He'd returned home the night before and had quite a bit more scotch before going to bed, and he hadn't slept well. He kept dreaming about arguments, not just with Aaron but with Rita and Doris, even one memorable argument with his father.
"God," Dave muttered, and rubbed a hand over his face. After a long time he rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling, wishing he'd exerted a little more self-control last night. He shouldn't have let Aaron know how he felt. He shouldn't have let things stray towards the past at all. He finally dragged himself out of bed.
Shithead was sitting by the door, sniffing at the carpet. "I hope you didn't forget where the litter box is," Dave told him, and went to fix himself some coffee.
His spirits were still low when he arrived at the BAU an hour later, and he went to his office without even glancing into Aaron's to see if he was there.
Aaron saw Dave walk past the window of his office on time, as usual, and a sick feeling washed through Aaron's body. He'd woken up in the middle of the night cold, shivering. He hadn't had a nightmare in a long time, and when he stirred, he reached for Haley--and then as soon as he realized, as soon as he remembered, he curled his hand into a fist and gave the pillow next to his a sound thump before slumping back into bed. Where his thoughts promptly went back to Dave and everything that had happened the night before. He'd meant it when he told Dave he wasn't ready for more, but... it was Dave. And Dave loved him.
Leaving might have been the worst thing Aaron could have done last night, but he hadn't been able to force himself to stay.
When JJ called the team into the conference room later, Aaron went, and did his best to ignore the way his stomach was turning. They still had a job to do, and Aaron was fairly certain that no matter what had happen, Dave still knew that as much as Aaron did.
Dave forced himself to look at Aaron only because he knew that the others would notice if he didn't. The team took for granted that he and Aaron were close, and he'd appreciated that both because it allowed them to spend time together without the others questioning it, and because it meant they didn't ask Aaron personal questions about him. Now it just seemed like another way these men and women would realize something was wrong. He forced himself to listen as JJ told them about the missing girls, and that the jet was already standing by. He caught a ride to the tarmac with Emily and Derek and told himself that he and Aaron had long since proven they could work together without personal matters getting in the way.
He occupied himself on the flight out with a novel, and no one broke into his privacy except Reid, once, when he gave Dave an update from Garcia, who told them one of the girls had been found, her body unidentifiable.
Of course it was inevitable that when they got to the scene, Dave and Aaron fell together in dealing with the police and the parents of the victims.
Still, the case went off easy. Well, easy in the sense that Dave and Aaron were able to deal with each other professionally. Once Aaron was in work mode, he'd hardly blinked, and when the case ended with Reid standing over a young man who'd just been shot point-blank in the face, his killer likely to walk free, Aaron was too angry to think of anything else when he'd gotten on the jet. He settled in right across from Dave's seat out of habit, preoccupied, and flipped open the case file.
Dave looked up slowly from the report he'd been filling out. His eyebrows went up as he registered that Aaron had just voluntarily sat down across from him. Usually the flight home was unwinding time, he'd discovered. It seemed maybe this time that wasn't going to be the case. He pushed away the pang of hurt and loneliness that followed, just as he'd been pushing it away the whole weekend. It had been a hell of a lot easier when they were working, because at least when they were working together, he had a part of Aaron. Dave didn't say anything. If Aaron was going to sit with him, Aaron could damn well say something first.
Aaron saw the movement across from him, and glanced up... and then it hit him too late why he probably should have sat on the other end of the jet. Aaron glanced at Reid, who was asleep, then back at his file. "Vaughan is going to walk," he murmured, just to fill the silence.
"Big surprise," Dave said, and looked back down at his report. "They obviously really want the guys he worked for."
"He..." Aaron shook his head. He focused on his paperwork for a moment, but he couldn't think or concentrate at all, and after a moment he sighed and looked back at the rest of the team again. JJ and Emily were having a quiet conversation on the far end of the plane, and the rest of the team was sleeping. Aaron cleared his throat. "We need to talk," he murmured.
"You think?" Dave didn't look up. What was there to say? Aaron had said he wasn't ready for anything, and Dave had provoked him, and they'd shouted at each other. It actually almost felt good to drop the professionalism and be angry about it again. It'd be nice, though, if Dave knew whether he was angrier at Aaron or at himself.
"Dave..." Aaron said, looking up and giving Dave a look.
Dave glanced up at him again, and was struck by how tired Aaron looked. "I'm listening."
Aaron stared at Dave for a moment, then shook his head. "We'll talk when you decide you can speak to me without using that tone."
"Don't you fucking patronize me," Dave growled, glaring at him.
Aaron sucked in a sharp breath and looked away, shifting in his seat. He clenched his jaw. This was not where this needed to happen. After a moment, he got his reaction under control and simply ignored Dave's words, looking back at the papers in front of him.
Dave glanced away, taking in the rest of the team. Morgan had shifted in his sleep and was leaning on Reid. It was sort of cute. Emily and JJ were leaning in over the table between them, looking at something. He sighed and looked back at Aaron. "Sorry, that was...well, look, don't patronize me, okay? I'm a big boy, so whatever it is you have to say, just say it." His voice was low, but the anger was gone.
"I wasn't patronizing you," Aaron said, the calm in his voice forced. "I don't think this is the place for this." He licked his lips and looked up again. "I'll buy you dinner." He really hoped that didn't sound like he thought that was going to make up for anything.
Dave didn't really want to talk about it at all, but he knew they had to deal with it. He glanced out the window, then shrugged. "Fine. You can buy me dinner. I'm in the mood for steak."
Aaron looked back up, almost--almost--surprised by that. But then this was Dave. "Do you remember what I called you the other night?" he whispered. "You never fail to disappoint." He sighed. "Fine, steak."
"I've never denied that," Dave said, meeting his gaze. "You never seemed to mind."
Aaron looked at Dave for a long moment, and the worst part of it was knowing that usually Aaron didn't mind. Usually he liked Dave's demeanor when it wasn't directly a problem professionally. Aaron couldn't deny it either, so he looked back down at his files. "I'll meet you in my office after you're finished with your paperwork."
Dave glanced over at Morgan and Reid again--still asleep. "Right." He turned his attention back on his paperwork. Eventually he quit writing and just stared out the window until his eyelids got heavy and he fell into a light doze. He didn't wake until Morgan touched his shoulder. They were about to land. Aaron was up front discussing something with JJ.
Once they were back at the BAU, Dave settled in at his desk and finished his paperwork as quickly as he could, then just sat at his desk for a long time, wishing he could make some sort of sense of all the conflicting thoughts and emotions.
Finally he shoved away from his desk and made his way slowly to Aaron's office, telling himself he wasn't reluctant. The bullpen was empty except for Prentiss, who was packing up her bag and obviously getting ready to head out. Dave paused outside Aaron's office for a moment, looking in the window. Then he went to the door and knocked lightly.
"Come in," Aaron answered, not sounding very happy, and when he glanced up and say Dave, he sat back from his desk. "Hey," he said, his tone gentling. He'd had a bit of time to calm down, and he was really hoping both of them could stay that way.
"Hi." Dave put his hands in his pockets and leaned against the door frame. "Need more time?" He wasn't sure if he hoped Aaron would say yes or no. They shouldn't put off this conversation any longer, but he had a feeling he wasn't really going to like what Aaron had to say.
Aaron shook his head. They might as well get this over with. "No," he said, pushing out of his chair. "Do you really want steak?" he asked, and then his chest tightened because normally that question might have been accompanied by a smile.
"Yeah," Dave said, watching Aaron and trying to gauge his mood. "Steak and a nice Barolo vintage, or maybe a Barbaresco. If we're going to discuss this over dinner, it ought to be a nice dinner."
Hotch laughed unhappily and smiled a not entirely amused smile. "Whatever you want."
Dave nodded. "There's a good Italian place in Stafford. Quiet but not too pricey, and the food's excellent." Aaron was obviously uncomfortable, but Dave wasn't sure what to do about it. He wasn't exactly comfortable himself.
Aaron nodded, and gave Prentiss a small wave as he headed out of the BAU. The team hadn't really been questioning him much since he'd been served in front of them, and they all probably thought Dave was just keeping him company. Aaron hated that they all probably knew he needed it. He walked into the elevator and glanced at Dave, not sure what to say.
Dave was watching the numbers, but he caught Aaron's glance from the corner of his eye. He turned his head to look over at him. He wanted to say something that would wipe away the tense lines on Aaron's face. Unfortunately anything he could think to say would probably just make it worse. He put his hands in his pockets and looked back at the elevator doors. "It's not Doctor Reid's fault that guy pulled the trigger," he said finally. Talking about work was safe.
Aaron looked at Dave for a moment, then looked away. He could do small talk. Small talk with Dave was easy, even when Aaron's mind was elsewhere. "We all know that better that Reid, unfortunately."
"You'll talk to him? He's got a fantastic mind, and I like him a great deal...but it's just possible that he models his standards for himself after you." Dave glanced at Aaron again. "I like you a great deal, too, but you've always held yourself to higher standards than other people."
Aaron drew a breath and shook his head. "I have to," he said as fact. "If anything, Reid is more Gideon's than mine." He frowned in thought. "Yeah, I'll talk to him."
Poor Reid, Dave thought, but didn't say. "Well, you're all he has, now," he pointed out. He paused when the elevator doors opened, waiting for Aaron to go first.
"He has the team," Aaron said, walking ahead of Dave.
"And you're the SAC," Dave pointed out. "You're his role model, for all intents and purposes." He caught up with Aaron. "He couldn't have a better one, as far as I'm concerned, but he should be aware of your, mm, shortcomings." A smile flickered across his face and was gone. "Maybe I ought to just give him my list."
"I'm not sure 'too fucking married' would really help him," Aaron said, and he looked over at Dave, glad Dave was smiling. "Reid's more than aware of my shortcomings. I've probably told him more than most on the team. Yourself not included."
Dave snorted. "No, I suppose it wouldn't." He walked a while longer in silence. "I know you don't need my approval," he began, and it ached just a little at how true that was, "but you have done a fine job with this team."
Aaron stopped and turned to face Dave, his brows drawn together. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked, genuinely curious, because this was the last thing he'd expected when he'd told Dave to meet him in his office.
"Because..." Dave paused. "Because I'm not sure if you realize it. And because even if you don't need to hear it, maybe I need to say it." He looked away again. "I went out and became a commercial success and a personal failure. And you're still here, and even if Haley never saw you as a success because you're not working as a lawyer, you've succeeded more than I ever did. You kept to what mattered most."
"And yet, I'm still a personal failure, just as much as you are," Aaron said. God, he was tired. "You're supposed to be mad at me," he informed Dave after a minute, and then started walking again.
"I can be mad at you and still admire you at the same time," Dave said. "I'm a complicated person. I'm capable of complex things like that."
Aaron laughed softly and shook his head. "I'm not mad at you either," he said.
Dave shrugged and decided not to acknowledge it. "Am I driving, since you're buying, or are we meeting there?"
Aaron looked over at Dave, wondering if Dave still was angry. Aaron had felt it fading quickly after the case had ended, the entire weekend slowly draining what was left of his energy to remain mad. And maybe he would be mad once he was better rested, but it was hard to stay mad at Dave for very long even in the worst of cases. "I thought saying that would get me out of buying you a steak."
Dave raised his eyebrows and stopped by his truck, leaning against the tailgate. "Well, we never did finish that bottle of wine we opened the other night," he said, watching Aaron speculatively. "If you have more Thanksgiving in a box, I could count that as buying me dinner."
Aaron drew a deep breath, wondering if it was a good idea to go home with Dave when all he really wanted right now was the comfort of Dave's arms around him like Dave had held him before their fight a few days ago. "I was kidding," he said lightly.
"I really am in the mood for steak," Dave said slowly, "but I mostly said it to piss you off. Hell, we can eat fast food if you want." He studied Aaron's face. "You're tired."
Aaron shook his head and ignored the last part. "Whatever you want to do," he said.
"I thought you said you needed more control," Dave countered. He folded his arms across his chest, his gaze challenging.
Aaron tilted his head and gave Dave a look. "Over things I care about, not what I eat or where we go right now. Do you exist to make my life difficult, David?"
Dave smirked. "Pretty much. What are we doing?"
Aaron sighed. "I couldn't care less." He pushed keyless lock for his car and it beeped at him, and then he looked back at Dave. "Let's do cheap food and good wine that's been breathing a couple weeks, and I'll buy you a steak when I'm ready to make an honest man of you," he said, his lips quirking to the side slightly.
Dave's eyebrows shot up, but the smirk didn't fade. "That's a hell of a wait for a good steak," he said lightly, but he pushed away from the truck and nodded.
Aaron smiled softly and got in his car. The whole drive to his house, he wondered if it was a good idea for them to be meeting alone again. When they got to the house, the nerves didn't fade, and Aaron almost wasn't hungry between being tired and not knowing when or how they were supposed to talk about what had happened.
They made more small talk as they ate and they finished off the bottle of wine while Dave complained about the news--Aaron was almost starting to like that, the consistency, dependability, and familiarity of little routine they'd already fallen into so easily.
The longer the evening went without the topic of their relationship coming up, the more it felt like just another night, the sort of evening they'd spent together dozens of times in the past. Dave knew they ought to talk about this, even if he wasn't eager to--though Aaron's flippant remark about the steak had actually helped ease Dave's anxieties about that. Finally he stretched his legs out and tilted his head to lean against the back of the couch. "You're not just humoring me, are you, Aaron?" His voice was quiet.
Aaron looked over, his attention on the TV diverted and his eyebrows lifting a little in surprise. "How so?"
Dave frowned at his wineglass, choosing his words slowly. "What we had before...I know I was more invested in it than you were. Not your fault, I've never thought that. But now, you're not just humoring a delusional old guy, are you? You do want this. Us."
Aaron pressed his lips together, and then turned his head to drop it against the back of the couch. "I told you before that I'm... I'm afraid of what I want. And that's mostly because I care about you. I know that I hurt you before, and I don't want to do it again, and I keep... fucking up with you because I do want you. More than I should have ever had any right to most of the time."
The words released the tension in Dave's chest, and he sighed. "You're not the only one who fucked up, Aaron. You were right, I didn't leave you any choice in the matter back then. I still think we did the right thing, but...I'm sorry I took that decision away from you." He squinted at the TV, then looked away. "I was trying to protect myself."
Aaron shook his head. "I would have made the same decision whether you'd let me or not, and both of us know it." He turned his head to look at Dave. "I should have had the self-control not to turn to you like I did." Aaron wondered suddenly why they were discussing the past rather than last weekend.
Dave laughed softly. "Believe me when I say that I've never once regretted that you did," he said. He took a breath and looked at Aaron. "What I do regret is walking away when I did. Leaving the Bureau, throwing away the best friendship I've ever had." He looked back at his wineglass. It was easier than watching Aaron's face as he admitted things like this. "Running away's always been easier, but it's never made me happy."
"Do you know how much I hate--" Aaron started, then shook his head. "You didn't throw anything away, you just put us on hiatus."
"Hate what?" Dave asked, looking back at him.
Aaron sighed and stared at his glass. "Knowing what you told me the other day. If I hadn't pulled you into my bed that night... You might have been perfectly happy."
"Don't try to downplay my part in all this, Aaron," Dave said. "I was just as culpable as you were. If I'd had a trace of nobility I would've refused, knowing you were hurting and needed affirmation. Instead I was selfish and went along with what you wanted, because it was what I wanted, too." He sighed and rubbed a palm down his face. "Look, the past is past. What we really need to think about is what we're doing now."
Aaron shook his head. "I don't know what we're doing now," he admitted. "I don't know what I'm doing now, but I know I want you here with me." He shrugged and finished off the last of the wine in his glass.
Dave nodded. "All right." He ran one fingertip along the lip of his glass. "Then I'll be here."
Aaron nodded too. "Sorry." He looked at Dave. "What I said the other night."
Dave shrugged. "It was all true."
Aaron smiled faintly. "I know," he said, his tone light. "I still shouldn't have said it."
"Maybe it needed to be said." Dave drained his wine and sighed.
Aaron nodded. "Maybe."
"Whatever happens, we're moving forward from here." Dave turned his head to look at Aaron. "That's what matters."
"Okay," Aaron murmured, then reached over and took Dave's hand, twining his fingers with Dave's against the couch.
Dave smiled, watching him, and brushed his thumb against Aaron's. Just now, he wasn't sure there was anything else they needed to say. He could be patient, and whatever Aaron needed, they'd work through it.
*****
Dave wasn't sure why Aaron had chosen Doctor Reid to send to Philadelphia with him, unless it was related to their conversation of the week before. He did know that Aaron owed him for five hours in a car with Reid, one of which was taken up with the genius spouting statistics about traffic patterns and the worst stretches of road on the Eastern Seaboard. Dave had finally brought up the case out in Chula Vista just to shut him up. It had been too effective, sending the younger man into what felt like a very dark silence as Dave tried, in a very clumsy way, to make Reid understand that it wasn't his fault Jack Vaughan had murdered Ryan Phillips.
Finally, Dave had suggested they listen to Peter Coyote reading Foundation, which had started a good-natured argument over which order the Foundation Series--trilogy, Dave kept insisting--should be read in. Dave had finally won by dint of saying, "Driver chooses the music," but Reid had, surprisingly, looked a lot happier after that, anyway.
Reid was an endearing person, and didn't seem to realize how much he both intimidated and overwhelmed people sometimes. Then again, Dave had the feeling maybe he intimidated and overwhelmed Reid. Maybe this was some sort of growing experience Aaron had sent him on.
Of course, Jill Morris had acted like Reid wasn't even in the room, which had raised Dave's hackles a little. As soon as he realized it, he sighed and decided Aaron was too smart for his own good. Dave was invested in the team, and was getting to be just as protective of Reid as the rest of them.
Hours later, he had a headache and a very bad feeling about the person who'd left these papers, but there was nothing to suggest a crime had actually been committed. Agent Morris' sudden introduction of the hair was...convenient. But Dave couldn't ignore the possibility, so he called Aaron, who agreed to have the team come up.
When Hotch arrived in the Philadelphia field office, it didn't take long for Agent Morris to land herself on Hotch's radar as someone he needed to watched. Especially after she started treating his team like they answered to her, and Aaron could feel his team watch her too, Morgan in particular.
Aaron didn't like having to pull rank with local agents--it was possible he disliked it even more than having to reprimand one of his own team, because at the end of the day the team was a family of sorts, and he knew it would be okay--but reprimanding local agents most certainly wasn't conducive to concluding a case smoothly. Aaron let Agent Morris get away with throwing her weight around for a while, silently imparting calm as best he could with his team by keeping a cool head himself... until Agent Morris held a press conference that she hadn't told anyone about. And then Aaron had no choice.
And while he hadn't realized at the time that Dave had heard every word, that much became apparent later when they'd argued in front of the team after Aaron found out Dave had known Morris falsified evidence.
Dave hadn't been able to get Aaron's words to Jill out of his head. He knew Aaron hadn't realized he was outside her office, but it didn't really matter whether Aaron spoke the words to Dave or someone else. He'd still said them, and he'd meant them, there was no question of that. The last thing the Bureau needs is another agent--like Dave. Someone out to make a name for himself, like Dave had. Dave had done his best to explain to Jill, when she'd shown up and offered him a drink, that there was nothing he regretted more than the bridges he'd burned in the process of making himself a commercial success.
As the investigation continued, it had become obvious to Dave that the team disliked Jill Morris. Even Emily, who had started out defending her out of gender solidarity, eventually reached a point where she looked at Jill as if she were crazy. Dave understood. Jill was getting so obsessed with finding the unsub that she forgot to think about the victims. Still, it made him question how the team viewed him. Did they see that he'd done the same things Jill had? Did they look at him as someone who put himself ahead of the victims and the cases?
He tried to push the concerns out of his mind when Jill went missing, but the scene in the parking garage infuriated him. He'd told her to be careful, to check her ego, and she'd ignored him--and now she was gone, and he hadn't made a damn bit of difference. The irony of Spencer trying to comfort him by telling him he couldn't have known what she would do didn't escape him, but it didn't make things any better, either.
Finding Jill alive helped. The fact that her first words were, "I'm sorry," helped more. He held her tightly and reassured her, relieved, but so damn tired. And then, leaving the hospital, she'd proved, with her decision to talk to the press, that nothing he'd done or said had changed a thing. It felt like a betrayal. He'd slammed the door of the SUV when he got in, and spent the first half hour of the ride in silence, not looking at Aaron.
Aaron was silent most of the drive, just letting Dave seethe. He'd been waiting for Dave in the parking lot, and hadn't missed the long look Dave had exchanged with Morris as he passed the press. When Aaron pulled into a parking spot outside of a gas station about halfway back for a bathroom break, he turned to look at Dave. "I meant what I said back there."
"What's that?" Dave asked, not acknowledging the look.
"That you're nothing like her." Aaron turned around and stared out the front window when Dave didn't face him.
"Like hell I'm not. That girl--I know her. I was her. And nothing I said to her made a damn bit of difference. All she can see is that everyone turns and stares when I walk into a damn field office." Dave clenched his jaw, then tried to make himself relax. It wasn't Aaron he was angry at, not really. It still hurt, remembering what Aaron had said to Jill, but Dave wasn't angry. It had all been true.
Aaron drew a long breath. He somehow had a feeling Dave would try to talk sense into her; he'd passed Agent Morris on her way to Dave's room the night before, and once Aaron quelled the surge of irrational possessiveness over Dave at the idea that he might let her in, he didn't say a thing to her. "Some people have to make their own mistakes," Aaron said, then looked back at Dave.
Dave shook his head. "She came to my room the other night," he said. "I was looking over the case. She apologized to me because you ripped into her." He glanced at Aaron and then looked away again. No need to tell Aaron that Dave knew exactly what he'd said. No need to say he'd hoped, when he heard the knock on his door, that it had been Aaron. "She bought me a drink. I tried to explain the cost of making your name the way I did. Told her I'd burned too many bridges in the process..."
Aaron nodded, slightly relieved he wasn't going to have to ask what Morris had wanted. "Gideon once told me you were arrogant, reckless, and bad with the press. And I told him that I knew that." He looked at Dave. "I'm not unaware of your shortcomings, but the fact remains that I don't think you're anything like Agent Morris."
Dave snorted. "You're probably the only one in the Bureau who doesn't," he said. He looked at Aaron again. "When was it that Gideon said that? Thirteen years ago, or two?" He couldn't help but be amused by that. Gideon always had known his team well.
Aaron smiled. "I think it was when he was warning me about you when I first joined the Bureau."
That provoked a genuine laugh. "Unfair," Dave said. "I had to do all my own digging on my new partner."
Aaron's smile broadened. "His warnings weren't the sort of thing I could or would have even known to dig for." With that, he promptly got out of the car to head into the gas station.
Dave followed, scowling. "What's that supposed to mean, Hotshot?" He realized as soon as he said it that Aaron had, that easily, delivered an early death to the brood Dave had been sinking into.
"That he knew of your proclivities and had noticed your newest interest at the time," Aaron said simply as he made his way back to the coffee maker and frowned at the too thick liquid it dripped when he pushed the handle.
That threw Dave for a moment, then sent a quick burn of anger through him, which faded almost immediately. He'd suspected as much, but still... "Jason told you how I felt? When?"
"Not how you felt, what he suspected, and it was well before Athens." Aaron turned to look at Dave. Dave didn't need to know that Gideon had told Aaron that Dave loved him. Gideon hadn't said it in so many words, but Aaron knew it now. "Didn't you have to go to the bathroom?" he asked, darting a significant glance to the back of the station.
"No, I think I'm going to be sick," Dave growled. "Did the whole damn BAU know?" He stalked off to the bathroom, unsure why he suddenly felt so mortified. He'd always been quiet about his liaisons after Kay, but they'd never been a dirty secret. Leming had known Dave occasionally went to bed with men, and their work relationship had never been affected. He wasn't sure if Conover had known--there probably would have been a much larger number of lewd remarks, if he had--but he'd always known Gideon was aware.
Aaron watched Dave walk away. Somehow that wasn't the reaction he'd been expecting, and Aaron wanted to kick himself. He'd just made Dave feel better, and then pissed him off again. Aaron went to pay for the sludge in his coffee cup and headed back to the car to wait.
Dave got a Coke on his way out, since Aaron had tipped him off to the appalling quality of the coffee. He gave Aaron an apologetic look when he got back. "How long did you know before I said anything?" he asked quietly.
Aaron shrugged. "How long I knew, or how long between when Gideon told me and when you said something? ...A month? Two? I honestly thought Gideon was out of his mind at first." I thought he was out of his mind when he implied I'd hurt you too, but look at what happened.
Dave snorted. "He always did know his team." He shifted in his seat to face Aaron. "You were young and eager, totally in love with the law and completely dedicated to helping people. You were good at your job and you never once rested on past success. It was exciting. You made me glad to be a part of that." He smiled faintly. "And I got to know you. You let me in. You were irresistible. Still are."
"I'm starting to think you idealize me," Aaron said, but he couldn't ignore the way he felt suddenly warmer, or the way he wanted to kiss Dave right now. Instead, he reached over and cupped his hand against Dave's jaw, smiling softly.
"Maybe just a little," Dave murmured. "But you usually live up to it." He couldn't help wondering if this was really the best way for Aaron to find out who he was on his own, with Dave always around. But Dave certainly wasn't going to bring it up.
Aaron shook his head and dropped his hand, then started the car, still feeling the scrape of Dave's goatee against his palm.
The drive back to Quantico was more comfortable after that. Dave settled back gratefully in his seat, letting his eyelids droop as he watched Aaron. They didn't talk much, but the silences were easy. Dave had to fight back a snicker as they got caught in a traffic snarl, thinking about the way Reid had spouted statistics at him. He reached out and slid his fingers over Aaron's. "You sent Spencer with me on purpose, didn't you?" he asked quietly.
Aaron had been scowling at the traffic, but he sucked in a breath at Dave's touch. He'd thought Dave had fallen asleep a few minutes ago. "Mmm," he hummed, letting the breath out audibly. "I sent the most experienced and the smartest," he said, turning his hand to curl his fingers around Dave's. Morgan's expertise was obsessional crimes and could have gone in place of Reid, but Aaron had though a road trip with Dave might do them both good.
"Uh huh." Dave smiled. "He's started calling me David." It was nice, actually. Reid was treating him more like a coworker than a revered professor or a rock star or something.
What was left of Aaron's frown completely faded. "Good." He wondered how much of that was because Aaron called Dave by his first name; Reid still called Morgan and Garcia by their last names more often than not. Aaron signaled and got into a slightly faster lane, then frowned again when it stopped dead. "I knew he'd get over the hero-worship eventually," he said lightly, in spite of the expression on his face.
"Apparently the I-95 corridor between Washington and Springfield is one of the top ten worst traffic tie-ups in America," Dave said, his lips quirking as he remembered some of Reid's spiel about traffic. "I believe backups of fifteen to twenty miles are common." He closed his eyes, frankly not caring how long it took them to get back to Quantico.
The car was nearly stopped, so Aaron took a moment to turn a baleful gaze on Dave. But Dave's eyes were closed and that small smile was still on Dave's face. Aaron just gave Dave's hand a small squeeze and looked back at the road. "Keep talking like that and I'll make you call him to see if there are faster ways to go."
"Of course. Take 495 instead." Dave snickered and glanced over at Aaron. "At least I'm giving you the Cliffs Notes version. It took him twenty minutes to tell me that much." He smiled and closed his eyes again.
Aaron merged into another lane and shook his head. "So he's doing all right then," he assessed.
Dave shrugged. "You know him better than I do," he said. "When I did bring up the Vaughan case, he got really quiet. I did my best, but..." He snorted. "Of course, maybe some of what I said got through to him. He was actually trying to reassure me up in Philadelphia."
Aaron breathed a small laugh. "He's stronger than he thinks he is." Of course, the expression of Reid's face as he stared at Ryan Phillips' body was one Aaron hadn't seen Reid wear in a very long time.
Dave nodded. "And he has an entire team of people who care about him." He paused, then added, "Especially Derek," just to see what Aaron would say.
Aaron glanced over, then back at the road. "A lot's changed since Reid joined the team."
"Like what?"
"Nearly everything," Aaron answered, and then realized that his answer was not only vague, but that telling Dave what had happened to Reid in Georgia or about the fallout after the Hankel case felt like a betrayal of trust. "They didn't used to get along all that well."
"He seems protective of Reid. The whole team does, really." Dave smiled. "I'm not entirely convinced he needs to be protected, but I can understand why. Hell, I got pissed off at Jill Morris when she acted like I was the only one who'd come up to work on the case."
Aaron glanced at Dave, and then a slow smile spread across his face as he looked back at the road. A moment later he was grinning to himself.
"What?" Dave's tone was defensive; he knew exactly what was amusing Aaron.
"Nothing," Aaron replied, but be still wasn't able to fight his amusement that Dave had taken to Reid exactly like Aaron knew he would.
"Shut up." Dave didn't let go of Aaron's hand, though. He did close his eyes, content to let the subject drop if Aaron would.
Part Eight
Authors:
innerslytherin and severity_softlyPairing: Hotch/Rossi, and a little Hotch/Haley
Rating: PG-13 for this part, NC-17 overall
Summary: When Aaron Hotchner is new to the BAU, he finds himself working closely with SSA David Rossi--one of the original founders of the department. As their relationship progresses, they realize what they have together is more than friendship...but circumstances keep them from having all that they knew they could have together. Years later, Dave has a second chance, just when Aaron needs a friend the most...
Word count: ~6,600 for this part, ~78,000 overall
Notes: RP format. Mild AU, as we played fast and loose with Hotch's already screwy back story (especially in regards to his work history and the timeline of his marriage to Haley).
Previous parts: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four-a, Part Four-b, Part Five-a, Part Five-b, Part Six
"Love is the expansion of two natures in such fashion that each include the other, each is enriched by the other." - Felix Adler
Dave woke up depressed and hung over. He'd returned home the night before and had quite a bit more scotch before going to bed, and he hadn't slept well. He kept dreaming about arguments, not just with Aaron but with Rita and Doris, even one memorable argument with his father.
"God," Dave muttered, and rubbed a hand over his face. After a long time he rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling, wishing he'd exerted a little more self-control last night. He shouldn't have let Aaron know how he felt. He shouldn't have let things stray towards the past at all. He finally dragged himself out of bed.
Shithead was sitting by the door, sniffing at the carpet. "I hope you didn't forget where the litter box is," Dave told him, and went to fix himself some coffee.
His spirits were still low when he arrived at the BAU an hour later, and he went to his office without even glancing into Aaron's to see if he was there.
Aaron saw Dave walk past the window of his office on time, as usual, and a sick feeling washed through Aaron's body. He'd woken up in the middle of the night cold, shivering. He hadn't had a nightmare in a long time, and when he stirred, he reached for Haley--and then as soon as he realized, as soon as he remembered, he curled his hand into a fist and gave the pillow next to his a sound thump before slumping back into bed. Where his thoughts promptly went back to Dave and everything that had happened the night before. He'd meant it when he told Dave he wasn't ready for more, but... it was Dave. And Dave loved him.
Leaving might have been the worst thing Aaron could have done last night, but he hadn't been able to force himself to stay.
When JJ called the team into the conference room later, Aaron went, and did his best to ignore the way his stomach was turning. They still had a job to do, and Aaron was fairly certain that no matter what had happen, Dave still knew that as much as Aaron did.
Dave forced himself to look at Aaron only because he knew that the others would notice if he didn't. The team took for granted that he and Aaron were close, and he'd appreciated that both because it allowed them to spend time together without the others questioning it, and because it meant they didn't ask Aaron personal questions about him. Now it just seemed like another way these men and women would realize something was wrong. He forced himself to listen as JJ told them about the missing girls, and that the jet was already standing by. He caught a ride to the tarmac with Emily and Derek and told himself that he and Aaron had long since proven they could work together without personal matters getting in the way.
He occupied himself on the flight out with a novel, and no one broke into his privacy except Reid, once, when he gave Dave an update from Garcia, who told them one of the girls had been found, her body unidentifiable.
Of course it was inevitable that when they got to the scene, Dave and Aaron fell together in dealing with the police and the parents of the victims.
Still, the case went off easy. Well, easy in the sense that Dave and Aaron were able to deal with each other professionally. Once Aaron was in work mode, he'd hardly blinked, and when the case ended with Reid standing over a young man who'd just been shot point-blank in the face, his killer likely to walk free, Aaron was too angry to think of anything else when he'd gotten on the jet. He settled in right across from Dave's seat out of habit, preoccupied, and flipped open the case file.
Dave looked up slowly from the report he'd been filling out. His eyebrows went up as he registered that Aaron had just voluntarily sat down across from him. Usually the flight home was unwinding time, he'd discovered. It seemed maybe this time that wasn't going to be the case. He pushed away the pang of hurt and loneliness that followed, just as he'd been pushing it away the whole weekend. It had been a hell of a lot easier when they were working, because at least when they were working together, he had a part of Aaron. Dave didn't say anything. If Aaron was going to sit with him, Aaron could damn well say something first.
Aaron saw the movement across from him, and glanced up... and then it hit him too late why he probably should have sat on the other end of the jet. Aaron glanced at Reid, who was asleep, then back at his file. "Vaughan is going to walk," he murmured, just to fill the silence.
"Big surprise," Dave said, and looked back down at his report. "They obviously really want the guys he worked for."
"He..." Aaron shook his head. He focused on his paperwork for a moment, but he couldn't think or concentrate at all, and after a moment he sighed and looked back at the rest of the team again. JJ and Emily were having a quiet conversation on the far end of the plane, and the rest of the team was sleeping. Aaron cleared his throat. "We need to talk," he murmured.
"You think?" Dave didn't look up. What was there to say? Aaron had said he wasn't ready for anything, and Dave had provoked him, and they'd shouted at each other. It actually almost felt good to drop the professionalism and be angry about it again. It'd be nice, though, if Dave knew whether he was angrier at Aaron or at himself.
"Dave..." Aaron said, looking up and giving Dave a look.
Dave glanced up at him again, and was struck by how tired Aaron looked. "I'm listening."
Aaron stared at Dave for a moment, then shook his head. "We'll talk when you decide you can speak to me without using that tone."
"Don't you fucking patronize me," Dave growled, glaring at him.
Aaron sucked in a sharp breath and looked away, shifting in his seat. He clenched his jaw. This was not where this needed to happen. After a moment, he got his reaction under control and simply ignored Dave's words, looking back at the papers in front of him.
Dave glanced away, taking in the rest of the team. Morgan had shifted in his sleep and was leaning on Reid. It was sort of cute. Emily and JJ were leaning in over the table between them, looking at something. He sighed and looked back at Aaron. "Sorry, that was...well, look, don't patronize me, okay? I'm a big boy, so whatever it is you have to say, just say it." His voice was low, but the anger was gone.
"I wasn't patronizing you," Aaron said, the calm in his voice forced. "I don't think this is the place for this." He licked his lips and looked up again. "I'll buy you dinner." He really hoped that didn't sound like he thought that was going to make up for anything.
Dave didn't really want to talk about it at all, but he knew they had to deal with it. He glanced out the window, then shrugged. "Fine. You can buy me dinner. I'm in the mood for steak."
Aaron looked back up, almost--almost--surprised by that. But then this was Dave. "Do you remember what I called you the other night?" he whispered. "You never fail to disappoint." He sighed. "Fine, steak."
"I've never denied that," Dave said, meeting his gaze. "You never seemed to mind."
Aaron looked at Dave for a long moment, and the worst part of it was knowing that usually Aaron didn't mind. Usually he liked Dave's demeanor when it wasn't directly a problem professionally. Aaron couldn't deny it either, so he looked back down at his files. "I'll meet you in my office after you're finished with your paperwork."
Dave glanced over at Morgan and Reid again--still asleep. "Right." He turned his attention back on his paperwork. Eventually he quit writing and just stared out the window until his eyelids got heavy and he fell into a light doze. He didn't wake until Morgan touched his shoulder. They were about to land. Aaron was up front discussing something with JJ.
Once they were back at the BAU, Dave settled in at his desk and finished his paperwork as quickly as he could, then just sat at his desk for a long time, wishing he could make some sort of sense of all the conflicting thoughts and emotions.
Finally he shoved away from his desk and made his way slowly to Aaron's office, telling himself he wasn't reluctant. The bullpen was empty except for Prentiss, who was packing up her bag and obviously getting ready to head out. Dave paused outside Aaron's office for a moment, looking in the window. Then he went to the door and knocked lightly.
"Come in," Aaron answered, not sounding very happy, and when he glanced up and say Dave, he sat back from his desk. "Hey," he said, his tone gentling. He'd had a bit of time to calm down, and he was really hoping both of them could stay that way.
"Hi." Dave put his hands in his pockets and leaned against the door frame. "Need more time?" He wasn't sure if he hoped Aaron would say yes or no. They shouldn't put off this conversation any longer, but he had a feeling he wasn't really going to like what Aaron had to say.
Aaron shook his head. They might as well get this over with. "No," he said, pushing out of his chair. "Do you really want steak?" he asked, and then his chest tightened because normally that question might have been accompanied by a smile.
"Yeah," Dave said, watching Aaron and trying to gauge his mood. "Steak and a nice Barolo vintage, or maybe a Barbaresco. If we're going to discuss this over dinner, it ought to be a nice dinner."
Hotch laughed unhappily and smiled a not entirely amused smile. "Whatever you want."
Dave nodded. "There's a good Italian place in Stafford. Quiet but not too pricey, and the food's excellent." Aaron was obviously uncomfortable, but Dave wasn't sure what to do about it. He wasn't exactly comfortable himself.
Aaron nodded, and gave Prentiss a small wave as he headed out of the BAU. The team hadn't really been questioning him much since he'd been served in front of them, and they all probably thought Dave was just keeping him company. Aaron hated that they all probably knew he needed it. He walked into the elevator and glanced at Dave, not sure what to say.
Dave was watching the numbers, but he caught Aaron's glance from the corner of his eye. He turned his head to look over at him. He wanted to say something that would wipe away the tense lines on Aaron's face. Unfortunately anything he could think to say would probably just make it worse. He put his hands in his pockets and looked back at the elevator doors. "It's not Doctor Reid's fault that guy pulled the trigger," he said finally. Talking about work was safe.
Aaron looked at Dave for a moment, then looked away. He could do small talk. Small talk with Dave was easy, even when Aaron's mind was elsewhere. "We all know that better that Reid, unfortunately."
"You'll talk to him? He's got a fantastic mind, and I like him a great deal...but it's just possible that he models his standards for himself after you." Dave glanced at Aaron again. "I like you a great deal, too, but you've always held yourself to higher standards than other people."
Aaron drew a breath and shook his head. "I have to," he said as fact. "If anything, Reid is more Gideon's than mine." He frowned in thought. "Yeah, I'll talk to him."
Poor Reid, Dave thought, but didn't say. "Well, you're all he has, now," he pointed out. He paused when the elevator doors opened, waiting for Aaron to go first.
"He has the team," Aaron said, walking ahead of Dave.
"And you're the SAC," Dave pointed out. "You're his role model, for all intents and purposes." He caught up with Aaron. "He couldn't have a better one, as far as I'm concerned, but he should be aware of your, mm, shortcomings." A smile flickered across his face and was gone. "Maybe I ought to just give him my list."
"I'm not sure 'too fucking married' would really help him," Aaron said, and he looked over at Dave, glad Dave was smiling. "Reid's more than aware of my shortcomings. I've probably told him more than most on the team. Yourself not included."
Dave snorted. "No, I suppose it wouldn't." He walked a while longer in silence. "I know you don't need my approval," he began, and it ached just a little at how true that was, "but you have done a fine job with this team."
Aaron stopped and turned to face Dave, his brows drawn together. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked, genuinely curious, because this was the last thing he'd expected when he'd told Dave to meet him in his office.
"Because..." Dave paused. "Because I'm not sure if you realize it. And because even if you don't need to hear it, maybe I need to say it." He looked away again. "I went out and became a commercial success and a personal failure. And you're still here, and even if Haley never saw you as a success because you're not working as a lawyer, you've succeeded more than I ever did. You kept to what mattered most."
"And yet, I'm still a personal failure, just as much as you are," Aaron said. God, he was tired. "You're supposed to be mad at me," he informed Dave after a minute, and then started walking again.
"I can be mad at you and still admire you at the same time," Dave said. "I'm a complicated person. I'm capable of complex things like that."
Aaron laughed softly and shook his head. "I'm not mad at you either," he said.
Dave shrugged and decided not to acknowledge it. "Am I driving, since you're buying, or are we meeting there?"
Aaron looked over at Dave, wondering if Dave still was angry. Aaron had felt it fading quickly after the case had ended, the entire weekend slowly draining what was left of his energy to remain mad. And maybe he would be mad once he was better rested, but it was hard to stay mad at Dave for very long even in the worst of cases. "I thought saying that would get me out of buying you a steak."
Dave raised his eyebrows and stopped by his truck, leaning against the tailgate. "Well, we never did finish that bottle of wine we opened the other night," he said, watching Aaron speculatively. "If you have more Thanksgiving in a box, I could count that as buying me dinner."
Aaron drew a deep breath, wondering if it was a good idea to go home with Dave when all he really wanted right now was the comfort of Dave's arms around him like Dave had held him before their fight a few days ago. "I was kidding," he said lightly.
"I really am in the mood for steak," Dave said slowly, "but I mostly said it to piss you off. Hell, we can eat fast food if you want." He studied Aaron's face. "You're tired."
Aaron shook his head and ignored the last part. "Whatever you want to do," he said.
"I thought you said you needed more control," Dave countered. He folded his arms across his chest, his gaze challenging.
Aaron tilted his head and gave Dave a look. "Over things I care about, not what I eat or where we go right now. Do you exist to make my life difficult, David?"
Dave smirked. "Pretty much. What are we doing?"
Aaron sighed. "I couldn't care less." He pushed keyless lock for his car and it beeped at him, and then he looked back at Dave. "Let's do cheap food and good wine that's been breathing a couple weeks, and I'll buy you a steak when I'm ready to make an honest man of you," he said, his lips quirking to the side slightly.
Dave's eyebrows shot up, but the smirk didn't fade. "That's a hell of a wait for a good steak," he said lightly, but he pushed away from the truck and nodded.
Aaron smiled softly and got in his car. The whole drive to his house, he wondered if it was a good idea for them to be meeting alone again. When they got to the house, the nerves didn't fade, and Aaron almost wasn't hungry between being tired and not knowing when or how they were supposed to talk about what had happened.
They made more small talk as they ate and they finished off the bottle of wine while Dave complained about the news--Aaron was almost starting to like that, the consistency, dependability, and familiarity of little routine they'd already fallen into so easily.
The longer the evening went without the topic of their relationship coming up, the more it felt like just another night, the sort of evening they'd spent together dozens of times in the past. Dave knew they ought to talk about this, even if he wasn't eager to--though Aaron's flippant remark about the steak had actually helped ease Dave's anxieties about that. Finally he stretched his legs out and tilted his head to lean against the back of the couch. "You're not just humoring me, are you, Aaron?" His voice was quiet.
Aaron looked over, his attention on the TV diverted and his eyebrows lifting a little in surprise. "How so?"
Dave frowned at his wineglass, choosing his words slowly. "What we had before...I know I was more invested in it than you were. Not your fault, I've never thought that. But now, you're not just humoring a delusional old guy, are you? You do want this. Us."
Aaron pressed his lips together, and then turned his head to drop it against the back of the couch. "I told you before that I'm... I'm afraid of what I want. And that's mostly because I care about you. I know that I hurt you before, and I don't want to do it again, and I keep... fucking up with you because I do want you. More than I should have ever had any right to most of the time."
The words released the tension in Dave's chest, and he sighed. "You're not the only one who fucked up, Aaron. You were right, I didn't leave you any choice in the matter back then. I still think we did the right thing, but...I'm sorry I took that decision away from you." He squinted at the TV, then looked away. "I was trying to protect myself."
Aaron shook his head. "I would have made the same decision whether you'd let me or not, and both of us know it." He turned his head to look at Dave. "I should have had the self-control not to turn to you like I did." Aaron wondered suddenly why they were discussing the past rather than last weekend.
Dave laughed softly. "Believe me when I say that I've never once regretted that you did," he said. He took a breath and looked at Aaron. "What I do regret is walking away when I did. Leaving the Bureau, throwing away the best friendship I've ever had." He looked back at his wineglass. It was easier than watching Aaron's face as he admitted things like this. "Running away's always been easier, but it's never made me happy."
"Do you know how much I hate--" Aaron started, then shook his head. "You didn't throw anything away, you just put us on hiatus."
"Hate what?" Dave asked, looking back at him.
Aaron sighed and stared at his glass. "Knowing what you told me the other day. If I hadn't pulled you into my bed that night... You might have been perfectly happy."
"Don't try to downplay my part in all this, Aaron," Dave said. "I was just as culpable as you were. If I'd had a trace of nobility I would've refused, knowing you were hurting and needed affirmation. Instead I was selfish and went along with what you wanted, because it was what I wanted, too." He sighed and rubbed a palm down his face. "Look, the past is past. What we really need to think about is what we're doing now."
Aaron shook his head. "I don't know what we're doing now," he admitted. "I don't know what I'm doing now, but I know I want you here with me." He shrugged and finished off the last of the wine in his glass.
Dave nodded. "All right." He ran one fingertip along the lip of his glass. "Then I'll be here."
Aaron nodded too. "Sorry." He looked at Dave. "What I said the other night."
Dave shrugged. "It was all true."
Aaron smiled faintly. "I know," he said, his tone light. "I still shouldn't have said it."
"Maybe it needed to be said." Dave drained his wine and sighed.
Aaron nodded. "Maybe."
"Whatever happens, we're moving forward from here." Dave turned his head to look at Aaron. "That's what matters."
"Okay," Aaron murmured, then reached over and took Dave's hand, twining his fingers with Dave's against the couch.
Dave smiled, watching him, and brushed his thumb against Aaron's. Just now, he wasn't sure there was anything else they needed to say. He could be patient, and whatever Aaron needed, they'd work through it.
*****
Dave wasn't sure why Aaron had chosen Doctor Reid to send to Philadelphia with him, unless it was related to their conversation of the week before. He did know that Aaron owed him for five hours in a car with Reid, one of which was taken up with the genius spouting statistics about traffic patterns and the worst stretches of road on the Eastern Seaboard. Dave had finally brought up the case out in Chula Vista just to shut him up. It had been too effective, sending the younger man into what felt like a very dark silence as Dave tried, in a very clumsy way, to make Reid understand that it wasn't his fault Jack Vaughan had murdered Ryan Phillips.
Finally, Dave had suggested they listen to Peter Coyote reading Foundation, which had started a good-natured argument over which order the Foundation Series--trilogy, Dave kept insisting--should be read in. Dave had finally won by dint of saying, "Driver chooses the music," but Reid had, surprisingly, looked a lot happier after that, anyway.
Reid was an endearing person, and didn't seem to realize how much he both intimidated and overwhelmed people sometimes. Then again, Dave had the feeling maybe he intimidated and overwhelmed Reid. Maybe this was some sort of growing experience Aaron had sent him on.
Of course, Jill Morris had acted like Reid wasn't even in the room, which had raised Dave's hackles a little. As soon as he realized it, he sighed and decided Aaron was too smart for his own good. Dave was invested in the team, and was getting to be just as protective of Reid as the rest of them.
Hours later, he had a headache and a very bad feeling about the person who'd left these papers, but there was nothing to suggest a crime had actually been committed. Agent Morris' sudden introduction of the hair was...convenient. But Dave couldn't ignore the possibility, so he called Aaron, who agreed to have the team come up.
When Hotch arrived in the Philadelphia field office, it didn't take long for Agent Morris to land herself on Hotch's radar as someone he needed to watched. Especially after she started treating his team like they answered to her, and Aaron could feel his team watch her too, Morgan in particular.
Aaron didn't like having to pull rank with local agents--it was possible he disliked it even more than having to reprimand one of his own team, because at the end of the day the team was a family of sorts, and he knew it would be okay--but reprimanding local agents most certainly wasn't conducive to concluding a case smoothly. Aaron let Agent Morris get away with throwing her weight around for a while, silently imparting calm as best he could with his team by keeping a cool head himself... until Agent Morris held a press conference that she hadn't told anyone about. And then Aaron had no choice.
And while he hadn't realized at the time that Dave had heard every word, that much became apparent later when they'd argued in front of the team after Aaron found out Dave had known Morris falsified evidence.
Dave hadn't been able to get Aaron's words to Jill out of his head. He knew Aaron hadn't realized he was outside her office, but it didn't really matter whether Aaron spoke the words to Dave or someone else. He'd still said them, and he'd meant them, there was no question of that. The last thing the Bureau needs is another agent--like Dave. Someone out to make a name for himself, like Dave had. Dave had done his best to explain to Jill, when she'd shown up and offered him a drink, that there was nothing he regretted more than the bridges he'd burned in the process of making himself a commercial success.
As the investigation continued, it had become obvious to Dave that the team disliked Jill Morris. Even Emily, who had started out defending her out of gender solidarity, eventually reached a point where she looked at Jill as if she were crazy. Dave understood. Jill was getting so obsessed with finding the unsub that she forgot to think about the victims. Still, it made him question how the team viewed him. Did they see that he'd done the same things Jill had? Did they look at him as someone who put himself ahead of the victims and the cases?
He tried to push the concerns out of his mind when Jill went missing, but the scene in the parking garage infuriated him. He'd told her to be careful, to check her ego, and she'd ignored him--and now she was gone, and he hadn't made a damn bit of difference. The irony of Spencer trying to comfort him by telling him he couldn't have known what she would do didn't escape him, but it didn't make things any better, either.
Finding Jill alive helped. The fact that her first words were, "I'm sorry," helped more. He held her tightly and reassured her, relieved, but so damn tired. And then, leaving the hospital, she'd proved, with her decision to talk to the press, that nothing he'd done or said had changed a thing. It felt like a betrayal. He'd slammed the door of the SUV when he got in, and spent the first half hour of the ride in silence, not looking at Aaron.
Aaron was silent most of the drive, just letting Dave seethe. He'd been waiting for Dave in the parking lot, and hadn't missed the long look Dave had exchanged with Morris as he passed the press. When Aaron pulled into a parking spot outside of a gas station about halfway back for a bathroom break, he turned to look at Dave. "I meant what I said back there."
"What's that?" Dave asked, not acknowledging the look.
"That you're nothing like her." Aaron turned around and stared out the front window when Dave didn't face him.
"Like hell I'm not. That girl--I know her. I was her. And nothing I said to her made a damn bit of difference. All she can see is that everyone turns and stares when I walk into a damn field office." Dave clenched his jaw, then tried to make himself relax. It wasn't Aaron he was angry at, not really. It still hurt, remembering what Aaron had said to Jill, but Dave wasn't angry. It had all been true.
Aaron drew a long breath. He somehow had a feeling Dave would try to talk sense into her; he'd passed Agent Morris on her way to Dave's room the night before, and once Aaron quelled the surge of irrational possessiveness over Dave at the idea that he might let her in, he didn't say a thing to her. "Some people have to make their own mistakes," Aaron said, then looked back at Dave.
Dave shook his head. "She came to my room the other night," he said. "I was looking over the case. She apologized to me because you ripped into her." He glanced at Aaron and then looked away again. No need to tell Aaron that Dave knew exactly what he'd said. No need to say he'd hoped, when he heard the knock on his door, that it had been Aaron. "She bought me a drink. I tried to explain the cost of making your name the way I did. Told her I'd burned too many bridges in the process..."
Aaron nodded, slightly relieved he wasn't going to have to ask what Morris had wanted. "Gideon once told me you were arrogant, reckless, and bad with the press. And I told him that I knew that." He looked at Dave. "I'm not unaware of your shortcomings, but the fact remains that I don't think you're anything like Agent Morris."
Dave snorted. "You're probably the only one in the Bureau who doesn't," he said. He looked at Aaron again. "When was it that Gideon said that? Thirteen years ago, or two?" He couldn't help but be amused by that. Gideon always had known his team well.
Aaron smiled. "I think it was when he was warning me about you when I first joined the Bureau."
That provoked a genuine laugh. "Unfair," Dave said. "I had to do all my own digging on my new partner."
Aaron's smile broadened. "His warnings weren't the sort of thing I could or would have even known to dig for." With that, he promptly got out of the car to head into the gas station.
Dave followed, scowling. "What's that supposed to mean, Hotshot?" He realized as soon as he said it that Aaron had, that easily, delivered an early death to the brood Dave had been sinking into.
"That he knew of your proclivities and had noticed your newest interest at the time," Aaron said simply as he made his way back to the coffee maker and frowned at the too thick liquid it dripped when he pushed the handle.
That threw Dave for a moment, then sent a quick burn of anger through him, which faded almost immediately. He'd suspected as much, but still... "Jason told you how I felt? When?"
"Not how you felt, what he suspected, and it was well before Athens." Aaron turned to look at Dave. Dave didn't need to know that Gideon had told Aaron that Dave loved him. Gideon hadn't said it in so many words, but Aaron knew it now. "Didn't you have to go to the bathroom?" he asked, darting a significant glance to the back of the station.
"No, I think I'm going to be sick," Dave growled. "Did the whole damn BAU know?" He stalked off to the bathroom, unsure why he suddenly felt so mortified. He'd always been quiet about his liaisons after Kay, but they'd never been a dirty secret. Leming had known Dave occasionally went to bed with men, and their work relationship had never been affected. He wasn't sure if Conover had known--there probably would have been a much larger number of lewd remarks, if he had--but he'd always known Gideon was aware.
Aaron watched Dave walk away. Somehow that wasn't the reaction he'd been expecting, and Aaron wanted to kick himself. He'd just made Dave feel better, and then pissed him off again. Aaron went to pay for the sludge in his coffee cup and headed back to the car to wait.
Dave got a Coke on his way out, since Aaron had tipped him off to the appalling quality of the coffee. He gave Aaron an apologetic look when he got back. "How long did you know before I said anything?" he asked quietly.
Aaron shrugged. "How long I knew, or how long between when Gideon told me and when you said something? ...A month? Two? I honestly thought Gideon was out of his mind at first." I thought he was out of his mind when he implied I'd hurt you too, but look at what happened.
Dave snorted. "He always did know his team." He shifted in his seat to face Aaron. "You were young and eager, totally in love with the law and completely dedicated to helping people. You were good at your job and you never once rested on past success. It was exciting. You made me glad to be a part of that." He smiled faintly. "And I got to know you. You let me in. You were irresistible. Still are."
"I'm starting to think you idealize me," Aaron said, but he couldn't ignore the way he felt suddenly warmer, or the way he wanted to kiss Dave right now. Instead, he reached over and cupped his hand against Dave's jaw, smiling softly.
"Maybe just a little," Dave murmured. "But you usually live up to it." He couldn't help wondering if this was really the best way for Aaron to find out who he was on his own, with Dave always around. But Dave certainly wasn't going to bring it up.
Aaron shook his head and dropped his hand, then started the car, still feeling the scrape of Dave's goatee against his palm.
The drive back to Quantico was more comfortable after that. Dave settled back gratefully in his seat, letting his eyelids droop as he watched Aaron. They didn't talk much, but the silences were easy. Dave had to fight back a snicker as they got caught in a traffic snarl, thinking about the way Reid had spouted statistics at him. He reached out and slid his fingers over Aaron's. "You sent Spencer with me on purpose, didn't you?" he asked quietly.
Aaron had been scowling at the traffic, but he sucked in a breath at Dave's touch. He'd thought Dave had fallen asleep a few minutes ago. "Mmm," he hummed, letting the breath out audibly. "I sent the most experienced and the smartest," he said, turning his hand to curl his fingers around Dave's. Morgan's expertise was obsessional crimes and could have gone in place of Reid, but Aaron had though a road trip with Dave might do them both good.
"Uh huh." Dave smiled. "He's started calling me David." It was nice, actually. Reid was treating him more like a coworker than a revered professor or a rock star or something.
What was left of Aaron's frown completely faded. "Good." He wondered how much of that was because Aaron called Dave by his first name; Reid still called Morgan and Garcia by their last names more often than not. Aaron signaled and got into a slightly faster lane, then frowned again when it stopped dead. "I knew he'd get over the hero-worship eventually," he said lightly, in spite of the expression on his face.
"Apparently the I-95 corridor between Washington and Springfield is one of the top ten worst traffic tie-ups in America," Dave said, his lips quirking as he remembered some of Reid's spiel about traffic. "I believe backups of fifteen to twenty miles are common." He closed his eyes, frankly not caring how long it took them to get back to Quantico.
The car was nearly stopped, so Aaron took a moment to turn a baleful gaze on Dave. But Dave's eyes were closed and that small smile was still on Dave's face. Aaron just gave Dave's hand a small squeeze and looked back at the road. "Keep talking like that and I'll make you call him to see if there are faster ways to go."
"Of course. Take 495 instead." Dave snickered and glanced over at Aaron. "At least I'm giving you the Cliffs Notes version. It took him twenty minutes to tell me that much." He smiled and closed his eyes again.
Aaron merged into another lane and shook his head. "So he's doing all right then," he assessed.
Dave shrugged. "You know him better than I do," he said. "When I did bring up the Vaughan case, he got really quiet. I did my best, but..." He snorted. "Of course, maybe some of what I said got through to him. He was actually trying to reassure me up in Philadelphia."
Aaron breathed a small laugh. "He's stronger than he thinks he is." Of course, the expression of Reid's face as he stared at Ryan Phillips' body was one Aaron hadn't seen Reid wear in a very long time.
Dave nodded. "And he has an entire team of people who care about him." He paused, then added, "Especially Derek," just to see what Aaron would say.
Aaron glanced over, then back at the road. "A lot's changed since Reid joined the team."
"Like what?"
"Nearly everything," Aaron answered, and then realized that his answer was not only vague, but that telling Dave what had happened to Reid in Georgia or about the fallout after the Hankel case felt like a betrayal of trust. "They didn't used to get along all that well."
"He seems protective of Reid. The whole team does, really." Dave smiled. "I'm not entirely convinced he needs to be protected, but I can understand why. Hell, I got pissed off at Jill Morris when she acted like I was the only one who'd come up to work on the case."
Aaron glanced at Dave, and then a slow smile spread across his face as he looked back at the road. A moment later he was grinning to himself.
"What?" Dave's tone was defensive; he knew exactly what was amusing Aaron.
"Nothing," Aaron replied, but be still wasn't able to fight his amusement that Dave had taken to Reid exactly like Aaron knew he would.
"Shut up." Dave didn't let go of Aaron's hand, though. He did close his eyes, content to let the subject drop if Aaron would.
Part Eight
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Date: 2009-01-02 07:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-03 03:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-04 11:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-02 08:16 am (UTC)This line? --- Maybe this was some sort of growing experience Aaron had sent him on --- Total favorite, what with the call back to Rossi and Morgan's conversation in Lucky, and, well, it just sounds like a very Hotch thing to do and a very Rossi thing to think. It actually made me smile and feel a little less drained and annoyed. Thanks for cheering me up, guys, and I'm really looking forward to the next chapter.
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Date: 2009-01-03 03:59 am (UTC)Anyway, I'm glad that this fic is sort of a comfort to you. Hotch/Rossi is definitely the pairing I go to when I need comfort. :D
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Date: 2009-01-04 11:47 pm (UTC)I'm glad this fic could make you feel a little better, and that your enjoying it. I think we both really enjoyed peeking into Dave's getting comfortable with the team (and let's face it, hero-worship!Reid had to have been a little overwhelming!)
As always, thank you! :)
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Date: 2009-01-02 10:07 am (UTC)Better still, they've talked, and yes, it might've been awkward, but it got the job done. It's good to see the teasing back and the doubts dealt with.
Laura.
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Date: 2009-01-03 03:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-04 11:48 pm (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2009-01-02 11:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-03 04:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-05 12:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-02 06:06 pm (UTC)These two have so much history between them. I really love how after all those years they're still willing to work things out, no matter how hard it gets. They're still friends and partners no matter what. I love this :)
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Date: 2009-01-03 04:02 am (UTC)I'm glad you're liking this. :D
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Date: 2009-01-05 12:07 am (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2009-01-02 11:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-03 04:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-05 12:09 am (UTC)Thank you. :)
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Date: 2009-01-03 10:46 pm (UTC)I love that things have eased by they aren't easy. They're still feeling each other out and treading softly again but you can just sense where things are going to end.
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Date: 2009-01-04 01:37 am (UTC)I'm glad you're enjoying this! :D
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Date: 2009-01-09 01:15 am (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2009-01-09 01:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-04 06:49 pm (UTC)....damn you for making me invested in these two. *tries to sulk, but giggles instead*. I love how you follow the timeline from S3 with these recent chapters too -- I've been keeping my dvds on hand to rewatch scenes to which you refer, and then infer all the slashy goodness from them. :)
NOW MOAR? PLEASE? *offers up soul*
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Date: 2009-01-05 12:14 am (UTC)And I'm so glad we've converted you! You need to help us convert
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Date: 2009-01-05 12:42 am (UTC)http://community.livejournal.com/geekystudmuffin/10096.html
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Date: 2009-01-16 04:59 am (UTC)NOT THAT I LIKE THINGS WITH ROSSI OR ANYTHING, OK? *giggles*
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Date: 2009-01-16 05:19 am (UTC)HERE HAVE A ROSSI ICON
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Date: 2009-01-16 03:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-09 01:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-16 02:34 pm (UTC)\o/!
I love your Dave, for serious. He cracks me up.
And I still maintain that Hotch needs to be Gibbs-slapped. He's driving me nuts, being all Hotch-like. Stubborn. Demanding. Obtuse. Fucker.
*cough* Right, so that last descriptive may just be a personal opinion...
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Date: 2009-01-17 12:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-17 03:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-19 12:47 am (UTC)