The Last Best Days, Hotch/Rossi, NC-17 (21/21)

[innerslytherin]

Title: The Last Best Days
Author: innerslytherin and severity_softly
Artist: tli
Pairing: Hotch/Rossi
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 147,800
Summary: Futurefic--Shortly before Dave turns sixty, he is diagnosed with a grade III brain tumor. He and Aaron have to come to terms with what this means for their relationship. Eventually the team has to help Aaron say goodbye.
Notes: Heavy angst. Lots of medical detail. Character death. This fic would not exist without the extensive help, support, encouragement, and hand-holding from resolucidity, who served as our medical consultant throughout.

Master post



Epilogue

"How much further?" Jack asked. "This is heavy."

Aaron glanced back at the planter Jack was carrying. "It's not that heavy," he said, smiling at his son. He'd shot up in height over the past few months, though he was skinny and a little gawky. Aaron wouldn't have given him anything breakable to carry, because the only time Jack was graceful these days was on the basketball court. "Besides, we're almost there."

He stopped in front of the polished black headstone that said ROSSI.

He sighed and stared at it for a moment. This was the first time he'd been back here since Dave's funeral, almost a year ago. It was strange to think Dave was here, when Aaron had grown so used to thinking of him as just around.

"Where do you think he'd want this?" Jack asked, obviously still anxious to put the plant down.

"How about next to the headstone?" Aaron suggested. "So it won't cover up his name."

Jack nodded and went to put it down. "This thing is dusty. Dave wouldn't like that," he said, and wiped off the top of the headstone with his sleeve. Aaron held a groan as he spread out the blanket and put the little picnic basket down; he'd just washed that shirt.

Jack plopped down on the blanket and stared at the headstone. "He was...sixty-one," he said, obviously doing the math. "He didn't seem that old." He reached out and traced the letters. "We should have brought Fuzzy."

"Fuzzy gets sick in the car," Aaron said, sitting down and stretching out. "And sixty-one isn't old. I certainly hope we'll both get a lot older than that one day."

Jack looked over at him. "Do you think you'll get married again?"

Aaron looked back, surprised by the question. I'll never love anyone like I love Dave, he thought, but he knew realistically he could meet someone. He didn't want to say no if he might go back on that, but he glanced at the blank half of Dave's headstone where his own name was supposed to go and strangely hoped it would eventually be there.

"I don't know," he said finally. "Right now, I don't think so, but unless something horrible happens, I plan to be around for a long time to come so we never know. Why?"

Jack shrugged. "I was just wondering. It's different from when you and Mom got divorced. But I don't want you to be unhappy."

Aaron pressed his lips together, thinking. "If I think that someone else would make me happy in the distant future, I might give it a chance. Right now all it would feel like is that I was betraying Dave... I still love him. A lot. I couldn't give my heart to anyone else right now, because Dave still has it."

Jack nodded. "I still love Dave too," he said. He rolled over on his stomach and picked at the grass at the edge of the blanket. Sometime in the past few months, he'd started clamming up about his emotions more. Aaron wasn't sure how much of it was Aaron's unintentional influence and how much of it was just Jack's age. "I miss him. I...I liked it that you signed my birthday card with his name too."

Aaron nodded. Eventually he was going to have to stop that, but right now it still didn't feel right. "He did say that if he could watch us, he would. I knew he'd want to wish you a happy twelfth."

"He would turn sixty-two this year." Jack quirked his mouth up thoughtfully. "What do you do without Dave? Do you sleep by yourself? He used to sleep in your bed." He glanced at Aaron, but looked away again quickly. "In school they taught us about, you know... about girls and boys sleeping together." His cheeks turned red.

Aaron's eyebrows lifted, and he forced them back down before he looked at Jack. Of course Jack wasn't looking at him anyway. "Well, I certainly don't have anyone else sleeping in my bed right now." He wondered if Jack was specifically asking how two men had sex, or just asking what Aaron... well, did now.

Jack was chewing on his lower lip. "Um. You and Dave used to kiss 'n hold hands 'n stuff." He flickered a quick glance at Aaron and away, and ducked his head lower. "Did you, um...you could do stuff like boys and girls do?" He turned his head and stared at the tombstone. Aaron wondered if Jack felt like Dave was more present here, so he could ask these questions here.

"Yeah," Aaron said. "It's very similar for two boys." He could feel himself getting a little warm, but ignored it. When he paused to think about it, it was probably better for him to explain this than it would be for Jack to hear it crudely described by other children. He swallowed hard. "You can ask me whatever you want, you know? It's not going to bother me." It was unsettling, but Jack didn't need to know that.

Jack gave a jerky shrug. "But you only did...y'know, that with Dave."

Aaron frowned. "What's 'that'? Sex?"

Jack's face went a darker shade of red and he nodded.

Aaron sighed. "I've only ever done that with Dave and your mother." Damn it, Dave, you were supposed to be here for this. "Sex is... it's important, in a way. It's... adults who love each other can express their love that way. It's just another way to make the person you love feel good. And... it's not anything to be embarrassed about. It's normal."

Jack nodded again. "'kay." He pulled at the grass some more, but his shoulders relaxed. "For people you really love, like Dave."

"Yes," Aaron said. Oh God, yes, he thought, already terrified about the idea of Jack having sex. "Did they teach you about STDs?"

"Yeah." Jack chewed his lip. "Rashid said your...your thing can fall off if you get some of those."

That surprised a laugh out of Aaron. "I don't know about fall off. It could make it really uncomfortable down there, though, if it doesn't make you really sick overall. You should definitely love someone before you take that chance, and even then, be safe."

"I don't love anybody. Girls are stupid. Even Susan." Jack picked a dandelion and threw it.

Aaron grinned. "Who's Susan?"

Jack scowled. "A stupid girl at school."

Aaron laughed. He had a feeling Jack didn't exactly think Susan was stupid. "Right."

Jack's scowl deepened. "We used to ride bikes together. But then she started telling people I was her boyfriend and so I said she was a liar and now we can't hang out any more." He threw another dandelion. "She's stupid."

"She's clearly not stupid if she likes you," Aaron said. He stroked his hand over Jack's hair, then opened the picnic basket to get their sandwiches and Cokes.

Jack huffed and sat up. "Who cares. I'm hungry." He looked at their sandwiches. "We should have made spaghetti and meatballs. I still remember how. Dave taught me, remember?"

"Yeah," Aaron said, grinning and unwrapping his sandwich. "Do you remember how to speak any Italian?"

Jack grinned. "Mi chiamo Jack e ho due papà.*" He laughed and took a big bite of his sandwich.

Aaron laughed too, then looked over his son affectionately. Dave may not have had a son that was biologically his, but he'd been a wonderful father to Jack, and it struck him that a little bit of Dave was going to live on in his son. It made Aaron's chest ache, but in a pleasant way. "Keep going," he said. "I've gotten a little rusty."

THE END

* My name is Jack and I have two dads.

Comments

[caseyrachel88.livejournal.com]

I know I’m incredibly late in reading this, but I wanted to let you both know what a masterpiece I found it to be. It is quite possibly the most heart wrenching story I’ve ever read. I lost a grandparent to cancer a few years back, and I hadn’t realized how triggering it would be until I was really half-way through – that was when I realized I was holding my pillow and sobbing. I finished, bawling my eyes out at each chapter. This entire piece was beautifully done, poignant and heartbreaking, and so REAL both emotionally and following cannon. Bravo – even though you made me cry!

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I lost my grandma to cancer a few years back, and this was difficult for me, so I understand. I think we were both in tears at times just writing it.

Thank you for reading, and I'm glad you found it so touching. I always like hearing that we've done this subject justice.

[innerslytherin]

Thank you! I'm glad to know people are still giving this one a chance despite the length and heavy subject material. :) Three of my four grandparents died of cancer, so I definitely channeled a lot of my own emotional experience into this fic. I would apologize for hitting you that hard, but to be honest it also means a lot that this fic did hit you that hard. It means we managed to write something authentic, and that's good to hear. Thank you SO much for commenting, and I'm sorry it took me a few days to get back to you.

[stellary.livejournal.com]

I never read deathfics. I avoid them like avoiding death itself. So I avoided this fic for a very long while. But after having reading The Expansion of Two Natures for like the third time I was seriously craving for more Rossi/Hotch, so before I knew it, I had clicked on chapter one, thinking maybe it wouldn't be that bad.
HOW WRONG.
I cried until there was a tugging pain in my stomach. I would stop reading, sit on the floor against the door, away from the computer, and just cry. When the tears seemed to stop, I felt almost drained.
I couldn't read the whole thing. And I'm very sorry. You two had put so much into writing it. But it was unbearable to watch the two men I love so much struggle so hard.
Hotch is my role model - upstanding, strong, caring, to the point, smart, supportive... I wish him the best in the world and more. And that's why I love Rossi, because he is the only one in the team whom Hotch can turn to, in my opinion. But after reading this fic and Two Natures, I now love them both equally. They have become inseparable to me. The depth of their love, their devotion to each other, makes me jealous as hell. I want to have someone in my life who loves me, and vice verse, as much as these two men love each other.
The two of you, you have created not fictions, but a world. One that I could drown myself in and feel warm and happy. As another reader has put it, the world you have created, IS canon.
I don't know whether I'll ever be able to read this fic in its entirety. But I wanted you the writers to know that I love you, and please never stop writing. Ever.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

It's a hard fic to read, even for me, and I co-wrote it! lol

I'm glad you at least gave it a shot. I'm not a big death fic fan, either, but this is one of the fics I am the most proud of.

Thanks. :)

[innerslytherin]

You know, despite that we wrote a deathfic, I don't read many of them myself. This fic was gut-wrenching to write, that's for sure. It's a topic that's close to my heart, because I've lost three grandparents to cancer and have had other family members struggle with it. But I definitely know it's not everyone's cup of tea, despite the pairing. :) It means a lot that you started this and tried to read it.

Hmm..... Maybe to make up for this, we should post the tiny little one-shot sequel we wrote for Expansion of Two Natures. *hug*

[stellary.livejournal.com]

Yes!Yes, yes, YES! Do post the sequel please! Two Natures is my all-time favorite fanfic.

[one-sour-cookie.livejournal.com]

I couldn't help but push everything aside and read this all in one sitting.
You have an absolutely miraculous way with words. You made me bawl, laugh, and have that warm fuzzy feeling all at once or one at a time.
Goodness, my heart was torn up by the ending...And you could still add humor in there.
My god, I fucking love you&this masterpiece.
;)

[innerslytherin]

Thank you! I'm glad this fic touched you so much. Almost everything I've read about cancer has said that cancer is actually a blessing in a lot of ways, because it makes people re-evaluate what's important to them and how they live their lives. I really wanted to convey that in this fic. It was really hard for both of us to write, so your comment really means a lot.

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Thank you! This fic is very close to both of our hearts. It's always nice to see people give it a chance, in spice of the subject matter.

[lynnashe.livejournal.com]

It took me three sittings to get through this, not because of the length but because of the emotional gambit you put us through. I left comments on a few specific chapters, not all because I didn't want to inundate your inboxes, but each section of this behemoth was expertly crafted and worthy of epic reviews. Tragedies are ultimately an affirmation of life, and you did that, beautifully. I only wish from all the crying I've been doing over my laptop my head didn't ache so terribly. You are both gifted writers and story tellers and I feel privileged to have read this. Thank you so much.

[innerslytherin]

I appreciate your comments so much! It's wonderful to know that something we wrote so long ago is still reaching people and touching them emotionally. I think this is probably the fic we have written that I love the most, simply because it was so dreadfully hard to write, so it always means so much more to get comments on this one. I'm sorry about the headache though! :)

[severity-softly.livejournal.com]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your comments. We know this is a hard fic for most people (including us) to read, so I always consider it high praise that someone "enjoys" it enough to push through. Thank you. :)